Lurkers?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by TallHungLB, Apr 3, 2005.

  1. TallHungLB

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    Hello All! I have a question for (or about) "lurkers." Why? Why are people afraid to post? I've noticed this on all sorts of discussion boards. Sexual one's like this and even non-sexual! Heck even on the Disney/Theme Park ones.

    There are always posts from people who say they've been lurking for months and months and finally got up the nerve to post. What are you afraid of?
     
  2. Imported

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    hung_big: I tend to believe these people who need "nerve" to post just have low self-esteem, aren't assertive or just overly shy. Though, I couldn't tell you why they care what people over the web (whom they don't know) think.

    Most times if anyone lurks and begins to post it's because they are scouting the forum out. I didn't post the first day, because I was looking to see what the members were like.

    Granted, not everyone has the same confidence level, but something as trivial as a forum should't effect one's ego.

    Chris
     
  3. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    beats me. I wondered about this when I first started using the internet - I couldn't figure out why anyone would bother joining a web forum or chat channel if they didn't intend to participate. mailing lists are different cos if I join a mailing list I'm doing it to get easy delivery of information I'd otherwise have to go find, not necessarily to provide any myself. but most forums you can read without joining, so why go to the effort of joining if you're only gonna read anyway?

    moral of the story: people are fucking weird™
     
  4. steve319

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    I've found that a lot of people (more than most would think) have no confidence in their ability to write. Whether it's spelling or grammar issues or worries about the quality of their ideas, lots of people pause for fear of ridicule.

    Maybe that plays some role in the phenomenon. But it seems that the anonymity of posting online would help remove that.
     
  5. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    Not only are some people shy, but I'm sure many of them are just here for the gallery, as harsh or rude as it may sound, but since I put my avatar up, many lurkers wanted to get to know me better...with a pic included. Some have even resorted to insult and attempted blackmail (It's really quite funny!) But I do agree that a majority are just shy, and are on the inside good people. To the lurkers who only want pictures, if they really wanted to get to know me, they would socialize more in order to get to know me (well, all of us really) and then if they wanted to get to know me better, they might just get thier chance. But for 90% of the shy lurkers, I'm sure shyness or fear of rejection (not that they need to feel that way) is most likely whats holding them back.
     
  6. madame_zora

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    Yaoi, I know what you mean. I think that there are a lot of shy people out there, but when they cross the boundary from lurkerdom to contacting me in reality to ask if we can be friends behind the scenes or want more pics (as if I don't post enough!) I get peeved as hell! It's not MY problem someone else is shy, I really don't give a rats' ass.

    Now, checking the place out before you jump in makes sense, but at some point I'd think you'd either like it enough to participate or leave. Just my opinion though, and I know the grammar thing can be a bit brutal around here. With all the professionals in language arts on this board, it can be a bit daunting.
     
  7. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    ah yeah, I forgot about the gallery. that would explain the lurkers at this site, at least. doesn't really explain them elsewhere though.
     
  8. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Why?

    Well, I have to break it down. If I had not joined at an earlier point, I too might have lurked for a while. I have long cringed at the snide comments made when typos, grammatical errors, or even problems with translation occured. In my opinion, it is just as uncouth or wrong to point out someone's mistakes in a public forum. I find that to be a pretty sad joke indeed. It really makes me angry and upset for some of the folks who have been brave enough to post for the first time. I am not going to name any names.Besides those most guilty would probably only come back with a nasty retort. This is a support group. We all come from different walks of life. No one of us is so invulnerable that we can afford to be mean spirited. There is no reason that a number of our members don't post, have left or feel wounded because of the insensitivity that we all exhibit from time to time. Let's try to use a little of the "Golden rule" around here. Then maybe we might see some new voices emerging.


    Naughty
     
  9. steve319

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    That captures it exactly, I think. A big majority of my students are hesitant writers, and always for the wrong reasons--worrying about mechanics or spelling or somesuch rather than the ideas presented. And a lot of times this fear can be traced back to experiences with poor teachers who think that teaching writing is a search for comma errors. A LOT of adults carry this baggage and have junk to overcome just to be able to share their perfectly-wonderful thoughts on paper.

    And seeing someone ridiculing another poster's spelling or English skills just confirms all those fears for them. IMHO, as long as the message is communicated, let's not worry too much about the rest at this point. (Editing comes later, when appropriate.)

    But as for the lurker issue, yeah, there are probably a lot of goons who just want to leer at the photos too. :) But they are short-termers, I'd bet.

    Loved what you said, Naughty. "No one of us is so invulnerable that we can afford to be mean spirited." I'll have to share that one with my coworkers.
     
  10. Imported

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    orionsword57: .....Loved what you said, Naughty. "No one of us is so invulnerable that we can afford to be mean spirited." ....

    There's another point to vulnerability. There is probably a hacker out there who could find our internet addresses, then our credit cards, and then our home addresses and identities if they so desired, regardless of efforts to the contrary. If there has been negative Bush-bashing here, a scan for that could bring up info about all of us for someone's files. I've decided I'm finally too old to worry about that kind of stuff, but some might and be afraid to get into a data base.
     
  11. taven

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    Some of us are in situations that leave us highly vulnerable to a number of people who might identify us in one manner or another. Writing style, personal comments, hacking, are just a few of the possibilities. Even in today's so called open environment, I'm screwed in a number of ways if I'm identified as a member of this group. (What I've already said about myself, little as it is, could have serious repercussions for me.) Personally, I've spent my life being the wizard (whatever people around me needed) and my true self (instead of the persona I've borne) would damage too many others for me to really come out. Stupid? Yes, but it's too late for me to have a life anyway; why would I hurt others for no personal gain anyway even if I could be that selfcentered?
     
  12. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    Lurkers do show up in Chat from time to time, and I've spoken with quite a few there. The most common excuse for not posting that I've been told is that they feel intimidated. They see the camaraderie and joking and feel like they're outside of the family. I wish that they understood that the way to become part of that family is to just jump in with both feet and make it known that they wish to be 'one of us'. Most of us are pretty accepting people.
     
  13. Imported

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    hung_big: Well said Jacinto...

    Though I'm relatively newbish, I would say that I'm generally accepted and loved on this board. Far be it from me to know why, but I still get that feeling ;). You will be loved (most of the time - if you aren't an ass), if you give us the chance!
     
  14. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    man you said it. that post ranks highly among the most pathetic things I've ever read. nobody and nothing is worth denying or compromising yourself for, ever. it's very easy and tempting to let the impositions of others control our lives ... but if you recognize that, and still refuse to do anything about it out of sheer shitlessness, then I have no fucking sympathy.
     
  15. empressfromme

    empressfromme New Member

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    I first stumbled upon LPSG while surfing for sex related message boards. Once here, I got more interested in all the aspects of the members and the conversations taking place, not just the sexual topics. The main reason I hesitated so long before posting is because I don't fit into the "large" category and felt like I wouldn't be welcomed. The longer I lurked, the more "average" guys I saw posting on here and thought I'd give it a try.
     
  16. Imported

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    hung_big: I dunno how anybody could think that...considering the people that inhabit this wonderful site. And nobody says you have to announce your endowment on this site - those of us who do, that's fine; those who don't, just as well.

    This is a loving place, if I've ever been in one!
     
  17. madame_zora

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    Yeah, and if we're ever in a bad mood, we just dump on Chris!

    *tweeks Hungbig's cheecks. You know I love ya*
     
  18. Imported

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    hung_big: LOL! Yer so cute Jana hun!

    Love ya too! *Pinches yer OTHER cheeks!*

    I seem to be more fond of those! :p
     
  19. TallHungLB

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    The fact that LPSG is such an open and encompassing place (a rarity indeed) is what confuses me even more about lurkers. I would imagine that after reading through here a few times a persons inhabitions would melt quickly.

    But I guess it just gets filed under Diversity.
     
  20. Leung

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    I have to admit that I didn't post as soon as I joined. I hade joined before under different Aliases just to read the messages and advice, but I got bored of that. So I thought I would just impose myself on everybody!
    It is true that a lot of lurkers are just shy; many don't have any reason to be. But it seems that some worry about their grammar when they shouldn't, and more don't worry about it when they should (like me!).
    But, as Steve(319) said, the relative anonymity of posting online should remove any shyness, it’s not like anyone is going to find out where you live and hunt you down!

    However, my main experience of lurkers (especially the damn "anonymous" ones (grrrr :grr: ) is that they are here for the galleries, which I think is a bit pervy to be honest.
     
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