Long Distance Relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jonie_lee, Dec 15, 2008.

  1. jonie_lee

    jonie_lee New Member

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    My (big) guy Steve, joined the National Guard two years ago and was deployed to Iraq back in August. He has to complete 13-15 months and I've been really upset since he left. We talk online all the time and use web cams but it really isn't enough!
    How do you all cope with being with someone who is so far away? :frown1:
     
  2. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    You remember all the good times you had with him, and remember that he will be back soon....

    It's not easy but if you love him, you wait.
     
  3. Rubenesque

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    You remember every second of every day that you will get to talk online, and you will get to see his face on cam. And you remember every second of every day that you're blessed you have that when so many others don't.

    Keep your chin up, in the scheme of things 15 months is nothing when some are going to live a life time without seeing their loved ones again xx
     
  4. Steve26

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    In my experience, you survive an LDR by throwing yourself into the rest of your life (work, hobbies, family, friends) so you're not sitting around moping about what's missing.

    My wife and I, before we were married, were long-distance for 3-1/2 years after college. Granted, we were never more than about a three-hour drive apart, so we saw each other a few weekends a month.

    I'm not going to pretend it's easy, but we are living proof that it's doable. We've been married 6 years now, and I think our relationship is a lot stronger for having survived those "lean" years early on.

    Steve
     
  5. Cockmo

    Cockmo Active Member

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    keep yourself busy, talk to him, look at pictures of him and you if needed, and dont drown yourself out with negative thoughts! me and my boyfriend are separated on occasion for a certain part of the year and its hard; theres no doubt about that.

    it dawned on me a couple of months ago that our relationship is a long distance relationship and it really threw me for a tizzy! there were days when i just wanted to cry my eyes out and give up! but, i refused to let a little distance break us up. im still "recovering" from that realization to this point, but it has made me a stronger person and really helped me to remember why i love him, fell in love with him, care for him, and want to be with him. im a religious man so i find that helps me out.

    but keep yourself busy and dont listen to the naysayers who say that such relationships dont work out! imagine what married couples have to go through; im sure there are couples out there who feel like giving up because it seems so insurmountable!

    as others have said, remember the good times, the times you will have, and the connection and relationship you have with that person. and while it is hard to go without sex with the one you love and care about, the waiting does make it all the more special, as well as the kissing, holding hands, hugging, cuddling, and so on!

    YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH!
     
  6. D_Joe Munchin

    D_Joe Munchin New Member

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    I didn't.

    I regret it.
     
  7. D_eeglefleegle

    D_eeglefleegle Account Disabled

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    The first part of your statement is so true lol.

    I am currently in a long distance relationship; 850 miles apart. I have been for two years now. We see each other every month, but the distance is no doubt difficult. It all comes down to love, and how much the relationship is worth to you. Mine is worth the distance. I love him dearly and need him in my life :)
     
  8. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

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    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
    i carry your heart with me
    By e.e. cummings

    i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
    my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
    i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
    by only me is your doing, my darling)
    i fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want
    no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
    and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
    and whatever a sun will always sing is you

    here is the deepest secret nobody knows
    (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
    and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

    higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
    and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

    i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

    Dedicated to you Jonie, and your Military man.....may you find your love is worth the wait and to learn no distance can keep you apart when you share a heart.
     
  9. Principessa

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    Long distance relationships suck, I've done three. I always felt like I was the one making all the effort to span the distance. I don't know that I could or would do another one.
     
  10. AlteredEgo

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    Have you visited this website? If you can get along with large groups of women, you might like it there. Mine's in the Coast Guard. I don't post much there, but feel free to PM me if you want to know my user name.


    I don't have extremely long periods without him. The longest we go is 90 days. It's very difficult. We send email, I call his parents. He gave me a Build-A-Bear in BDUs. When I hug the bear, I hear a recording he made for me of his voice and a special message. We share as much real time as possible, and really make our email the best quality we can. We plan for the future, set goals, and work toward them while we're apart. I do NOT tell men he's in the military. I found that once they find out they turn up the pressure like crazy. Also, realize that most people cannot relate to your situation completely, and be prepared for people to say really insensitive things to you.
     
    #10 AlteredEgo, Dec 19, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2008
  11. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    Am in my first ld relationship, now in its 4th month. To make matters worse, this is the 1st relationship that has involved commitment on my part. The majority, if not all, of my previous ones were primarily to fulfill my sexual needs. It's hard for a 38 y-o guy to wake up and experience love for the first time, knowing that it's not just physical attraction, and determined to make it work, despite the distance between us. He's in San Diego which to me seems about as far from Miami as one can be and still be in the states. The holidays (can't wait for Tuesday to get here) and weekends, however, can be described as out of this world and verification that its worth it in the end (no pun intended).
     
  12. Principessa

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    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Long-Distance Relationships

    Distance doesn't have to kill a relationship. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and with these tips we're sure it will.

    By James Griffin, Relationship Correspondent

    Make long-distance relationships work with these tips

    The modern world is an expensive place, where most households require two incomes to purchase even the most modest of dwellings. Couple this fact with the progress women have made in the workplace since Eisenhower was president and you’ve got a perfect cocktail for a potentially sour brew known as long-distance relationships, which are brought on by career moves that often mean a change of address.

    Careers can pull anyone across the country provided the opportunity is grand enough. You’ll need to look inside yourself and be sure that you’re ready to deal with this level of commitment. If you’ve been tempted to stray while she was still living in town, chances are you’re not ready. However, if you can’t see yourself with anyone but her, there are a host of factors to consider when embarking upon long-distance relationships.

    Agree on an end

    Before you decide to jump headfirst into long-distance relationships, you should first agree on an end goal with your partner -- a specific time, be it six months or a year, when the separation is going to end. You can reunite, she can move home, you can follow or you can call it quits. There has to be an agreed upon goal to look forward to when you first embark upon long-distance relationships. Otherwise, you may end up stringing along the status quo indefinitely, which breeds a particularly robust strain of frustration.

    Be realistic in your assessment of this relationship timetable. Make sure to leave enough time to accomplish the goals that forced the separation in the first place. Trying to rush through an experience, even for a relationship, is a good way to build up unhealthy levels of stress.

    Schedule communication

    The quality and quantity of communication with your woman will need to increase substantially when you embark on long-distance relationships. Be prepared for this increase in verbal Olympics. Make sure your phone bill is ready as well by switching to a new cell phone plan with unlimited long distance or make sure your landline carrier is providing the best rates. You will need to be on the same page with your girl as far as frequency goes; will you speak three times a week or once a day? If you’re not on the same page, one party will feel slighted and an insurmountable rift will begin to develop between the two of you that will make the physical distance seem minuscule.

    During long-distance relationships you'll want to go ahead and physically schedule communication time on your calendar. Your relationship is certainly as important as any other meeting you may have written down. If you have to miss a “date,” be sure to let her know just as you would any business contact. Bridges are especially easy to burn from so far away. Try closing the gap with video chat, such as Skype.com or TokBox.com.

    Long-distance relationships don't have to be tough...

    Schedule visits

    Visits act like mini-ends. A weekend together is vitally important at least once every six weeks. For all the Jetson-like qualities of video chat, there is no plug-in to replicate touch or smell -- at least not yet. And since smell is the strongest sense tied to memory, you’ll want to keep up physical relations during long-distance relationships. A trip to visit your significant other every once in a while shows her that you still care, and that she’s still very important to you no matter how far away she is.

    Don’t just go and visit each other though. Instead, try to create something uniquely you. Taking mutual vacations away from your respective lives creates newness in your relationship and keeps it progressing. It’s important that your relationship continues to grow, not just maintains, despite the distance.
    Raise your trust level

    When living a great deal of your lives away from each other in a long distance relationship it’s natural that you develop some of your once-laudable independent tendencies. Proceed with caution, however, since she’s going to be developing the same independent instincts. Stories will begin to revolve around people you’ve never heard of and she’ll begin to take on certain characteristics you won’t recognize. Your role will change slightly as well. In a proximal relationship of this caliber, most of your free time is spent with each other.

    If you were in charge of planning dates and filling free time, someone else is going to be filling that role. It’s not an attack against you, so try not to show too much jealousy. Let her know you still care and love your role in her life, but you can’t be an anchor from hundreds of miles away.
    long-distance lovin'

    When it comes to long-distance relationships the name of the game is prioritizing what’s important to the both of you. If it’s family or a relationship that you find occupying the top spot, great, but you’ll have to sacrifice your career a little bit. If you are both career-oriented people and can put your relationship on the back burner for a while, then a long-distance relationship may be for you. It’s all about weighing the ups and downs associated with what you want from your life.


    [/FONT]
     
  13. hypoc8

    hypoc8 Member

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    I've done two and I've promised myself I'll never do another, they're just to painful and stressful. The first one lasted seven months the second only two. I do think that they can work but both parties have to want it to, one person trying to make it just doesn't cut it.

    I guess it all boils down to how bad do you want it.
     
  14. Hellboy0

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    Keep at it, buddy.

    My partner and I met almost 17 years ago (anniversary coming up in mid January). He was visiting San Francisco (from Perth Australia)... I was coming out of a 'I only fuck, don't date' phase...and voila. Sparks!

    We did the Cross-Ocean Loooooooooooooong Distance relationship thing for over a year before getting all the paperwork together so I could move to Australia. Took another year to get here.

    We've had a recent 1 year separation when he had to stay in Melbourne while I moved to Perth to set up our home and my biz...so I DO know what a long distance relationship is all about.

    They only work if you MAKE them work and it takes two. I reckon if you can't do it long distance with them, you couldn't do it with them if they were in the same city, either.

    By the way, on the trust front, I recommend anyone going in to a LDR to keep a healthy 'don't ask, don't tell' attitude until you both get to the point of making the monogamy decision...that is IF you decide to make that decision (it's not for every relationship). Treat the time apart no different that if you were dating someone who lived next door. And be sure that when you two are together, you play together.

    You two make the rules, not anyone else.
     
    #14 Hellboy0, Dec 21, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2008
  15. Principessa

    Gold Member

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  16. hypoc8

    hypoc8 Member

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  17. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I've dated guys that were deployed during our relationship, and we did do a lot of chatting online and e-mail. We also exchanged notebooks where we would draw or write thoughts--clothes, he sent me a sweater that he wore at night (I slept in it), and I sent him one of his tee shirts after I wore it, panties (don't ask), so he could smell me... exchanging personal items definitely kept us close.

    I agree, twelve years is a bit extreme, long before then one of us would of had to move or I would have ended the relationship. :shrug:
    Personally, I've never been one for voluntary long distance relationships - just think it is best to keep it local. However, for the right person, I'd be open to it, but again, after a year (two at most), one of us would have to move.
     
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