Long distance relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by headbang8, Jan 22, 2005.

  1. headbang8

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    My boy and I are about to embark on a long-distance relationship. We've known each other for four and a half years and been living together for about 18 months.

    I think we've got things pretty together--home-base purchased here in Tokyo, career timeline planned so he can join me in about 18 months, even vague retirement plans in order.

    We're not fusssed about it; we're in our forties, and while we have an active sex life, it ain't like we need to jump each other's bones every minute of the day. But I still imagine that it will be tough.

    Anyone else have experience with an LDR? Love to hear your stories.
     
  2. txquis

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    Yes, I am well acquainted with these.
    Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

    For me...if there is a true bond, if you are really in love and the relationship
    is already cemented and established, it can weather a long distance thing.

    The times that this has not worked as well for me is when it was
    a purely sexual thing, or we had not had enough time face to face.
     
  3. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    Like txquis said, if you think the ove is true, it can totally happen and work out fine. Just keep in touch and visit whenever possible :) I've been in one before, lasted 3 years without even meeting, but eventually we went our separate ways (only because we were young, not saying the love ran out or whatever) But we still talk. Distance, of all things, shouldn't be able to break wreal love, and it seems like you two have it all set! Just my say on the topic.
     
  4. surferboy

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    Kon'nichi wa! Ogenki desu ka?

    I'd say the biggest ingredient, next to love, would be faith in yer partner. But like, I've never been in a long distance relationship, so I really dunno. Good luck though.
     
  5. headbang8

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    Many thanks for your optimism, Phoenix. And the answer to your question is that getsuyobi, I was so genki, even the crack of gyouten wasn't safe. But we went out last night to an izakaya in our new neighbourhood, and drank too much o-sake, so I'm suffering a futsukayoi and distinctly ma-ma desu. In fact, Ore wa crap no load desu. Mendokusai, ne?.
     
  6. surferboy

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    Many thanks for your optimism, Phoenix. And the answer to your question is that getsuyobi, I was so genki, even the crack of gyouten wasn't safe. But we went out last night to an izakaya in our new neighbourhood, and drank too much o-sake, so I'm suffering a futsukayoi and distinctly ma-ma desu. In fact, Ore wa crap no load desu. Mendokusai, ne?.
    [post=276723]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    Ah! I don't know that much Japanese yet! I only know "Hello, how are you?" and "Welcome to _____" But I am learning!
     
  7. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    That's about all i can say too lol. and i understand or dont understand. I used to be able to order food in japanese, but ive forgotten how :p (Japanese = favorite food)
     
  8. zzorus

    zzorus New Member

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    My boy and I are about to embark on a long-distance relationship. We've known each other for four and a half years and been living together for about 18 months.

    I think we've got things pretty together--home-base purchased here in Tokyo, career timeline planned so he can join me in about 18 months, even vague retirement plans in order.

    We're not fusssed about it; we're in our forties, and while we have an active sex life, it ain't like we need to jump each other's bones every minute of the day. But I still imagine that it will be tough.

    Anyone else have experience with an LDR? Love to hear your stories.
    [post=276482]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/quote]

    Mine did not work out in the end . But it seems to me yours will.

    Here is an extract from what I wrote in an earlier thread ( Romantic Life in this same issue area)

    "Then I met a beautiful man, a really beautiful man. I could not believe that a man as beautiful as he could like me, let alone love me. I experienced far more happiness than I could ever have dreamed possible for me.
    But there was a problem: we lived on different continents. But we managed an emotional life together despite the distance: we had a few weeks together each year. And those weeks were what I lived for.
    We later tried to move to each other’s countries, but could not do so, basically for practical/ employment/visa reasons.
    We tried, but our relationship failed. But it was worth the attempt. It was an unconditional loving relationship, even though it did not last more than 5 years. I think of him and miss him every day.
    I know I have had a rich and fulfilling emotional life though it has had its rollercoaster aspects.
    So I will end where I began: some of the posts in this forum have been really helpful and enlightening for me. I hope this one in turn may help others."

    Despite the distance and difficulties, it was the best, the most exciting, the most fulfilling and greatest relationship of my life so far, and despite the heartache, I do not regret it at all( except that it does not continue today). We only had short periods of time together, but they were super-charged.

    But your circumstances are very different: you seem to have it all well thought out. And maturity makes a difference too!
    And what a difference modern communications can make: email, internet, web cam and so on.

    Honestly, it seems to me that you will have no trouble with LDR given what you have said! All the best to you both,
    John
     
  9. jonb

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    Ah! I don't know that much Japanese yet! I only know "Hello, how are you?" and "Welcome to _____" But I am learning!
    [post=276845]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]
    Okay,
    getsuyobi = Monday (literally moon-day)
    gyouten = dawn (I think.)
    izakaya = tavern
    o-sake = sake (duhh . . .)
    futsukayoi = hangover
    ma-ma desu = it was distinctly so-so
    ore wa crap no load desu = it was a load of crap
    Mendokusai, ne? = Was it too much trouble?
     
  10. surferboy

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    Okay,
    getsuyobi = Monday (literally moon-day)
    gyouten = dawn (I think.)
    izakaya = tavern
    o-sake = sake (duhh . . .)
    futsukayoi = hangover
    ma-ma desu = it was distinctly so-so
    ore wa crap no load desu = it was a load of crap
    Mendokusai, ne? = Was it too much trouble?
    [post=277046]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]



    Thanks!
     
  11. jonb

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    Here's a good (albeit incomplete) Japanese dictionary. The nice thing about it is that it's ISO-Latin-1-compatible.

    http://kanjisite.com/

    Oh, and a word useful for this group would be chinpo.
     
  12. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    About all I remember is moshi-moshi[ ('excuse, excuse') is how to answer the phone, and Matte! means 'Stop!'. Nippon-go is not a language of mine. And reading Kanji? Forget it. I'm not too bad with hiragana and katakana. I can pronounce the syllables, but I don't know what I'm saying!
     
  13. surferboy

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    It's nihon-go :p
     
  14. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    lol, your all lucky to at least know that much! i feel dumb now :p
     
  15. headbang8

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    jonb, where were you when I needed you? I'm about to leave Japan, and suddenly appears one of the best Japanese learner's sites I've seen. It sure beats the textbook I used, Japanese for Busy People I, the officially sanctioned textbook of the All-Japan Language Teachers' Association, and thus guaranteed to be useless.

    Have you studied Japanese, jon? Because yours is generally better than mine, and I've lived here for over four years. Mind you, I suspect yours comes from a literary source (like hentai, maybe?).

    Mine is learned from cab-drivers, dry cleaners, an elderly neighbour's housekeeper--my building has a slow elevator and it gave time for some great lessons--and barfly pals who use a smattering of Japanese to get laid.

    Effectively, I don't speak Japanese in any real sense. I live in a little cocoon of English. My utterly efficient and thoroughly obliging secretary deals with the gas company, the phone company, the tax office (total pussycats) and the DMV. Thanks to her, I have a Japanese driver's license without speaking a word of Japanese--though I did have to sit through a perplexing road safety film, which the authorities seemed not to care that I didn't understand.

    My Japanese boyfriend has zero patience for my faltering attempts. Early in our relationship, we were getting out of a cab, and I was paying (BTW ni-sen haku-yen deshita--let all you nihongo smartypants figure it out) and as the driver told me the fare, I replied with arigato gozaimas-SHITA. That's "thank you", but in the past tense. The past tense kicks in early in Japanese; you never say "I understand" in reply to an instruction, it's always "I understood." Anyway, he berates me. "You can't say that! He was still giving you the change! You had another round of thank-you's to give! Don't EVER embarass me like that again! Just let ME do the talking!"

    After that, I gave up. Masa does cab drivers, and Junko-san does the gas company.

    But there are a few bits of usage where I might offer a man-on-the-dori opinion.

    jonb, hentai fans need to know that ore is male slang for watashi. ore wa...desu is a male way of saying "I am..." So my opinion of my state of mind was that I am (as you correctly identified) a load of crap. Lots of female Japanese teachers (including mine) teach the watashi wa.. usage, and that's the grammatically correct term. But only girls use it. NEVER say watashi wa... unless you want to be taken for a girl. One of my favourite gay bars is called Ore Ore; not even nancies use watashi.;

    DMW, moshi mohshi actually means "I'm speaking, I'm speaking". There's an annnoying (to westerners) habit throughout Asia for the person who picks up the receiver not to speak first. Many Vietnamese, for example, pick up the reciever and wait for the person who's initiated the call (who, after all, is the party with something to say) to say something. I think moshi moshi is a modern habit adopted in a world of mobiles and answering machines, where one actually needs to know that a real person has answered.

    Matte doen't actually mean "stop" but "wait". Hence, when you're in a shop and the salesperson goes out to the back room to check if what you want is in stock, s/he says chotto matte or "a little wait".

    And mendokusai is a very common and versatile Japanese word which means "tedious". Often used for people who are, in English, insufferable. I found my hangover quite insufferable, and thus used the word. By the way, did you know that the word for hangover in German is tomcat?

    And ne simply means "isn't it?" or the Canadian "eh?". A habit I picked up from my Kobe-jin boyfriend--it's particularly common in kansai-ben, the dialect around ōsaka.

    I was going to buy into this discussion when it was raised in another thread, where everyone was talking about haiku, the dullest form of poetry on the planet, IMHO, but I never did.

    doubltless_mouse needs to contribute his ¥2 on this subject, I think. He's the lifer.

    hb8, or マ-ティン

    P.S. jonb, maybe ōki-chinpo is a better word. Yes, whenever you westerners walk up to your Oki photocopier, you're using the BIG brand.
     
  16. jonb

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    headbang8:
    My Japanese is, for the most part, mechakucha. (That means absurd, for those who don't know.)
     
  17. Chicago_Swimmer

    Chicago_Swimmer New Member

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    My now wife and I dated when she lived in London and I in Chicago. We flew out to spend long weekends on alternating months. We racked up a lot of mileage points. Sept. 11th occured during the middle of our dating. If there was anything positive from that horror it was that we were able to see each other more often because of cheaper flights.

    We did this for a month and a half before we married in London. We now live in Chicago. Besides all the travel and continuous jet lag we would talk on the phone almost everyday, email constantly and write letters. It is an inconvenient way to date someone, but she was worth it.

    PS. Distance really creates a sexual fire. It was always fun trying to put that fire out when we were together.

    Best of luck.
     
  18. godiluvabig1

    godiluvabig1 New Member

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    I'm kinda in a long-distance relationship at the moment... when I was in louisiana, I was living with my boyfriend, but then he fucked up really bad (got pissed and said that when I leave for basic training, that was it, and that hit a sore spot), so I moved to my grandparents' house in Florida... it's funny, cuz he calls me every day to tell me he loves me and is trying to get me back...

    I'm just curious to see how far he'll go to get me back... I love him dearly, but he really hurt me when he said that...

    But if he really loves me, he won't give up, and I know that, so when the two of you are separate, and the love is as strong as it seems, it'll work out... like a part of a poem I wrote one time about him when he pissed me off:

    "But despite everything I've written hitherto
    I'm still quite deeply in love with you
    'Cause when you're really in love with someone
    You love them despite all the stupid shit they've done"

    (by the way, if you've never heard the word hitherto, it means up until now or previously...)
     
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