I hate to be a downer.. but I though I would feel better posting something on here and discussing it with you. Please excuse me if it in inappropriate.. My partner wanted a tan rat terrier for his birthday about 3 years ago, so we searched and searched and found one.. a little female to give him. we name her Angel Marie... About 6 months ago she began having intestinal trouble. She had been to the vet for all checkups prior and such, and was an indoor baby.. slept with us every night. I wasnt close to her, as he was.. but when she got ill - she turned to me and we became very close. The Vet treated her for worms, as it turned out somehow she contracted them from being on an outdoor romp. We treated them and thought they were gone.. then she (as I mentioned) became ill about 6 months ago. So back to the vet who said she had a return of the worms and that they had not gotten them completely out of her system. So we treated her and they gave her some fluid cause she was a little dehydrated. Then she began having constant diahrrea.. and was uncomfortable. Bless her heart she tried and was always showing us love still. We ultimately had her X-Ray and (I am told, but not sure I believe) that she had a genetic problem with her intestine. She was given steroids (prednisone) and an antibacterial, cause an infection had resulted from the constant battle with the parasite. about 2 weeks ago she began wasting away, and wouldnt eat. The vet said she could have surgery to remove all the intestine that was affected, but that with the steroids and medication plus a special diet.. she should make it. She continued to have the diahrrea and lost some weight (she was tiny to begin with) and began to stop eating but the steroids made her drink lots of water. We began spoon feeding her a combo of protein, vitamins and fortiflora with pedialyte. she would eat if we did that. She had a little dance she would do when she ate and got into bed. I woke up Sunday and she was very ill.. I would call her name and she would raise her head and look at me. I told my partner to take her to the emergency vet and he said no, that there wasnt anything they could do for her, and that we would see how she was Monday. Monday came and she was better.. she would walk to the water dish but was wobbly from being weak. That night she worsened, and laid her head in his lap, didnt want to be away form us.. and we sat up till 5 am with her. We fell asleep going to the doctor at 10 am but when I awoke at 9 am she was gone. Had I known I would have held her all night. It was then that my partner told me the Vet had explained to him she may not survive but it was possible with the treatments that she might pull through. We didnt want to subject her to the surgery cause she may not have pulled through, and after such a hard surgery as that - even humans have rough times and a lot of pain. From what I know they dont give animals pain meds. My heart broke. I would have had the surgery for her in an attempt to save her, but I was given hope in the meds. I am devastated, crying and so sad. We buried her outside our bedroom window, her grave marker will be placed this next week. I am so hurt by many of the things that we went through. The vet not catching the worms return.. her suffering, and the loss of a dear baby. Being Gay I havent chosen to have any children with a surrogate, and my animals are the focus of my life. How do I get through this... last night I was presented with a baby rat terrier, 9 weeks old and precious as can be. I woke up this morning and my first thought was my Angel wasnt at my feet any longer.. and I still hurt deeply... Thanks for letting me express my feelings, I dont mean to be a downer.. but thought someone may be going through the same thing.. maybe went though it.. and can relate... Thanks for your time.. I appreciate it.