Loner And Introverts

Flo179

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Hi

I been thinking about it for long enough so I finally decided to do it

Let me start by making a confession of some sorts

I'm a loner and introvert I don't have any friends at all

I remember having a single friend when I was in junior school but after that we went to separate schools and for whatever reason I became the shy and quiet

I was never quite bullied but I was always alone

On the rare occasions some tried to talk to me for some reason I use to freeze up and say just some random crap, I became known as the crazy one by others

I use to berate myself afterwards for screwing it up, I soo wanted to make others realise I'm not such a bad person for everyone to constantly avoid me for no reason

I use to look at other with such Envy and awe at how they were able to talk and interact with others and use to imagine what it would be like to have others know my name and what it would be like to have friends

I know it's sad I know

It's now got to the extent I'm very much considering there's something actually very wrong with me, why can't I be like others why can't I be normal like everyone else is

I never did get the hang of the whole making friends thing

I guess the reason I'm making this thread is because I would love to hear from others if there any others out there on here like me who are similar situation and those who were and how do you deal and cope with the feeling of loneliness the feeling of everything I guess
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I used to have a lot of people in my "social circle", and I have had a handful of genuinely amazing friends. Several of which are no longer with us.. I miss them and think of them often. Others I've just lost touch with or realized they were not worth having in my life.

These days though, if it wasn't for my guy the only social interactions I would have would be obligatory through work, or online.

So, I don't have the same experience you have.. but I do have similar hangups about being around people. After having the kinds of experiences I've had it's terrifying to approach someone with the intention of potentially being 'friends' in the future, because that word holds a lot of weight with me. I've lost a lot of people in my life a lot of different ways. When you bring someone in, there's always a chance (and in my experience is pretty fuckin likely) that you may lose that person in a horrible way. It's almost become like a self-defense mechanism, to just be alone.

I do consider my crew at work to be my friends, but we don't get together off the clock. They all have their own established groups of peeps they see on their own time, and for me it's just me and my fella. And my doggoz and kitteh friends, of course.. animal friends are best anyway :blush::heart:

Edit: OP, you've always been sweet to me here. I don't see a bad person from what you've put out into this corner of the world.
 

Call_Me_Dave

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I’m not a big social person, either. I went to hang outs with my ex and managed, but it wasn’t anything I was dying to so. After the marriage went kaput, I moved in with family, as paying 2 rents isn’t in my budget. I visit breweries, and that’s been the extent of social life for me for 4 years.

Over the last 6-8 months I’ve reconnected with a woman from high school. It was exciting to be asked to meet up with someone, considering my place in life, a pandemic, and I’ll be perfectly honest, hotter than what I deserve to be seen with. Despite knowing each other from way back, my lack of social interaction and low self-esteem/anxiety came along for dinner too. I was a lost little lamb, despite no sign of anything romantic, and her being absurdly easy to talk to. We met up again last week, and it was much better in terms of feeling less like a bumbling idiot. Even if nothing comes of it beyond friends, which is 99.9% likely, I’m glad I did it for many reasons.

Find an interest, and see if there are any local groups online like on Facebook. Sometimes there will be an occasional in person meet up. That way you can get yourself out there online and interact virtually, then make the plunge and see if you want to do the IRL thing. I did this with a local beer enthusiast group and it was good for getting my feet wet.

It may seem far fetched, but start small, start slow. You’ll be surprised at what you can connect over with anyone. Do what you’re comfortable with for a while, then start taking small steps out of your comfort zone. You got this.
 

Flo179

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I used to have a lot of people in my "social circle", and I have had a handful of genuinely amazing friends. Several of which are no longer with us.. I miss them and think of them often. Others I've just lost touch with or realized they were not worth having in my life.

These days though, if it wasn't for my guy the only social interactions I would have would be obligatory through work, or online.

So, I don't have the same experience you have.. but I do have similar hangups about being around people. After having the kinds of experiences I've had it's terrifying to approach someone with the intention of potentially being 'friends' in the future, because that word holds a lot of weight with me. I've lost a lot of people in my life a lot of different ways. When you bring someone in, there's always a chance (and in my experience is pretty fuckin likely) that you may lose that person in a horrible way. It's almost become like a self-defense mechanism, to just be alone.

I do consider my crew at work to be my friends, but we don't get together off the clock. They all have their own established groups of peeps they see on their own time, and for me it's just me and my fella. And my doggoz and kitteh friends, of course.. animal friends are best anyway :blush::heart:

Edit: OP, you've always been sweet to me here. I don't see a bad person from what you've put out into this corner of the world.
Hi

Thank you for not thinking I'm some sort of crazy person

I'm glad to know I'm not the only person who thinks and feels this way

Thank you for your honesty, I do appreciate it

Thank you,

your much too kind yourself,

You gotta be one of the most nicest people on here

Thank you

I've never ever spoken to this many people I my life before I joined here

It's been a helluva experience that's for sure
 
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Flo179

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I’m not a big social person, either. I went to hang outs with my ex and managed, but it wasn’t anything I was dying to so. After the marriage went kaput, I moved in with family, as paying 2 rents isn’t in my budget. I visit breweries, and that’s been the extent of social life for me for 4 years.

Over the last 6-8 months I’ve reconnected with a woman from high school. It was exciting to be asked to meet up with someone, considering my place in life, a pandemic, and I’ll be perfectly honest, hotter than what I deserve to be seen with. Despite knowing each other from way back, my lack of social interaction and low self-esteem/anxiety came along for dinner too. I was a lost little lamb, despite no sign of anything romantic, and her being absurdly easy to talk to. We met up again last week, and it was much better in terms of feeling less like a bumbling idiot. Even if nothing comes of it beyond friends, which is 99.9% likely, I’m glad I did it for many reasons.

Find an interest, and see if there are any local groups online like on Facebook. Sometimes there will be an occasional in person meet up. That way you can get yourself out there online and interact virtually, then make the plunge and see if you want to do the IRL thing. I did this with a local beer enthusiast group and it was good for getting my feet wet.

It may seem far fetched, but start small, start slow. You’ll be surprised at what you can connect over with anyone. Do what you’re comfortable with for a while, then start taking small steps out of your comfort zone. You got this.
Hi

Thanks your also for your kind words and honesty

I'll definitely take your advice on board

Thank you also again for being soo kind and sweet as always

Thank you
 

Flo179

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I’m not a big social person, either. I went to hang outs with my ex and managed, but it wasn’t anything I was dying to so. After the marriage went kaput, I moved in with family, as paying 2 rents isn’t in my budget. I visit breweries, and that’s been the extent of social life for me for 4 years.

Over the last 6-8 months I’ve reconnected with a woman from high school. It was exciting to be asked to meet up with someone, considering my place in life, a pandemic, and I’ll be perfectly honest, hotter than what I deserve to be seen with. Despite knowing each other from way back, my lack of social interaction and low self-esteem/anxiety came along for dinner too. I was a lost little lamb, despite no sign of anything romantic, and her being absurdly easy to talk to. We met up again last week, and it was much better in terms of feeling less like a bumbling idiot. Even if nothing comes of it beyond friends, which is 99.9% likely, I’m glad I did it for many reasons.

Find an interest, and see if there are any local groups online like on Facebook. Sometimes there will be an occasional in person meet up. That way you can get yourself out there online and interact virtually, then make the plunge and see if you want to do the IRL thing. I did this with a local beer enthusiast group and it was good for getting my feet wet.

It may seem far fetched, but start small, start slow. You’ll be surprised at what you can connect over with anyone. Do what you’re comfortable with for a while, then start taking small steps out of your comfort zone. You got this.
Oh I forgot to say good luck with your new lady friend

It sounds like it was almost meant to be :)
 

Call_Me_Dave

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Oh I forgot to say good luck with your new lady friend

It sounds like it was almost meant to be :)
Thank you for the well wishes. Not being negative, but I’m not sure it is. For multiple factors. We both are somewhat recently out of marriages, schedules etc. she has a great career, financially well off/stable, and I am far from either. Just facts, and nothing I would take personal. I sincerely take her saying we should meet up as a small victory, and her agreeing to meet again as another, in terms of feeling reasonably tolerable.

But, I’m ok with it. I still enjoy her company, she’s a great person, so although it likely won’t go any further than just hanging out, I can manage.
 

LaFemme

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You’re not alone and you’re not crazy.

I’m a natural introvert with hermit tendencies. I could easily go weeks without seeing anyone. People that know me, are surprised by this. I make friends easily, and they often say, I could talk to a tree and get its story. To fight my natural nature takes a great deal of energy. Social interactions leave me exhausted. I require a lot of alone time. Despite this, people would describe me as gregarious and social.

It took me a long time to learn how to train myself to appear extroverted. It was better for my career, and better for me socially. But it was my choice. I didn’t feel forced into it. You do what you need to do to be happy. I wasn’t satisfied with being the quiet one in the corner. So I watched and learned from others.

Anyway, you’re fine. You seem really nice. You live your life the way you want to. Anyone would be lucky to be your friend!
 

Flo179

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You’re not alone and you’re not crazy.

I’m a natural introvert with hermit tendencies. I could easily go weeks without seeing anyone. People that know me, are surprised by this. I make friends easily, and they often say, I could talk to a tree and get its story. To fight my natural nature takes a great deal of energy. Social interactions leave me exhausted. I require a lot of alone time. Despite this, people would describe me as gregarious and social.

It took me a long time to learn how to train myself to appear extroverted. It was better for my career, and better for me socially. But it was my choice. I didn’t feel forced into it. You do what you need to do to be happy. I wasn’t satisfied with being the quiet one in the corner. So I watched and learned from others.

Anyway, you’re fine. You seem really nice. You live your life the way you want to. Anyone would be lucky to be your friend!
Hi

Thank you for replying

Your messages is both incredibly insightful to who you are as a person and very helpful because I can totally relate to your natural self but it also gives me hope

Some day I hope I can be stronger be brave enough be a better more outgoing positive version of myself :)

Maybe that should be one of my new years resolutions :)

Thank you I have no need for false bravado bullcrap I have no patience for keyboard warriors either what you see/read is what you get, it's exactly how I am in real life, if that makes sense

P.s I love trolling a good troll

Sorry not sorry

Thank you for replying :)
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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You’re not alone and you’re not crazy.

I’m a natural introvert with hermit tendencies. I could easily go weeks without seeing anyone. People that know me, are surprised by this. I make friends easily, and they often say, I could talk to a tree and get its story. To fight my natural nature takes a great deal of energy. Social interactions leave me exhausted. I require a lot of alone time. Despite this, people would describe me as gregarious and social.

It took me a long time to learn how to train myself to appear extroverted. It was better for my career, and better for me socially. But it was my choice. I didn’t feel forced into it. You do what you need to do to be happy. I wasn’t satisfied with being the quiet one in the corner. So I watched and learned from others.

Anyway, you’re fine. You seem really nice. You live your life the way you want to. Anyone would be lucky to be your friend!

I love it when you post.. always and forever. ❤️
 

seventiesdemon

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Hi

I been thinking about it for long enough so I finally decided to do it

Let me start by making a confession of some sorts

I'm a loner and introvert I don't have any friends at all

I remember having a single friend when I was in junior school but after that we went to separate schools and for whatever reason I became the shy and quiet

I was never quite bullied but I was always alone

On the rare occasions some tried to talk to me for some reason I use to freeze up and say just some random crap, I became known as the crazy one by others

I use to berate myself afterwards for screwing it up, I soo wanted to make others realise I'm not such a bad person for everyone to constantly avoid me for no reason

I use to look at other with such Envy and awe at how they were able to talk and interact with others and use to imagine what it would be like to have others know my name and what it would be like to have friends

I know it's sad I know

It's now got to the extent I'm very much considering there's something actually very wrong with me, why can't I be like others why can't I be normal like everyone else is

I never did get the hang of the whole making friends thing

I guess the reason I'm making this thread is because I would love to hear from others if there any others out there on here like me who are similar situation and those who were and how do you deal and cope with the feeling of loneliness the feeling of everything I guess

I'm with La, you aren't alone................but you have to be a bit crazy. Your're on LPSG :)
 

HorseHung40's

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The beauty of a site, such as this, is its ability to make all of us socially equal in terms of introversion or extroversion.

Here you have the luxury of chatting, posting and reading, or just observing others. All are allowed; no one is judged for choosing to quietly sit, and, watch the interactions of others.

Please don't think that those with a large social circle can count all others within that circle as true friends. Several years ago, a good friend of mine passed away after a lengthy battle with several afflictions. We were part of a large circle; however, I was the only one in the end, who was with him in the hospital in the last hours of his life.

Some weeks later our group gathered for a "celebration of Jim's life". There, everyone echoed the sentiment: I am glad that one of us was there with him at the end, but, am even more glad that I was not the one there.

"Friendship isn't all cake and balloons. Real friendship comes from being there when the hour is darkest." Saying a final good-bye like that is something that I won't forget.

I am grateful for that celebration. It gave me pause to evaluate my friendships, and, see the value in those persons, who were always there for me. They were not the outgoing ones in most cases, but the quiet introverts.
 

Murphys

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Hi

I been thinking about it for long enough so I finally decided to do it

Let me start by making a confession of some sorts

I'm a loner and introvert I don't have any friends at all

I remember having a single friend when I was in junior school but after that we went to separate schools and for whatever reason I became the shy and quiet

I was never quite bullied but I was always alone

On the rare occasions some tried to talk to me for some reason I use to freeze up and say just some random crap, I became known as the crazy one by others

I use to berate myself afterwards for screwing it up, I soo wanted to make others realise I'm not such a bad person for everyone to constantly avoid me for no reason

I use to look at other with such Envy and awe at how they were able to talk and interact with others and use to imagine what it would be like to have others know my name and what it would be like to have friends

I know it's sad I know

It's now got to the extent I'm very much considering there's something actually very wrong with me, why can't I be like others why can't I be normal like everyone else is

I never did get the hang of the whole making friends thing

I guess the reason I'm making this thread is because I would love to hear from others if there any others out there on here like me who are similar situation and those who were and how do you deal and cope with the feeling of loneliness the feeling of everything I guess
Thank you for sharing this. I think such took courage to do, and I think you’re to be commended for that.

Secondly, I echo the thoughts of those shared here, primarily that you’re neither alone nor crazy. I can relate to what you’ve said.

Loneliness presents as bit of a paradox: one can be surrounded be people and still feel lonely; conversely, one can be alone and not have a feeling of loneliness.

It took me a while to get through the feelings of loneliness. And I think what worked for me was realize that it’s OK to be alone, to be someone who doesn’t need to feel the need to attend a lot of social events, to not be concerned what others think, etc. (I can’t stress how much work it took to get through the feelings of loneliness!!)

That you’ve made the post you have here is, I think, a good first step. :)
 

XL_Lingam

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Hi

I been thinking about it for long enough so I finally decided to do it

Let me start by making a confession of some sorts

I'm a loner and introvert I don't have any friends at all

I remember having a single friend when I was in junior school but after that we went to separate schools and for whatever reason I became the shy and quiet

I was never quite bullied but I was always alone

On the rare occasions some tried to talk to me for some reason I use to freeze up and say just some random crap, I became known as the crazy one by others

I use to berate myself afterwards for screwing it up, I soo wanted to make others realise I'm not such a bad person for everyone to constantly avoid me for no reason

I use to look at other with such Envy and awe at how they were able to talk and interact with others and use to imagine what it would be like to have others know my name and what it would be like to have friends

I know it's sad I know

It's now got to the extent I'm very much considering there's something actually very wrong with me, why can't I be like others why can't I be normal like everyone else is

I never did get the hang of the whole making friends thing

I guess the reason I'm making this thread is because I would love to hear from others if there any others out there on here like me who are similar situation and those who were and how do you deal and cope with the feeling of loneliness the feeling of everything I guess

Thank you for starting this discussion! I commend you for having the strength and courage to share your story.

I’m an almost pathologically shy individual, depending on circumstance. My natural disposition is to be by myself, to be quiet, to stay hidden.

But I have trained myself over time to adopt some more social tendencies. Remembering to look people in the eyes, to smile, to project energy outward instead of holding it within myself. Dance classes and posing for art classes has also helped.

And although I remain very much a work in progress the main thing that has helped me, and perhaps it might help others as well, is to cut myself some slack. Ultimately there’s nothing wrong with being shy or introverted, although it can sometimes be lonely. So, paradoxically, accepting myself as I am often gives me the comfort in social situations to be more outgoing. And if I don’t know what to say or feel overwhelmed, then that’s just a sign that I need to be kind to myself and to let myself be me.

Also introverts tend to be smarter, more creative and compassionate, so we have that going for us! :cool:

So I hope you will treat yourself with kindness, respect and understanding—you deserve it and there is certainly nothing wrong with you. And you are among friends here.:)
 

Flo179

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Thank you for sharing this. I think such took courage to do, and I think you’re to be commended for that.

Secondly, I echo the thoughts of those shared here, primarily that you’re neither alone nor crazy. I can relate to what you’ve said.

Loneliness presents as bit of a paradox: one can be surrounded be people and still feel lonely; conversely, one can be alone and not have a feeling of loneliness.

It took me a while to get through the feelings of loneliness. And I think what worked for me was realize that it’s OK to be alone, to be someone who doesn’t need to feel the need to attend a lot of social events, to not be concerned what others think, etc. (I can’t stress how much work it took to get through the feelings of loneliness!!)

That you’ve made the post you have here is, I think, a good first step. :)

Hi

Thank you for not thinking I'm some sort of unknown psycho on the loose :oops::oops::oops:, I appreciate your kind words and I'll take on board what you've said

Thank you
 
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Flo179

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Thank you for starting this discussion! I commend you for having the strength and courage to share your story.

I’m an almost pathologically shy individual, depending on circumstance. My natural disposition is to be by myself, to be quiet, to stay hidden.

But I have trained myself over time to adopt some more social tendencies. Remembering to look people in the eyes, to smile, to project energy outward instead of holding it within myself. Dance classes and posing for art classes has also helped.

And although I remain very much a work in progress the main thing that has helped me, and perhaps it might help others as well, is to cut myself some slack. Ultimately there’s nothing wrong with being shy or introverted, although it can sometimes be lonely. So, paradoxically, accepting myself as I am often gives me the comfort in social situations to be more outgoing. And if I don’t know what to say or feel overwhelmed, then that’s just a sign that I need to be kind to myself and to let myself be me.

Also introverts tend to be smarter, more creative and compassionate, so we have that going for us! :cool:

So I hope you will treat yourself with kindness, respect and understanding—you deserve it and there is certainly nothing wrong with you. And you are among friends here.:)
Hi

Thank you for replying

I can relate to this soo much and I never really realized how harsh I've been on myself

maybe I shouldn't be admitting this but I've got nothing to hide :/

I not only use to berate myself but I use to physically punish myself such as starving myself and forcing myself to over exercise till I use blackout

Maybe your right I need to love respect take care of myself better and realize it's not always my fault, I'm just me and there's nothing wrong with that

I've got a long way to go but I appreciate your words and I'll try to be nicer to myself

Thank you
 
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Scarletbegonia

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@Flo179
Ambivert here. That means I can fake sociability, or even enjoy it in small doses, but with serious downtime to recharge.
I have a couple real time friends. And another ring of people who are friends with everyone.

it is difficult to make new friends after schooling.
We might have temporary friends, I had a few who were parents of the people my kid got along with.
I had friends at my news job, the music venue, and larger studios.
But I don’t need to be around a bunch of people.
In the Before Corona time, I would see live music weekly. It was my social outlet. Backyard house concert or Red Rocks. I had an affinity for less than 500 “seat” places.
In the jam band world, one dances solo. No partner needed or expected.
So, I never had to deal with people wanting to pair up.
Now, I see my friends performing online. And I see a lot more of them.

I don’t try to “go out and make friends.” But I’ve picked up a few.
 

Just_Ryan

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It takes a lot to be able to open up, share, an it admit how we feel, especially publicly, no matter where someone chooses to do so. So , there’s a lot to be said for being able to do so, an being comfortable enough with yourself & others that you would confide in. There’s also strength in knowing yourself.
Thank you for sharing...

I can only speak for myself, but I’m sure there’s many many other people who share similar experiences or feelings to what you’ve expressed.
I think there’s extroverts who struggle with some of the same things. They may appear to have it all going on, a boatload of friends , but yet all the while having trouble feeling like they have any met any ( or very very few) real friends along the way. Having personality traits of an extrovert or being outgoing doesn’t promise you’ll actually have or make close friends.
Again, just my opinion...

I’ve never felt like I really fit in , anywhere. I just try to tone down the awkward feeling an try to work through it. Basically fight the urge to leave an go find my own space. I’ve had struggles since I was really young, & not sure if it’s really gotten better or easier to manage.


I’ve crossed paths on very rare occasions, & it feels like someone actually gets me a bit. Those are the times an people that have helped me not feel so alone. I truly cherish those people an having met them. Usually on the oddest of circumstances. Most of those that actually I got to know, are no longer here.


There’s many times I’ve wondered what’s wrong with me. Others seem so at ease or navigating social situations seem effortless. ‘Tis always been very troubling when I feel all alone in a room full of people. Seems quite often


I’ve found some things along the way that sometimes helps to soothe & keep my demons at bay.


Not sure if I’ve actually made any sense here, as sometimes I ramble an lose my point if I had one

But, just saying you’re not alone...