locker room stalking

[IntactMale]

I'm not really sure if this is the right section or not...

Whenever I go to the gym I shower and sit in the steam room for awhile, and like everyone else I go nude. But the last few times I've gone there has been one older guy who keeps staring at me in the shower and steam room. Today he even stopped his workout early just to come in and stare at me. He follows me back and forth from the shower to the steam room. Every time he gets more and more obvious about it.

I don't mind if someone takes a look at me, even makes a comment, but it feels like this guy is almost stalking me. Has this happened to anyone else? Should I tell the gym manager?

 

[college22punk9]

This happens to me and I apsolutely can not stand it. If someone wants to sneak a peek or whatever, everyone can look, i dont care, but when someone gets more and more and more obvious, thinking just becuase you are showering naked, that you want some bi/gay hookup with them is pretty obnoxious. If you disagree with what i've said, you've never been in the situation.

it's flat out rude. one time I went up to someone, who obviously just came into the locker room with NO intentions of working out and was just starring at me bad. I asked him if he wasn't going to work out, that he either leave the gym, or stay as far away from me as possible. Don't get me wrong, i'm the LAST person you'd see confront someone like that, but that sort of shit happens more than people think in locker rooms and some people don't understand the difference between sneaking a peek and fully molesting you wiht their eyes, most importantly, with people you are definately not interested and the thought is disgusting!

 

[fortiesfun]

Lest we get too homophobic about this, let me just say that it can be irritating and offensive to gay/bi men the same as it is for straight men, even if the thought of a hookup (in a generic sense) isn't repellant. The gym is for working out. That is what I want to do there.

Crossing the line is rude, not because of what the troll might be imagining, but because it intrudes on your privacy. Gay gays have privacy needs, too!

 

[ryan10plus]

Last I knew, you had to be 18 yrs or older to join this site. Stop whining and grow up.
What you're talking about here is called "life". Deal with it. Better yet, be thankful you have anything to look at, if you do at all. ..wish this site had a "throw-up" smiley.

 

[findfirefox]

Last I knew, you had to be 18 yrs or older to join this site. Stop whining and grow up.
What you're talking about here is called "life". Deal with it. Better yet, be thankful you have anything to look at, if you do at all. ..wish this site had a "throw-up" smiley.

Do I sense resentment?

Don't attack him out side of a thread that the incident occurred in. You should "grow up". Some people don't like to be watched, it may be a part off life, he wants to know what to do. This site does have a throw up smiley.(I cant find it)

I'm not sure why I defended this guy...

 

[Bryan_Lyte2]

He's obviously searching for confrontation. Something similar happened at work, just catch him in the act blatantly, and let it know that he has been noticed, and find out why. After he denies or accepts this stalker behavior, Let him know that it is unnexceptable and he will stop.

 

[Caliman]

I have been stalked a LOT. One guy did this to me for about six months. When he stopped his workout to come in and watch me change. I just waited for him to sit down and start messing around with his shoe laces. I shut the locker door and looked at him and just told him to GIVE ME a BREAK man. Now the guy looks at me like I am the asshole. Who cares.

The world is different now. You have cameras in parking lots, cell phone cameras, cameras in every store or business. How many times do you think you got recorded before this one guy just wants to eye your dick. I know its annoying sometimes but just be a man and just tell him to stop. No need to ask him questions or order him around. They always get the message if it looks like you will dek em the next time it happens. You can also tell him to stop perving on your dick in front of other people. That always works.

 

[Caliman]

Hell man. I just took a look at your pics. No wonder you have problems. Who doesnt take a look at a trophy like that every once in a while.

 

[smally]

I'm always at the gym, but never notice that behavior (I'm sure it happens though). What I usually see is either the nudie guy, standig there (about a mile from the lockers) talking about whatever to another guy - usually clothed. another common one is the pumpkin-shaped guy who is buck-naked and shaving at the big mirror. He probably wants somebody to see his wee-wee, since he can't.

To the stalker, I wonder if you said, "I'm sure that you don't mean anything, but it looks like you are staring; if you are, please stop... I'm not interested in show and tell or anything else"

 

[D_wrthswrth]

Damn there is alot of hatin goin on in here. And it doesn't have two shits to do with what team you are on. It's not homophobic to be pissed at someone who is being rude. It's not "life" to be made to feel uncomfortable. It doesn't seem like intact is fearful in any way or hateful..he said he doesnt mind a comment or a look. But blatant staring with out provocation or prodding is just uncool.

No one should be made to feel uncomfortable. Suffice to say this has happened to me and it cheeses me too. With that said Intact I would probably not tell the management but would instead tell the offending person. "I would appreciate it if you would stop staring at my". Hell, you might get some shit but at least you get your point across. And you do it in a way that is not hateful or angry. And while it should not be your responsibility to cover up you might want to wear some shorts or underwear into the steam or towel if in the sauna to decrease the unwanted advances or staring.

I answered this post, my first, not to get anyone pissed off. I just think that no one should be made to feel uncomfortable. I am sure this wont change many minds but hopefully it will have some people thinking.

Thanks

 

[ledroit]

I don't mind if someone takes a look at me, even makes a comment, but it feels like this guy is almost stalking me. Has this happened to anyone else? Should I tell the gym manager?

No, don't complain to the mgr. Tell the guy to his face that you don't like him staring at you. That's a more powerful response I think, and is effective for me. If he persists, ask him if he wants you to tell the mgr he is harrassing customers. That will stop him.

Gyms are public places with all types. If you're good looking, you're going to get stares. You can't fault this guy for taste, but he doesn't know you and doesn't sound very bright.

 

[Caliman]

No hate. Im queer but I guess it doesnt look like it. Intact brings something up that Im sure happens to a lot of us at one time. You just have to learn how to take care of these things by yourself. Like one of the other men said, it is just much more powerful. Going to tell the management was like having your parents fight your battles at school. Everyone will know and talk. I guess it depends on how you were taught to take care of things. Going to management would be a last resort for me.

Intact is going to have to deal with this sometimes. If he has a good face, then it is going to happen more often. Not all people have the smarts to know when to quit looking, so you have to deal with those a different way than what a reasonable guy would respond to.

I like nothing better than to have some stud stare at me and let him know he can have a closer look somewhere else, but a creep is a creep no matter what team he plays for and who he is stalking- so you just have to take care of that guy who just crosses the line and take care of it quick. It can really be that simple and then its all over except for some left over shame or embarrasement.

 

[Steve26]

Anyone who has spent any amount of time in a men's locker room has witnessed this type of behavior, whether directed at themselves or others. There is indeed a fine line between appreciative glances and attention that feels excessive. In the spirit of LPSG "support," here are a few tips based on my own experience ...

1) If you belong to a gym on a college campus, join a nearby private gym instead. ALL campus gyms (I have recent firsthand knowledge of six) seem to be rife with older guys looking to check out some undergraduate eye candy. This one older guy I see in the gym on the campus where I work will spend 30+ minutes "showering" with his glasses on. In three years of using this gym, I have NEVER witnessed him exercising anything other than his eyeballs.

2) Join a gym with private showers. I belong to two gyms at the moment, one with gang showers and one with private stalls, and the locker room atmopshere in the two is like night and day. It's sad that we have to be forced into hiding, but if you are really bothered by it, this is not too extreme a step to take.

3) Wear a swimsuit, or *something*, into the steam room. The steam works its wonders equally well either way. Maybe I'm a germ-phobe, but I would never sit bare-assed on one of those benches anyway. Steam rooms are inherently "cruisy" and many men think they are appropriate sex venues (there was a whole thread debating this the other month).

4) If you see a repeat offender who really bothers you, keep a swimsuit on while showering. Again -- sad but sometimes necessary. I do this when I see certain very creepy individuals anywhere on the premises. Like you, I've had a few too many people over the years who seemed, mysteriously, always to materialize in the showers when I was in there. Ewwww ...

Steve

 

[novice_btm]

...This one older guy I see in the gym on the campus where I work will spend 30+ minutes "showering" with his glasses on. In three years of using this gym, I have NEVER witnessed him exercising anything other than his eyeballs.

Don't his glasses steam up? I had to switch to contacts because of this. (KIDDING! I agree with the obvious "eew"/"you FREAK!"-factor of that.)

Damn there is alot of hatin goin on in here. And it doesn't have two shits to do with what team you are on. It's not homophobic to be pissed at someone who is being rude. It's not "life" to be made to feel uncomfortable.

As I mentioned in the similar thread... http://www.lpsg.org/underwear-clothing-and-appearance-issues/18560-lockerroom-pet-peeves-6.html Bad behavior, is bad behavior, and it has nothing to do with paranoia, or homophobia.

...I think you're half right and half wrong though. Some of the postings are a bit paranoid, but I don't think that the general topic of peeves regarding bad behavior is, in and of itself, homophobic, regardless of the location.

http://www.lpsg.org/476300-post82.html That is, just because I don't like bad behavior from a nude man, when I'm also nude, even in a place where it's perfectly fine to be nude, doesn't then leap into the realm of homophobia. If an advance is unwanted, it's just that... unwanted. Gender, and the amount of clothing I'm wearing are irrelevant, and I'd be just as annoyed, either way. I'm sure that I've probably, and usually unconsciously, glanced at people (I usually walk through the locker room with blinders on, just trying to find a clear path to my locker/shower/whatever), but I'm also certain that, whether or not I even realized I was doing it, that if I saw any kind of reaction from someone, I stopped immediately, and that's the difference.

 

[Matthew]

One of the reasons this topic comes up over and over again at LPSG, and is contentious almost every time, is because both "sides" have a point in my opinion.

First, it is not cool to stalk people in locker rooms and showers. I have been the target of this on many occasions. It's annoying and uncomfortable in a space when you're supposed to be able to chill and enjoy being naked without worry. If anyone reading this does this kind of shit, you need to stop. Your behavior is not invisible. It's offensive, disrespectful and disgraceful. Even though it's unfair, your behavior reflects on other gay men who do not act like this. You can quickly tell if a guy is interested in you and/or in showing off, and if not, leave him the fuck alone. Madame Zora always says on this point that it's a male issue, and I agree. In my opinion, this won't change until all men, gay, straight and bi, grow up learning how to respect other people's sexual boundaries.

On the flipside, there is absolutely no question in my mind that the extreme disgust with which some straight men react to this is not only rooted in a natural desire for privacy and respect, but also in their contempt for gay men. What's really funny is how some of these same guys have no problem looking a woman up and down on the street, or even more. Think of how these same men would act if women and men changed/showered in the same space! Here's a newsflash: The world will not end because some fag kept looking at your pee pee, sorry life is so hard for you. If this truly does not describe you, all you need to do is tell the "offender" in a calm but firm voice: "You need to stop following me, or I'll have to report you to the management." Ta da! Of course that might deprive you of your self-righteous fag-hating trip, sorry about that.

And as for the gay/bi men who are disgusted by the flabby old men walking around their locker room, I will predict your future: If you are lucky enough to live as long as them, your ass will look just as old, flabby, saggy, nasty and disgusting to some of the stuck-up boys who will be frequenting gyms in that future era. But amazingly, you might still want to work out a little and spend time at the gym! And, scandalously, you might even want to sneak an occasional peak at a young, tight body too. So, you can stop acting like your shit doesn't stink any time now.

So now, hopefully I've offended everyone equally on all sides of this argument. In my opinion, it's all well-deserved.

 

[Steve26]

On the flipside, there is absolutely no question in my mind that the extreme disgust with which some straight men react to this is not only rooted in a natural desire for privacy and respect, but also in their contempt for gay men. ... Of course that might deprive you of your self-righteous fag-hating trip, sorry about that.

I guess, by process of elimination, these sentiments are referring to me, along with the handful of other straight guys who've posted here.

I'd invite you to ask Lex, or txquis, or Hung_Muscle, or any of the many other gay guys around here who I count among my friends, and who I think count me as their friends, what kind of a "self-righteous fag-hating trip" I'm on. While you're at it, see what I posted earlier this morning in support of Lex's coming out to his family. Vicious homophobe, indeed.

Y'know, when the charge of homophobia gets tossed around too lightly, it really loses its meaning. It's a sad day for gay rights in this country when someone like me -- a married man who writes letters to the editors of newspapers in support of equal rights for gays, a guy who since college has worn the label of "str8 but not narrow" with pride, a guy who's entirely cool with being tagged "more gay-friendly than Susan Sarandon" by Hung_Muscle -- gets painted with the same broad brush as the troglodytes.

Steve

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

I guess, by process of elimination, these sentiments are referring to me, along with the handful of other straight guys who've posted here.

I think Matthew was speaking in principle ... not necessarily to you, Steve, or anyone else on the thread.

I doubt anyone thinks you're a troglodyte.

 

[Matthew]

If the shoe doesn't fit, Steve, you don't need to put it on.

This discussion has happened here many times in the short time I've spent here. My post was a reaction to all of that, as well as this thread in particular, which I feel epitomizes the other debates. It was not a reaction to any one person or post. But by saying that, I don't mean to give the impression that I am backing off what I said. I chose my words carefully and very much believe every one.

And I imagine I may take a lot of shit from other straight guys as well as gay and bi men for what I wrote. It sure won't be the first time. The only other thing I will say to you is that you certainly were selective in what you chose to respond to out of the many things I said.

 

[novice_btm]

And as for the gay/bi men who are disgusted by the flabby old men walking around their locker room, I will predict your future: If you are lucky enough to live as long as them, your ass will look just as old, flabby, saggy, nasty and disgusting to some of the stuck-up boys who will be frequenting gyms in that future era. ... So, you can stop acting like your shit doesn't stink any time now.

So now, hopefully I've offended everyone equally on all sides of this argument. In my opinion, it's all well-deserved.

Well, following Steve's lead, I'm assuming this refers to my comments about my locker room peeves, but as I said in that thread,

... (and no, even if they were hot, I wouldn't find this attractive). ... Then, to top it all off, they're LOUD and obnoxious.

Again, as I've also said above, "Bad behavior is bad behavior." I don't care if it's by someone straight, gay, male, or female, and as far as ugly -vs- pretty... for me bad behavior can make the pretty, pretty ugly, in no time, so that can be taken out of the equation too. Considering this, I guess the shoe doen't fit, but I just wanted to clarify. :wink:

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

There are some things that really creep me out about some gay men and the way they behave. The whole leering, letching and following in the locker room thing is creepy and grosses me out. I want to hand a map from the locker room to the workout floor to some of them. To think...some of us go to the gym to work out. The bathhouse is up the street.