Long distance relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Yatzi, Aug 22, 2010.

  1. Yatzi

    Yatzi New Member

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    Ok so the basics are.

    I'm currently in a relationship with someone but it is long distance, e.g. I live in cumbria and they live in hull, now thats a couple of hours away from him.

    The thing that gets to me is the fact that i have no physical contact with him at all, only times i get to see him is when he is on msn, and i cant contact him via phone as he broke his phone.

    I am planning on seeing him soon when my friends get their car (as i cannot drive yet) but in the meantime it is near enough unbearable because the relationship with him is different from any I have had before I feel very very differently towards him than to others i have had.

    Anyone got any ways I can cope without the physical contact?
     
  2. NeedToGetBig

    NeedToGetBig New Member

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    I was in a long distance relationship with a girl who used to live in Spain while I in Canada. We used to talk a lot on phone and video chat almost daily. This helped us to keep the relationship alive for 6 months. This may help!

    However, as it happens with most long distance relationships - when we met each other we had lots of expectations from each other which were not met when we met and we then broke up. I so excited that I did not sleep the night before I flew for Madrid. My personal experience is normally people are very different on chat/phone then they are in person.

    Good Luck though!
     
  3. nudeyorker

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    Two hours? I know people who commute to and from home two hours each way.
    I have a long distance relationship part of the year of nearly 5,000 miles and a 12 hour flight, but this is not about me.
    Your friend has to get his phone fixed. You need to learn to drive and get a car. In the meanwhile you are going to have to make the best of the time you have together and make plans (and stick to them) of when you can speak on the phone, or e-mail and when you can spend time together. If you can find excuses of why this won't work then maybe you need to move. If that is not possible you just have to take the good with the bad until the circumstances are better in your favor.
     
  4. Bbucko

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    These work for some people (Nick8 springs to mind) much better than others (like me, for instance). Communication is key in every relationship, but in a LDR, it's literally all you've got for extended periods of time. You either need to exclude sexual fidelity or be extremely confident of the depth and extent of your shared commitment and remain celibate between visits. Frustration can quickly lead to feelings of possessiveness and jealousy unless you've really mastered one or the other of the ideals mentioned above.

    Anecdotally, I've attempted it twice in the past four years: if either of the guys had been whom they claimed to be (and not the liars they ended up actually being), things might have gone well. As it turned out, neither lasted past a very brief period, as falsehoods are tough to maintain 24/7, whether he's in the next room or hundreds of miles away.

    Good luck with this: I mean that in all sincerity.
     
  5. zpacifico

    zpacifico New Member

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    when you get to see and feel his "vibe" then you will know where you really stand. just do not do one thing, do not allow yourself in imagining how is he like because by doing so you will attrubute him with bits of personality you crave for but not neccecerily the ones he really posseses, you might end up dissapointed, not in him but your bad judgement. thing called heartbrake.
    but do not fear anything, just meet him and have a good time. love is the best thing afterall.
     
  6. B_Tonnie

    B_Tonnie New Member

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    Phone-sex, and lot's of it.
     
  7. helgaleena

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    Cyber-sex.
     
  8. Yatzi

    Yatzi New Member

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    lol at the last two posts, as if we aint tried them already, anyway i know about the possibility of him not meeting my expectations but i havnt go high expectations to be honest i try not to make them to high (my rule of thumb from my past)

    As for communication, well we try to do that on a daily basis, and were usually talking for hours on end without noticing it. So theres no problem there yet, the only thing that really gets to me is the physical absence, because i like to have people around me and someone as "important" as this not being around really affects me.

    But we will see what the future holds, ill deffo be posting what happens when we do meet :D
     
  9. B_Tonnie

    B_Tonnie New Member

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    in all seriousness dude, i do know what you are going through. and beleive me it can work out well. communication is the big one, honesty, tell him exactly how, and what you are feeling all the time, and ask the same from him. when you do get the chance to be together make it some where different, some where you both have'nt been, even if it's only a park or motel, whatever, atleast that way you are both on an equal footing.
    good luck my friend, keep smiling, and let us know how it goes.
     
  10. exwhyzee

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    This is where I fail at long distance relationships. If a person means a lot to me, I get frustrated when they aren't around to watch tv on the sofa, to eat dinner together, or see a movie. Chatting on the phone and cybering can't substitute for the real thing. That's just me. I have no patience and I'm quite jaded. I'm sure you will do much better than me. :wink:
     
  11. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    There are a number of things that come to mind here. My first question is: Have you ever been intimate or had sex with this person? My second question is: How many times have you been with this person even socially on a personal level.

    I don't want to be wrong here or misunderstand.

    I have been in several LDR's in my lifetime. One of the greatest was with a person in Toronto, when I was living in Palm Springs. It did not end up working out long term, but the short term will always bring very fond memories.

    My present life-partner and I started out as a LTR and it was about 800 miles that then separated us. We are together now and in fact it did work. I was what he wanted and he was what I wanted as a person, but we had enough intense time together to decide if it was going to be a relationship and on what level the word relationship applied.

    If you want to spend time with this individual personally, I suspect that there is some manner of public transportation that could make travel for either one of you possible.

    One thing conspicuously absent here is your reference of him trying to get to you. That may indicate that you are reading something in that is not there or is not there at this time. It does not mean that something is not possible, it means that there is information missing that is indeed relevant.

     
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