Loving mentally unstable people

7x6

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'mentally unstable' is a bit of a broad term.
I have experience of two women who qualify. One was a lovely woman who was prone to depression, possibly a manic depressive, it was kind of hard to deal with as sometimes she'd fly into uncontrollable rages with her own kids and occasionally mine. Nothing actually violent but sometimes verbal abuse, which was an incredible contrast to the person she was the rest of the time.

We split up and got back together many times in a two year period, invariably as 'fuckbuddies' at first before deciding to 'try again', something which clearly didn't help her at all. The last time we got back together I promised myself I would actually try to do what it took to bring some stability to our relationship and see if it would help. In the event I just didn't have the strength and left for the final time for complex and spurious reasons that seem to insane to recount here.

The other was a woman much harder to pin a label on, kind of a control freak who played mind games. She was much much worse but did it in such a way that I was on the back foot trying to hold our relationship together, so much so that I didn't even have time to think about if I should be. I stuck this out for several years, god knows why. I think it gave me insight to how I was treating the first woman. I really wish i'd met them in the opposite order...
 

Charles Finn

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i have been dealing with mental and emotional issues most of my life and my true friends and those that love me know when i am in a mood either stay away or just let me go.
I had a wonderful ex partner that was a huge help to me in teaching me to argue fairly not win the fight no matter what he died in 2010 we split up in 2003 we had a holy union in 1997 what a life this has been so far
 

luka82

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You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.
You must. Who else would?
Mentally ill people do not realise that they are sick and that they need help.
We live in the 21st century. Medicine is great! One member of my close family is/was mentally ill. I found the best doctors they had the best medicine. My family member is yet again a functional human being, with friends and a LIFE!
So, what would have happened if I had given up on her?
 

billblows4u

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^ depends on the illness. i have worked in health care for 30 yrs. the crazies know they are not normal. it would help bunches if when speaking about mental unstable if the writer can define/name an illness i.e. addiction of any sort, depression. anxiety, bi-polar. etc..
 

Hand_Solo

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My (soon-to-be-ex) wife is bipolar and has a lot of other mental issues goin' on. I won't say that's the reason we're no longer together, but it certainly contributed. More than the illness itself though was her using it as an excuse for whatever behaviour she wanted to manifest. It became a blanket excuse for everything in her life, which was very convenient for her, but very frustrating for me. Hard to live with a forty year old who acts like a ten year old and revels in the experience.
 
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693987

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mentally ill person here.

dear possible partner

is not your place to save me. is not your responsibility to guide me. unless you are a trained professional is not in your ability to fix me. really, i don't need fixing. my brain might be trying to kill me. but this odd arrangement of chemical off balance and cross wired neurons makes me me. and i like me.

i know i am batshit crazy. i keep track of my crazy. i'm careful with your feelings, all the time, more so when i know the crazy is stomping my floorboards. i don't assume what i feel is anyway connected to anything you're doing/saying/feeling. sometimes i'll ask if i am being unreasonable. please answer honestly. i'm not testing you :shysmile: i'm honestly looking for feedback from someone i trust.

the only thing i have ever expect from a partner is don't fuck with my the crazy. it's mine. i know the rules. interlopers just complicate things. i can't be crazy and feel guilty about being crazy. it's exhausting.

i'm a person. a person with all the quirks and tics. i'm funny. exceedingly loyal. honest. caring. i can bake the hell out of a cake. is just that sometimes i'm too sad to get out of bed. it's not your fault. i can't always help it. i don't expect you to try to fix it. most of the time, give me a bit of distance. really, a day to sulk and ya shit talking wonder gal will be back.

i'm not someone to be put up with. i'm fucking awesome. some folks have unbearable friends and family. some folks have rubbish taste in movies *movies they expect you to watch with them* i have a sad. get the fuck over it.



eta: long suffering assholes laboring under the delusion of martyrdom are crazier than i am.

*applauds* This was fucking brilliant. Maybe my bag of crazy can hang out with your bag of crazy and we can be crazy (awesome crazy!) together :biggrin1:

Also, people with BPD (and other mental illness/mental quirks) want love too. Rather not-nice to judge a person on something like that as a sweeping statement.
 

B_M37

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mentally ill person here.

dear possible partner

is not your place to save me. is not your responsibility to guide me. unless you are a trained professional is not in your ability to fix me. really, i don't need fixing. my brain might be trying to kill me. but this odd arrangement of chemical off balance and cross wired neurons makes me me. and i like me.

i know i am batshit crazy. i keep track of my crazy. i'm careful with your feelings, all the time, more so when i know the crazy is stomping my floorboards. i don't assume what i feel is anyway connected to anything you're doing/saying/feeling. sometimes i'll ask if i am being unreasonable. please answer honestly. i'm not testing you :shysmile: i'm honestly looking for feedback from someone i trust.

the only thing i have ever expect from a partner is don't fuck with my the crazy. it's mine. i know the rules. interlopers just complicate things. i can't be crazy and feel guilty about being crazy. it's exhausting.

i'm a person. a person with all the quirks and tics. i'm funny. exceedingly loyal. honest. caring. i can bake the hell out of a cake. is just that sometimes i'm too sad to get out of bed. it's not your fault. i can't always help it. i don't expect you to try to fix it. most of the time, give me a bit of distance. really, a day to sulk and ya shit talking wonder gal will be back.

i'm not someone to be put up with. i'm fucking awesome. some folks have unbearable friends and family. some folks have rubbish taste in movies *movies they expect you to watch with them* i have a sad. get the fuck over it.



eta: long suffering assholes laboring under the delusion of martyrdom are crazier than i am.


Brilliant, enlightened and true.
 

Thirdlegproduction

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The post was meant to be as broad as possible.

It doesn't really matter how you define the mental illness it comes down to if you stay around to be there for the person or stay as far away as possible and just cut all ties.

In some cases there's hardly a choice like close family members.

Helping people is also very broad, as a simple walk in the park can be helping or like mentioned above finding the best doctors and medicine one can find.

My best experiences have been with people who I offered help if they ever needed it and then stayed the fuck away from em untill they hit rock bottom and wanted to change for themselves.
 

psguy64

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Briefly - My life became much simplier [less drama] when Ex-partner was diagnosed
as bi-polar which his moods swings were lessened under medication. Unfortunately
he did not consistently take the medication, during 10-yrs I could recognize
within a couple days when he was not taking the medication. His personality was much like a roller coaster with hi-highs and with low-lows. Much of this was
a learning experience for me as I had no previous experience nor did I really
learn with was high was his high or how low was his low. Learning the 'warning'
signs I would seriously question when was the last time he took his medication.
Through serious therapy on my part, I left when his took a serious high that
lasted for 6-mths refusing to 'get help' . Through our relationship he would
seek therapy at my insistence. My therapist questioned me frequently if I thought and/or believed he was a sexual addict as well 'manic', which I disbelieved until
I was able to clearly think a year later after I walked. My life and the later years
have been drama free after learniong my life lessons. During our relationship I
tried to help, not enable but to be supportive.
 
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693987

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Stay well, well away. Do not ever, ever get involved in a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD).

Oh wait, your posts make much more sense now.

Mod Actions thread says "Miscer - 7day temp ban, trolling"
 

MickeyLee

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*looks up in the sky* it's a bird!!

*looks again* no... it's a plane!!

*blink* does that dude's fleshlight have wings?
 

Infernal

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You can't change people, but you can encourage them to make small steps to help change their lives in big ways. It took me 3 years to convince an ex that he needed to see someone because there was something wrong. It was worth the effort. He's a completely different person, and so much for the better.

Another ex was a compulsive liar and lived a life that was far more grandiose fantasy than reality. Under all that, he was a kind loving person. I saw him for what he was, and I chose to ignore the nonsense that came out of his mouth. Two weeks before he died he was talking shit to me, but in between the grand stories of his life, he made time to tell me that he still loved me and was sorry things hadn't lasted.

Another was damaged in ways I can't describe. In the end, I couldn't even be his friend and asked him to leave.

In the end, they simply are who they are. Love them, crazy and all. Some you can hold close, others you have to love from a distance, and unfortunately sometimes you have to walk away.
 

sleepiboi

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As so many have said, you can't change people, and people getting with people with that intent in the end doesn't work out. Also, nobody is perfect. If you really care about someone you should be able to accept it and either encourage them as the previous poster said.
 

sizehungry

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I was diagnosed as being unstable at the tender age of 15 ,after nearly killing the school bully, a cruel, spiteful , ignorant character , with an intellect akin to that of a still born sheep. Having been bullied by a variety of loathsome individuals for many years prior to that, this dumb sucker was the one who tripped the switch. Ever since then i have had an attitude (kept on a tight leash ) towards rude , ignorant ,overbearing , inconsiderate ,intolerant , and bullying people , that can only be described as dangerous . For my own part , this attitude has damaged many friendships ,relationships , and family connections. I am a person who is polite , non racist/sexist , quiet and considerate , and DO NOT go around making life difficult for others , so , accordingly , i do not tolerate others doing untoward things to me. Fortunately , i am surrounded by good friends of similar view , and i simply avoid the assholes of society as best i can ,for their safety. Does this make me unstable ? Who really knows.
 
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deleted556573

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You must. Who else would?
Mentally ill people do not realise that they are sick and that they need help.
We live in the 21st century. Medicine is great! One member of my close family is/was mentally ill. I found the best doctors they had the best medicine. My family member is yet again a functional human being, with friends and a LIFE!
So, what would have happened if I had given up on her?

That's fine and well. I applaud your efforts. In the end, your family member realized she had a problem and accepted the help. You can't force someone to accept help unless they see that they have a problem. Do you understand what I'm getting at here?

Not every mentally unstable person admits or realizes that they have a problem, much less accept help. My father is one of those people. He insists that it is everyone else around him that has the problem, not him. That, right there, is what I am getting at.
 

keithcc

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Unless you are a professional acting in that capacity dealing with crazy people is just a massive sinkhole of time, energy and your own sanity.

I have worked in two fields in which there are a fair number of crazy people, corporate aviation and motorcycle sales and repair. Arm's length or total avoidance are the only two strategies I know of.

People who are eccentric or unusual in their interests or responses but not dangerous or disruptive can be amusing and sometimes you can have a rewarding relationship with them so long as certain boundaries are set and respected.