lonely confession

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bigdude, Jan 28, 2006.

  1. bigdude

    bigdude New Member

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    Here's what's happening in my life right now: I'm 19 years old and a freshman in his second semester of college. I just moved out of the dorms at the tech school which I attend and have moved in at home to become a commuter (since I only have classes 2 days each week plus I wanna find a job at home). I haven't had a relationship since I was 16 and 17 years old...so it's been 2 years. In TWO YEARS i havent had any sex whatsoever, haven't even kissed a girl. Sure, I got school and soon work on my plate, but it's been so long since I've felt the warm touch of a girl. I feel like I'm incapable of love. Sure, the hormones are raging and I do miss the sex, but at the same time I miss it all...cuddling, holding, hanging out, havin a best friend, kisses, passion, etc. My last (and first) real relationship lasted 6 months, a decent length of time. It had it's ups and downs, but ended on a bad note and I rarely if ever talk to my ex anymore. In a way I definately learned a lot and have moved on from this, but at the same time i kinda feel like that experience short-changed me. I look at girls in a new light now...I'm not always fun, easy-going and playful around them like I used to be, I only warm up to them when they show interest and that they're nice/friendly/laid back/etc. In a way, I guess you could say I'm paranoid

    Since that relationship ended and I've decided to go "hunt" and "get back into the game" I searched around online and found the seduction websites w/tips and guidlines. I've never been good with women...I humbly admit that I find myself to be attractive (work out, well built) and so I've never approached too many girls, all the girls i've gone after showed keen interest in me beforehand. And on the other hand, I feel like i'm thinking and trying too hard- love seems to just come when you least expect it. Other times I blame my lonliness on fate- cuz a good portion of it is luck...being in the right place at the right time, being surrounded by plenty of girls, etc. Since I attend a small school (will be transfering next year from the tech) I think this plays a fairly big role...Im goin job huntin tomorrow so i'm just hoping to extend and meet new people through working too.

    Ahh that was quite a ramble and IDK what I'm really seeking from this post...besides sympathy lol jk...but maybe someone can relate to my situation? I think it's pretty uncommon so I just wanted to know if anybody has gone through something similar, at my age, i guess that would be comforting. And any tips/comments/suggestions is always appreciated...peace and thanx
     
  2. headbang8

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    Sympathy? That's what we're here for.

    In my experience, I find the great loves of my life at unexpected times and in inconvenient places. In fact, when I actively and purposely decide NOT to look, that there's no room in my life for a relationship, one presents itself.

    You become much better relationship material if you don't need one. If you're happy in your own skin, and emotionally self-sufficient. Only then can you bring something positive to another person, rather than dumping an assortment of emotional needs on her.

    At 19, of course you need to discover more about yourself, the world, and the place you want in it. Don't sweat the fact that you haven't had a relationship fro two years...few 17 year olds are mature enough to carry on a meaningful relationship for ten minutes, let alone six months, so you should consider yourself ahead of the curve.

    (Casual sex, on the other hand, is different. God bless alcohol and the internet...er, just joking)

    HB8
     
  3. steve319

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    I think many of us can relate on some level or another, bigdude. I so very much agree with headbang8 when he says that we are all much better candidates for relationships when we are at home in our own skin, when we aren't looking for someone else to complete us in some way.

    I hear what you're saying in regard to the paranoid angle. I spent some time healing from an engagement gone awry (definitely for the best, though I didn't dissolve it in the best manner), and I became gun shy not only in regard to women and what they want/need but also became a bit afraid of my own potential to bring harm and hurt into the lives of those I love. I built walls to protect myself and others that I'm still working to break down.

    Of primary importance for you right now would be to relax, I'd say. Find some way to not stress over this and be sure that you're OK with your life. Then perhaps take a look at your interactions with others and see if you are making yourself avaliable, emotionally open, to people in your life. Though it's tough, you might want to monitor yourself to gauge whether you seem approachable or if you are creating barriers to isolate yourself as a measure of self-protection.

    In all honesty, my interaction here at LPSG has helped me break down some of those walls in myself.

    Good luck to you, man. We're in your corner with this.
     
  4. Webster

    Webster New Member

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    "I've never been good with women."
    Good luck finding someone who is.

    Almost everyone is self conscious and afraid to approach someone that they're attracted to.
    My advice is to hang out where the girls hang out whether it's at school, or clubs, or where ever.
    The best thing you can do is to focus your attention on trying to make friends with both girls and guys. It will take your mind off being lonely and I guarantee it will lead to your next girl friend finding you.
    Good luck.
     
  5. Steve26

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    Hi bigdude -- I had a similar dry spell for about 1-1/2 years when I was 18-19. It's a time of great changes in life -- leaving the cocoon of home and high school for the broader world of work or college -- and for my first three semesters of college it was all so stimulating, exciting, and/or unnerving that finding partners for serious relationships took a back seat. I can't imagine this kind of thing is all that unusual.

    I'm also like you in that when I was a teen I was uncertain enough about myself that I only became interested in girls once they had expressed interest in me first. Guess it was my way of protecting the fragile male ego. :wink:

    You mention being a 1) commuting student at a 2) small 3) technical college. I'd say all three are factors that would make it harder to meet women ... the first because your social life likely doesn't revolve around the campus, the second because there are obviously fewer people to meet, and the third because technical schools are notorious for having few female students. If you transfer as you say, and return to being a full-time student, you may find it a lot easier to meet women.

    In the meantime I just hafta second what others have said: You can't hurry love. People who are too desperate to meet "the one" usually end up falling a bit too hard for the first person they stumble across. Hang in there -- you are only 19, so there's plenty of time for Ms Right to walk into your life.

    Steve :smile:
     
  6. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    god, that sounds depressing
     
  7. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    *Violins play sweetly as sun rises in background*
     
  8. treechopper

    treechopper New Member

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    i do feel foryou mate even from across the pond . point being, as was said, we have all been there. AND this is waht this site is for, i think but some of the old pros will correct me. its not just about BDs but having a forum to say the things that you might not say to your best mates but end up saying to strangers in bars while on business.

    feel free to chat

    P
     
  9. treechopper

    treechopper New Member

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    iaam also with headbang drink is very underestimated

    however i still think that this is a very sensitive post.....and the staff tell me i am not at all sensitive, but have an 19 yr old nephew whos going through the same thing
     
  10. BJT

    BJT New Member

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    Bigdude I thought I was reading something I had posted at first. I'm 19 haven't had a relationship since freshman year of high school, think that was like 14 or 15 and it didn't end great. I haven't had sex since...well never. I have always been real shy and had trouble talking to women. Lately though I have started working on eye contact, posture, and talking. I've stopped worrying about finding a girl, figure I'll worry about that stuff this summer when I don't have classes to worry about.

    Then today the strangest thing happened. Girl I had seen around campus before walked into my accounting class. She hadn't been there before, I would have noticed her. She talked with the prof and he pointed out some empty seats. I figured she would go sit by all the other girls in the class or in front where one jock looking guy was sitting. Instead she came and sat down next to me. We talked a bit then proffesor started lecturing. She slid her notebook over towards me with her AIM on it so we chatted for the hour and she wants to party with me friday night. Turns out she knows a few people that I partied with last year. So we'll see where it goes.

    Just stay positive, and don't worry about it too much. Just stand up straight, look happy and if a girl looks at you lock eyes. Be confident and who knows what will happen
     
  11. bigdude

    bigdude New Member

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    *glances up and sheds a tear*

    ahh message boards are a b-e-a-utiful thing!

    Thanks for all the support my large cocked friends, hahha...it was all helpful indeed...I thought i was the only one, but thanks for proving me wrong and enlightening my ass haha

    Steve ur response was truely insirpational...I def have been thinking about the non-verbal messages I send, especially to females. I figured i got a clean slate this semester, plenty of cute girls in my classes, so might as well go for it and just be myself. Gotta focus on letting myself shine through this wall i've built over the years, gotta stop worrying about judgement and all. And most importantly, my non verbal communication and verbal communication need to be congruent with eachother so I come across as confident and stable.

    Ahh ok, I can do this...lol...
     
  12. Webster

    Webster New Member

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    _______________________________________________

    clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap........:wink:
     
  13. headbang8

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    How very Irish of you, treechopper!

    By the way, just to be clear, I was kidding about alcohol and casual sex. Not a recommended way to get laid. I speak from experience. Who doesn't?
     
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