Love-shyness/Involuntary celibacy/Average frustrated chump

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Jovial, Jul 3, 2008.

  1. Jovial

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    All this talk around here of virgins and guys that don't know how to get sex with women they know got me doing some research. Seems like a small percent of men grow up being shy about sex and feeling guilty about pursuing sex with girls while other guys just go for it without any inhibitions. So I wonder why some guys grow up feeling like this, and I'd like others to discuss it.

    I found these things on wikipedia:
    Love-shyness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Involuntary celibacy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Average frustrated chump - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    The article on love-shyness in particular hit a chord with me, although I don't think I fit the extreme characteristics described in the love-shy men. Some of the things from the article I found interesting were:

    Can anyone else here related to any of the stuff in these articles or do you know guys like this? Discuss.
     
  2. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    That love-shyness sounds like me a bit. I very much want to fall in love and be with someone that I can shower with love and affection, it's just the initiation that I have trouble with. :redface: It's kinda why I find the online thing to be so much easier. I have no problem meeting people online, it's just being able to take it the next step cause all the girls I find seem to be very long distance from me. :frown:
     
  3. Principessa

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    It appears I suffer from involuntary celibacy. :frown1:
     
  4. prince_will

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    involuntary celibacy sounds like a horrible term! yikes.

    the love-shyness is totally me though. geez, it is so hard to initiate stuff. it's like a weight off my shoulder when a girl or guy asks me out. i guess there's also the whole rejection/looking desperate thing going on too.
     
    #4 prince_will, Jul 3, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2008
  5. Calcium

    Calcium New Member

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    Please keep in mind there is a difference between love shyness and being generally uncomfortable with the fairer sex (I'm talkin' to you, guys, because the article clearly states that love shy ladies can still get laid). I came into this thread going, "Yes! I AM an average frustrated chump!" but was disappointed, or delighted, rather, to find that there are people who are worse off than I am. Thank god I'm just introverted instead of being incapable of creating interpersonal relationships because of crippling fear.
     
  6. Axcess

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    I think That I suffer from love shyness too but like you not in the extreme way .
     
  7. Jovial

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    Did any of you guys that are somewhat love-shy have sisters or female cousins near your age or close female friend neighbors as teenagers? Did you have emotional support from your parents?

    I never really had any close female friends growing up, so I think that makes it harder to just be comfortable around women now. And my parents never discussed sex or explained anything about dating to me which doesn't help either. And I never had guy friends that got girls that I could talk about girls and dating with. And I was too shy to ask guys for advice also. So all these things combined make me shy around women.

    There has to be a way to get past this shyness that some guys have. I also feel guilt associated with sex. I think it's all related.
     
  8. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    No sisters or female cousins for me, and as far as sex and relationship guideance, I never had that emotional support from my parents. I think partially it was me too shy to bring it up with my parents.
     
  9. Axcess

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    I never feel guilty about having sex but very hot woman intimidated me .
     
  10. Jovial

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    It's not your fault for not bringing it up. Parents should know kids are too shy to ask. They should explain things and make you feel comfortable to ask for advice. When they don't talk about it, it just makes sex seem even more taboo.
     
  11. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    But it's not like I have a religious family or anything like that, far from it actually. And my dad is actually pretty, crass I guess is the word? I don't have stuck up parents at all, for some reason I just never opened up. Now my brother on the other hand is very different and not afraid to talk about anything and everything. He's very much like my dad.
     
  12. Hobo with a Penis

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    Well i'm definately an Average Frustrated Chump.

    I'm seeking intimacy and every day my standards are getting lower and lower haha.

    I've gone on few dates, my first date was with my crush in 8th grade, then she hurt me, we went out again sophomore year of high school, it was a repeat of pain, and then we went out about two months ago, and sadly the same result...although it's only just recently that i've sort of 'opened my eyes' to see what she was doing to me (using me as a pawn for jealousy/the 'other guy i'm seeing' syndrome/validation/feel good/emotional tampon, etc, etc)

    The other girl moved to college in canada, the other one got in a realtionship w/ a guy a week later, and the last one also moved away but to California.

    So I just have bad luck, and haven't really gotten anywhere physically with any of them. Which sucks because I can't get to the point of loosing my virginity w/o knowing what to do because it's sort of 'commonplace' that i should know what i'm doing right now, so girls sort of see me we talk about shit that doesn't matter and I grasp for generic boring topics, and the night ends with her liking me as a nice guy friend, and I get to watch her end up in a relationship with some other guy a few weeks later.


    I'm tired of it, and am trying to change. I've decided to just go-for-it if the date isn't going horrible. I've started to work out, i'm just average not large by any means, but i wouldn't mind a toned body. I shaved off my goatee i'd had for about 2 years on a whim, after being hurt again by that old-crush, i guess it was my way of coping/dealing/starting over in an odd way. I go out a lot with my bandmates, as they go out, I didn't really start going out / drinking until I turned 21 and that was almost a year ago. I've become more sociable in that i've met a lot of new mutual friends through my bandmates, but at the same time it's still 'friend this friend that' not that i've dated any of them, but they come to our shows/go to the springs together etc. And i've read a lot of posts on these forums and have been educating myself in an attempt to finally enter the real world. But it's pretty pathetic to be where I am in life right now, about to graduate college, and never have had sex, never have had a girlfriend.

    If only I had a time machine to tell myself not to waste my time on that girl for essentially the better part of my developing years from 8th grade until the end of high school, and then again 1/2 way through college.

    /vent
     
  13. Kassokilleri2ff

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    I don't know what to think I am. I have had maybe 8 or 9 girlfriends...but I never initiated any of them. It was pretty much always the girl asking me out, and me saying yes cuz it was like... whoa! girl! lol. They were all very short relationships (less than like 2-3 weeks) except for two, one was like 1 month and another like 2 months.

    I have had sex, but one girl, only because she cornered me and wanted to take my virginity for whatever reason, so i let her. And the other girl, i dunno, she just really wanted to fuck me for who knows why, and we did it a few times. \

    But i dunno if im love shy, i can sometimes talk to girls...if they are extremely unnatractive and i have zero interest in them lol. I don't think I have a crippling fear around women, i just havent got a mother effin clue what to do or say or anything. I do know that once i get comfortable with a girl and she is comfortable with me it gets a little better.

    Also people often do think I'm gay. I get called gay all the time. But then people hang out with me, and see that i have this epic fuckin radar for hot females, Its like I have eyes behind my head, then people see that im not gay, I'm just a lonely loser wishin for a girlfriend, and an extreme horndog with female sensing skills beyond that of normal mortal men! kekeke.

    Funny thing, in that quote, it says the guys who had sisters and cousins were more confident with women. Well damn, i grew up with just my mom and my 2 sisters. And also for fairly long periods of time, I had about 6 female cousins living with me also. So I certainly dont fit the statistic of men who had sisters being pimp playas lol. I do know that when I was a little kid, older women and old ladies would always bother me and say i was cute and shit, and i hated it so much, i feel that messed me up, damn freakin old ladys i hate them! Just cuz i got dimples old ladys gotta get thier panties in a bunch jeeze! lol.
     
  14. morsecode

    morsecode New Member

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    Are you for real?
     
  15. Kassokilleri2ff

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    Whats that supposed to mean?
     
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