Long Relationships Still A Thing?

2

2461931

Guest
After years of searching for a male partner I'm starting to think relationships are a thing of the past or something that was simply used to sell crappy books and movies. It seems like most men nowadays are just hardwired to be raging whores who ram their dicks into anything that lays there long enough. The need for a long lasting meaningful relationship seems to have been replaced with whatever perverted sex act they see on pornhub esp for men in my age group (I'll be 37 in August). When I talk to some guys about relationships on line and offline the majority seem to think that I'm wanting to be a fairy tale princess looking for prince charming to sweep me off my feet and marry me in a extremely overpriced wedding. That is not the case as I don't even desire a wedding. I just want to have a decent guy that actually knows what love is and desires it as much as I do that I can travel through this chaotic thing called life with. Dying alone as an unloved old man scares the crap outta me and is very depressing. Do men in 2020 want to be in relationships or be hoes? Am I living in a dream world wanting a partner?


PS: Yes...I know...I'm asking this question on a porn site. This is the only forum I know of where people will actually reply and be honest.
 
1

1373428

Guest
I think u know the answer to your question, it’s not the answer that u want to hear.

Yes, long term, lasting, meaningful relationships r a thing of the past....it’s sad to know but it’s true.

The last long term, lasting, meaningful relationships I know of r my grandparents. Grandpa died a few months just right after the 50 anniversary w/c left my grandma broken-hearted until she joined him 18 years after.

If u r lucky enough to find a real gem out there (especially in gay relationships), I believe it’s a constant struggle.

My belief is that in a relationship, whether straight or gay should b “equal”, there can’t b just one person doing the sacrifices, loving, caring, trusting, etc... there should b two people sharing their lives together as one.

No gay man in 2000 wanted to hear the “word” marriage, ring on the finger...through sickness or health, happiness or sadness...etc.

For a few of us who just want to live-in (w/ no love) but plenty of sex, there’s plenty of men out there who wanted to live-in w/o commitment or love...they call that open marriages.

I’ve been looking for true love (now) for 5+years, still unsuccessful. I have to close the door (on this)soon...in a few months or a year...just move on ...consider myself that I failed n accept the fact that dying alone is not really that bad...I know I’m not the first gay man to die alone and unloved.

I think you need to make peace w/ yourself first of all... accept the things u did in the past...continue loving yourself through it all ❤️
 

fwh

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 12, 2009
Posts
2,121
Media
639
Likes
18,502
Points
543
Location
France
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
After years of searching for a male partner I'm starting to think relationships are a thing of the past or something that was simply used to sell crappy books and movies. It seems like most men nowadays are just hardwired to be raging whores who ram their dicks into anything that lays there long enough. The need for a long lasting meaningful relationship seems to have been replaced with whatever perverted sex act they see on pornhub esp for men in my age group (I'll be 37 in August). When I talk to some guys about relationships on line and offline the majority seem to think that I'm wanting to be a fairy tale princess looking for prince charming to sweep me off my feet and marry me in a extremely overpriced wedding. That is not the case as I don't even desire a wedding. I just want to have a decent guy that actually knows what love is and desires it as much as I do that I can travel through this chaotic thing called life with. Dying alone as an unloved old man scares the crap outta me and is very depressing. Do men in 2020 want to be in relationships or be hoes? Am I living in a dream world wanting a partner?


PS: Yes...I know...I'm asking this question on a porn site. This is the only forum I know of where people will actually reply and be honest.

If you want to find a dream man for a long-term relationship, you sometimes need to be patient. I got to know my partner in 1987, but it was only since 1992 that we became a couple after a chance encounter. Maybe you shouldn't look too much for the prince so that you can recognize the right one when he stands in front of you.
 
5

5307911

Guest
Yes, long term, lasting, meaningful relationships r a thing of the past....it’s sad to know but it’s true.



No gay man in 2000 wanted to hear the “word” marriage, ring on the finger...through sickness or health, happiness or sadness...etc.
*cough* Bullshit *cough*

-All- of my gay friends are in long term relationships. Myself, I've been with my partner for over a decade, and we are going strong.

If you are cruising online hookup sites, using the usual dial-a-fuck phone Apps, prowling the bars, etc, then you are not in the right area for finding someone who is thinking about building a meaningful relationship.

A relationship takes time. Finding someone who is compatible takes time.

Most importantly, you should work on YOU before opening your door to let someone else in. Enjoy your life. Be healthy, both physically and mentally. Build your communication and understanding skills. One of the biggest killers of any partnership is not being able to communicate. Be that positive person that other people want to be around.

I find that real relationships happen by accident. One day, you are just out there living your life, and BAM! you meet someone, laugh together, and realize there is a spark.

Actively hunting on Grindr or Squirt, or whatever else, is not going to land you anyone or anything outside of a brief orgasm.
 
6

622675

Guest
After years of searching for a male partner I'm starting to think relationships are a thing of the past or something that was simply used to sell crappy books and movies. It seems like most men nowadays are just hardwired to be raging whores who ram their dicks into anything that lays there long enough. The need for a long lasting meaningful relationship seems to have been replaced with whatever perverted sex act they see on pornhub esp for men in my age group (I'll be 37 in August). When I talk to some guys about relationships on line and offline the majority seem to think that I'm wanting to be a fairy tale princess looking for prince charming to sweep me off my feet and marry me in a extremely overpriced wedding. That is not the case as I don't even desire a wedding. I just want to have a decent guy that actually knows what love is and desires it as much as I do that I can travel through this chaotic thing called life with. Dying alone as an unloved old man scares the crap outta me and is very depressing. Do men in 2020 want to be in relationships or be hoes? Am I living in a dream world wanting a partner?


PS: Yes...I know...I'm asking this question on a porn site. This is the only forum I know of where people will actually reply and be honest.

OP
If you are sitting there composing your question with honest desire(s) then you can bet that you are not the only one thinking as you do. Odds are very high that other guys are out there reading your post with the same questions. That doesn’t mean they will all be a match for you, but as a group you will all share a number of common visions.

First thing to agree on are some standards. And one of the first to nail down is what “long term” means. Long term should mean life. If you are thinking in any other terms, you are not serious. Fact is, you are trying to “have it both ways”. It may turn out that you each go your separate ways but this should occur as a last resort.

Having it both ways is another concept that needs clarification. If a significant part of your “best-ever” relationship plan includes constant “back door” escape planning, then you will never succeed. You can always split and walk away, but if that feature of the relationship is not on the very back shelf, then you are not going to work for (effort, sacrifice, compromise) a strong loving relationship.

Finally, you and your partner need to be clear on what this business of effort, sacrifice, and compromise is all about in a relationship? What it means is that you care enough for your partner that you are willing to focus on him, understand his needs and aspirations, and work to help him succeed, or grow. Maslow calls it self-actualization.

(Good read at https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html#intro)

Don’t miss the list of 15 characteristics of a self-acutlizers about half way through the article.

This is a two way street. He needs to be treating you with the same kind of interest and support you give to him.

Anything short of this in a loving relationship is sliding down the curve toward failure and fails to meet the test of being committed.

Does this mean both you and your partner should have the same interest, friends, skills, or energy levels? Answer is NO, but some overlap is a good thing.

Does it mean that either of you can’t be interested, excited, or amused at some Pornhub perversion. Absolutely NO! Hopefully you two can watch it together and freely express your feeling. If it works for the two of you then perhaps experiment. That is how you grow together. And most of all you cant be afraid to know what the other thinks. You cant be afraid of each other. No games!
 
1

1373428

Guest
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and I hope to marry him one day and live happily ever after. I don't think it is wrong to want to be loved and I don't think your sexuality should play a role in that desire.

I’m glad u have a success story;)
 
D

deleted1074483

Guest
yes they absolutely exist for sure. But I think the dating world has changed and guys who are looking for the same are harder to find - whether that's for l/t or s/t or hear and now relationships. That's probably the biggest thing I've noticed over the years.
Apps take away the 'chase' or just random meet ups in pubs and clubs that we had 'back in the day' and a lot of guys make dates but then don't turn up or ghost someone after one meet. There's too much choice and if you're after a particular type of guy then you may need to open up how and where you look for a relationship.

At 37 you're still a young guy so don't lose hope, and ensure that you send out the right vibe or signals, be happy with yourself on your own first and like yourself first and it'll show to other guys around you; if you're feeling down or negative about it that will also show.

And of course a relationship takes time to properly develop, you may fall in lust or love easily, but moving that to a longer term thing takes time, work, patience etc.

finally you do have to put yourself out there, be open to what may come along and be brave enough to take up opportunities. As an example my current bf was working on the estate where I live and he chatted me up and he's said since it was literally the hardest bravest thing he'd ever done as I don't particularly present as a gay man but 9months later we're still together and we're both open to see where it goes longer term.

good luck
 
1

1373428

Guest
What do u mean by is Long Relationships still a thing?

Def it changed, depends on who u talk to.

With modern advances n technology, gays born 10-20 years ago thinks differently from gays born 2-3 years ago or gays born 30-40 years before them...different strokes for different folks...

Bottom line is, there could b a few long term relationships out there that end in happily ever after, but for some it may not...they don’t care at all.

Is long relationship a thing of the past...come on...millennial gays r not into marriages n long term commitments...they just want to Fuck, no commitments or relationships ;).
 

Infernal

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Posts
3,564
Media
7
Likes
5,138
Points
593
Age
54
Location
Phoenix, Arizona, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I got married 6 years ago at the age of 45. We had been together for 6 years and in July will celebrate 12 years together.
Two things - I’ve found when you stop putting a ton of effort into meeting someone you’re only going to meet the wrong people. Second - sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone to meet the right person. Otherwise your back to number 1 where you’re meeting the wrong ones.
 
  • Like
Reactions: adrian0883
1

1373428

Guest
I have changed through the years when it comes to my ideal mate, yes I do step out of my shyness and see what I will catch w/ my different attitude.

Im still single, have been looking for Mr. Right for about 6 years now.

I wanted to find someone around my age, but there’s no takers, I get hit by younger men (here) who doesn’t have any idea of what commitments and real long lasting relationships. r.

I was brought up from a straight home, but broken family...I’m from a different time, def nothing similar of the gays we have nowadays.

It is sad to think that my boat has sailed and that I missed meeting my Prince Charming.

What I have inside me is bitterness and sadness especially when I see and hear wonderful (gay) love stories...it is hard to explain but not having a positive outlook in life really tore me apart and now that I’m looking for meaningful love...I can’t seem to find it.
 
4

4388301

Guest
Partner and I are in our 30s. Been together comin' up on 7 years. Known each other/been close friends for years prior..
 
  • Like
Reactions: adrian0883
5

5307911

Guest
I was brought up from a straight home, but broken family...I’m from a different time, def nothing similar of the gays we have nowadays.
I think most of us grew up with heterosexual rolemodels, like today's youth. Yes, there is generally a more supportive environment, but that depends on where you live. Smaller communities, conservative states or countries, even just living in a religious family as part of a pocket community in an area that is generally accepting.. it isn't Nirvanna for this generation either.

Also, broken homes still exist as well. A lot of us here come from them. Many of us did not have it easy coming out as gay (or whatever) which also may have caused rejection, expulsion, or worse. All of this still continues. There is a very high suicide rate among the community even to this day.

Having people online, or in some various media, saying, "It gets better!" doesn't actually make it better. It makes for a nice bumper sticker. It does not improve someone's current situation who is in an abusive/toxic environment. When I was younger, I knew there were gay people out there having a great time as well, but that didn't stop my current home situation, or make me not take 2 bottles of pills when I was 16.

Somewhere along the line I found a better environment and I healed. Well, heal as much as I could. I still have emotional scars, and anxiety issues. But, I am functional, and am able to maintain a healthy personal space, as well as a relationship space. It still isn't easy. Sometimes it still takes a bit of reflection and work, realizing that maybe my current mind space or behavior are linked to what I went through. So yeah, I know what coming from a broken space feels like as well.

It is sad to think that my boat has sailed and that I missed meeting my Prince Charming.

What I have inside me is bitterness and sadness especially when I see and hear wonderful (gay) love stories...it is hard to explain but not having a positive outlook in life really tore me apart and now that I’m looking for meaningful love...I can’t seem to find it.
Talk to someone. Whatever is bottled up inside you..get it out. I would say talk to a friend, but it sounds like the degree of what you are feeling would be better shared with a professional. Finding a mature support group may be a great idea to share your experiences in an open, supportive environment. It is not too late. There are many mature people who are active and thriving in the community. Get healthy, then get out there.
 
5

5307911

Guest
To @DearHeart1980

Also, here are a couple of links to groups in your area you may want to take a look at:

Lavender Seniors as well as PFlag.

If anything, they are people to talk to, who have connections that may be helpful. It can really improve your personal mindspace to simply know you are not alone, and that other people are in the same boat.

I wish you the best.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1373428
1

1373428

Guest
To @DearHeart1980

Also, here are a couple of links to groups in your area you may want to take a look at:

Lavender Seniors as well as PFlag.

If anything, they are people to talk to, who have connections that may be helpful. It can really improve your personal mindspace to simply know you are not alone, and that other people are in the same boat.

I wish you the best.

Thanks 4 the links. I’ll try it once the stay at home order ends...also, might get into their newsletters.

I have read threads here (when I was new), i.e. about gays looking for love, alone n single etc...I know that I’m not alone and that this is very normal to a lot of gay men...sad but true.

I have really, really bad days and a few good ones.

The waiting is killing me. Those who didn’t wait probably killed themselves....I understand and wont dare to judge anyone coz I know the feeling.
 
  • Like
Reactions: BateBro420

BBB2.5

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Posts
9,136
Media
127
Likes
18,398
Points
468
Age
58
Location
Unadilla, Georgia, United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Long lasting relationship do exist. I have been with my man going on 23 yrs now. Legally married in 2015. We met through a magazine paper personal ad, it was mine. No pictures to look at, just a small paragraph about me and what I like to do. It was primitive compared to today outlets....LOL..... He and I talked on the phone for about 2 months before we actually met. This allowed us time to get to know each other first, without the physical aspect. When we met for the first time, I thought he was cute, but there were no "sparks" at first. We continued to talk on the phone and go out on dates. As time went by everything changed. I grew attracted to who he was on inside first, the physical came 2nd. He turned out to be My Everything Man... Love is out there , you still plenty of time for you to find your "Everything Man" ..... Don't put so much into searching for the type of guy you think will make you happy..... Happiness comes when you least expect it.