Locker Room Talk And Women

LaFemme

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So I’m listening to a podcast, and the issue of “locker room” talk came up. This woman's significant other scrolls through IG with his buddies checking out “hot” models and get pretty dirty with their talk. She asked if it was “microcheating”.

But it kind of made me think. Should we as women be okay with locker room talk? Is it harmless, or does it perpetuate the objectification of women?

I’m kind of the opinion that once you speak something, it impacts the way you think. So even a reasonable man, once he (in my opinion), sinks to the level of sexualizing women he doesn’t even know, it can change the way he thinks. His worldview could change. It makes thought real. Puts it out in the universe.

I mean, it’s one thing to acknowledge that yes, there are lots of attractive people in the world, but joking with buddies how you’d like to see her bent over your desk...

Anyway, it turns me off. So, harmless and ‘boys will be boys’ or is it ultimately harmful to relationships between men and women?
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I've enlightened several friends of mine who are men that the way they talk about other women (and possibly me when I'm not around) is childish and makes them look like fucking fools.

In my more social days, I mostly had guy friends, very few ladies in my circle. Me being not particularly feminine and "lady-like" gave some of them the impression that I would be tolerant of their "locker room talk" and I had to colorfully explain how wrong they were.

I've also had to tell men (not friends, just men I've had to interact with cuz society) to eat actual shit or die starving because I HAVE FUCKING EARS and heard what they said about me when they thought I was out of ear-shot.

I do think it enforces objectification and a culture of not respecting other human beings.

It's why I avoid the basement here. I know people are gonna look and sexualize others, nature is kinky. But I don't need to be reminded how fucking depraved the way some people think about other human beings can be.
 

EllieP

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Yes, I believe it objectifies a human being in simplest terms. Good ole boy talk will probably always be around as long as there are good ole boys. Should that be an excuse? Absolutely not.

Words speak louder than actions but could eventually lead to actions. I think that as women we put more weight in words than men do. Yes, that's a gross generalization, but how often have I heard "we were just talking?"

Even my own sainted husband, bless his heart, as oblivious as he is to subtle come-ons from others has tried to sweep it under the rug with "we were just talking." Sweetheart, you were talking, but she was hoping for what happens after you shut up.

Locker room talk reveals our baser instincts as human beings. The fact that it's somewhat accepted or tolerated as an excuse in modern society belies the lack of inertia or effort on all our parts to move forward.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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These guys who talk like that about strangers generally don't seem very focused on anything concerning her potential pleasure, it's phrased in a way that makes it clear that she's a tool for sexual gratification, nothing more. Her satisfaction and happiness are not part of the discussion.

It's objectification, simple as that. I'm not an object. I'm a person. So is everyone other human being on this planet. We should all try to treat and speak of one another as such.
 

EllieP

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These guys who talk like that about strangers generally don't seem very focused on anything concerning her potential pleasure, it's phrased in a way that makes it clear that she's a tool for sexual gratification, nothing more. Her satisfaction and happiness are not part of the discussion.

It's objectification, simple as that. I'm not an object. I'm a person. So is everyone other human being on this planet. We should all try to treat and speak of one another as such.

Sadly, that speaks to the current situation in humanity where the "I'm looking out for Number One" mentality is alive, well, and thriving.
 
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Agree that it's harmful... when I witness it, I don't blow up or anything... I just CALMLY ask them why they think that's an ok thing to say, and ask if they'd like someone saying it to their mother, daughter, or sister. Tends to shut it down and make them think about it.
 

Holly Doors

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Blimey, well as ya'll know probably my husband and myself are a very open minded couple anyway and engaged in extra curricula sexual activities for years, nothing really shocks me (apart from the damn right wrong and illegal) so I guess I'm probably a little desensitised to some extent when it comes to a subject like this.
To use as an example, my husband's played rugby for years, I know pretty well what they all talk about in the locker room and the clubhouse/club bar etc, they're a dirty minded bunch of guys as you'd probably imagine. I've been out with them all many times with my hubby either just for drinks or at events and yes their conversation is often the type which you describe @LaFemme , they'll laugh and joke making fun of each other, having banter and discussing sexual stuff like guys do when they get together. Individually tho they're all gentlemen, it just seems to be that pack behaviour almost, it doesn't bother me and if it did they all know very well they'd get to see the nasty side of me Lol.
Maybe with forthcoming generations attitudes will change, only time will tell I guess. X
 
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Tight_N_Juicy

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Blimey, well as ya'll know probably my husband and myself are a very open minded couple anyway and engaged in extra curricula sexual activities for years, nothing really shocks me (apart from the damn right wrong and illegal) so I guess I'm probably a little desensitised to some extent when it comes to a subject like this.
To use as an example, my husband's played rugby for years, I know pretty well what they all talk about in the locker room and the clubhouse/club bar etc, they're a dirty minded bunch of guys as you'd probably imagine. I've been out with them all many times with my hubby either just for drinks or at events and yes their conversation is often the type which you describe @LaFemme , they'll laugh and joke making fun of each other, having banter and discussing sexual stuff like guys do when they get together. Individually tho they're all gentlemen, it just seems to be that pack behaviour almost, it doesn't bother me and if it did they all know very well they'd get to see the nasty side of me Lol.
Maybe with forthcoming generations attitudes will change, only time will tell I guess. X

I've been around "macho" dudes my whole life. I've heard it all, been called it all, you name it I've probably heard/seen it.

That doesn't desensitize me to the shitty behavior. Respect matters, and men who talk that way don't respect the human beings they're talking about. I'll never tolerate it as just "boys being boys".

I understand you feel differently, I'm not telling you how you *should* feel, I just felt your post was worth responding to.

Stay safe lady.
 
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286798

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I've been around "macho" dudes my whole life. I've heard it all, been called it all, you name it I've probably heard/seen it.

That doesn't desensitize me to the shitty behavior. Respect matters, and men who talk that way don't respect the human beings they're talking about. I'll never tolerate it as just "boys being boys".

I understand you feel differently, I'm not telling you how you *should* feel, I just felt your post was worth responding to.

Stay safe lady.
+1.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I remember one time a friend made a comment about a lady after she left our circle. He was *so* 'respectful' to her face, very considerate and friendly.

The second she walked away he said "she doesn't know it yet, but she's gonna suck my dick later". I. Went. Off. Use your imagination.

I didn't tell him "that's someone's daughter", because her relationship to her family shouldn't be the reason she gets treated like a human being. She IS a human being, period. No matter if she has parents, siblings, kids off her own, SHE IS A PERSON. Not a sex toy, not a "breeding tool", she's a fucking human being. SHE gets to decide if she EVER sucks ANYONE'S dick.

Needless to say, he never spoke that way about another woman in my presence. That person did not stay my friend for very long.
 
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deleted924715

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I didn't tell him "that's someone's daughter", because her relationship to her family shouldn't be the reason she gets treated like a human being.

For me this is on a par with the guy who obnoxiously pesters you until, even though you owe him no explanation, you tell him that you have a boyfriend and then he's all raised hands and apologies.

Seriously?

I've been telling you I'm not interested for the last 20 minutes and you couldn't give a shit, but you apologise at the thought of upsetting some guy you've never met? I don't qualify for respect in my own right, just respect by proxy?
 
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286798

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For me this is on a par with the guy who obnoxiously pesters you until, even though you owe him no explanation, you tell him that you have a boyfriend and then he's all raised hands and apologies.

Seriously?

I've been telling you I'm not interested for the last 20 minutes and you couldn't give a shit, but you apologise at the thought of upsetting some guy you've never met? I don't qualify for respect in my own right, just respect by proxy?
Exactly!!!! I think that some men can be so focused on thinking with their little head that they don't think about anyone but themselves... but if you say "I have a boyfriend", he thinks about how it'd feel to have HIS girl badgered, and it's only when he puts himself in another's shoes he is repentant. Same way with the "would you like someone to say this to your mom?" thing... it only becomes 'real' to him then.
 

LaFemme

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I raised a couple of male humans. I taught them to speak respectfully of others. We’ve had conversations as adults about this “locker room” talk. Neither would ever talk that way about a women. But, would they shut it down? For both it depends on the situation. I wish they always would, but I guess it’s hard to stand up to your friends. Both have expressed that they walk out on those conversations. I guess it’s pretty well known that they don’t like it. If their friends want to hang out with them, that kind of talk is off the table.
 
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Have worked a variety o jobs, including manufacturing type. Definitely dealt with good ol' boys club, brandishing of how manly insecure dudes are, etc. Does not impress and is not an excuse o any sort. Friendship/social circle is pretty well rounded. Work, many cases is majority folk who have a penis. Also being huge into video games, lot o ppl with a penis. I absolutely call fucks out on it.

There is a world o difference between being open minded n sex positive n kinky... and enabling/tolerating shit behavior.
 

Scarletbegonia

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I remember one time a friend made a comment about a lady after she left our circle. He was *so* 'respectful' to her face, very considerate and friendly.

The second she walked away he said "she doesn't know it yet, but she's gonna suck my dick later". I. Went. Off. Use your imagination.

I didn't tell him "that's someone's daughter", because her relationship to her family shouldn't be the reason she gets treated like a human being. She IS a human being, period. No matter if she has parents, siblings, kids off her own, SHE IS A PERSON. Not a sex toy, not a "breeding tool", she's a fucking human being. SHE gets to decide if she EVER sucks ANYONE'S dick.

Needless to say, he never spoke that way about another woman in my presence. That person did not stay my friend for very long.

THANK YOU for the women in relation to others as a measure of value part.
It’s a great get it through Neanderthal heads line, but that should be once in their lives (because it humanizes all women, hopefully).
 
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