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I've not released any of my writing for a while, mainly because I'm never entirely satisfied with my stories and they often don't get finished. This one, however, is complete and ready to go (although I'll be posting it up in a series of bite-sized chunks.)
It started out as a good roleplay session I had with a gentleman I sometimes meet in the chatroom, which was getting pretty steamy when he suffered an episode of wankus interruptus and had to log off mid-flow. The fantasy lodged in my brain afterwards, and I decided to write it up, with a few changes (of names and other little details,) embellishments, and a back story. Oh, and an ending, of course.
This little tale is the result. I hope you enjoy.
*********
1.
"So... has he finally finished moving his stuff out?"
I loved my mate Rob's sexy Scottish accent. His line of enquiry, not so much.
He'd bided his time asking me - but I'd known all evening that the question, or something very much like it, would be coming. To say that I disliked talking about my shit of an ex-boyfriend was something of an understatement and, left to my own devices, I'd probably have kept it zipped. Nowadays I'm much better at not bottling stuff up, but back then - fuck, ten years ago already! - it was a different story.
Fortunately, Rob understood the value of talking about my emotions better than I did. He also knew I was a bit of a lightweight. Alcohol loosens my inhibitions and lubricates my tongue faster than it does for your average bloke and, by halfway down my third pint, he guessed I was about ready for a spot of gentle interrogation.
"Yeah. Picked up the last of his clothes and his smelly trainers yesterday. Nice to have a bit of space in the wardrobes again, actually. And I opened the windows and gave the flat a good airing as well: much more pleasant now."
"Good mate, you're well rid of him - and his bad feet. Now, learn your lesson from this experience, Marky-boy," Rob said, putting his pint down, fixing me with a hard stare and adopting his most mock-serious tone, "next time you meet a hot-looking man who turns out to be the male Imelda Marcos *AND* the town's most prolific buyer of Odor-Eaters, just walk away."
I gave out a bitter, hollow laugh. "If the cunt had actually bothered to use the Odor-Eaters a bit more often, then life would've been more pleasant," I conceded, "but his feet weren't half as big a problem as his roving eyes and his wandering hands. Jesus, I still can't believe I was so fucking blind. I reckon almost every time Steve said he was going up to Cambridge to meet his old mates, he was actually meeting some random. Clandestine online hookups probably, or worse. And I'd be amazed if the bloke he's ended up moving in with will find that he's any more inclined towards being faithful to him than I did. In short, he's fucking welcome to him."
"I know you were keen on Steve, mate," Rob said, reaching across the table and placing his hand over mine, as my first clenched and my knuckles whitened, "but you did the right thing, telling him to sling his hook as soon as you found out. It's not as if you two were in an open relationship or nothing. You trusted him and he threw it back in your face."
I shot my mate an angry glare and snapped straight back at him through gritted teeth. "And that was the fucking worst of it. If we'd not been getting along, then he'd met somebody else and decided to call it a day, that... that I could've lived with. But it was all smiles and fun and good times, right up til the day I saw him through the window of the White Lion with his bit on the side."
The memory of that night was still raw. I'd stayed home from work sick that day and, clearly convinced I'd be going nowhere, my then-boyfriend Steve had let his guard slip and met his alternative source of pleasure - by this point referred to in routine discourse as "the Bumboy" (childish, I know, but as if I fucking cared?) - down the pub, rather than making his usual "trip to Cambridge." This being a euphemism, it now transpired, for going straight over to Bumboy's joint for a rough shag, or a trainer-sniffing party, or whatever the Hell the two little shits got up to whilst I was at rugby training, out with my (real, actually existent) mates, or sat in front of the telly. Or, in this instance, when I was meant to be in bed.
Except that I wasn't in bed, because I had begun to feel better and decided that it would be a good idea to go for a walk. It was a lovely late July evening, the sultry heat of the day now yielding to a pleasantly warm and much fresher dusk - and, besides, the fridge was getting empty. Steve's assignation took place at the White Lion: a pretty down-at-heel sort of a boozer, which those of us who weren't big fans of flat beer and sticky carpets avoided like the plague, and which also happened to be on the direct route between the flat and the local Spar shop. Hence how I came to see him and Bumboy, looking very friendly indeed and making doe eyes at one another, quite by chance through those dirty pub windows - whilst on my way back to our home with a two pint bottle of milk, a ready meal and a bunch of bananas.
They were too busy to notice me, and I had too much dignity to go and make a scene in that grubby boozer. Instead, I sat at home and fulminated until Steve finally got back, well after midnight. Strong words were exchanged, the neighbours in all likelihood awoken, and he was told to fuck off in no uncertain terms.
Two weeks later, and I had been through the emotional wringer: stunned, furious, tearful (in private moments alone, of course,) coldly enraged, and now my fury was welling back up again. And, playing under it all like a constant bass hum, the desperate feeling of shame.
"I just feel like a total fucking fool, mate. If I'd not found him out by pure luck then he'd still be screwing around now. And what does that say about me, Rob? What does it say that I... that I cared about him so much?" I closed my eyes for a moment, as my anger segued into pain and I was overcome by a feeling of deflation. As my shoulders sagged and my balled fists relaxed, I felt Rob's fingers closing around my hand, squeezing firmly. And, at that moment, just feeling his touch - and knowing I didn't have to try to process and cope with this on my own - was so reassuring. It was almost as if the strength of his grip flowed from his hand into mine.
It started out as a good roleplay session I had with a gentleman I sometimes meet in the chatroom, which was getting pretty steamy when he suffered an episode of wankus interruptus and had to log off mid-flow. The fantasy lodged in my brain afterwards, and I decided to write it up, with a few changes (of names and other little details,) embellishments, and a back story. Oh, and an ending, of course.
This little tale is the result. I hope you enjoy.
*********
1.
"So... has he finally finished moving his stuff out?"
I loved my mate Rob's sexy Scottish accent. His line of enquiry, not so much.
He'd bided his time asking me - but I'd known all evening that the question, or something very much like it, would be coming. To say that I disliked talking about my shit of an ex-boyfriend was something of an understatement and, left to my own devices, I'd probably have kept it zipped. Nowadays I'm much better at not bottling stuff up, but back then - fuck, ten years ago already! - it was a different story.
Fortunately, Rob understood the value of talking about my emotions better than I did. He also knew I was a bit of a lightweight. Alcohol loosens my inhibitions and lubricates my tongue faster than it does for your average bloke and, by halfway down my third pint, he guessed I was about ready for a spot of gentle interrogation.
"Yeah. Picked up the last of his clothes and his smelly trainers yesterday. Nice to have a bit of space in the wardrobes again, actually. And I opened the windows and gave the flat a good airing as well: much more pleasant now."
"Good mate, you're well rid of him - and his bad feet. Now, learn your lesson from this experience, Marky-boy," Rob said, putting his pint down, fixing me with a hard stare and adopting his most mock-serious tone, "next time you meet a hot-looking man who turns out to be the male Imelda Marcos *AND* the town's most prolific buyer of Odor-Eaters, just walk away."
I gave out a bitter, hollow laugh. "If the cunt had actually bothered to use the Odor-Eaters a bit more often, then life would've been more pleasant," I conceded, "but his feet weren't half as big a problem as his roving eyes and his wandering hands. Jesus, I still can't believe I was so fucking blind. I reckon almost every time Steve said he was going up to Cambridge to meet his old mates, he was actually meeting some random. Clandestine online hookups probably, or worse. And I'd be amazed if the bloke he's ended up moving in with will find that he's any more inclined towards being faithful to him than I did. In short, he's fucking welcome to him."
"I know you were keen on Steve, mate," Rob said, reaching across the table and placing his hand over mine, as my first clenched and my knuckles whitened, "but you did the right thing, telling him to sling his hook as soon as you found out. It's not as if you two were in an open relationship or nothing. You trusted him and he threw it back in your face."
I shot my mate an angry glare and snapped straight back at him through gritted teeth. "And that was the fucking worst of it. If we'd not been getting along, then he'd met somebody else and decided to call it a day, that... that I could've lived with. But it was all smiles and fun and good times, right up til the day I saw him through the window of the White Lion with his bit on the side."
The memory of that night was still raw. I'd stayed home from work sick that day and, clearly convinced I'd be going nowhere, my then-boyfriend Steve had let his guard slip and met his alternative source of pleasure - by this point referred to in routine discourse as "the Bumboy" (childish, I know, but as if I fucking cared?) - down the pub, rather than making his usual "trip to Cambridge." This being a euphemism, it now transpired, for going straight over to Bumboy's joint for a rough shag, or a trainer-sniffing party, or whatever the Hell the two little shits got up to whilst I was at rugby training, out with my (real, actually existent) mates, or sat in front of the telly. Or, in this instance, when I was meant to be in bed.
Except that I wasn't in bed, because I had begun to feel better and decided that it would be a good idea to go for a walk. It was a lovely late July evening, the sultry heat of the day now yielding to a pleasantly warm and much fresher dusk - and, besides, the fridge was getting empty. Steve's assignation took place at the White Lion: a pretty down-at-heel sort of a boozer, which those of us who weren't big fans of flat beer and sticky carpets avoided like the plague, and which also happened to be on the direct route between the flat and the local Spar shop. Hence how I came to see him and Bumboy, looking very friendly indeed and making doe eyes at one another, quite by chance through those dirty pub windows - whilst on my way back to our home with a two pint bottle of milk, a ready meal and a bunch of bananas.
They were too busy to notice me, and I had too much dignity to go and make a scene in that grubby boozer. Instead, I sat at home and fulminated until Steve finally got back, well after midnight. Strong words were exchanged, the neighbours in all likelihood awoken, and he was told to fuck off in no uncertain terms.
Two weeks later, and I had been through the emotional wringer: stunned, furious, tearful (in private moments alone, of course,) coldly enraged, and now my fury was welling back up again. And, playing under it all like a constant bass hum, the desperate feeling of shame.
"I just feel like a total fucking fool, mate. If I'd not found him out by pure luck then he'd still be screwing around now. And what does that say about me, Rob? What does it say that I... that I cared about him so much?" I closed my eyes for a moment, as my anger segued into pain and I was overcome by a feeling of deflation. As my shoulders sagged and my balled fists relaxed, I felt Rob's fingers closing around my hand, squeezing firmly. And, at that moment, just feeling his touch - and knowing I didn't have to try to process and cope with this on my own - was so reassuring. It was almost as if the strength of his grip flowed from his hand into mine.