Look and Smile Intimidating??

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Imported, Sep 10, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    rikter8: Ok Guys,

    Here's a question that has been eating me for a while.

    When im at work, and I see a really cute new student or engineer walkin around, and I say Hi and Smile, or if he is walking in the hall and I pass, smile and say Hi, generally the guys look down at the ground or avoid eye contact at all cost.
    Why?

    I dont believe that it is me, because im a socialite at my place - everybody likes to chat and get the Dish of the day. Also keep in mind, im not the type to Stare anyone down. Glance and smile and hello is what im about.

    Is it an empowerment thing?
    Or is it a "Oh god, I cant look at another guy" thing?

    Opinions? Comments? Thoughts?
    This may have been asked on another thread - if so, my sincere apologies.
     
  2. Imported

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    7x6andchg: I don't think it's been asked in quite that way.

    Me - I don't have a problem with saying "hi" back....but I think you might be running into a little of both of your hypothesized answers...

    Some men, I feel, make it a point to not talk to other men they don't know..which begs the question as to how they make friends..but anyway - that might be part of it.

    On the other hand, like you say, perhaps it is a dominance thing - having to respond to someone instead of initiating the conversation might be perceived as being submissive somewhat - although certainly not much IMHO.

    7x6&C
     
  3. Imported

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    mindseye: Since you're talking about "new students and engineers", I'm guessing you work at a university.

    Which means anything goes, really -- it could be a foreign graduate student who's from a culture that's not as open as ours; or it could be someone with a language barrier that's holding them from striking up a conversation with you.

    Another possibility is that when you see them "walkin around", it's during a busy class change for them, and they have only a few minutes to get to their next class and don't want to be slowed down by idle chatter.

    Then again. . . maybe you have a reputation you don't know about. >:)


    [hr]

    As an aside, if it's only the "really cute new" ones that you're greeting, they may just be sick and tired of all the guys hitting on the fresh meat. Try greeting a wider range of people and you'll get a wider range of responses...
     
  4. Imported

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    H8Monga: Some people just don't like saying anything to people... I find it rude but I can't force them to say anything... although I know people who do pry a "Hello" or some kind of greeting or half-warm reception.  I will always say hello back and maybe first.

    I don't understand why people would rather look at the floor when you're talking to them... maybe it's a self-esteem issue? I have no clue...

    Shyness! That has to be it!
     
  5. Imported

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    Longhornjok: I remember when I moved to L.A. from Texas I nodded and/or said "hi" to any one I passed on the street or in a hallway. Any one I made eye contact with, I mean - not throngs of folks on the sidewalk with me. It took me awhile to notice almost no one responded in kind. Some of the ones who did kind of looked at me suspiciously; some older women even kind of drew back like "oh-oh, what does he want?" I figured it was just an urban thing.

    In terms of guys, I think 7x6 was right in saying a lot of guys aren't comfortable acknowledging another guy they don't know. I'm sure this has something to do with being scared of sending off a "gay signal" or attracting unwanted attention from a gay guy or something, since that seems to pre-occupy a lot of American hetero guys in many situations. :)
     
  6. Imported

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    Javierdude22: [quote author=Longhornjok link=board=meetgreet;num=1063228542;start=0#4 date=09/11/03 at 00:20:44]I'm sure this has something to do with being scared of sending off a "gay signal" or attracting unwanted attention from a gay guy or something, since that seems to pre-occupy a lot of American hetero guys in many situations.  :)[/quote]

    Rikter, of course it could be anything, but I think what Longhornjok and Paul said, could be a very likely explanation.

    Hm...I guess what is important to know is the details in how you approach these people. Is it a simple walk-by where you say hi? I guess I doubt that that's the case. Not to attack you att all, but, many gay people (not all I'm sure) tend to...well...be very obvious in what they want. And sometimes that can be offensive when they lose that sense of subtlety (maybe this is totally not what happened with you, then it's just a case in general :)).

    For me personally at least, it becomes offensive when they undress me with their eyes, say Hi with a certain look and glare, and keep staring when you pass. In San Francisco for example this is something that happens three times in the subway, at school by other students, in clubs and just as often on the street. I can imagine that when they don't need that 'in your face' situation, people get sick and tired by it, and ignore the next person that comes along.

    And of course, this ignoring attitude is being prompted by the feeling to express a certain hetero-sexuality, insecurity about one's sexuality, but also, just plainly being grossed out by getting implicitly hit on by a dude.
     
  7. Imported

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    rikter8: [quote author=mindseye link=board=meetgreet;num=1063228542;start=0#2 date=09/10/03 at 16:37:24]Since you're talking about "new students and engineers", I'm guessing you work at a university.  

    [/quote]


    No, I work in a Corporate environment, so I can understand some reason not to want to say too much.
    I guess I had an idea it might be the sexuality thing, but damnit, im just friendly.
    Mindseye, I greet everybody - from tech's to union repair folks, to top level staff.
    Im the type of person, most people know, and they know that theyre bound to get some kind of hello or greeting out of me when they see me.
    If they dont, then they'll be stopping me saying "is everything ok?"

    I thought for a long time that I may be effemminite,
    but I get alot of girls that tend to stay more than their welcome...if you know what I mean.
    Plus, I don't really know any other gay guys that race cars and do the things I do - so it sends a mixed signal.

    Javier, The way I greet them is this type of scenario:
    Im walking down the hall with my binders and books heading for a meeting, I see a cute guy coming down the narrow hallway towards me, and I look but wait until he gets closer, and then say a frienly hello and smile, or a Good Morning, and a smile, and then keep walking. No turns, no sexual tone to my voice, just a Good morning or Hello.

    I think that the big part of it, is people find me very intimidating.
    I think its the way of the seriousness of my face 90% of the day. For Corporate life, its great - gets the right answers the first time, but for social life - I think its hurting me.
    I know one kid that obviously finds me either gross or fears me. He always has that "on defense" stance and look to him.
    I broke the ice, and got him some stuff same day to give him a good rolling start on his job. He's a little bit looser now, but still has that "Stay away from me" look.
    Guess its his loss.

    However, now to figure out how to change.
     
  8. Imported

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    gigantikok: I think humanity in general largely avoids eye contact with each other at risk of appearing vulnerable or open. People like to close themselves off as a defense mechanism, and many people feel eye contact with acquaintances (sic?) or strangers is much too open for their comfort level.
     
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