All this talk around here of virgins and guys that don't know how to get sex with women they know got me doing some research. Seems like a small percent of men grow up being shy about sex and feeling guilty about pursuing sex with girls while other guys just go for it without any inhibitions. So I wonder why some guys grow up feeling like this, and I'd like others to discuss it.
I found these things on wikipedia:
Love-shyness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Involuntary celibacy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Average frustrated chump - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The article on love-shyness in particular hit a chord with me, although I don't think I fit the extreme characteristics described in the love-shy men. Some of the things from the article I found interesting were:
I found these things on wikipedia:
Love-shyness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Involuntary celibacy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Average frustrated chump - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The article on love-shyness in particular hit a chord with me, although I don't think I fit the extreme characteristics described in the love-shy men. Some of the things from the article I found interesting were:
Love shyness is a phrase created by psychologist Brian G. Gilmartin to describe a specific type of severe chronic shyness. According to his definition, published in Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatments (1987), love-shy people find it difficult to be assertive in informal situations involving potential romantic or sexual partners. For example, a heterosexual love-shy male will have trouble initiating conversations with women because of strong feelings of anxiety.
Dr. Gilmartin researched this phenomenon exclusively in heterosexual men, concluding that (1987, p.1) love-shyness "afflicts approximately 1.5 percent of all American males...[and] will effectively prevent about 1.7 million [U.S.] males...from ever marrying and from ever experiencing any form of intimate sexual contact with women."
In his recruited samples, Gilmartin had found only 14% of the self-confident university-age non-shy men had no sister around while growing up, as opposed to 59% of the university-aged love-shy men, with 71% of the 35-50 year-old love-shy men never having had a sister. In the same groups, over half of the self-confident non-love-shy young group had grown up with at least two sisters, compared to only 6% of the younger and 3% of the older love-shy men. Gilmartin also noted that none of the older love-shy men and very few of the younger love-shy men had any adults to rely on for emotional support growing up. Also it is noted that very few of the love-shy men had a large network of cousins, 90% of them have only 1 or no cousins, while the 10% only had 2 or 3, while none of them had more than 3. Some of the men expressed that their siblings achieved intimacy with relationships and were preferred by their parents much more than themselves.
Gilmartin believes that love-shyness would have the most severe effect on heterosexual males, because of gender roles. He claims that it may be possible for both shy women and homosexual men to become involved in intimate relationships without needing to take any initiative, simply by waiting for a more assertive man to initiate the relationship or in the case of lesbians, a more assertive woman. According to Gilmartin, shy women are as likely or even more likely due to their love-shyness as non-shy women to date, to marry, and to have children, while this is not the case for heterosexual men. Love-shy heterosexual men normally have no informal social contact with women (virtually by definition). They cannot date, marry, or have children, and many of these men never experience any form of intimate sexual contact. Gilmartin found that third parties such as parents and friends are often inconsiderate of the difficulties of love-shy men, and are reluctant to aid them in finding girlfriends, because many view them as "unworthy" to obtain a girlfriend or because their parents were embarrassed to be seen with their sons.
Can anyone else here related to any of the stuff in these articles or do you know guys like this? Discuss.Gilmartin notes that love-shy men are frequently assumed to be homosexual, because of their perceived lack of interest in women and this would also cause homosexual men to make advances to them but the love-shy men would reject them.