Longing Across the Gym

[Smaccoms]

Yeah, I'm gonna try to say something. If at the very least 'hi'... although it just seems/feels weird to me to talk to someone i dont know lol. My brain understands that this is how we meet people and get to know them, but everything else in my body shudders at the thought of initiating contact lol. I'm weird*shrug*

Luckily I dont think he showers at the gym, so I've never seen him naked or shirtless. Just is very nice arms and legs and face and....Off track. Dunno if I'd be able to not stare if he were standing in front of me naked lol.

The friend route must've def been a big help. Wish i had an 'in' with him, but i dont. I think what worries me is his reaction to the 'hi'? I'm not a social butterfly in the least. Thinking about it makes me panicky lol

Don't even think about his reaction then. Do NOT psych yourself up like that. Whatever you say just keep it simple. Don't feel as if you have to give a reason for going up and talking to him either. He seems like a cool guy and you wanted to introduce yourself. If you want to lengthen any conversation you have just look for common ground and expand on it. Do not plan responses--that sort of thing is better if you "go with the flow" because your first instinct is usually the best way to go.

 

[Smaccoms]

If you want to know more about flirting (or anything else, remember this channel):

How To Flirt - YouTube

I find the fiddling tip quite helpful; it's incredible how quickly people pick up on it, especially when the guy is older and more experienced.

 

[B_debonair87]

i'm not shy and am very social so i don't know what else to tell you but to put yourself out there. last saturday i found myself striking up a convo with some kid in the sauna about phone reception (he was texting in the sauna)

but yea if all you're planning to say is 'hi' you might as well just forget about it and keep it as fantasy. i don't see the point of going up t ando talking to someone you're interested in if you aren't planning to get a number or find out about them etc... plus you don't know if this dude is gay.

 

[bstexas]

Pink ... you mentioned this way earlier. Maybe you SHOULD take off your ear buds. I see people with them on all the time at the gym. They are getting their groove on and into their workout. They don't want to be bothered. I guess that's you TOO, right? Does he wear ear buds? Check next time to see. If you take yours off at least he will know if he responds to a "hey" you will be able to hear him.

And as far as saying something ... you're not trying to start a whole conversation with him. You're just getting his attention, letting him know you are a social person since he has obviously seen you look at him and visa versa.

So stopped being freaked out about not knowing what to say, what to do, etc. This just needs to be a nod of your head, a "hey" as you two are walking past each other from one machine to the next. This will let him know you are willing to at least show interest (with conversation in the future). Just nod and "hey". It may take weeks of this before you even get a reaction and then he might finally respond. Then sometime if you happen to be working out next to each other (and you BOTH have your ear buds off) you give a "how's it going?" or something.

Again, you're not gonna be starting out this whole thing by stopping him in mid workout or mid walk from one machine to another, stand him in front of you and get a big long conversation going. It's just an innocent nod and "hey".

There guys at my gym who are definite fantasy and wank material. A lot of them talk amongst themselves. But there are also more loner ones and we see each other working out week after week or every few weeks. They ask if I'm using a certain machine if I am standing next to it. Or we nod to each other as we walk past each other from the water fountain.

I think you have the whole sexual thing making such an impact on your thoughts that you can't seem to think about the friendship or casual "hello" aspect of this.

And as others have said, even if he is straight, you're at a gym. And guys at gyms are there to get their body into prime shape. So they like to look good and they like compliments. They are there as big colorful peacocks to be looked at and show off their maleness and masculinity. I'm sure most of them are used to a gay guy (if he even KNOWS you're gay) are cool with you saying "hey".

You need to chill a little, take off the damn ear buds when he's there and give that hello nod.

 

[Smaccoms]

but yea if all you're planning to say is 'hi' you might as well just forget about it and keep it as fantasy. i don't see the point of going up t ando talking to someone you're interested in if you aren't planning to get a number or find out about them etc... plus you don't know if this dude is gay.

A lot of men think this when it is simply not true; they make fun of this in fact in some tv shows. Do not listen to him.

 

[Smaccoms]

Excellent post Bstexas; you gave much better advice than I did!

 

[nicecircjob]

Wait around to see when he leaves the gym if he uses the showers. You could wait a few minutes and go to the locker room too. Maybe he could be just as interested in you. Maybe you and he will meet up in the showers. Looking at your avatar you are a reasonably good looking guy yourself. Don't sell yourself short. Do you costomarily use the showers at your gym?
If not, why not?
Good luck.

 

[pinkpineapples]

Okay so, he hasn't been there the pass few days and if he has, not when I'm there. I do workout with my earphones on, but I'd def take them out to say hello. I'm not gonna be rude =P. And I know I should stop fretting, but it's what I do. I'm not good at this kind of stuff, I don't have any friends outside of family really...no gay friends to help me out. It's just me and my brain and my heart all working against each other lol.

I'm def gonna try to say Hello if we cross paths during our workouts. Not going to interrupt him to say hello, but yeah. If it happens. I did talk to someone in the locker room today, although he initiated the conversation (which makes things so much easier for me lol). He needed help w/ the Steam Room, had to go get someone for him. Hopped in the shower came out and he was in the steam room, so I went in and chit chatted for a min. Didn't really know what to say... He mentioned some kind of game lol..I wanted to laugh. My pink underwear and I don't know a thing about sports... Just kinda ended up sitting there quietly lol..

That's my biggest problem. Just, don't know what to say lol.

Got way too hot so I had to bolt. Was hoping to catch him on my way out, but didn't. Wanted to practice lol. But yeah... All I can do is try, I suppose.

Oh and my avatar, Not me lol. It's a snapshot from As The World Turns. Unless you were referring to my album pics? ~

 

[Smaccoms]

That's my biggest problem. Just, don't know what to say lol.

You think it's really but it's not. This is because you psyche yourself out; you think too much and try too hard. Not only does it leave you with nothing to say, but people can sense that you're doing this and it turns them off.

It's not a matter of knowing what to say; this is my point exactly. People who are good at socializing are good because they don't fret. They say their first initial response in their head, while altering it slightly for every unique situation. For example, you said here you and your pink underwear don't know anything about sports. It sounds like that was one of your initial responses to what the guy said. It's totally appropriate to say: "I'm a little too gay to know anything about sports!" in your own way. As long as you keep it appropriate for the situation. This is the art of socializing; it takes practice but it's fun.
The next time this guy starts up a conversation, say what first comes to mind without trying to make him uncomfortable. If he's totally cool with it, it's okay to be more open. If he's not totally cool with it, what was the reason? How could you make it better so it's still true to you without scaring your buddy? It's okay to speak your mind, and is really encouraged it; it's how you make connections!
Some guys are going to be like "Shit! Son of a bitch!" That doesn't automatically mean there's something wrong with you. Some people are just not going to be okay with things you find okay; you have no control over that. Go with the flow, speak your mind and have fun! Trust me, good things will happen...eventually.
I hope this wasn't too long for you!

 

[pinkpineapples]

You think it's really but it's not. This is because you psyche yourself out; you think too much and try too hard. Not only does it leave you with nothing to say, but people can sense that you're doing this and it turns them off.

It's not a matter of knowing what to say; this is my point exactly. People who are good at socializing are good because they don't fret. They say their first initial response in their head, while altering it slightly for every unique situation. For example, you said here you and your pink underwear don't know anything about sports. It sounds like that was one of your initial responses to what the guy said. It's totally appropriate to say: "I'm a little too gay to know anything about sports!" in your own way. As long as you keep it appropriate for the situation. This is the art of socializing; it takes practice but it's fun.
The next time this guy starts up a conversation, say what first comes to mind without trying to make him uncomfortable. If he's totally cool with it, it's okay to be more open. If he's not totally cool with it, what was the reason? How could you make it better so it's still true to you without scaring your buddy? It's okay to speak your mind, and is really encouraged it; it's how you make connections!
Some guys are going to be like "Shit! Son of a bitch!" That doesn't automatically mean there's something wrong with you. Some people are just not going to be okay with things you find okay; you have no control over that. Go with the flow, speak your mind and have fun! Trust me, good things will happen...eventually.
I hope this wasn't too long for you!

No, no. It's good. Quite informative.. Kinda helps me get inside my head from the outside? If that makes sense lol. I need some practice x_X

 

[Smaccoms]

The find a hot guy and start talking to him--NOW!

It does make sense. An outside perspective can show you how silly you're being sometimes, so you can move on and try something new for a change. I know how you feel.

 

[B_debonair87]

smaccoms is trying to get you a black eye. don't listen to him.

just talk about supplements or whey protein

 

[223790]

Okay so, he hasn't been there the pass few days and if he has, not when I'm there. I do workout with my earphones on, but I'd def take them out to say hello. I'm not gonna be rude =P. And I know I should stop fretting, but it's what I do. I'm not good at this kind of stuff, I don't have any friends outside of family really...no gay friends to help me out. It's just me and my brain and my heart all working against each other lol.

I'm def gonna try to say Hello if we cross paths during our workouts. Not going to interrupt him to say hello, but yeah. If it happens. I did talk to someone in the locker room today, although he initiated the conversation (which makes things so much easier for me lol). He needed help w/ the Steam Room, had to go get someone for him. Hopped in the shower came out and he was in the steam room, so I went in and chit chatted for a min. Didn't really know what to say... He mentioned some kind of game lol..I wanted to laugh. My pink underwear and I don't know a thing about sports... Just kinda ended up sitting there quietly lol..

That's my biggest problem. Just, don't know what to say lol.

Got way too hot so I had to bolt. Was hoping to catch him on my way out, but didn't. Wanted to practice lol. But yeah... All I can do is try, I suppose.

Oh and my avatar, Not me lol. It's a snapshot from As The World Turns. Unless you were referring to my album pics? ~

I've got to agree with what most guys are saying here. If you over rehearse what you are going to say, you will come across as creepy which will make guys flee from you like music lovers from a Justin Beiber concert. You can't rehearse a whole conversation because you can't possibly predict what the other person is going to say. Just start with "hi", and see where it goes. Believe it or not, many guys at the gym who are working out alone wish that someone would strike up a conversation with them. I always looked at the gym as not only a place to workout, but also as an opportunity to socialize. I can tell you many guys feel this way from the countless conversations I have struck up in the gym with other guys, and the conversations that other guys have struck up with me. There are guys I call my "gym friends" because we are friend in the gym, not outside of it. However, in the past some of those gym friendships turned into friendships outside of the gym. Good looking, average and ugly guys are all the same in that they all need friends and people to talk to. As I mentioned in my previous post, if the guys a dick back to you, you are better off not knowing him. I highly doubt that will be the case though. He probably wishes he had someone to talk to while working out.

 

[Smaccoms]

What will also help is learning how to read body language (PEOPLE WATCHING!! OMG!!) By this I DO NOT mean, "these specific actions means he's gay!" Everyone acts in different ways for different reasons. You can draw conclusions off of why they are acting in certain ways, and thus learn things about people by just watching them. It's a complicated topic, but it's really cool one you get into it...

 

[pinkpineapples]

He was there today, and I wanted to, but he was with someone I think...but they didn't leave together. So, I wasn't going to interrupt their workout. Had 1 good opportunity to say something, but he turned away when I was coming towards him. Although when I went downstairs to use 1 of the machines in the free weight area... As I was getting ready to sit down (and i was looking at him) he turned around (still walking, like he intended to look at me?) and we had like 5 secs eye contact. I don't know what to make of it..but yeah.

I didn't say anything. Pretty much chickened out. I don't know what my problem is, but I just couldn't approach him. Kept screaming in my head 'come talk to ME!' lol I'm just hopeless~ Oh wellz. Now I'm all meh and emo and just want to goto sleep for a year. So i'm gonna go work on that.

KthxBai<3

 

[Smaccoms]

He was there today, and I wanted to, but he was with someone I think...but they didn't leave together. So, I wasn't going to interrupt their workout. Had 1 good opportunity to say something, but he turned away when I was coming towards him. Although when I went downstairs to use 1 of the machines in the free weight area... As I was getting ready to sit down (and i was looking at him) he turned around (still walking, like he intended to look at me?) and we had like 5 secs eye contact. I don't know what to make of it..but yeah.

I didn't say anything. Pretty much chickened out. I don't know what my problem is, but I just couldn't approach him. Kept screaming in my head 'come talk to ME!' lol I'm just hopeless~ Oh wellz. Now I'm all meh and emo and just want to goto sleep for a year. So i'm gonna go work on that.

KthxBai<3

All of this is tiring, and never works. If you want to talk to him, don't think about it until you see a chance to say something, and then do it. Do not look at him, around him or about what you to do to him. I don't care how, just distract yourself. Everyone can distract themselves somehow--it's called willpower. We already told you no preparation; this applies across the board. Has anyone ever told you lines don't work? This is situation pretty much epitomizes why...

I maintain that you continue to try too hard. Talking to someone you find attractive for the first time should feel natural. If you think you are going out of your way to say something to this guy, then don't do it. It's not going to work. At the same time, the fear of striking out shouldn't stop you from playing the game. You just have to remember courage is not the lack of fear, but rather pushing through despite it's presence. If you can chill out and have a good time despite everything else going on, you're good to go!

 

[223790]

While working out at my Y today on the cross trainer, I noticed a stunningly good looking younger guy (early 20s) working out on the other side of the gym. He had a muscle shirt on, so I could see he had really good definition in his upper body. I had never seen him at my Y before, but figured that he would just head home after his workout without using the locker room, or use the basic men's locker room to just get changed as most young guys do. A lot of younger guys use the basic locker room because it is included in the cheapest membership, and because they don't shower after their workout because of their modesty issues. I use the premium locker room which costs more and is mostly used by older guys because all of the guys use the ammenities completely nude. To my surprise, I was in the open shower when I saw him come into the locker room and strip down at his locker! He and I used the steam room at the same time where I struck up a conversation with him. He was sitting on his towel with his legs wide open and cock hanging out which was surprising for me (I always sit that way in the steam room). We then hit the open shower together and continued our converstion. What a great body, face and personality he has. We continued our conversation while drying off and getting changed as our lockers happened to be close to each other. It was really great to see such a good looking young guy being so comfortable in the nude. No modesty issues at all. I totally misjudged this guy when I saw him on the gym floor, and I certainly didn't think I would get the chance to hang out with him naked.