Looking for a gay friend...huh?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Dregun, Apr 18, 2008.

  1. Dregun

    Dregun New Member

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    Heres the deal,

    I recently moved to another state, got married and started working at a new job. The only "guy" friends I have are co-workers and her family, since all my friends are now 400-500 miles away. Although I like hanging out with the guys at work; I see these guys ALL the time and since I'm a supervisor I feel uncomfortable when I have to discipline them.

    I don't go to the Bars (no clubs in this area) and most of the guys I do meet are usually single somewhat annoying. So I'm thinking about putting an add on craigslist for a M4M but as friends ONLY! I'm not bi or curious but often find that single males or even some married males tend to want to compete for "pussy". I have had some great friends over the years and they always tried to get me in trouble and I always had to keep them out of trouble because they always wanted to compete. They would talk about wanting to bang a woman they just say and ask "do you think I should?" or they would say "lets hit the clubs, that brunette looked like she wanted your cock last week"..blah blah blah. They didn't want to be married I can tell but they were my friends and I honestly think I was looking out for thier best interests by stopping them from doing some really stupid shit.

    So why a gay guy?
    Easy!
    The only competition they are more then likely to try and put on me is to convert. I can handle saying no thanks and know they arn't going to call me a "pussy" because I'm not trying to get laid by other people and leave it at that. I had a gay friend in the past that never hit on me and was open about everything under the sun. He was a better friend and more loyal to me then any striaght friend I ever had, so thats why I'm looking for the same.

    Basically I'm looking for a guy who's into the same things I'm into but hes gay. I can tell him not to cheat on his boyfriend and he wont call me a pussy because I wont chase women all damn day. Plus it would be great if we stayed friends for a really long time and when I have kids he could be around them so they would understand these things from an early age. He would be available to them during adelosence if they had questions about thier sexuality or needed a "gay" mans oppinion on something. Not many open gay men around this area (almost feel like Im in the 70's up here in the U.P.)

    So is it going to work? Would a gay guy checking out craigs list be interested in a straight friend with no strings attached? Or am I putting myself in a dangerous situation that could lead into an altercation or potentially akward situation?

    Dregun
     
  2. spunkyboy2008

    spunkyboy2008 New Member

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    Sounds like a cool idea Dregun. I don't think there are so many straight guy-gay guy friendships as there might be, that's probably changing though. My best friend is straight and we get on great, though we've been friends since we were at school and sexuality wasn't an issue. Often I want to do more stereotypically "straight" things that most of my gay friends aren't into.
     
  3. kirbster

    kirbster Member

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    Worth a try!

    Related, I recently learned a new (to me) term: "Stag hag." Similar to a "fag hag" but this time it's a straight male friend to a gay guy instead of a female! I love it!
     
  4. spunkyboy2008

    spunkyboy2008 New Member

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    LOL I've never heard that term before! I guess that makes me one.
     
  5. frizzle

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    Sounds quite pathetic. I'd never go out of my way to make a friend based purely on his sexuality, just like I wouldn't do it purely based on race.
     
  6. B_boynextdoorkpt

    B_boynextdoorkpt New Member

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    I think its sweet, a man that is so comfortable with his sexuality that he is not threatened to have an openly gay best friend.
     
  7. FelixM

    FelixM Active Member

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    I have several straight friends......one of my best friends george lived here at my house with me and my friend Dale for over 2 years......I've known him for 6 years now.....I admit when I met him I was attracted to him but now he's like a brother to me......
     
  8. kirbster

    kirbster Member

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    What's pathetic is the judgemental people on this site! :mad:
     
  9. 9inchcanadian

    9inchcanadian Member

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    All of my life i have had very close friendships with straight guys. All of my friends now are straight. I generaly find gay guys to be too self absorbed and needy to be really good friends with.

    Please do not think i am calling all gay men needy and self absorbed!!!!

    Not all gay men want to lay everything that moves and i wish you well on your search.
     
  10. reallyhot

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    I hope you find a great gay friend!Now what the heck is U.P.???LOLThat went right over my head, ok both of them! LOL
     
  11. HyperHulk

    HyperHulk New Member

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    I think your intent is great and I understand the logic behind it. I think that using craigslist or any internet service to find that will be a bit challenging. First, you'll rarely have a gay guy who is actively looking for a platonic relationship with a straight guy. Most who are online looking are looking for either sex or relationships. It would be tough to convince a guy you meet from the net that you don't have some desires, they just might take awhile to come out. Now of course anything could happen, but I think your chances of finding this are quite rare.

    Here's another possibility: if you happen to live in a city that has reasonable gay population there should be some gay sports groups around or possible other groups. Consider joining those, they are generally quite accepting of open minded straight guys. You can always tell them, hey, I'm straight but I have positive experiences hanging out with gay guys and I want that to continue. Then you can have fun things to do and meet a range of guys that you could hang out with. Hopefully from that would come one of 2 friends. I actually have a best friend that I met in exactly this scenario. You can also have your wife come to watch some games and hang out with guys so they can meet her and see that she is cool with it too.

    Good luck.
     
  12. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    the only friendships I've had were with straight guys ... really can't think of any gay guys I would like to be friends with ...

    but, to answer your question, hmmmmmmmmmm

    thinking ...
     
  13. cocktoberfest

    cocktoberfest New Member

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    There is a "strictly platonic" M4M section on Craigs List so be clear about what you want and post there!

    I get where you're coming from. I have more female and straight friends because the competition between gay men is annoying. The only drawback is if your gay friend ends up attracted to you, then you could be setting himself up to be hurt or disappointed.

    Report back to us with progress notes.
     
  14. Tanvir

    Tanvir New Member

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    This is not going to work because GAY guys are just like the rest of us--they'll say anything to get a piece of ass.

    Hang out with him and his friends, and they'll all tell each other you're a closet-case, because you're way too comfortable around gays. They'll put dibs on which of them can turn you out--I swear it's true! Eventually, your buddy will drop his guard, come out and ask you, "You sure you're not gay? Just a little gay? Maybe we could TRY something?" You'll tell him you aren't and not interested,..but, he won't believe you. The same thing will happen again later, and it'll be a cat-n-mouse game that will annoy the shit out of you.

    If you flip out around his friends, when things are getting too gay for you, they'll call you a bigot and a hater. If you even look a little weirded out by something gay, not only will they accuse you of homophobia; they'll also accuse you of being a closet-queen. Now you're a bigot AND a queer--how's that for brotherly love?! [lol] Now you're behind the eight ball. There's still hope for you, though. Your gay buddy will forgive, only if (1) you go somewhere really gay with him [gay film, special event at a gay club or a Pride parade, etc] ..or (2) you let him do something gay to you, like blow you or jack you off. Better act like you digged it, too, ..or the friendship's over.

    Of course, if you should eventually hook up with him, it will never be enough. He'll want to do it again, or he'll try to get you to take it to another level. You let him blow you, so now he's got to be fucked. You fucked him, so now he wants a night with you,..and maybe, he wants to fuck you! You spent the night, so now he wants a weekend. "You put out once, so why not again? "What're you pretending to be so straight for, now?" he'll say.

    What will most likely happen after you and this gay guy start hanging out is the same thing that happens, when you're sweating a chick. If you don't eventually put out and fuck him or let him fuck you, he'll lose interest in you, and your friendship will quietly dissolve.

    Good luck with it anyway.
     
  15. auncut10in

    auncut10in Well-Known Member

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    I have to agree with Hyperhunk. I think I would have a hard time finding a friend through Craigs List. I mean it just seems awkard showing up at someone's house ringing the doorbell and saying hi, I am your new friend.

    When I came to Barcelona, I joined a gay biking group. I also joined a gay hiking group. I joined a gym and met guys there. Just find groups that have similar interest that you have. It didn't take long for me to connect and start making some good friends. I think friendships are made through shared experiences.
     
  16. erratic

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    I agree with auncut10in. And if you really do want your friend(s) to be gay, try outdoor/sports/activity groups that are LGBT-oriented. They almost always (at least around here) accept straight guys. Plus you'll have something in common.
     
  17. HyperHulk

    HyperHulk New Member

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    Gay men, like most, are not a monolith. All gay men do not act the same. I can only presume that from your rather detailed description of what will happen when gay or straight men interact, you're either talking from personal experience or you're well, talking out of your ass. There are many straight/gay friendships that are just friendships. Gay guys don't try to seduce all (or any) of their gay friends, why would they try to seduce all (or any) of their straight friends? There are also millions of straight guy/straight women friendships where the friends don't try to seduce each other.

    Your view of the predatory gay male is quite bleak. My experience and what I've observed among friends is quite different than what you presented. I have a straight friend who loves hanging out with the gay/bi guys because he finds them funny, engaging and they love to party and dance. He even discovered that he could pick up women at gay bars so he started going to the bars sometimes by himself. See a man who is secure in his sexual identity can't be seduced to being what he is not. If all it takes is someone asking you if you want sex a couple of times and you feel compelled to have sex with them, well that says a bit more about what's going on with you than them.
     
  18. CUBE

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    nothing as special as a gay guy and straight guy as friends. best of all worlds
     
  19. Lex

    Lex
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    I have many close gay and straight friends, both male and female. It is an awesome thing.
     
  20. Dregun

    Dregun New Member

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    An Update,

    I posted something on Craigslist in the M4M platonic <--check spelling* section of the site and I did see some others listed as well. I decided not to post a "Gay only" invitation but instead posted that it doesn't matter if they are straight, gay or bi BUT that if they are only interested in having a friend that they can go to clubs and bars with to pick up women with that I wasn't interested.

    What is the U.P.?
    UP stands for Upper Peninsula of Michigan (above Wisconsin)

    Someone has mentioned about how a gay guy could try and "convert me" or have challenges with his gay friends about who will "break" me. I thought about this as well and this is something I would deal with if it ever arises. I understand the idea and competition that all men gay or straight have in them that they must conquer all; but some (like me) are a little more reserved and have self control and would be interested in only being friends. The farthest I would ever let a friendship go is a JO buddy but even then I think it would take a very strong friendship and possibly a little too much to drink to ever get to that point. I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to contemplate a JO buddy but only if we are really good friends; that goes for gay or straight.

    One of the reasons I am posting this on Craigslist is because the community I live in is pretty reserved. I didn't grow up around here so I don't know how or where the gay community hangs out at. I don't even think we have a gay bar or club within a 50 mile radius! I'm not the type of person to go up to a stranger and ask about their orientation and I haven't seen or heard of any social communities around here. I will admit that I have not begun to actively search, I thought about the idea of "looking" for a gay friend only recently while remembering an old friend.

    As far as me ONLY wanting a "Gay" friend that isn't necessarily the case, I would just strongly prefer one or at least a straight guy who's not so obsessed with pussy that he can keep his mind on other things. I honestly believe with my personality and views on a lot of things that I am as close as I can be to either be bi, curious or gay while still being straight. I have often told my wife and mother in law that sometimes I think I was meant to be a gay man with some of the stuff I say and do. However I have never been attracted sexually or have felt that other type of "love" for guys besides friendship. I guess thats why I got along so well with my gay friend because I could understand him and he could understand me. I'm looking for that connection again; if its a gay friend then great and if its a straight friend then that is great too.

    I will keep everyone informed about the "Great hunt for a gay friend in the U.P." when and if anything develops. Almost forgot, I'm not just going to ring some guys doorbell and say "Heres your new friend". I figure if I meet someone on CL we will chit chat back and forth abit "kinda like online dating I guess" to get a feel for one another and then play some basketball or something...take it slow. Last gay friend I had we met by chance, a mutual friend (girl) so who knows how this is going to play out.


    Dregun
     
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