lost friendships regained?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by buddy7706, Dec 2, 2008.

  1. buddy7706

    buddy7706 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    after losing a friend through a really bad fight and not speaking to each other for a while and now reuniting after years because of mutual friends all getting together in LA, i begin to see this friend more and more ... but its seems that words between us( as friends like years ago) are only exchanged when we go out for drinks with everyone and we are all drunk or atleast not sober. i do admit the tension is relaxed more and more only when i drink between us and when we run into each other sober we do not speak... is this a sign of a friendship that may or may not be fixed wondering if anyone has any info on an off an on friendship with people or any similar stories?
     
  2. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    7,002
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Antonio, TX
    something similar

    it just means that when the inhibitions are released, your true feelings emerge

    that you resume the restraint indicates that whatever is between you, is still having some impact
     
  3. Xcuze

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Messages:
    2,979
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In a treehouse
    Maybe he was only meant to be your friend back then & not now. People move on. What u had then may not be relevant to your life now. If u have nothing to say when sober then u cant be that necessary to each other. Just accept youve both moved on & stop pining for the old relationship.
     
  4. D_Relentless Original

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2008
    Messages:
    16,839
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    I agree with X, i think some friendships are suited for that time, peoples lives do change. Also dependant on the row you mention sometimes you can never get back to what you had previously.
     
  5. yhtang

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Messages:
    1,565
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    170
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    South East Asia
    I agree. And some friendships grow apart as well. I feel it might be time to let the past remain in the past.
     
  6. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA
    I suggest just clearing the air. Talk about what happened. If you can clear the air then things are good. Letting shit fester is no good because it will always keep you apart to some degree.

    If you think about it carefully, you have nothing to lose and everything to regain.
     
  7. goodwood

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,804
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    36
    Location:
    Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas
    I concur. Some friendships are only for a season and then the season changes and people move on to other friendships more suited to each season they are in.
    I have had a friend from the time we were 2 years old. We grew up together.
    in our mid 20s we had a huge falling out and did not have a friendship for about 3 or 4 years (we are both very determined guys). We saw wach other at social events and of course were cordial, but that was it. No friendship per se.
    Then after years of not speaking, he broke down and called me out of nowhere to tell me what a mess he had made of his life and how sorry he was for his actions and behavior and came clean and we were friends again. It was a sad time when we were not on good terms and it was wonderful to have my oldest friend back again.
     
  8. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2007
    Messages:
    2,102
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    funny this should come up today...earlier I was thinking about my former best friend...we were super close for over 10 years...all through HS & college and into adulthood...we were together every single day...then we just started to drift apart...there was no argument or anything like that...

    we only see each other in passing every once in a while & sometimes email each other, but we NEVER hang out or visit each other...and when we do see each other, we greet each other with a hug & talk like time hasn't passed at all..

    today I was thinking about the whole thing & thought about just asking him what happened to us...I'd like to have my brother back, but I'm not sure it's possible...or if I should even make the effort...
     
  9. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2006
    Messages:
    4,005
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Boston,Mass.
    Perhaps it is not possible to be friends anymore.
    Especially if they don't want to talk about what it was that
    caused the rift in the first place.
    Just because they are willing to talk doesn't mean they are
    open to being honest about what may have happened
    between the two of you.
    Being civil won't always solve every problem.
    Perhaps some folks are meant to be festering pus balls.:rolleyes:
    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
  10. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    I don't know why old friendships fall apart...maybe they have lifespans like everything.

    People grow and change. As your life changes different things become more important than others and different friends become closer and others drift apart. Nothing stays the same.

    Trust which is needed in a good friendship takes time and unfortunately that becomes harder and harder to find as you grow older.

    This thread seriously is bumming me out.
     
  11. buddy7706

    buddy7706 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    hehehe sorry bout that but i had to askk... i was just wondering but when i talk to this friend on social occasions with a group of us its not just corgial or civil its like the old days and i think the sitiuation may be like "good woods" case in which it can be patched up but only if one of us spills out the question or the mess that happened and niether of us are much talkers...
     
  12. D_Portelay Porquesword

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2008
    Messages:
    3,107
    Likes Received:
    5
    Speaking from personal experience, depending on whom you are dealing with. It is often very difficult to paddle upstream against the current of ignorance and anger.

    People put their spin on something you "supposedly" said, get it ALL wrong and the information is gobbled up and digested like free cake at a church bake sale.

    If you really claim to know a person for any length of time, there is such a thing as a phone. Pick it up, find out from that person what is going on but for the love of Heaven don't do anything in anger. Any attempt in resolution can be best made without the emotional attachment involved. Difficult does not mean impossible.

    Then you also have to ask yourself if this person is worth it, especially if your friend's stock and trade has been invested in hearsay.

    In any case, follow your bliss and be brave enough to accept reality. Especially it if that bliss leads you away from that person whose chapter in your life may be closing in order to make room for something new and positive to emerge.

    This is a concept I have become very familiar with first hand.
     
  13. buddy7706

    buddy7706 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    great advice and i dont know if this friendship is all worth it but he was a good friend when things were good but when it got bad it made me question him as a person and thats why i guess i dont know what to do... say fuck it was fun for all those years but now its done or if we should say fuck it that was a rough couple years but its done and over and lets go back to normal ... and if neither of us has opened our mouths to talk in a sober or atleast comfornt the problem at hand i feel hes feeling the same way...or like nickk444 said when when the inhibitions are released, your true feelings emerge...
     
  14. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2005
    Messages:
    14,610
    Likes Received:
    5
    I think you should talk to him, even if it feels like a big risk.
    He might disappoint you ... but so what?
    At least you'll know.
    Or, he might feel just like you do ... a bit puzzled by the rupture, which seems to sit over a continuing, undeniable feeling of connection that doesn't quite die, even though neither of you are doing anything particular to keep it going.
    I'd say, on some levels, you're still friends.
     
  15. Scrufuss

    Scrufuss New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    548
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Here
    OH YOU COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT ANY BETTER IF YOU TRIED.
     
  16. AG08

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Messages:
    2,144
    Likes Received:
    431
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    This situation has happened to me as well. I still miss the guy terribly, but things could never be the same between us again. When we were friends, we did everything together. We were like brothers and I felt closer to him than my own brother. It sucks that friendships drift/fall apart, but I guess it's a part of life. Life goes on. I don't think though that I will ever feel that close to a friend again.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted