locker room stalking

[Lex]

Steve--It really surprises me that you would, for an instant think any comment calling someone homophobic could possiblyt refer to you.

Novice--same thing dude. Why even feel singled out for a second if you know what you meant?

FWIW--I too, find this entire dysfunctional serve and volley distasteful. men, it seems (straight.bi/gay) never seem to master the art of subtlety.

If you are straight/bi--learn to internalize outside desire as a compliment when it is given appropriately, so that you can separate that from these, less than desireable instances. If someone makes you uncomfortable, SAY SOMETHING. Saying nothing allows the behavior to continue.

If you are gay/bi, stop cruising people who would rather NOT have your attention to the point of making them uncomfortable. You know when you do this and when you cross the line.

And all men really DO need to get a grip about our sexuality and anatomy.

As Sorceror said--the bathhouse IS down the street in most cities.

 

[novice_btm]

Novice--same thing dude. Why even feel singled out for a second if you know what you meant?

Yes, *I* know what I meant, but I was just clarifying, in the event that OTHERS didn't know what I meant. :wink: In MY knowing what I meant, there was no offense taken on my part.

 

[fortiesfun]

Well said, actually. Not fun to hear, necessarily, but fair.

 

[PECTACULAR]

Gentlemen. Many of you need a breather. This topic is getting way to angry and blanket comments are raging about both homophobic and heterosexual,.

Lets try and remember that "all of you aren't all THAT!" Men are not coming out of dark corners of the gym to check out your penis! That is a major homophobic generalization...... as the old gay fag that I am, I have been many gyms, bars and bath houses. Many of the ''Locker/shower Lizards" are straight/closeted. Against popular consensous....The gay men aren't searching the masses for trainees! ( As the bible belt of the USA thinks!).

 

[Mulebear]

Homobphobic or Heterophobic? I don't care. Stalking (for me) has been a real problem. I've been stalked three times and none of them involved being in a gym or locker room.

My first stalker followed me around in a shopping mall one day. At first I thought that maybe the guy was part of mall security and for some reason had targeted me as trouble. I felt uncomfortable enough to leave the mall.

The next day I caught the same guy watching me while I was grocery shopping in a store that was across town from the mall. Coincedence? I decided to ignore him, but he kept following me around and was obviously staring at my crotch. Three or four aisles later and I confronted him... Loudly... He ran away.

That should have been the end of the story, but a week later I was sitting in a coffee shop with some friends when I spotted the same guy outside and peeking around the corner at me. I got up to confront him, but he ran away to the other side of the shopping center. Luckily I never saw him again.

The second time I was hanging out at a local bar when this guy started chatting with me and my friends. He kept sneaking glances at my crotch. Later, when my friends and I left for a late night snack at a local diner, we started talking about the way the guy was constantly looking at my crotch. That's when we found out that none of us knew the guy, but we had all assumed from the way he chatted with us that one of us was familiar with him.

The next day, while I was in a five and dime, I literally turned around and bumped into the same guy. He dropped his hand down and cupped my crotch right in the store. It was so quick and so startling that I reacted by shoving him. To my shock and horror the guy got vehemently angry with me and accused me of "teasing" HIM.

I said nothing and turned my back on him and walked away. That evening I got a phone call from this guy. I never gave him my phone number and my friends all denied giving it to him. I believe them. I hung up.

Luckily we had caller ID and the next two times the guy called my partner answered the phone. He stopped after that, but I still wish I had called the police on this since I had his number. This was early 90s and I was still somewhat in the closet.

The last stalker was some guy that I kept running into here and there. It was infrequent enough that I figured it was just coincidence. The guy never spoke to me, and he only nodded a hello my way a couple of times in passing, but something about the encounters started to unsettle me.

Then one day while I was driving home I noticed this gentleman in the car directly behind me. I blew it off and continued to drive, but I decided to stop and make a quick errand. I forget what the errand was, but I had to go a little bit out of my way to make it. I pulled into a parking lot and the guy drove on by.

A little while later I was back on the road and heading home when I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the guy's car a few cars back. Instead of driving home I drove to my local police station. The guy sped by. Instead of going into the police station I went ahead and drove home. I figured I had scared him off. WRONG.

An hour later my Partner was looking out of the kitchen window of our apartment and into the parking lot when he noticed a man looking in my car's windows. He called the cops immediately. When the cops confronted the guy he claimed that he was visiting a friend, but couldn't remember which apartment he lived in. He gave them a made up name for his "friend", but, of course, no one by that name lived in the complex. By this time the manager of the complex had become involved and decided to issue a trespass warrant against the guy. The stalker didn't even argue about it. He took the warrant and I never saw him again.

All of this happened in the early to mid 90s. I was young and dumb back then, and had a really bad ego about my size. I was very proud of it and tended to wear clothes such as tight jeans for the sole purpose of getting attention. After those three events, and the beginning of a long and slow break up with my first relationship, I started dressing more conservatively. I became ashamed of my ego and my size became an embarrassment.

I went through a cycle of letting my ego build up till it popped and then I'd return to being embarrassed by my behavior. It left me emotionally wrecked.

I'm now in a new relationship that is very strong. I have more confidence in who I am as a person. I'm beginning to allow myself to enjoy my size again, but without all the inflated ego over it. (Ok, maybe a little.)

My partner enjoys seeing me in jeans and gets a kick out of guys checking out my crotch. He doesn't get jealous because he knows that I will be going home with him and no one else. I'm starting to feel sexy again without feeling sleazy.

I have not had any stalkers since and I think this may have to do with me having more confidence in myself as a person. I think people realize that I am not going to tolerate any bullshit from them.

Ok, I have offically rambled way too much in this thread. Obviously I felt compelled to get this off my chest.

Thanks for listening,

MB

 

[hypolimnas]

I found confidence was really important in handling these situations.

Have had some really wierd ones, male and female partly because of the work/profile I have done in the past. I came out early as gay so I was quite young (at school) and vulnerable in a way, I did a short stint of modelling work as a student (for art students, so I was pretty exposed).

My family was very gentle, polite and respectful and didn't prepare me well for the "real" world in many ways.

I have learnt to protect my privacy more than I used to, take care of my home security, and generally be careful without being obsessive.

However the best thing I learnt at the age of 18 was to look someone in the eye and say "FUCK OFF!" It seems to shatter their fantasy.

The stalkers I have talked with have been very sad people, and I do have a lot of compassion for them, but I find I am more compassionate to them if they stay the fuck away from me. They usually have a whole fantasy world built around me that I don't want to know about ----a dose of reality is good for them.

"FUCK OFF" are the words that changed my life. I found they worked like magic. Good luck dude.

 

[JackbytheSea]

There's a guy, who regularly fucks other guys at the gym I attend in DC. I saw him fingering a guy sitting next to him in the sauna with my own eyes - not even trying to hide it. [For sake of my own anonymity, please don't PM me for the gym's name or street.]

Some of these guys get followed around, because people think they're going to do something entertaining. They invite this attention.

Two sides to every story.

 

[B_Hung Muscle]

Was that ME, Jack? I don't remember fingering anyone recently though.

Steve26 is one of the coolest people on here. I'm not sure if he was accused of homophobia -- I honestly couldn't make it through ANOTHER diatribe on this subject -- but rest assured, he is about as homophobic as Harvey Fierstein.

 

[jeff black]

And twice as good looking

 

[novice_btm]

...Steve26 is one of the coolest people on here. ...he is about as homophobic as Harvey Fierstein.

First, I was laughing my ass off at this, but then I thought, "but wait, Harvey is... ooo, so does that mean Steve... no, um, or... WOW!" LOL! If only...! :wink:

But for the record, Steve is totally straight, and even more, totally cool.

 

[14x8thck]

When I moved to San Diego I joined Holiday Spa (in town it was nicknmaed Holigay) I found out why quickly. Everyone was more concerned with there matching outfits rather than working out. I went to the gym to workout and get into shape.
I did a smart thing I went to a gym that I say is 90% str8 and the rest no one really cares about. It is a "normal" locker room where men glance at each other horse around and yes they no that there are gay men there. It makes no differance. I am OUT 100% there and everywhere and it has not alterd my life in any way. The one thing it has allowed me to do is to work out and get my body in shape & go to a gym what it is for. People ask sometimes about COCK size but it is normal locker room talk. Find a gym you are comfortable at. :biggrin1:

 

[ileet3]

When I moved to San Diego I joined Holiday Spa (in town it was nicknmaed Holigay) I found out why quickly. Everyone was more concerned with there matching outfits rather than working out. I went to the gym to workout and get into shape.
I did a smart thing I went to a gym that I say is 90% str8 and the rest no one really cares about. It is a "normal" locker room where men glance at each other horse around and yes they no that there are gay men there. It makes no differance. I am OUT 100% there and everywhere and it has not alterd my life in any way. The one thing it has allowed me to do is to work out and get my body in shape & go to a gym what it is for. People ask sometimes about COCK size but it is normal locker room talk. Find a gym you are comfortable at. :biggrin1:

And you're penis is 14 inches long? Let's see a pic:smile:

 

[koval]

And you're penis is 14 inches long? Let's see a pic:smile:

He might mean metric measurement. cm's instead of inches :biggrin1:

 

[IntactMale]

I don't know why this turned into a gay/straight thing, whether the guy was gay or straight he was staring at me for along time and followed me a round and just made me feel uncomfortable. I was really asking what you felt the apropriate response was, and I guess I should just say something to his face.

Like I said, I really don't care if someone wants to take a look at my penis, sometimes it even turns me on when I notice someone giving me a second take. But to just be staring like that and pretty much harassing me is over the top.

Ryan10Plus, I don't know who you are or why you were so offended by my question. I thought asking other people about how to deal with this situation was a little more grown up then responding to a thread just to insult someone.

 

[Donk]

I have had this happen to me often at the gym, and I hate it too. I am straight, but I don't mind--even get very flattered by--admiring peeks here and there. But then there are those guys who cross the line and pull this kind of blatant, stalking behavior. I'm not sure who they think they're fooling when, for example, they arrive at the gym shortly before I'm finishing up my own workout, pretend to work out for 5 minutes, and then head straight for the locker room right behind me to track my every move. I usually try to ignore it, but it ruins my enjoyment of what is usually a very relaxing experience for me, i.e., a good workout followed by a steamy shower. Occasionally I have been bugged enough by stares or over-the-top comments to confront guys with something like, "You know, my girlfriend would not appreciate that." Once they know they are busted, many of these guys will just back off.

At times I have considered skipping the shower. But I hate driving home in sweaty gym clothes and, dammit, I pay good money for those shower facilities, and I'll be damned if I let someone else dictate that I can't use them.

 

[Caliman]

Intact, You were right to ask that question. You're 22 right? Most guys don't talk about this kind of thing. Some guys may even think you are crazy for mentioning it 'cuz its never happened to them. It has nothing to do with gay / straight / bi, its a STALKING thing. You have enough info to get your situation under contol in your own way. Also, some people may be cranky or something so just forget that other thing and get on. Keep on enjoying the casual quick glances.

 

[fratpack]

IntactMale, just like everyone else here you have every right to post a topic.
It is for us to stay on point and give support. So yes indeed you have every right to be offended by this guy. His leering and unwanted advances crosses the line into your personal space and you have every right to stand up for that. Forget this "excuse me, sir, please sir" kind of wimpy response. Go up to him and tell him that he is making you uncomfortable, stop it now or you'll file sexual harassment charges against him. How many times have we heard "no means no". Nobody should have to change their life because of the inappropriate behavior of someone else.
Good luck in dealing with this creep.

 

[2big2care]

Gentleman,
You must realize that not everyone was taught as well as you have been taught-- that no means no, that stalking is bad, etc.... It is up to those of us who are more educated in the rules by which we play to educate those that are in the dark. It's not necessary to attack them unless you have already asked them once to stop. They may not even realize their behavior is over the line. Some people are really bad at reading body language, sneers and eyes rolling, shit, most of the time, they aren't even looking at your facial response-- they're more interested in seeing if they get a reaction from their stare by your cock getting hard.

Next point...
I have been in a position where I was changing in the lockerroom and the guy was standing next to me all but sticking his cock in my mouth. This dude was quite attractive, a killer body and a cock to kill but I was mortified that while I was trying to tie my shoes and leave, I had a monster cock in my face. So, my point is that there are also guys that go to the gym in their tight clothes, big bulges hanging out, walking around nude for hours in the locker room only looking for others to sneek a peek and when you do, they confront you and want to go home with you when all you thought you were doing was sneeking a peek.

I must admit I have been on both sides of the fence, I have been the starER and the starEE. While I have NEVER followed someone around the entire place for hours, I have known to wait outside the gym for a guy that I was particularly interested in and asked to exchange numbers or go grab a drink or something along the lines. I guess I just react as I would in any other social situation-- either accept and continue or politely say no thanks and excuse myself. It seems like it would be much simpler if guys could communicate with each other on such a level where their fear of either rejection or violent reactions would be kept to a minimum. My belief is these guys that stalk really want more but are afraid to approach you out of fear of rejection or violence. Would it not be easier if they could just confront you and ask you out and you feel comfortable enough to say yes or no, end of story? I know, will never happen that way.

 

[DC_DEEP]

One way I have dealt with this sort of behavior is to make it obvious that you know what he is doing, but are not happy with it. What I did was wait until he followed me into the locker room. As soon as he came in, I went back into the main area. He waited a moment, followed me back out there... and I immediately went back into the locker room. If he follows you more than a couple of times, then you can be certain, absolutely certain, that there is no mistake. Then you just ask "Are you following me for a specific reason?" and deal with it from there.

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

I've been known to say "what the fuck are you looking at?" if they get too letcherous. Fortunately I've only had to do it 2 or 3 times (in the gym that is).