Losing Friend Due to Homosexuality

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lopo2000, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. lopo2000

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    For those of you who might remember that before when I returned from Turkey, I went back with a Turkish guy who has been but romantic to me. But, he is also a big homophobic, which I am okay with, given with the homophobic culture too. So, I'm trying hard not to out.

    But yesterday, something devastating happened. After being very close, we're instantly best friends, and I'm okay with just being best friends since he is a very very nice friend, he found out I'm gay. He didn't reply my texts and pick up my calls. Then, I decided to come to his house, but the only thing I got was a kick in my ass out of his house.

    I have never been kicked out of someone's house before. It's sad, humiliating, and it's painful to write in here about it. But, I just need to talk to someone somewhere.

    I can't begin to describe how much close we were before, and how much we love each other as friends, and now I'm losing another one. I've already let him go. But I can't help but to regret the whole thing.

    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. HiddenLacey

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    Awww, then he was never your friend to start with. Not really, because something like this shouldn't have mattered to him. Who knows maybe he will come around. Some people cannot handle people that are different. You don't need someone like that in your life.
     
  3. invisibleman

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    Sometimes guys are like that.

    I hope that you mourn it. Get angry about it. Get over that guy. He wasn't your friend if he did you like that.

    You can never have regrets if he isn't around anymore.
     
  4. arthurdent

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    Since your friend is homophobic, in what way had he been romantic towards you?
     
  5. lopo2000

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    But I always believe that people in a homophobic culture can't help but to be brainwashed. I also believe that this is not his fault to be extremely homophobic. I'm just really sad that friends are very easy to go than to come in my life.

    I want to mourn and get angry, but right now I feel nothing but sad. Even I couldn't cry which I don't know why.

    He's romantic in friendly and manly ways. You know, like bumping his head to my head and saying, "I love you." or wrapping his arm around me when it's a long time we didn't meet and screaming, "I miss you!!" When I have a problem, he never abandoned me. Right now I have a bit of a financial problem and he made sure that I'm not hungry. For example, when we were eating with a group of other friends, I was the only one eating cheap food, and the quantity was very small. Nobody cared, but he cut a portion of his food and gave it to me. Whenever I'm angry at something that he did or said, he'd try to make me speak to him again by making cute face and sing about me.

    It's all gone.
     
  6. lpsg17

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    He never really knew the real you and if he was a great friend he would have accepted that part of you. I feel bad for you.
     
  7. big_tits4big_dicks

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    That is very sad. He will miss you I'm sure, but I don't know what he will do about it. I would say to never hide who you are, so this is not a surprise to others, but I know this is not always possible. If he is truly a friend you will hear from him again. You must never contact him, he must be the one to do it. Good luck.
     
  8. PhoenixInvictus

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    Sorry to hear that. Regardless of your culture, something good inside will always accept anyone regardless of their sexuality. I've had friends come and go over lesser things. The key is to stay strong and do as much good in life as possible. Be beautiful inside, although it is soooo hard. He wasn't decent enough inside to be your true friend. Sorry that you have to face such a stupid dilemma.
     
  9. arthurdent

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    It sounds like he had been a very close friend (perhaps more when he said "I love you"). Maybe he is temporarily in shock, finding out that you are gay. He is probably also worried about his other (homophobic) friends (who presumably now know you are gay too) knowing that he was friends with you, and doesn't want them to think he may be gay too. It seems to be that the most homophobic guys are actually gay and desperate to keep it a secret. He may be feeling the loss of his close friend (ie. you) too. I would leave him a while to get used to the idea of you being gay and then contact him only when you know he is alone, so he can be at ease and not have to use the facade he uses when he is with his other mates.

    But hey, what do I know...
     
  10. crescendo69

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    Give it time. He has some growing to do. I hope he realizes it. Make other friends.
     
  11. lopo2000

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    Thanks guys, I feel a lil bit better now. I agree with big tits, I'll not contact him again, he must be the first one doing this. And I hope you're right Phoenix, if he's really good inside, he'll come back to me. I really hope so. And I will make other friends, but the process of learning the good and bad of the friends is exhausting, which I have gone through with this guy.
     
  12. sexplease

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    c'mon Lopo2000, no regrets! Life is full of great people who bring joy to our lives. Sometimes it's just for a passing moment, and sometimes they carry you to the grave. Just enjoy the time you spend together with your friends.
    Circumstances of all sorts can, and sometimes does, take them away. Yes, it's sad and painful when someones beliefs, not being what you, OR they, expected them to be, cause the sudden change, but thankfully in life this doesn't happen often.
    Take with you your good memories - the ones that helped make you a more mature and better person, and pass some of that along to your new friend tomorrow.

    and do something for charity. often helping the less fortunate has an interesting way of easing what ails you as well.
     
    #12 sexplease, Jun 16, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2010
  13. DiscoBoy

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    It's his loss.

    Gonna have to agree with never contacting him again. Cut him out of your life, and if and when he finally decides that your sexuality is something he can get over, then decide whether you want him back in your life or not. But for now, bid him farewell.
     
  14. dc46064

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    Really sorry to here this and every time I do I really feel bad/ I came out in the early 90's and I was in my early 30's. My best friend since I was 8 years old slamed the door in my face and told me to never return. I live in the midwest and gay people (men) are not very much liked. I have lost every friend that I had growing up, private school, pubic school and everyone else. Thats what makes gay men so tuff. You start all over and get better friends . Good luck. The bad feelings will pass.
     
  15. lopo2000

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    You're right sexplease and discoboy, after all there have been a lot that I have learnt. It makes me a better 'hider,' meaning that after this, I'd hide and make private of my sexuality better than before. and I'll try my hard to let him go. It's tough, but possible.

    Oh my, I really feel for you, losing friends because of your sexuality is one of the toughest thing that can happen to a gay man. Being slamed the door in your face is not something cool to happen. I was kinda being treated that way and now I am even sadder. I really really hope you have found your happy life now. :)
     
  16. invisibleman

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    Well, lopo. I hope that you learn to never hide. You should be yourself. And being yourself you walk a lonely road. The true friends will come. You also have recognize that there are many different people in the world and you have to be just as tolerant of them as they are to you. There are many folks out there living genuine lives and not apologizing...you should be one of them.

    As long as you are genuine with living and loving, you can sleep nights. Once you start becoming fake and artificial, you lose no matter the cost.

    If a place is no longer beneficial to you, you move on to a better place where you are happy. And that means friends...there aren't that many long-standing friends. Some are temporary. Some are part-time friends.
    Accept them as they are. But there is only you. You live with yourself. So be happy. And it is okay to leave friends when they aren't beneficial to you. Sometimes the greatest act of love is separation.
     
  17. pleasureboy

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    I want to play devil's advocate for a sec and defend your friend. Just because you've gotten to the point where you're comfortable with your sexuality, it doesn't mean you can or should expect everyone else to be.

    For some people, they are way uncomfortable with it for one reason or another (maybe even because they are struggling with their own sexuality). Sometimes you just have to give them time.

    In the end he may come around, or he may never. It happens but it doesn't necessarily mean it's a personal attack on you or that he's a bad person.
     
  18. lopo2000

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    Seriously, being the real me is something that I really want to do, but it's too dangerous here to do that. I might even be killed for doing so.

    So, I have a plan of migrating when my finance and the time are permitting. Wish me luck! :)

    You are right, he needs to take his time. But I also don't see him as a bad person. Him being homophobic is not his fault as I pointed earlier, it's that he's growing up in a culture where gays 'should be burnt in hell,' according to him himself.

    I am just sad and shocked that a close friendship is easily thrown out just because of one thing. Wel;, it may be that big for him. I never know.
     
  19. legna

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    I'm sorry to learn that you've lost a friend over disclosing to him that you are gay. Unfortunately, if his feelings are based on religious convictions, he may never come around to seeing things differently, which amounts to a sad loss on his part. You appear to be an emotionally mature and forgiving person, qualities that anyone -- gay, straight or otherwise -- would be fortunate to have in a good friend. I hope your financial situation improves very soon so you can relocate to a place where you can feel safe being yourself. Best of luck to you with healing and moving on.
     
  20. lurker37160

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    Oh, please. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it. Life is full of disapointments and in the big scheme of things, this is a minor one.
     
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