Lovin my chick, but a little frustrated

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Bennyman96, Mar 27, 2009.

  1. Bennyman96

    Bennyman96 New Member

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    Hey guys, i've been dating this girl for a few months now, she's cute as hell, i'm very attracted to her, we love each other, she loves me, sex itself is really good, not as much as I want, but that's good because when we have it it's amazing. But..... couple issues,

    1. She doesn't "turn" me on very much like typical girls, every girlfriend i've had in the past straddles me, makes out a lot, a lot of tongue stuff, kissing all over my body, ect. Who doesn't love that stuff when you really like the girl, but this girl doesn't do that very much, i find myself doing that to her all the time, normally i never did stuff like that to the other girls, but i truly enjoy it with her. But i really don't get much in return.

    2. Head...... she says she's given it to me more than any other guy she's been with, she's not bad, but she barely ever does it. With past gf's, on their period or something they would give a nice blowjob. She doesn't. I loooove a good blowjob.

    I really do love this girl, but feel like somethings lacking, and i don't wanna give up on her just from a couple things out of 100 things i love about her. i just feel kinda like a girl about this, which is weird for me, i'm always in control. I've even thought about getting with a couple girls i know who just wanna suck me off, they've expressed it, still while dating this girl. I know that's cheating, and that's not who I am, so something isn't right. When we do kiss, hang out, have sex, it's amazing, she really turns me on. Any suggestions?
     
  2. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    I guess you gave yourself the answer you needed (see red mark in your text). :smile:
     
  3. Mike7

    Mike7 New Member

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    Every woman is different. Some like the attention more on them in bed. Maybe she just likes the feeling of giving up control and letting you lead more which is also great, its just a little different then you've had in the past. That's a dynamic you can build on, a little dom sub angle.

    On BJs, keep encouraging her and letting her know how much you enjoy it, how good she is and all. That will bring her attention on her while she's being more giving to you. I agree BJs while she's on her period are great...she needs to understand that you need a release then too :wink:
     
  4. Bennyman96

    Bennyman96 New Member

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    thanks guys. you both make great points. nothing wrong with trying something a little new.
     
  5. HazelGod

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    Dump her.

    Find someone more physically compatible with your sexuality.
     
  6. Enid

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    Communicate, communicate, communicate.
    Just tell her you like it when she kisses your body, that it turns you on a bunch. As long as it is not phrased as a criticism, I think she'll respond well. It's a (relatively) minor mis-match in sexual compatibility/style of expression is all (it would appear that way at any rate), with communication it should clear up.
     
    #6 Enid, Mar 27, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2009
  7. cutedorkwho

    cutedorkwho Member

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    I know where the OP is coming from, and I don't think you should give up on her quite yet.

    There's so much more than sex to a good relationship, and if you've got the other 99% made maybe you just have to make a compromise or two to be happy in the long run. I know with a lot of people at the beginning of relationships there's tons of flirting, making out, and novelty type stuff while its new and exciting but often then the relationship gets more serious and then some of that stuff lessens, for whatever reasons.

    So I say stick with it, if things are really going great with this girl maybe in a short period of time you'll feel less of a need for some of these things. It's a compromise sure, but not a very terrible one. :)
     
  8. B_ZACKD89

    B_ZACKD89 New Member

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    Agreed!
     
  9. Principessa

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    Dump her! Seriously, everyone always says there is more to a relationship than sex; and that's true. But if the sex ain't right or good consistently the relationship will fall apart.

    She's not kissing you right and she's not sucking your cock. Well damn man! What else is so good about her? :confused: Seriously, why are you holding on to this one? Is she wealthy? :confused:
     
  10. Luvalarge-n-thick1

    Luvalarge-n-thick1 New Member

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    I think someone reading this at the surface sounds like it your only in there cause of the sex. Hopefully you see something about her that is more than the head she can give you. If that is all you see I think you should move on.

    On the other hand I think this board is pretty much that, I think if you were to give her what she needs she'll and she is not going to come out and say what do you like, not to many woman or men do that.

    If you can say this what I like and can you do it, and I would like to know what you like and I want to make you happy.
     
  11. redgum

    redgum New Member

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    In all relationships there are always aspects which we need to develop. Even though some of your needs are not being met at this stage I believe if you communicate & are open about each others needs you will most likely succeed in improving this part of your sex life. The bottom line is that you both love each other so it's not time to walk away.
    Keep trying & good luck
     
  12. Stephenmass

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    I totally agree with this poster. NJQT further down says "dump her". I totally DISAGREE with NJQT. If you have got 95 out of 100 things that you love about her, and she feels the same about you, but sex isn't going where you like it to go, the key is to communicate it. If the sex was amazing now, and many of the other things were missing, sooner or later the "newness" of the sex will wear off, and you will be left with someone that you can clearly see is not for you. At least with the sexual part, with proper communication "I love when you do that to me"...etc...the sex hopefully will only get better and better. She may also be just a bit inhibited and with the right patient partner and a willingness to open up more, may move into unchartered territory for her. If all you had with her was great sex, I'd say dump her! But because you have everything else, and sex can get so much better, work on it.
     
  13. Phil Ayesho

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    Couples fuck up in that they are adverse to open, practical, no nonsense discussion of sexual practice and preference.

    Without being accusatory or critical, TALK with her about it.
    You would not think twice about asking her what kind of food she likes when picking a restaurant, nor telling her what kind of food you don't want...

    Tell her how much you LOVE the way she sucks your cock and ask her point blank what you can do to make her feel like doing it more often...

    Ask her what you can do for her that she has never mentioned...


    and try introducing other kinds of sex play into your lives. Play at bondage to see if she Likes being dominant... or if she likes being dominated, see if you can really get into her fantasy in a way that charges you up.

    I had a woman for a long time who never actively did anything in bed... but she loved being dominated in a very intense manner.

    I got used to her never initiating sex, never climbing on top of me... because that was replaced with me telling her to wear garters and stockings and no panties when we went out, with me telling her to lift her skirt in a public place to give me a peek, or with me bending her over a car in the parking lot to bang her from behind.

    What I am saying is... the things that turned out to really turn HER on... became the things that turned me on.
     
  14. Wish-4-8

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    Sex is a big deal, especially if you are still young. This small 5% of issues is going to drive you mad one day. You will begin to obsess about it and end up with the rest of the married men who go to prostitutes for blow jobs, (which is the #1 request amoung married men for prostitutes because the wives wont do it).

    You will be amazed at how you will forgive many more things in a relationship when you are being completely sexually satisfied, instead of always wishing.

    True, you should comunicate first. But if she is firm on her position, then you have to make a choice. As shallow and unromantic as this sounds, you may be better off with someone else that you are more sexually compatible with. I have been there and trust me, I have forgiven a lot of whining, nagging, bitching, annoying things when ultimatly I get a good BJ and lay at the end of the day. And I have been in the "wishing" situation too, and it sucks. The "perfect" girl who wont do the thing you like. (and when she does, you cant really get into it because you could tell it feels obligated) And yes, it is possible to find someone who can please you and still have all the 95% qualities that you like in this girl. Dont settle or sell yourself short.

    And not to sound mean or insensative, but you have only been dating this girl for a few months. It is still early enough to break it off. You aint married yet.
     
  15. driftingvoid

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    Wow. I really thought about making this post a few times, almost exactly; I know what you're feeling.

    The arguments go both ways: some will say "there's more to a relationship than sex" and insinuate that you'd be shallow for thinking otherwise; I would argue that we're sexual beings and, while sex shouldn't be the basis for a relationship, a lack of satisfaction can certainly cause problems in one. Staying with someone purely for sex isn't good, and I think most people will agree on that. But we all have sexual desires and fantasies, and we all want to be pleased. If she isn't doing that for you, it's natural to find yourself curious and wanting satisfaction. That's not to say it's natural to cheat or want to, by any means; I'm just saying it's natural to want satisfaction. Isn't that what sex is about, aside from the whole "making love" bit? What good is sex if you find yourself feeling like jerking off accomplishes pretty much the same result, without the vain hassle of turning her on and letting her have a good time? These are questions I ask myself. I don't have the answers, but I can tell you that, if anything, it will need to start with communication. I've tried communication, and my girlfriend either sounds committal but doesn't really change or kinda-sorta-not-really changes and thinks she's accomplished much more. I've tried reverse psychology, but I'm really not into the whole manipulation thing and as a result I usually just give up.

    Try to talk to her. I'd suggest not cheating, but I know how compelling the idea sometimes sounds. I've never cheated, but I've certainly been cheated on; if you've ever been cheated on, then you would know the kind of pain it entails. After that, it's really a personal choice that only you can make: is your relationship good enough for you to deal with it, or do you really need that satisfaction? On a sidenote, you could always try the whole threesome route if you guys are okay with it. They're fun, especially with other girls, but I would caution you to consider your intentions and compulsions in having the threesome: there are right and wrong reasons to have them. Organizing a threesome just so you can finally get the satisfaction you wish your girlfriend would give you, while potentially fun and pleasing in the short-term, is probably one of those bad reasons.

    All I can say is that I understand your frustration. I suppose I'll end here, as I just had to delete a rather bitter lashing out that wasn't really necessary. Good luck.
     
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