Long distance relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by melisa_lynn, Oct 31, 2009.

  1. melisa_lynn

    melisa_lynn New Member

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    Ok so i know everyone will say bad things about being in a long distance relationship as most of my friends are telling to end it. But im looking for other opinions
    My bf transfered to a college about 3 hours from where i am this year, we have only seen each other about 4 times since august and its starting to suck really bad. We have been together for some time so we are giving it the best shot. So i guess if anyone has been in one, how did u make it work, how long did it last, and when did you know it was over
     
  2. shyguy1985

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    The longest distance relationship I had was just over an hour away. It lasted all of 6 weeks, if that. It didnt help that she didnt drive.

    In some ways its good not seeing each other often, it means it stays fresh and you've always got something to talk about. Plus somtimes having to wait for sex makes it better. On the flip side sometimes you just want your other half to be close to you. You cant have a cuddle as and when you please

    The reason it ended was because she was a bit too paranoid. She'd been cheated on twice before but if I didnt text her back right away or call exactly when I said I would she'd be onto me. Why didnt you text me back, why didnt you call me, who were you with, what were you doing, any girls about, who is alison etc etc

    I dont suppose that helps much but I've never known anyone with a long distance relationship thats worked.
     
  3. melisa_lynn

    melisa_lynn New Member

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    Thanks for the input
     
  4. JohnnyVee

    JohnnyVee New Member

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    That's a tought one for sure. Can be done but it takes a LOT of hard work...
     
  5. klaybourn

    klaybourn New Member

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    all i can say is good luck!
     
  6. D_Maurice Mountlilly

    D_Maurice Mountlilly Account Disabled

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    i wish you luck..
    my long distance relationship was 1400 miles..it didn't start that way but when she moved back to her home state(north dakota)that's when shit got tricky,
    i won't blame the distance,there were other factors(her family hates black people,ect)involved but that was one of the hurdles along with temptation on both of our ends we had to deal with.
    and even the times we would fly out to see one another it just wasn't the same.(i spent alot of money on plane tickets..damn!)
     
  7. Ramsey

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    Yes, long distance relationships can be tough, seems we all agree on that. As shyguy1985 said, it can keep things fresh, but you both need to be very faithful and very committed. My ex-fiance was 2 hours away and ended up cheating on me and marrying the other guy who she cheated on me with.
    So just make sure you are both working at it and make as much time for each other as you can.
     
  8. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    Coming up on our one year anniversary with my significant other. She lives in LA, I live in Dallas. A three hour plane trip and usually $250-$300 for a ticket.

    It's not the easiest thing in the world, in fact, we won't be spending our anniversary together because of money issues and my work schedule. The key is communication and lots of it! We talk several times a day and at least an hour or more each night, every night. You just be as open and honest as can be if you want to make it work.

    We've gone this long, no sense in giving up now. Our goal is to finally be together in the same city by at least next year.
     
  9. TBSPW

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    I agree with Mike Hawk. Any type of Long distance relationship is a lot of hard work. My boyfriend lives roughly 1,000 miles away (He's in Fort Lauderdale and I'm near New York City). We take time to talk every day, even if we cant spare all that much, I use the bluetooth in my car to talk to him on my ride to and from work. Also chat with him on the computer all the time too. Its a good thing we both have Verizon or our phone bills would be insane. I hate talking on the phone and used to use around 100 minutes a month at the most, last time I checked I was using an average of a few thousand keeping close with him.

    I visit when i can, but its expensive and I cant take off from work either, and over all, it definitely sucks, BUT, I still think its worth it and we've been a ouple for almost a year. Eventually I'm going to move, just not ready yet. So yeah. Only way I cope is that I know that the long distance is only temporary and that we'll be together some day.
     
  10. jnj4play

    jnj4play New Member

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    IT CAN WORK, if you BOTH try to make it work

    i say this because my gf and i have had a long distance relationship for 3 years now and counting (this is her senior year) i live in cali and she's basically in new york! it has been tough, she's gone for 8 months out of the year, and the 4 months that she is back its not consecutive, she comes back for the breaks which range from 4 days to 1 month before she leaves again. last time i saw her was september 1st, and i wont b seeing her again till december 24th! you have to truly trust eachother because distance+time=doubt. im not religious or anything but you really need to have faith in your relationship and eachother, communication is a must but not to the point where one of u feel smoothered. any issues that may come up that bug either one of u, even just a lil bit u need to address ASAP that you r both on the same page and it doesnt get any bigger than it has to. eventually it does get easier, but it never becomes easy.

    one thing thats helped the both of us get through so many years is this;
    "although every day that passes hurts because its one more day without you, every day that passes is also one day closer to the day i get to hold you again" i sent that in a text to her a while back n its words that we live by now. good luck :smile:

    btw we had our 7th anniversary this past august. and we know that even though the distance has pushed our relationship to the limits, its also made it that much stronger!
     
    #10 jnj4play, Oct 31, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2009
  11. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    I like that very much!
     
  12. ScorpioSlut

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    I had one last for a little over 2 years. He was in the Air Force ang got transferred to Germany and eventually Iraq not long after we had started dating. We just had an instant connection. It was definitely a lot of hard work and very expensiveto maintain due to phone bills. We talked everyday (except for when he was deployed to Iraq). Even then we talked as often as we could. In the end I think we could have made it last had I not gotten severely sick and as a result of that depressed. I ended up letting one of my best friends get a little to close and in the end I decided to end it. Had my god health been maintained we might still be together today. The moral of the story.....LDRs are a lot of hard work, trust, dedication, communication and can become quite costly. If you are both truly into each other and willing to commit to all of those things then by all means give it a go.
     
  13. King_ding_a_ling

    King_ding_a_ling New Member

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    I just cut one off after 8 mo. Because it started affecting my work. I still love her and she and I are still friends and have a "if we are ever in a regular relationship situation we'll try it again" pact, lol. Sometimes it works, but it my 3 experiances with it, it has always ended (different reason each time though)
     
  14. rob_just_rob

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    I had a LDR when I went to grad school 2 hours out of town and my university g/f started work after graduation.

    It worked OK for a while, but it caused problems later and the vibe was never really the same when I was back in town. It's hard to relate when one of you is working and the other in school. In retrospect, I think we both would have been better off if we hadn't attempted to hang onto it.
     
  15. melisa_lynn

    melisa_lynn New Member

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    Thanks for everyones input and experience with it
    Not sure whats going to happen as of right now but outlook "not so hot"
     
  16. denton85

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    i've seen it work in rare cases. Most of the time it was between 2 people who i could tell loved eachtother more than anything, and didn't even notice the opposite sex because of it. Then there are the sad attempts i see with a couple that i KNOW say that they are going to give it a try, and then they get drunk at a party, and cause they haven't had sex in so long they screw a random person.

    It's hard work, and takes commitment from both people. The trick is recognizing if you and the person you are with are willing and able to do it for the long haul.
     
  17. D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

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    My long-distance experience was quite extreme at 6,000 odd miles and 7 time zones apart. It was okay at first but soon enough the distance and time difference took its toll. I wasn't very sure exactly how it began but one day we just felt like it was more of a burden than anything else. And there was also a string of finger-pointings and finding one to blame for the drifting apart. Eventually I forgot altogether why we were together but before I could act on it she had asked to end the relationship. Strangely enough it didn't hurt at all. I suppose we'd let it slip through our hands quite effortlessly. It took us 7 months to get to the breakpoint but before this critical period we've been together for just over a year.

    All of that said I doubt if I'm in the position to advise on how to make it work but what I do know is that it's a tough and true test of the relationship. Things that had never bothered you before will surface and you'll be left with no choice but to face it. Pretty much an opposite extreme of moving in together. They say that if you can get past the long-distance thing you'll be stronger than ever - I hope you'll manage to overcome the obstacle my ex-girlfriend and I didn't manage to overcome.

    Best of luck, Melisa.

    P.S. - You know it's gone sour when you forget why you were together in the first place.
     
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