Looking to turn things around..

tw31

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Hey everyone,

Lately, it seems a lot of things in my life have taken a wrong turn and I feel like I've come to a dead end with no where to go. A little background of my life lately, I've been in a relationship for about 2 months that's going through a rough lapse at the moment. It's too the point now where my boyfriend doesn't know where we stand anymore.(He's not out, and isn't ready yet) I've realized my mistakes and put myself in his shoes, which is something I've should of been doing the entire time. I love him with all my heart, and I've done nothing but think the last two and a half days to try and figure out what I should be doing to turn things around.
Education wise, I'm about to turn 20 and in my 3rd year of college. I'm not exactly enjoying the program I'm in anymore, and I've kind of lost hope. I don't see myself in this type of industry, and I feel almost very pushed away from many people in my class. Attendance wise, I haven't even felt the urgency or need to go. That goes the same way for my assignments. I knew near the midpoint of my second year of college that this wasn't the program for me, as I have my mind set on something else, which I plan to take when I graduate from this current one. The only reason why I'm staying in this program, is because I don't want to be that person, who quits or drops out. I want to get through it, and improve my skills.

With all this in mind, I was just wondering from anybody if you've got any tips, advice, encouragement. How you keep yourself's active, and what your routines are etc etc. I know everyone isn't exactly a mental therapist by any means, and I'm not looking for attention for pity. I'd just like to hear everyone's opinions and take them as positives to help guide myself in a right direction.

I appreciate to whomever took the time to read this as well.

Thanks
 

ges

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If your attendance and assignments continue to slide, you may not even get the chance to change courses when you finish the one you're doing. I'd forget what others MIGHT think, stop wasting time, and change courses as soon as possible. Good luck.
 

Exbiker

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I think you need to take a long step back and look at your life. Several hours I mean, over more than one session. Maybe make Tuesday evenings your time to do this for a while, or Saturday mornings or something. Or both. You get the idea.

Maybe draw it out as a big blobby network diagram, or 'thought map' ... coloured lines and arrows showing the links between different parts of your life ... Be prepared to keep it fresh. Many people's lives start to go wrong, when then stick with their internal thought-map for too long ...

Among the separate headings will need to be :- the Relationship, and the Education.

Others might be Future Plans - Future Work. And then there will be things that link it all together ... Time Management, Entertainment, and so on.

Be realistic about what you want and need under each heading.

And then start to form little plans. Not too many items ... maybe two or three things you want to focus on doing ...

e.g., maybe ...
- more time with the BF doing things HE likes to do
- ways of taking pressure off; making it more low-key for a while ...going with the flow, and seeing what happens
- taking your education more seriously; committing to each project with clear goals, deadlines, stepping stones etc
- looking after your own downtime - relaxation, exercise, fun, etc
- family, colleagues, teachers, other people you need to interact with

Now. I'm not saying, hey, just do these 50 or 100 things and it will all be fine.

I'm saying identify maybe 3 to 5 or so higher priority changes, that could really help you. And then have an outline idea of the reserve list of the next 5 things to focus on. It needs to be coherent though, and well-grounded. And specific to you.

Picture what it would be like to get those things resolved.

And then take the steps needed toward those successful outcomes.

And identify people who can help you, or hinder you.

Be clear and coherent in your own mind. That's step one.

Step two, is interacting with others, and lightly drawing on their friendships sometimes to get the help you need as you go.

Then you just sail through it all.

There will be storms, and reefs.

But you just keep sailing.

Enjoy the journey.

:smile:
 
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Mercurygirl

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College can be a drag, I know, I'm in it. Felt the same at times as you do. You get to point that you're thinking, 'what am I doing, is this all worth it?' but you push on and sometimes it gets better and sometimes it gets worse. From what I've read you seem to have a bit more pressure in the way of relationship/emotion stress. It's been my experience that when me and my boyfriend are getting along good the troubles of school just fade away and I'm able to manage fine. If we fight everything goes to shit and I hate school and don't want to do much in the way of anything.

This is what works for me, exercise. Yep, working out. Apparently I'm not alone as studies have shown that exercise reduces stress and is great not only for the body but the mind. You can't make all your big problems go away but what it does is make you feel as if you've accomplished something that day. That you've taken steps to improve your life. Instant gratification. It's amazing really but if you start going to the gym and develop a routine, stick to it, you'll be shocked at how good you start to feel about yourself. How your mind gains this clarity. The human body is filled with amazing endorphins that are released during exercise that you can't buy in a bottle. Chemicals in your own body that make you feel great. Exercise has long been proven a counter against depression.

Hope that helps. You just keep punching away, never give up, things will get better. The high are never so high if you've never experiences the lows. Part of life. Good luck.
 

Stephenmass

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If you don't like where your within reach degree is taking you than why graduate with that degree if it's to get you where you don't want to be. Don't waste time. Finish the ones you are taking right now, and then switch your major to something you enjoy. Hopefully, a lot of the courses you have already taken are transferable to your new chosen major. Some of the courses you don't think will be may very well fall into electives and you will still be given credit. At least check into it. It will give you a renewed energy too.
 

nudeyorker

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OK I did not read the comments given by anyone else so If I'm repeating I apologize in advance.
Well first of all you don't want to be seen as someone who quits, how do you feel about being viewed as someone who slacks and flunks out? You may not like the program or the career direction it may take you but if you do an outstanding job you may be able to convince someone when you apply for post graduate study that you are worthy of being in a program because you are someone who can see things through no matter what issues arrise. (That's kind of an important quality in grad school) But if you can't do it you can't do it. Cut your losses and change majors.
I don't know what to say about your love life but sometimes school romance is just very convenient and often it's not meant to last; but only the two of you know if the relationship has the roots to survive or if you should both move on.
As far as all the rest you have to find the things in life that make these difficult times easier to deal with because you are going to have them in some form or another for the rest of your life (we all do)
I go to the gym.
Cook and eat well and really pamper myself.
Spend time with friends.
I do some volunteer work.
If I can I jump on flight and go look at something new for a few days. (It's amazing what taking a step back and looking at a different part of the world can do for you) Sometimes you can't but sitting in a dark movie theater can have the same effect with the right movie.
I'm not saying you need to do any of this; just find what works for you. I don't recommend that you you try to find any of the answers at the bottom of a bottle. (They are not there I promise; I looked there too)
 

tw31

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Thank you guys very much for the reply, exercise is something that I've been clearly interested in and It was actually something I had started at the beginning of school, when things were absolutely fine, nothing to worry about, both of us were happy. In the last 3 weeks was when I started lazing around.

Relationship wise, mercurygirl you're bang on. I think that's exactly what I need to do. Possibly hearing it from another individual is what I needed.

Education-wise, I understand what you guys are all saying. I am very well capable of completing the program I am in. To clarify a little more I guess about it, is I'm studying in the right field, (Fine arts) Currently studying animation. It's fun, very time consuming, takes an incredible amount of patience, and it draws a certain crowd to the table, that you wouldn't necessarily have anywhere's else.
It's just not my cup of tea. I went into the program thinking this was something I could get into and enjoy. I just can't seem to take an interest in the industry as much as others have.

I've been leaning towards Graphic Design, and it's been something that was on my mind for 4 years, since high school but I was scared away from it. Now Im dead set on studying that once I graduate.

With that being said, maybe that clarifies why I don't want to quit the program, because there's a ton of potential to improve on my artistic skills and vision. With everything that's been going on lately, I'm lacking the motivation big time.

All of your comments were very helpful to me, so I thank you. If you've got more to add after this comment, feel free :). Thanks a bunch everyone, I knew I could count on ya's.
 

Novaboy

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I switched majors after 2 years. Actually I changed schools and only had a few courses that were transferable. There is no point in working towards something that you are not interested in. You need to put yourself first and not worry what others will think. There is a book called Do What You Love and the Money will Follow (or something like that) Life is too short and too important to feel presure from others. I don't mean you should not consider other people's feelings in life but you need to make yourself happy. Life and career are always evolving (as are relationships) good luck.
 

DavidXL

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. . . . There is a book called Do What You Love and the Money will Follow (or something like that) Life is too short and too important to feel presure from others. . . .

I agree with that sentiment. I think to be truly successful in your career, you need to be passionate about it and really love it. One thing that helped me as I was trying to reinvent myself career-wise, after spending a few years going in a direction I knew deep down (actually, not all that deep!) was the wrong direction, was to ask myself what kind of job I would want to have if I didn't have to work.

Good luck to you!
 

rbkwp

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a thread where every post is quite valid, a rarity, but enjoyable reading ..
Good Luck to you, nothing that can be added, from this fella? ha