Heh heh...
Here are the lubes I have used and what I think of them:
Albolene: Undoubtedly one of the best substances out there for jerking off. It's like a super light petroleum jelly that stays slick and warms slightly to the touch. A favorite among J/O clubs. Get it in the cosmetic removal section of your drug store or supermarket (near the Noxema)
Vaseline: Love Vaseline for its texture... thick, greasy, stays slick, warms, and has a slight cling to it. Not so easy to clean up, but well worth the effort.
KY: Sucks. Hate it. It gets sticky and pills up and becomes a nuisance when it should be bringing you closer to nirvana. It can be OK if used in conjucntion with Vaseline, but still gets kinda weird.
WET (or any other water based lube for the most part): see above.
Elbow Grease: A favorite of mine for both fucking and jacking. Kinda pricey compared to other alternatives, but unbeatable for skin-to-skin action.
Crisco: Heavier version of Elbow Grease. Interesting texture. The smell can get to you... and if you get it on your sheets or towels, the laundromat will smell like a pastry oven when they hit the dryer.
Olive oil: Hey, if it's good enough for the Greeks, why not try it on your dick? I like olive oil... want someday to fuck using it too.
Butter: Yep, in a pinch I used butter as sex lube. Fucked a guy with it too. Butter made a better butt lube than a J/O lube though.
Baby Oil: It's just mineral oil with some strong fragrance put in it. I found that using it too long caused me to chafe while stroking. I saw a hot video once where some guy just POURED baby oil over some chick's cunt and then fucked her, then squeezed more out of the bottle onto his cock and her pussy and fucked her... sorry, I digress.
Alberto V05: A dab 'll do ya. You may need more than a dab for your big LPSG penis. I know I do. Has a texture like Vaseline and another strong (but more masculine) fragrance. Stays slick a long time. Good in a pinch, or for variety's sake. Good for jacking, not for packing.
Cum: Yeah, I've taken some other guy's load and spread it on my dick and jacked with it. After a while more saliva was needed, but that would most certainly depend on the quality and thickness of the load. Not a great dick lube, but a bit of a turn on knowing it's another guy's load that his balls made. I think it's hot ;-)
Piss: Another make-it-yourself lube. Always fun to jack your cock while some other dude is pissing on it/you. It's basically like using water, so the more the better.
Whipped cream: the kind in the can. Better used as something for your partner to lick off than a jackoff lube.
Shampoo: I prefer shampoos and body gels to bar soap when it comes to jerking in the shower... especially the ones that have moisturizers. Conditioners also work well for that.
That's all I can think of, but I am sure there are more...
