LPSG Spotlight on jason_els

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by ManlyBanisters, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. ManlyBanisters

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    Step up to the mic, jason, and give us a rendition of Vampire Blues while we think of some questions to pick your brains with :biggrin1::biggrin1:


    Oooo, hang on - I got one:

    If you could only meet one of the New York LPSG get together crowd again who would you pick and why?

    (Dayum, that's a mean question, innit?)
     
  2. Drifterwood

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    What are your thoughts on:-

    Globalisation?

    Global Warming?

    Imperialism?

    Genetic modification?

    Which is your favourite breed of dog?
     
  3. cockoloco

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    If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

    Do/did you play any sports?

    Which language would you like to learn to speak?

    Do you have a hidden talent?

    The least known fact about jason_els is______________

    What did you want to be when you were a little kid?
     
  4. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Why is it that I can't grow hair on the bottom of my foot?

    Do you think there is life on other planets?

    How much pollution do you feel you contribute to the world in a year?

    How many people are on your ignore/friend list?

    Can emu's fly?

    If you were trapped in a factory, could you get out with a toothpick, a piece of string and two shiny red balloons?

    Describe your greatest weakness.

    What is the best cure for the common cold in your opinion? The one that has plegmn, snot dripping, and a pesky cough?
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    JASON...
    What is your favorite thing about LPSG?
    What is the most difficult thing about organizing the NY LPSG meet & greet?
    What is your favorite restaurant in NYC?
    What is your favorite memory of childhood?
    What is the best thing about being an adult?
    What is your most treasured possession?
    What is your idea of perfect happiness?
    Who has been the biggest inspiration to you?
    Where is your favorite vacation?
    Jason is___________________because________________________
     
  6. prince_will

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    Why are you so wise? ;)

    Favorite guilty pleasure?

    Can you look back and think of something you truly regret?

    Favorite brand of clothing?

    Did you play any role in school (e.g. jock, nerd, prince, fat kid, etc..)
     
  7. killerb

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    what's your favorite cookie?
     
  8. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Omg, Jason. This man deserves to see his man in print! So smart, so incisive, so generous, so kind, so funny, so...addictive. When am I getting my next Jason fix??
     
  9. got_lost

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    Jason! :smile:

    What colour is your kitchen?

    When did you last eat out and what did you have?

    What was your last purchase?

    How big is your TV?

    What is your current favourite tune?
     
  10. camper joe

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    Jason what is your favorite new program?
     
  11. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Yeesh!! These are tough. I'm working on 'em though. I had no idea.
     
  12. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Hot potato eh?


    That's easy. It's Mem. The reason why is because he's the only one who has moved so far away that it's unlikely he'll ever come to another one.

    It's remarkable how well we get along when together. It's a good group.
     
  13. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Not going terribly well is it? I believe it's a scam set-up by the super rich and business to enrich themselves at the expense of the middle and lower classes, essentially allowing the developing world to cripple the first world. The economics of globalisation make for dangerous social policy.

    I really don't know. I do think there is climate change going on, but whether it's man-made in sum or part, I have no idea. I do not think we will have a definitive answer as to what is happening and how for quite a long time. I do believe we should respond to it as best we can for the present because, what if it is entirely our doing? With such high stakes it's better to be safe than sorry.

    I'm sure you know more about that than I do.

    Like any other technology, I have no qualms with it so long as it is used for the benefit of humanity. What is a benefit and what is a harm, however, are very debatable.

    Right now I'm partical to pumis though I'm also fond of the other Hungarian breeds. They're not overbred and so far less subject to congenital defects and diseases.

    Heh, actually my dream is to have a penthouse in Manhattan. It's not terribly far-fetched as many are quite small and oddly-shaped. You can find them for under $1 million if you don't care much about the address. I would spend most of the year there.

    There is one particular house in Bermuda I'm in love with though it's not for sale. It's not the biggest or most expensive, but it is just the perfect Bermuda cottage. I could see myself spending summer and maybe some of winter there.

    No. I had a sadistic, vicious, evil gym teacher for most of my elementary school years and she completely turned me off to sports. I also had such poor self-esteem that I saw every sporting event as just another thing to fail at. That woman is one of the few people I hate in the world. I can't forgive here even now, 30 years later. I hope she died or dies of a nasty long painful death.

    I do like working out at a gym when I can get the motivation to do it. I have that motivation again and am doing it.

    I would love to finally learn how to speak French properly. I'd also like to learn Italian, Japanese, Welsh, and Irish.

    Yes! I am phenomenal at loading the dishwasher to fit as much as possible while still getting everything clean.

    I'm into S&M.

    First a veterinarian, then an astronomer. I did not, sadly, have the mathematical skill to do either.

    You don't use your feet frequently enough when masturbating.

    Yes. Just given the sheer number of star systems it's probable since we know it's happened at least once before. It would not surprise me at all to know that some UFOs actually are aliens. It's hubris to think we know what is possible and impossible when we're barely out of stone underwear.

    My carbon footprint is fairly small compared to most people and families. My only complaint is that the house where I'm living is horribly insulated and just guzzles gas but that's outside of my control. It annoys me no end that I could spend my entire life watching every single erg I use and all of that care could be offset by one person taking a private jet across country on a whim.

    Nobody's on my ignore list though I know I'm on those of a few other people. By my count I have 43 friends. I don't add to that list lightly. I really have to know and like someone for me to add them.

    Only in aircraft, though their ancestors once ruled the earth and sky. See that bird labeled E? That actually flew. Had a great name too, Argentavis magnificens.

    Surprisingly likely. I'm really good at MacGuyvering stuff like that.

    It has been an acute lack of self-esteem. I was not the kid who fought back. I was taught to always obey others, always defer to others, and believed that I was being harmed or abused that I must somehow deserve it. I have never had a romantic relationship, never lived independently, and still automatically think that I can't have, touch, play, or own many things because they're for grown-ups and I'm not a grown-up. Having a dick that's smaller than average and not being good-looking didn't help either.

    In the past year and half though much of that has changed. While I have much work to do, I have also come very far from being that person. My only regret is that I wasted my youth feeling so negatively about myself.

    For that change of everything I have to thank LPSG and the one person in particular who sparked all this and has stood by me through it all.

    Without question it's the remedy my aunt and uncle brought back from China after years of living there:

    Take an entire ginger root, skin it, then cut it into 2-3 inch pieces. Add that to an average sized pot and then add 4-5 sticks of cinnamon. Bring to a boil and then keep on low heat just below simmering. When the tea is a deep amber color, pour into a big mug or bowl to which the juice of one lemon or lime has been added. Do not fill all the way, leave plenty of room for a few tablespoons of honey. The resulting tea should be very spicy, very sour, and very sweet. Drink the tea every 2-3 hours or until symptoms return. Add water to the pot once in a while during your cold and if you want to turn the stove off at night then do so. It doesn't effect the quality of the tea though I do advise not to use aluminum pots. Enammeled or stainless steel are best.

    I was really skeptical about it but when my aunt and uncle saw me in the grocery store they saw how miserable I was and gave me the recipe, absolutely swearing by it. I tried it and this tea is really good at relieving symptoms though the taste can be very strong and tough to get used to. You do get used to it after a few cups though and I find it very warming, particularly in winter.
     
  14. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    That I've been accepted and usually liked by so many people I admire despite the fact I have a fairly small penis. Ridiculous I know, but it's true.

    Trying to accommodate the needs of so many people.

    Aquavit

    Once a year my mom would wake me on a school day and tell me I didn't have to go to school. Instead we would go into New York and see the museums and a show. We'd have lunch from a cart and then have dinner at an exotic restaurant before seeing a show and come home. Had no idea how valuable that education was at the time either though that it always happened on a school day made me feel I had to earn it and so I paid attention to what I was learning.

    I don't know. It's hard to think of myself as an adult. It really is. I still go to bars and automatically think that I'm not allowed to drink or that I'm far too young to have children or that nobody would ever let me drive a fancy car or handle an expensive object d'art.

    I guess my dogs are technically my possessions though I don't think of them that way. Anything else I treasure are irreplaceable heirlooms from my deceased ancestors. Those mean a lot to me and particularly so when they're from one I knew.

    I suspect that it's to be loved in return as you love someone else though again, I don't know as it has never happened.

    Short of that, I love late August evenings when the sky is red-pink and time seems to just hang in the still air, where friends and family are enjoying each other's company, sitting down to a dinner of cold steak and fresh corn on the cob, and just letting the hours pass as the candles and fireflies take light far into the warm darkness.

    Fred Hess, Isaac Asimov, Len Beecher, Thomas Post, Ollie Lay, Jeff Rose, and someone here who I don't care to embarrass.

    I likely haven't taken it yet. Until then I'd say I had a great time as kid going to Lake Mohonk in summer and getting into trouble with the Camp brothers and, of all people, Eli Roth and his brothers. We had a blast.

    Jason is a work in progress because he really only just started realizing he's not as awful as he was lead to believe.

    Wise?!?! Lord! Even Socrates didn't think himself wise. What i do have is experience and a watchful eye. I have always paid very close attention to how to behave in social situations so that I would be accepted by others. Being the outsider teaches you thinks about what it is to be an insider.

    The Tantric erotic massages i get once a month from my therapist. They really help me to see my body more positively. I'm not someone who, "lets go," during sex. I work really, really, hard to please the other person and, as a result, frequently come away completely frustrated and dissatisfied. These massage sessions help me relax, learn to take pleasure from sex, and to approach sex in a more balanced way. I can't emphasize enough just how negative I have been about how I look and that was even when I was a gym bunny in my late teens looking buff and tight.

    The massages also help me feel that I'm less of a boy and more of a man. In a sense the bodywork validates my masculinity in a way my father never did as I was brought-up in a very sexually repressive household. Puberty for me was terrifying as it meant that my parents would know I'd be sexually maturing and, therefore, interested in sex.

    Absolutely. I regret wasting so many years loathing myself, I regret I didn't stand-up for myself when I was young, I regret that I didn't take advantage of many opportunities in work and education, and I regret abusing my dog when I was clinically depressed that I should have been in a hospital (as I later was). Though I don't blame myself, I regret being such a sensitive kid, and I regret not staying in shape or taking care of my teeth as I should have.

    I am so completely not a fashion label person. I like Ralph Lauren's stuff but then I was raised as a preppy so I suppose I like his stuff because it's so familiar. Really though, I like nice clothes now and then but I'm really most comfortable in jeans and T-shirt or polo with a pair of sneakers.

    What I do truly marvel at is haute couture done well. I marvel at the skill and craftsmanship that goes into that bespoke hand-made clothing and I believe the designs are, frequently, significant reflections of society. The most stunning collection of clothing that highlights the extraordinary skill that goes into these garments has to be the spring 2007 Christian Dior collection. These are truly works of art executed in fabric.

    Yes and no. I was frequently seen as the smart kid who didn't try very hard and weaseled his way out of everything. I think this is why I've been physically assaulted by not less than three of my teachers through the years merely for things I have said to them. The fact is that learning disabilities were just being discovered when I was finishing high school. My teachers saw my A grades in history, English, and other arts subjects and assumed I should be able to do the same in math and science. It wasn't until I was 16 that I was tested for learning disabilities and found to have an eighth grade math skill. Anything more complicated than basic math is a mystery to me as are any science subjects requiring math formulas.

    I was a popular kid in grade school to some extent though the tough I went to a parochial school. The public school kids hated me. They beat me up, called me all kinds of names, and were just horrible. The great majority of my childhood was spent in fear of harm of people more powerful than I was. That's a hell of a thing to say but it's true.

    When I got to boarding school I decided there and then that fate wouldn't happen to me. I became popular with everyone, circulating among the various cliques with ease. There were only 188 students in the whole school so it's difficult to say that any group was exclusive. Everybody knew everybody else. That popularity got me student council president in my senior year even though I was nearly kicked out for bad grades due to too much pot smoking and an increasing realization that being the person everyone else wanted me to be was no way to live and be happy with myself.

    My sister's chocolate chip cookies. They're even better than my grandmother's though based upon the same recipe. They're outstanding and wholly addictive.
     
    #14 jason_els, Oct 27, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2008
  15. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon::You_Rock_Emoticon:[/quote]
     
  16. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I really do not understand why you think that especially since you know me in-person. I have so little idea of how to handle that kind of enthusiasm that I find it a bit frightening. Nor am I equipped to handle those kinds of compliments so I don't know what to say other than do default to what Emily Post tells us to say: Thank you for them and please know they are returned in kind.

    I had no control over the colors of the kitchen and so, as a result, they're sea foam green and wheat.

    Last night my mother and step-father took me out to dinner. I had crab cakes with endive and mango salsa and John Dory lightly fried in tomato cream sauce. John Dory is a huge treat in this part of the world as we so rarely see it. I think the restaurant didn't do it very well. The frying and the sauce were too much and too salty. The wonderful delicate flavor of John Dory that makes it the king of white flesh fishes, was lost under all that. It takes great skill to cook John Dory well and, sadly, this chef doesn't have it.

    A roll of wintergreen Lifesavers.

    One is a 43" Mitsubishi HD projection TV and the other is a Toshiba 28" NTSC box. Both are calibrated and look amazing.

    I have a bunch as I find it difficult to reconcile the value of a song from one genre with that of other genres.

    Favorite hymn: Amazing Grace sung by Nana Mouskouri
    Favorite female classical song: Beim schlafengehen sung by Jessye Norman
    Favorite male classical song: Ch'ella mi creda sung by Giuseppe Giacomini
    Favorite jazz/blues song: Summertime sung by Ella Fitzgerald
    Favorite show tune: Bali Hai sung by Juanita Hall
    Favorite film score: The Ghost and Mrs. Muir by Bernard Herrmann
    Favorite old traditional folk song: Silver Dagger performed by Dolly Parton
    Favorite country song: The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia by Vicki Lawrence
    Favorite classic rock song: Limelight by Rush
    Favorite old school pop song: The Rhythm of the Falling Rain by The Cascades
    Favorite modern pop song: Lift Me Up by Moby
    Favorite New Wave song: Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division
    Favorite disco song: I Feel Love by Donna Summer
    Favorite cover: Social Distortion performing Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash
    Favorite Latin song: Mas Que Nada by Sergio Mendez and Brazil 66
    Favorite metal/industrial song: Dragula by Rob Zombie
    Favorite film song: Goldfinger sung by Shirley Bassey
    Favorite dance song: You Spin Me 'Round by Dead or Alive
    Favorite electronica: The Chase by Girogio Moroder from Midnight Express
    Favorite alternative song: Gouge Away by The Pixies
    Favorite punk song: X-Offender by Blondie

    The subtle, extremely carefully worked, Mad Men.
     
  17. SpeedoGuy

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    Frequent reader of jason's posts here so I'll go:

    Are you happy, jason? If so, why? If not, what you doing to change that?
     
  18. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Wow! Thank you! Same here of yours.

    I'm getting happy as I discover new things about myself. Something that I'm writing about now that really changed how I handled the past was during a Body Electric School course in Power, Surrender, and Intimacy (or BDSM).

    It's hard to emphasize just how important it is to have someone I respect and admire believe in me even if just a little bit. That person just lifted me up and out of where ever I was. It was because of him and my own desire to change, that I started on a road to discovery. Body Electric has been essential to that process as is my therapist who is wholly unconventional in his approach, yet precisely what I need at this point in time.

    It was via the Power, Surrender, and Intimacy course that I learned to let go of my past and embrace my capabilities as a person. During that course, I was paired with one guy whom, for whatever reason, was absolutely and completely who I needed. I later learned he was a sacred intimate and body worker so instinctively knew what I needed from him. These were the first two exercises of the day and they involved bondage and complete surrender of all power to another person. In those two exercises, which I'm going to write about later in my blog here, I was able to completely let go of myself, drop all my defenses, and just release my inhibitions with another man.

    The following day we had an exercise in flogging. I had never done any of this before so I was quite intimidated and discovered that I actually have a talent for flogging. I'm very good at controlling intensity, placement of the lashes, and varying the routine to make it erotic. What I was not prepared for was what it was like to be flogged. It hurts. It hurts a great deal. In fact it hurts so much that your brain blanks out into something resembling a snowy TV screen. For the first few lashes I resisted the pain, braced myself against it, held my breath, and clenched my teeth but as they kept increasing intensity, I couldn't do that, I couldn't maintain a facade of defiance against this tsunami of pain. There and then I just broke. Collapsing to the table, I retreated into the same place I used to go when other people hurt me. I was shackled to the table, unable to go anywhere. My arms were being held down by my spotter, and while I could have stopped it at any time, I didn't.

    Again and again and again the floggers landed on my back and ass. My dom would increase the intensity of the flogging until he graduated to a bigger flogger and then continued even more intensely. With no where to go and the pain forcing me to focus on what was happening, I couldn't hide any longer and an emotional dam just gave way and I lost it, bursting into tears and screaming. Again and again, the rhythm didn't change as the intensity did. My dom was a young guy, very well built, with a lot of strength. He just slammed into my backside with his entire body and the intensity of the pain became so great I could do nothing but let go of it.

    And right there all my memories opened-up and I began to imagine myself flogging every single one of the people who had hurt me right from birth up to today. In essence, I transferred the pain I was feeling onto them, balancing the inequality of our previous status of predator and victim. I didn't stop crying the rest of the session, which went on for a good half hour, but nor did I stop transferring the pain I felt back onto the people who had caused me pain. I returned to them all their hate and sadistic pathology they had forced on to me.

    In this, I now had power over them because I controlled the pain I was experiencing. At but a movement or a word I could bring the entire session to an end. That was the crucial difference. Where before I couldn't control what was done to me, I now controlled everything. I was master of my own pain and thus, the pain that others had inflicted on me without my consent all through the years. Toward the end all the faces and names and memories started flashing around like a carousel and transcended every strike of the leather on my now screaming skin. The endorphin cascade had made me feel good about what I had experienced, and with that, I surrendered my anger and my victimhood.

    My dom and my spotter undid the restraints and pulled me up off the table at the end. My entire backside from my neck to my ass and balls (which were flogged as well) were one stinging, welted, scorching heat like a terrible lobster red sunburn. They hugged me as I came back down out of the clouds and just held me for a long time while all I could do was thank them for helping me face the monsters of my past and defeat them. I actually wanted the welts on my back to scar though they didn't because my dom knew what he was doing.

    Immediately afterward I went downstairs to the jacuzzi and just floated with my head right near the outlets so the rush of the surging water filled my ears with its soothing sound. Water is my refuge. When I was a boy I took baths that lasted for hours, I swam for hours at a time. I'm a true Piscean. My strength comes from release and floating in that jacuzzi, I just released everything that had happened. For the most part, I didn't talk. I ate dinner alone, too absorbed in what had just happened.

    At the end of the night I went out to the chapel at the back of the retreat center and there struck a bell a few times and thanked Providence for bringing me Jeff (my bondage dom from the first two exercises) and Tom (my flogging dom). I also thanked Providence for sending me the man from LPSG who believed that I could do all this. Without him, I would not have been baptised, as that's what it was, into my own manhood.

    And then I cried tears of gratitude again. These three men, meaning to or not, changed my life in this one pivotal moment.

    That's not to say it's all coasting from here. Building on that experience takes time and effort. Some days are better than others, but overall I am moving ahead, and becoming happy.

    I'll be revisiting all this again in three weeks when I go back to Easton Mountain. Once again I'll go through all of this to help build upon what I experienced before, growing through it, and discovering new ways of building on my successes.
     
    #18 jason_els, Oct 27, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2008
  19. SpeedoGuy

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    Wow! What a story.

    I had no idea that such a torrent of past hurt could be acknowledged and confronted through careful infliction of physical pain. I mean, I've been to therapy and all, emotionally painful at times, but always while reposing in a comfortable easy chair in an office. I sometimes came away from those sessions sweating and wrung out, but nothing like your experience with such a dramatic transformation.

    Thanks for sharing.
     
  20. biguy2738

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    Jason, first a trip down memory lane....brace yourself! :eek:

    I've never confessed this to anyone but when you first started to "blip" on my radar, it was wonderful and refreshing. I enjoyed your posts and your deep, insightful self. I am not sure if the responses of members encouraged you to post more or if I just started to sit up and take more notice but I soon saw you pop up more and more, most especially on the relationships part of the board. Your wisdom, common sense, insight and sensitivity was admirable and daunting. Regardless of how much my heart made me want to respond to most posts, it was daunting to offer any kind of intelligent response after you had made a post because truthfully, nothing that I could have said during those times could match what you so beautifully and caringly offered to others. You have had a humbling effect on me, Jason and it's a privilege that I am very thankful for.

    You then very generously and bravely risked and shared about some of the things that you were grappling with inside of yourself in your blog and it just blew me away. I would never have guessed, though I should have because only a broken heart can truly understand another. My respect for you has double, tripled and quadrupled since.

    I think of you often and whenever I do I always remember the kindness that you showed me as I prepared to leave the country of my birth. It was incredibly thoughtful and caring of you and it's something that I am deeply grateful for even to this day.

    You are a gem, Jason. You project a deep inner beauty upon the lives of others, much as you may not be able to see or identify that beauty.
    THANK YOU for being my friend and for continuing to strive to be a better and wholer you because it encourages so many of us to follow suit.

    It's an honor to affirm your place in this great big reality called life!

    Is there a quotation or credo that you love and strive to abide by?

    What are five of your most favourite things (they need not be possessions)?

    If you could trade places with someone for a day, who would it be and why?
     
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