Lordy, Lordy look who's...

concupisys

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the issues i think people have about turning 40 are based on the fact that people reaching that age are trying to look at and treat themselves the same way they did when they were 30.... but the fact is that things have changed, and how one look at and treats themselves have to change as well.... it's in the mindset, the daily rituals, the routines.... it's in diet and exercise, priorities, and general lifestyle.... i think women in their 40's are some of the most fun people because they're young enough to be girly, but old enough to bring wisdom to the table as well.... i just turned 31 this year and i know that in this decade i will probably make some of the biggest decisions and biggest mistakes of my life.... but should i live to see 40, i think i'll have enough experience under my belt to finally become the kind of success i've been spending the last 31 years trying to attain.... i mean, just look at all the great women in their 40's right now:

jennifer aniston
janet jackson
sandra bullock
halle berry
demi moore

.... the list goes on.... these are all FABULOUS ladies, and they all admit that this is the time of their lives right now.... don't let that time fritter away worrying about aging.... you can do that in your 50's....

:D.
 

whatireallywant

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I'm the "old lady" here at age 47, and I've gone through this too - in fact, I'm STILL going through this! Both reasons - the "OMG I'm going to lose my looks!" thing (and yeah, having a customer at work point out the fact that I had gray hair didn't help!), and the "I haven't done anything with my life!" thing.

When I turned 40 it was baaaaaaad! But then, that was because I was recovering from surgery (gallstones) a month before my 40th birthday, and 3 months later was back in the hospital, this time for a week, and for another surgery, and almost died that time (and it was for a completely unrelated issue to the gallstones from 3 months earlier - I just had my severe health problems all at once! Thankfully then and not now, as I was insured then but am not now!) 30 was bad too because at age 30 I was - GASP! - still living with my parents, out in the middle of nowhere, and hadn't even started my career yet (turns out my career was short-lived. I had "jobs" in my 20s and early 30s, then my career from mid-30s to early 40s, but now I'm back to "jobs" again and struggling to get by. I get some comfort, strangely enough, in the fact that a LOT of people, including some people in my age range, are going through the same financial trouble as I am right now, and a lot of those are, like me, highly educated and used to have a career type job, not just a "job".)

Add to this the fact that I've never been married and haven't even dated very much - even at my age, I'm less experienced at that than many (most?) 20 year olds. I've had one long-term relationship, and several short term things but spaced very far apart, sometimes years.

Right now I don't worry too much about the age thing because my financial situation overwhelms my "worrying" time right now! (I do color my hair though - ever since that customer where I used to work made a mention of me having gray hair...)
 

EllieP

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Thanks Guys, for all of your words good and bad. Yes, I guess I am facing the fact that I'm vain, and I want to keep it forever. I don't want to be a cougar because I've got my guy, but I still want to turn heads with more than my boobs. I also don't want the aches and pains, AND I DON'T WANT READING GLASSES but they keep making the type smaller!

Mum reached menopause very late in her mid-50s, so I'm hoping I can put that off until then! Until then bunches of vitamins and lots of exercise!

I'll let you know how the party goes.
 

Catnub

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I also don't want the aches and pains, AND I DON'T WANT READING GLASSES but they keep making the type smaller!
Hate it when they make the type smaller, use Ctrl and + to fight it!
 

Bbucko

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Ellie-

It's a fact that society in general treats men and women differently as regards aging, though gay men go through many of the same self-image issues as many women do. Listen to Enid and B_D, as they are really wise here (and elsewhere); ignore comparisons to actresses whose professional duty is to maintain their looks (and who have both the leisure and money to do it) "indefinitely". Such comparisons are part of the problem, certainly nothing like a solution.

I started a thread about a month ago about how my self-esteem, self-image and the opinions of others seem sometimes to be diametrically opposed: what I see in the mirror is evidently not what others seem to see. Though it may not have all the answers, reading through it (two pages) might help somewhat.

I was going to tease you somewhat about some of the deterioration one experiences in one's 40s: hearing, eyesight, etc but that's really not gonna set the right mood nor offer any kind of support. But I will say that, despite chronic health issues (many of which involve physical pain), I still look at every day as a chance to try something new and take (almost) every opportunity life presents.

I honestly never thought I'd reach 30, presuming I'd be dead; it was predicted that I'd die when I was 38 (long, creepy story), was shocked when I made it to 40. When I was 42 a doctor (who still practices somewhere, I'm sure) told me to expect rapid degeneration of my central nervous system to the point of being totally incapacitated within 18 months, but I can assure you that I am not only ambulatory, but have retained most of my wits as well. My 50th birthday, which happened last January was purposefully subdued but was recognized privately as a triumph, not a catastrophe.
 

curious_angel

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As usual, you put everything into perspective, Bbucko; so eloquent.

Ellie-

It's a fact that society in general treats men and women differently as regards aging, though gay men go through many of the same self-image issues as many women do. Listen to Enid and B_D, as they are really wise here (and elsewhere); ignore comparisons to actresses whose professional duty is to maintain their looks (and who have both the leisure and money to do it) "indefinitely". Such comparisons are part of the problem, certainly nothing like a solution.

I started a thread about a month ago about how my self-esteem, self-image and the opinions of others seem sometimes to be diametrically opposed: what I see in the mirror is evidently not what others seem to see. Though it may not have all the answers, reading through it (two pages) might help somewhat.

I was going to tease you somewhat about some of the deterioration one experiences in one's 40s: hearing, eyesight, etc but that's really not gonna set the right mood nor offer any kind of support. But I will say that, despite chronic health issues (many of which involve physical pain), I still look at every day as a chance to try something new and take (almost) every opportunity life presents.

I honestly never thought I'd reach 30, presuming I'd be dead; it was predicted that I'd die when I was 38 (long, creepy story), was shocked when I made it to 40. When I was 42 a doctor (who still practices somewhere, I'm sure) told me to expect rapid degeneration of my central nervous system to the point of being totally incapacitated within 18 months, but I can assure you that I am not only ambulatory, but have retained most of my wits as well. My 50th birthday, which happened last January was purposefully subdued but was recognized privately as a triumph, not a catastrophe.
 

whatireallywant

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Thanks Guys, for all of your words good and bad. Yes, I guess I am facing the fact that I'm vain, and I want to keep it forever. I don't want to be a cougar because I've got my guy, but I still want to turn heads with more than my boobs. I also don't want the aches and pains, AND I DON'T WANT READING GLASSES but they keep making the type smaller!

Mum reached menopause very late in her mid-50s, so I'm hoping I can put that off until then! Until then bunches of vitamins and lots of exercise!

I'll let you know how the party goes.

Hey, I'd settle for being able to turn heads with my boobs! :biggrin1: But then, turning heads is something I've NEVER been able to do, even in my twenties, with that or anything else.

Now, I do want to date younger men - I don't have a guy, and while I'm not sure the term "cougar" accurately describes me (I'm sexually less experienced than most women in their twenties, despite being 47, and like younger men because of the life expectancy thing, well, that and the looks and sex drive! :biggrin1:)

Already have reading glasses/bifocals. Have had since my late thirties. But then, I've worn glasses since the age of 4, and was almost blind back then. I'm not a candidate for Lasik surgery, either, unfortunately...

I had severe illnesses just before and just after turning 40 (the one "just after" almost killed me), but now I appear to be back on an even keel - and I better STAY that way because I'm uninsured now and would rather not go bankrupt from illness!

Not sure when menopause comes in my family. My mom had surgical menopause at age 29, had to have a complete hysterectomy or she would've died at that age. Her sisters all had hysterectomies at age 29 too! :eek: But in my generation of women we've not had to have that. I'd like to have more years of having the sex drive I have, because I need to make up for lost time! While I've had probably about an average number of partners, my actual sexual experience is very little - I've had mostly very short-term partners. Although there is something to be said to not having a sex drive if you don't have the opportunity to have sex anyway. I did lose my sex drive for a while when I had those illnesses just before and just after turning 40 - I was just too sick to have a sex drive! I actually thought of it as a kind of relief, in a way.
 

EllieP

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Thanks again for the words, guys. Y'all are really sweet to share so much.

I've been feeling guilty for my vanity the last couple of days. I bitched and moaned to Cap, who took it all, naturally. Then I realized how lucky I really am. I have my health, a beautiful child, a wonderful husband and a really good life. I should be celebrating going forward, and I will try to do that. But it's just that "FORTY" moniker that keeps knocking me on my tush.

Tonight we're going out to eat. I'm wearing my LBD and plan to flaunt it! LOL! I'm going to ask Cap to keep an eye out for roving eyes just to make me feel better. He's such a little asshole! He says he loves to see men either stare outright or try to sneak a look. He says he wants to just nod his head at them. Caps says it's guy-talk for "yeah, I put my face right there!" He's so dirty!

Seriously, I am feeling better about thing because the alternative is not so great. Yes, I am going to be 40, but that's a good thing, right?
 

D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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Thanks again for the words, guys. Y'all are really sweet to share so much.

I've been feeling guilty for my vanity the last couple of days. I bitched and moaned to Cap, who took it all, naturally. Then I realized how lucky I really am. I have my health, a beautiful child, a wonderful husband and a really good life. I should be celebrating going forward, and I will try to do that. But it's just that "FORTY" moniker that keeps knocking me on my tush.

Tonight we're going out to eat. I'm wearing my LBD and plan to flaunt it! LOL! I'm going to ask Cap to keep an eye out for roving eyes just to make me feel better. He's such a little asshole! He says he loves to see men either stare outright or try to sneak a look. He says he wants to just nod his head at them. Caps says it's guy-talk for "yeah, I put my face right there!" He's so dirty!

Seriously, I am feeling better about thing because the alternative is not so great. Yes, I am going to be 40, but that's a good thing, right?

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! :smile::smile::smile:
 

diamond

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I turn 39 in about a month's time, and luckily for me having Italian Genes the wrinkles have been warded off..thank god!!!! The only thing that really bothers me and I am going to do something about it , is the appearance of more spider veins on my legs. Other than that, mother nature has been pretty kind to me thus far...
 

EllieP

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Well, I guess I posted that thread when I was really freaking out, but now that I'm feeling better about things I think I'm kinda happy about turning 40. I do like the way I look and feel right now. But still, 40?

My Mum's been calling about coming down for the "decade marker" as she calls it. She's 64 and looks much, much younger so I'm praying for genes to hold on. I teased her a while back about her being a cougar. Dad says he can only handle a housecat so don't encourage her. LOL!