LOVE IS NOT DEAD
by Whatever69
©
“It's funny. We meet hundreds of people. We stop to remember them sometimes and they're so far away and we're not a part of them anymore. Makes you realise how important it is to be a part of someone. And stay that way with them. And we have visions of going out into the open world and treating it as our oyster... but it takes a small, mindful moment to make us realise that doesn't really mean anything when you don't have someone to call home.”
― C. JoyBell C.
“It's funny. We meet hundreds of people. We stop to remember them sometimes and they're so far away and we're not a part of them anymore. Makes you realise how important it is to be a part of someone. And stay that way with them. And we have visions of going out into the open world and treating it as our oyster... but it takes a small, mindful moment to make us realise that doesn't really mean anything when you don't have someone to call home.”
― C. JoyBell C.
Chapter I
Being a university student has its quirks. One of them is arriving home after a long day of listening to nonsensical blabber and research about a bunch of stuff people pretend to care about.
So, I took the most of this quirk,pushed my room door and let my body fall into bed as I let out a huge sigh. I gazed the ceiling as my mind silenced for a little while. A weird presence took over me, quite like an omen. I quickly shook it off and took my phone out of my pocket. It buzzed as I got a notification from Grindr. I rolled my eyes just looking at it and thought:
"I wonder how much this sugar daddy is going to be willing to pay. Some day I really need to consider accepting these offers. University's looking a little bleak."
I opened the notification and for the surprise of a total of 0 people, it was exactly what I had predicted. Yet another bot spam profille offering me a huge amount of money in exchange for attention. You know, those offers that are too good to be true? Or so our negative capitalistic middle class mind-set has made us believe? But, in essence, a waste of my time.
I turned Grindr off without even checking. "These apps have become exhausting and my interest in them diminishes by the hour. I think I may be straight.", I thought to myself. The downside is that where I live, that's the only sense of community and "gay" you'll get. Therefore uninstalling it, is kind of like turning off the lights in a room you just gazed at for a second and be told to find certain objects there. You'll take twice as long and, let's face it, men are complicated as is.
I kept scrolling through my notifications and... Tinder? I had almost forgot that I still had that on my phone. The notification informed me of a new match. Suddenly, I remembered that I had randomly used it during lunch break but had closed it as quickly as I had opened it. I clicked the notification to see who in their right mind set would've matched me, especially considering the [overly] exaggerated use of memes and dad jokes on my profile.
The profile who matched me belonged to a 27 year old guy, who appeared to be German. How do I know? Well, my cultural preconceptions. You could tell by his pictures that he was tall and naturally well built. He had blonde hair and blue eyes. His profile description read " i'm always travelling. Wanna join?". He had the cutest picture with a Golden Retriever and looked attractive in all of his pictures. His blue eyes penetrated your soul, but I couldn't tell if in a good "divine connection" way or in a psychopathic, im going to find your house and your family kind of way. But I digress.
"Likes dogs, is attractive and travels a lot? Ugh, is Tinder having spam profiles too now? How much is it going to be Cedric? 500 a month for daily contact?", my mind instantly thought. Maybe capitalism is truly ruining my mindset.
In the midst of all of this, he messaged me. Last time I had had a message on Tinder it didn't go past the "Good and you? Good too", circumstantial conversation. As a matter of fact, after opening the app, I realized that 99.9% of my interactions there had been like that. And now I am possibly facing a spam profile. Just great.
I decided to message back. The usual dreaded circumstantial conversation occured. I was waiting for the proposal of either sex or money when to my surprise... He wanted to know more about me?
"Are you local? You're really cute.", he messaged me.
I had realized already that he was a foreigner but never in a million years had it cross my mind that I would be speaking another language with someone from the outside, let alone interacting with them personally or even be intimitate with them. Where I'm from that's a distant reality and quite honestly, a scary one. Still I had interest to see where this was going, especially considering my past experiences.
"Hm yeah, im local. Thanks! You're really cute too. Where are you from?", I replied.
"I'm from France, but half German. I'm here in vacation with my family!", he said back to me.
Ah-ha! Turned out my cultural preconceptions meter was not that off.
"Oh that's so nice! How are you enjoying it here?", I tried maintaining the conversation.
"This is place is gorgeous! I really want to live here some day. Would you be up to meet for a drink?", he quickly proposed.
The quick proposal for a drink made me hesitant. Still, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I wanted to keep that conversation going. Maybe to stretch the rope to see how far it would go and make my own social experiments (with me as the guinea pig, of course) and, in turn, make my own conclusions [to be turned into preconceptions]. So, I turned on my "people's intentions" preconception meter and assumed that by drink he meant suck my dick, tear my hole apart and eventuallly my heart as well.
"hm, to be honest, i'm not really looking for sex", I said, breaking the fourth wall of the gay apps.
Cedric is typing...
"Yup, i'm going to be blocked", I thought with the delay in response.
"Oh, no, I meant really just to have a drink and get to know you", he replied.
If there were cue cards in our human existence, this would be where my *panic ensues* cue card would come in.
"So wait a minute. This foreign boy, who likes dogs, is attractive, likes travelling and matches me, just wants a drink, get to know me and is not actually a sugar daddy? These bots are either getting really good or maybe luck has just knocked on my door?", I thought with my mind racing.
At that moment I couldn't face the situation or the pressure of meeting someone new like this. It was all becoming a bit too overwhelming, a bit too fast. I needed to find an excuse and well... I guess university was going to finally be useful for something.
"Oh, haha, I would really like to, but I have classes all week, all day long, so it's quite difficult for me", I quickly replied trying to move my way around the situation.
"Until what time you have classes? We could meet after class", he persisted.
"Until 6 pm, sometimes until 8. But im in the city centre for classes. I live a bit far away from the center, so im kind of dependent of buses as well ", I tried saying, thinking he would back up from the idea.
"I could meet you in the city centre after class for a drink and then you could catch the bus later?", he kept insisting.
"But I see here that you are far away. That's like an hour and a half by bus and there are like no buses at night there because it's so far away. How would you go back?", I tried using my knowledge of the bus schedules to turn the situation around.
"I have a car. But you would have to let me know beforehand, if you're willing to do it, so I could get there and back to my hotel not too late", he very simply stated.
I was running out of excuses. But the anxiety was still very alive. What would I do? The devil in my shoulder was telling me to go, what did I have to lose? But the angel quickly came and reminded me of the dangers of meeting someone who could potentially be a serial killer for all I knew. I was going to go for honesty being the best policy.
" I'll have to see what I can do and then I'll let you know. Tbh, im not really ready and feeling a bit scared lol", I awkwardly replied as I cringed my way out of my physical body.
" Scared of what? I would just have a drink with you and talk, nothing else. But it's up to you. Just let me know. It's all safe
"Hahaha, fine I'll think about it.", I replied back, seeing if the conversation would shift.
It turned out that was the last message we shared that day. I was nervous about this interaction, but quickly soothed myself by reminding myself of all my other previous Tinder dates: they were non existing and always stayed in the realm of possibility. A part of me kind of expected not only the conversation but the date to die out for various reasons. Him being a foreigner and being with his family, thus not having as much free time was one of them. Also the possibility of university actually truly getting in the way. But also the possibility of it leading nowhere, meaning we'd meet, but he'd quickly leave back to his country in the following couple of days and i'd stay here. It seemed pointless to me. So I let it sit there and drifted my attention from it.
"What is meant to be, will be", I thought.
I got up from my yellow duvet and went on about with my life. Tomorrow was another day.