loners

efail

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Yes, I can identify with that feeling to. People quite often irritate me as well and I'm a loner. I wonder if that is a common trait of being a loner.
Thats just so me. I can be in conversation with a friend, then suddenly just want to walk away.

Not because of what was said, but a feeling like ' I have had enough, time to go '. And will make some feeble excuse to leave right away. Then when I am away/home I feel as though I am relieved..wierd huh?:confused:
 

Equus14

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Yeah, you absolutely right. The more I think of it, there is a distinct difference between being a loner, and being lonely. Its two completely different aspects to your life. I am a loner, but I am not lonely...does that make sense to anyone?:redface:


That makes perfect sense to me. I'm not lonely either. The problem that many people have in their view of loners is that loners are introverted people, and we have been brought up into a world that tends to revere the extrovert. In doing that it gives the false impression that introvertedness is to be avoided or overcome. However, the world is made up of both introverted and extroverted people and most people are a combination of both but not always. This is just the way it is, and should be accepted and embraced. The world NEEDS its introverted people. Introverts make up some of the greatest thinkers this world has had to offer. The problem with introverts is when they buy into the idea that they should be extroverts.
 

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Thats just so me. I can be in conversation with a friend, then suddenly just want to walk away.

Not because of what was said, but a feeling like ' I have had enough, time to go '. And will make some feeble excuse to leave right away. Then when I am away/home I feel as though I am relieved..wierd huh?:confused:


No, that is not weird. That's typical of the introverted person. It takes lots of energy to maintain our social life, if we bother to aspire to have one, and it isn't unusual to realize that you're just not up to dealing with it that day. I'm sure there have been occassions that have been no problem at all but other days it feels like a chore. I do the same kind of things. After a day of spending lots of time around others with no difficulty it usually takes me a day or two to get over it. Have you ever felt that?
 

efail

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That is a very valid point. I have tried to be an extrovert and it caused all sorts of problems for me. The feeling of 'going with the flow' is fine for most people but at the back of my mind I knew I didnt fit. I still, even now, know what is right for me, but have to be aware that other people are sensitive to how you behave. And ask ' where is your party spirit?' I dont like to ay I dont have any....
 

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No, that is not weird. That's typical of the introverted person. It takes lots of energy to maintain our social life, if we bother to aspire to have one, and it isn't unusual to realize that you're just not up to dealing with it that day. I'm sure there have been occassions that have been no problem at all but other days it feels like a chore. I do the same kind of things. After a day of spending lots of time around others with no difficulty it usually takes me a day or two to get over it. Have you ever felt that?
You really do have a handle on this. Thats a point I didnt put across. The effort of ' fitting in' and just ' being with' people makes me tired too. I am not afraid of being in a group, its just some times its good to get your own thoughts in your own space. Dont get me wrong, I can be the life and soul of a party ( if the mood takes me ) but I can just as easily want to leave after half an hour.
 

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That is a very valid point. I have tried to be an extrovert and it caused all sorts of problems for me. The feeling of 'going with the flow' is fine for most people but at the back of my mind I knew I didnt fit. I still, even now, know what is right for me, but have to be aware that other people are sensitive to how you behave. And ask ' where is your party spirit?' I dont like to ay I dont have any....



I can identify with that also. I've never been a party person. I can't remember a time I've enjoyed one when I've gone to one in the past and I avoid them when I can. It takes everything out of me to go, and like I said, it takes a couple of days for me to get over it.
 

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The word "Loner" has such a negative connotation as if enjoying being alone and doing things on your own is a bad thing in our society. I don't like the word one bit. It implies that you are abnormal when it is so far from the truth. I suppose Thomas Edison, Einstein, Picasso and great writers like Hemmigway were "loners" too. All involved in solitary pursuits. Being alone is fine with me. Although I enjoy the company of friends I also enjoy my time alone. I think it's only a problem if you are a "loner" not by choice. If you are lonely.
 

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The word "Loner" has such a negative connotation as if enjoying being alone and doing things on your own is a bad thing in our society. I don't like the word one bit. It implies that you are abnormal when it is so far from the truth. I suppose Thomas Edison, Einstein, Picasso and great writers like Hemmigway were "loners" too. All involved in solitary pursuits. Being alone is fine with me. Although I enjoy the company of friends I also enjoy my time alone. I think it's only a problem if you are a "loner" not by choice. If you are lonely.
I dont think anymore has to be said. They ARE words of wisdom.
 

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You really do have a handle on this. Thats a point I didnt put across. The effort of ' fitting in' and just ' being with' people makes me tired too. I am not afraid of being in a group, its just some times its good to get your own thoughts in your own space. Dont get me wrong, I can be the life and soul of a party ( if the mood takes me ) but I can just as easily want to leave after half an hour.


I understand. To me though 'Parties' are different than just a group of people. I can't explain why that is. Perhaps it has to do with it being an active social occassion that one willingly attends as opposed to finding oneself in a group of people. For some reason I can deal with a group of people that is not labled 'Party' than I can an actual party. Strange I know.
 

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The word "Loner" has such a negative connotation as if enjoying being alone and doing things on your own is a bad thing in our society. I don't like the word one bit. It implies that you are abnormal when it is so far from the truth. I suppose Thomas Edison, Einstein, Picasso and great writers like Hemmigway were "loners" too. All involved in solitary pursuits. Being alone is fine with me. Although I enjoy the company of friends I also enjoy my time alone. I think it's only a problem if you are a "loner" not by choice. If you are lonely.


Very true. That's why I prefer the word "Introverted". I wear it as a badge of honor.
 

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If your friends suit you you shouldn't have to make an effort to 'fit' in, with the right friends you're comfortable being yourself.
Its not a case of being yourself, its more that by 'being yourself' makes others feel as though you are unhappy with the situation. It is quite hard to explain. For instance, have you ever wanted to walk away from a quite important social occasion, with no other thought than ' I need time on my own?' doesn't feel rational afterwards, but at the time you just have to do it. It isn't abot being uncomfortable with who you are with, more like ' I can have better quality time on my own right now'.:redface:
 

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I can be in conversation with a friend, then suddenly just want to walk away. Not because of what was said, but a feeling like ' I have had enough, time to go '. And will make some feeble excuse to leave right away. Then when I am away/home I feel as though I am relieved..wierd huh?:confused:

Happens frequently to me.
And yet at times, I am very extraverted. (But those are rare.)
And some of those moments of extraversion are satisfactory, and some leave me with the unsatisfactory sense that whatever I expressed wasn't really me.
All this happens less and less as I get older, though.
I'm not that interested in the problem any more.
I observe my own nature like I might observe a cat's, and just accept it.
(Am I growing up? Gee whiz ... about time.:cool:)
 

Equus14

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Its not a case of being yourself, its more that by 'being yourself' makes others feel as though you are unhappy with the situation. It is quite hard to explain. For instance, have you ever wanted to walk away from a quite important social occasion, with no other thought than ' I need time on my own?' doesn't feel rational afterwards, but at the time you just have to do it. It isn't abot being uncomfortable with who you are with, more like ' I can have better quality time on my own right now'.:redface:


You're absolutely right. It has more to do with an introverted person's current willingness or ability to put forth the effort of being social than it does anything else. It doesn't even have to do with how much or little we care about others or even about our own comfort. Although I have found that being someplace for an extended period of time while rather being elsewhere is pretty uncomfortable.
 

efail

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Can I just say thank you to all who gave there input tonight, even though I didnt start this thread. It is 00.17 in the uk, and my partner ( bless him) is snoring away on the other side of the bedroom. He will wake up and moan about the clicking of the keyboard.....so I bid you all goodnight. Nos Dar. As we say in Wales.

good job the mouse doesnt make any noise!!!:biggrin1:
 

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We all need a mix of alone time and social times, if the times you've allocated to being sociable don't seem equally attractive as the alone times I'd still say you're mixing with the wrong crowd, or trying to force yourself into socialising more than your natural need to socialise. As long as it's not hurting anyone's feelings (a wedding for instance) if you want to go home why not just go home and not agonise over it?
 

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Happens frequently to me.
And yet at times, I am very extraverted. (But those are rare.)
And some of those moments of extraversion are satisfactory, and some leave me with the unsatisfactory sense that whatever I expressed wasn't really me.
All this happens less and less as I get older, though.
I'm not that interested in the problem any more.
I observe my own nature like I might observe a cat's, and just accept it.
(Am I growing up? Gee whiz ... about time.:cool:)


I identify with this as well. The older I get the less I concern myself with my own nature. I know who I am and I know what I am willing and not willing to do. Really the only time I focus my attention on my own introvertedness is at times like this, or when I come across someone who feels the same way I do and needs to realize that they are not alone. Wish I had someone to do that when I was younger.
 

Equus14

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We all need a mix of alone time and social times, if the times you've allocated to being sociable don't seem equally attractive as the alone times I'd still say you're mixing with the wrong crowd, or trying to force yourself into socialising more than your natural need to socialise. As long as it's not hurting anyone's feelings (a wedding for instance) if you want to go home why not just go home and not agonise over it?


That's a good point. Personally though I just wouldn't go. There's no need to make others feel slighted by their own misunderstandings about my nature on a social occasion so I just don't go. If they're really my friend they'll understand me, and if they're not really my friend then I won't care if they feel slighted. Of course that could be just my age showing. I've already made it to the age that I don't care what others think of me.
 

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This is a good question. It seems as though with a few good friends I wonder why you are concerned about this. For perspective - as a semi-professional socialite, I had on my wedding invite 80 people (friends) on the short list). If I needed anything I could call these people and they would help me or if they could not, would know someone who could. Conversely, any of these people could ask me for help and if I was able to would be happy to help and if I could not, would call others who could help. It is good to know lots of people. It is better to have the few who are familliar with your life on an ongoing basis who are willing and able to be supportive of you. For as much partying and going out as I do (and that is a lot - this is the first weekend in 8 months I have not been out either at parties or clubbing with friends) and am so loving being home and quiet and watching TV. Social time is a lifeblood for me but so is having a break for that. So as long as you have a good support system with the friends you have, they are loyal and thoughtful and considerate of you, no worries mate. You have a lifetime to make more friends and enjoy the ones you have. Enjoy your all of your time - quiet, alone and othwerwise.