long distance relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov, Dec 13, 2009.

  1. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    For those who have or had LDR, please share your experience.

    I have never had one, but seem to entering one...
     
  2. D_Geaffartson_Glandhammer

    D_Geaffartson_Glandhammer Account Disabled

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    I've only had a few NSA long distance relationships, not serious attachments. Pretty fun if you both have a mic/webcam.
     
  3. NotSoDumb_Blonde

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    Mmmm, well, I'd just say be cautious. What kind of long term/long distance relationship? As in another country? Or another state? See each other often? Once a year?

    Those things mean a great deal.
     
  4. nudeyorker

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    A great deal depends on the distance and the frequency that you get to spend time together. My current partner and I had a LDR for the first couple of years from NYC to Pittsburgh. It was not really an insurmountable distance and we were able to go back and forth fairly easily. We are currently having one between NYC, LA and Honolulu. The big trick is planning your time together and not just playing it by ear so that you have definite times scheduled that you can look forward to together.
    You have to make the best possible use of the time you spend together to help compensate for the time you spend apart.
    Constant communication is one of the most important factors to making it work. It is never easy but if you are both willing to commit to it working it will. Last and most likely most important... You have to have a timetable in place where you are going to be together and not at a distance or I'm not sure it could ever work but I don't know the details or your situation only my own.
    Good Luck... keep us posted!
     
  5. eyescream

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    Never had one and don't believe in them. I suppose it depends on how long the duration of not being together is going to be. I know some people who have chosen to invest in long distance relationships and none have lasted.

    I'm not saying it's impossible but very few people can maintain one.
     
  6. helgaleena

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    They are hard to keep alive unless both parties continually work to make it live.

    My ex and I had one until we had it turn putrid around us, 'for the sake of the children'.

    I am in one now via the Internet, but in that one we both met online and so do not have as many false expectations about what it 'ought' to be like.

    Much worse are relationships when you are with each other day in and day out and secretly wish the other would leave, believe me. Distance can keep mystery and surprise alive, on the positive side.
     
  7. VanillaTwist

    VanillaTwist New Member

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    Long distance relationships are very difficult. Mine recently ended after a year and a half of happiness. In a span of two weeks it went from "We're gonna live happily after!" into "Hi! I haven't heard from you in a while, I miss you! ...Um, have you been ignoring me lately? Can we talk this over and work this out?" "It's over, I don't love you anymore." "Oh, okay. "

    Long distance only works if both parties try to make it work, just like any normal relationship. If one side becomes distant they're not going to magically embrace the other side and say "We'll get through this!" They're most likely going to break the other persons heart into pieces, leaving the other person wondering what the hell just happened.

    But if both sides are pretty loyal and don't mind the loneliness, there's a chance they could work.
    It's not like a friendship where you can ignore your friends for a while and then catch up with them later, or moving across the country away from family. You'll always be family to them. But in a relationship, if one side is tired of being too far away they'll say goodbye, and you should always be prepared for that even if you think "It won't happen to us! We're invincible!"
     
    #7 VanillaTwist, Dec 13, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  8. the_reverend

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    very difficult. only attempted one with my last girlfriend. we were together for a year and a half and then moved to opposite ends of the country, sort of doing an open long distance thing. the tension of settling into our new locales and not being able to see each other just caused us to fight all the time and eventually drove us apart.

    on the other hand, i've had a few friends who've really made it work and are still with that person, now living together or married. so it depends on your personalities and what you can put up with and for how long...
     
  9. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I've never had a relationship start out as long distance, but have had boyfriends that were deployed and that was tough because there was no consistent contact. Meaning, I could not pick up a phone and call when I needed to hear his voice and internet access was spotty. I do not think I will do that again.

    Current BF is in Asia right now and I miss him terribly. Again, we have an issue with time differences and not being able to call at will. But, we do make sure to talk pretty much daily.

    Imo, if you're in the same region or country it isn't that bad and totally workable. Being on a different continent, however, will really kick your ass. Try to discuss and come to an agreement about expectations on behavior when not together.
     
  10. Countryguy63

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    Like others have said, it really does depend on your personality. For me, it's the lonlines that is the most difficult.
     
  11. D_Doe_Ray_Mi

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    I've had several at different times in life, between marriages and since. Most recent Colorado to Vegas. It was great fun rendezvousing one place or another every few weeks and talked on the phone hours everyday. Like a honeymoon every month for a year until her jealousy about my other platonic female friendships put her over the edge. They can work for awhile but for me part of what I love about relationship is the "daily dance" that is absent via phone and even by today's web tech. Also had a LDR with an amazing woman in San Diego for about a year. She had been a PB Bunny and had a big consulting group business but did not want Colorado and I could not live in the city much less So CA. Her clock was also ticking loudly about kids. Too soon in a relationship for me. My experience is that they can be fun for awhile but tend to peter out over need to compromise.
     
    #11 D_Doe_Ray_Mi, Dec 14, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2009
  12. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

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    Oh man, I'm in one right now with a wonderful girl from here. We've been together for a year now and will be together again in three days. She lives in LA, and I live in Texas. I never imagined it would be as hard as it is, but if you know you love that person and can't imagine going a day without hearing their voice or knowing that they are a part of your life, you can make it work. The hardest thing for me was the honeymoon phase of the relationship drifting away as we became familiar with each other and that newness wore off. Having that happen and not having that person near you all the time adds to the difficulty. But you get through it with communication and LOTS of it. If you can keep things fresh, new and exciting, then you maintain interest in one another. So make sure to make every moment you have together count!

    I love her and can't imagine not having her in my life. It's hard work and can be scary at times, but you keep each other strong and have to be willing to work on it to keep things fresh. We're both honest with each other and hold nothing back. No secrets. The best thing you can do can sometimes be the hardest, but let them know how you feel and what you're feeling, don't be afraid to open up.

    If the love is there it will drive you to make the relationship happen and give it lasting power.
     
    #12 D_Jurgen Klitgaard, Dec 14, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  13. Principessa

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    I've never had one that wasn't, the longest lasted 12 years. It's hard, and depending upon the distance quite expensive. It's not something I am itching to do again. Next time, I'd like to live in the same town as the man I am dating.
     
  14. BikerBear

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    I did... and ended up marrying my partner. I'm American, he's British; and that was 5 years ago. You know when you've met your soulmate/life partner/whateveryouwanttocallit.... :biggrin1:
     
  15. Nekoman

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    The Roman poet Sextus Propertius gave us the earliest form of this saying in Elegies:
    "Always toward absent lovers love's tide stronger flows."
    [​IMG]The contemporary version appears first as the title of an anonymous English poem in 1602. It wasn't until the 19th century that the phrase began to be used more widely, with Thomas Haynes Bayly's (1797-1839) song Isle of Beauty, published posthumously in 1850:
    "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, Isle of Beauty, Fare thee well!"
     
  16. pendelum

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    It indeed is all about the level of connection you have established with your partner. You both need to sit down and discuss the dynamics of your relationship before either departs.

    I am currently in one and we are deeply in love and speak daily. It is and can be very difficult because in my situation I was physically with this person for a little over three years and but was aware of the fact that they were leaving and WE established that the absence is but a mere fraction of the time you two will be spending together overall. We both have established that we want to be with one another for the rest of our lives regardless of temporary setbacks which will only enable living more comfortable lives.

    If you want it to work then it will work. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder and there have been many nights when I cried myself to sleep in wanting my significant other to be where the bed now holds an empty place. Visiting each other helps tremendously and also to make for EPIC SEX when you finally do see one another.
    I know if will be difficult for you but you have to be mindful that there is nothing in this world that will be set before you in life that you can't deal with. You just have to remain focused and positive. All else will fall into place.

    Good Luck!
     
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