After years of searching for a male partner I'm starting to think relationships are a thing of the past or something that was simply used to sell crappy books and movies. It seems like most men nowadays are just hardwired to be raging whores who ram their dicks into anything that lays there long enough. The need for a long lasting meaningful relationship seems to have been replaced with whatever perverted sex act they see on pornhub esp for men in my age group (I'll be 37 in August). When I talk to some guys about relationships on line and offline the majority seem to think that I'm wanting to be a fairy tale princess looking for prince charming to sweep me off my feet and marry me in a extremely overpriced wedding. That is not the case as I don't even desire a wedding. I just want to have a decent guy that actually knows what love is and desires it as much as I do that I can travel through this chaotic thing called life with. Dying alone as an unloved old man scares the crap outta me and is very depressing. Do men in 2020 want to be in relationships or be hoes? Am I living in a dream world wanting a partner?
PS: Yes...I know...I'm asking this question on a porn site. This is the only forum I know of where people will actually reply and be honest.
OP
If you are sitting there composing your question with honest desire(s) then you can bet that you are not the only one thinking as you do. Odds are very high that other guys are out there reading your post with the same questions. That doesn’t mean they will all be a match for you, but as a group you will all share a number of common visions.
First thing to agree on are some standards. And one of the first to nail down is what “long term” means. Long term should mean life. If you are thinking in any other terms, you are not serious. Fact is, you are trying to “have it both ways”. It may turn out that you each go your separate ways but this should occur as a last resort.
Having it both ways is another concept that needs clarification. If a significant part of your “best-ever” relationship plan includes constant “back door” escape planning, then you will never succeed. You can always split and walk away, but if that feature of the relationship is not on the very back shelf, then you are not going to work for (effort, sacrifice, compromise) a strong loving relationship.
Finally, you and your partner need to be clear on what this business of effort, sacrifice, and compromise is all about in a relationship? What it means is that you care enough for your partner that you are willing to focus on him, understand his needs and aspirations, and work to help him succeed, or grow. Maslow calls it self-actualization.
(Good read at
https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html#intro)
Don’t miss the list of 15 characteristics of a self-acutlizers about half way through the article.
This is a two way street. He needs to be treating you with the same kind of interest and support you give to him.
Anything short of this in a loving relationship is sliding down the curve toward failure and fails to meet the test of being committed.
Does this mean both you and your partner should have the same interest, friends, skills, or energy levels? Answer is NO, but some overlap is a good thing.
Does it mean that either of you can’t be interested, excited, or amused at some Pornhub perversion. Absolutely NO! Hopefully you two can watch it together and freely express your feeling. If it works for the two of you then perhaps experiment. That is how you grow together. And most of all you cant be afraid to know what the other thinks. You cant be afraid of each other. No games!