Lust

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deleted1946111

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what do members do when their lusts are greater than the ability to satisfy them. I’m married, we have little sexual activity, and long to suck more cock than is possible in my circs. I do not want to hurt my wife,and at my age changing my circs seems a step too far. So I just live with, and enjoy, the erotic thrill of my,mainly,unsatisfied longings.What does anyone else do?
 
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1222288

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For myself, I've been lucky enough to have a partner who I can openly communicate with, who won't throw me outside of the house if we have sexual discussions about other people. After over 20 years together, we've made some allowances for what is permissible, and what is completely off the table. The key here for us is our communication around a mutual agreement (whatever that entails), and maintaining a level of trust.

So, one of the things we allow ourselves is the occasional company of a 3rd person to join us. We go through the process together to find someone, talk to them, discuss how we want it to play out, then mutually have fun once they arrive. If either of us is uncomfortable, we pull the plug, then also discuss that in detail and move on.

I've known some couples where the husband is in the bi range, so they have a mmf once in a while so that both of them can be satisfied. Is that something you could bring up to your wife?
 

marriedasian

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if your situation is unchangeable then you only have two options:

1) live with it and accept it. there is more to life than sexual satisfaction if it is not a necessity to you to connect with your wife. you didn't say how long you've been like this so if you've made it this far, i'm sure you can keep going indefinitely. if sexual intimacy is important to you in connecting with your wife then i would suggest you talk to her and share your feelings with her. whatever the outcome, you just live with it and it becomes a part of your life with her. do what you can to quench your thirst for sex (toys, porn, etc.).

2) get a fuck buddy. yes, i'm telling you to cheat on your wife. it's not ideal or perfect but you said your situation is unchangeable. you love your wife and don't want to hurt her so this is an option as long as you can keep this fuck buddy strictly as a "fuck-only" buddy with no emotional attachments. if you can't do this then don't even bother. i know quite a few people in situations like yours wherein everything seems good and dandy or even tolerable but no sexual activity so they've gone outside of their marriage to satisfy that "itch" per se and have carried on with their marriage undisturbed. many will say "you shouldn't do that to your wife/husband and should leave them but if the wife/husband refuses to have sex with you and won't allow you to have sex with other people, it's borderline spousal abuse by sexual hostage". sometimes situations do not warrant a divorce or separation but the sex is dead.

in closing, your situation is a hard one to give advice to and you may be walking a slippery slope here if you go at it carelessly. i told my wife before we got married that if she would one day not want to have sex anymore then she would have to let me go get it from someone else as a purely physical thing. she felt the same way for me as well. luckily to this day, we have been good thus far however i won't hesitate to let her fuck other men (which she has in the past for other reason than lack of sex at home). i know she's emotionally attached to me and that's what matters.

the 3rd option is to leave your wife but that's off the table since it sounds like you love her and the life you have with her.
 
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693987

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I suck it up and deal. I abide by whatever relationship parameters we've mutually agreed to. I've had a higher libido than every single person I've ever been with, whether casually as a friend with benefits, or romantically.
 
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deleted1946111

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if your situation is unchangeable then you only have two options:

1) live with it and accept it. there is more to life than sexual satisfaction if it is not a necessity to you to connect with your wife. you didn't say how long you've been like this so if you've made it this far, i'm sure you can keep going indefinitely. if sexual intimacy is important to you in connecting with your wife then i would suggest you talk to her and share your feelings with her. whatever the outcome, you just live with it and it becomes a part of your life with her. do what you can to quench your thirst for sex (toys, porn, etc.).

2) get a fuck buddy. yes, i'm telling you to cheat on your wife. it's not ideal or perfect but you said your situation is unchangeable. you love your wife and don't want to hurt her so this is an option as long as you can keep this fuck buddy strictly as a "fuck-only" buddy with no emotional attachments. if you can't do this then don't even bother. i know quite a few people in situations like yours wherein everything seems good and dandy or even tolerable but no sexual activity so they've gone outside of their marriage to satisfy that "itch" per se and have carried on with their marriage undisturbed. many will say "you shouldn't do that to your wife/husband and should leave them but if the wife/husband refuses to have sex with you and won't allow you to have sex with other people, it's borderline spousal abuse by sexual hostage". sometimes situations do not warrant a divorce or separation but the sex is dead.

in closing, your situation is a hard one to give advice to and you may be walking a slippery slope here if you go at it carelessly. i told my wife before we got married that if she would one day not want to have sex anymore then she would have to let me go get it from someone else as a purely physical thing. she felt the same way for me as well. luckily to this day, we have been good thus far however i won't hesitate to let her fuck other men (which she has in the past for other reason than lack of sex at home). i know she's emotionally attached to me and that's what matters.

the 3rd option is to leave your wife but that's off the table since it sounds like you love her and the life you have with her.
OK thanks for your thoughtful,considered comments. At present I am exploring long hidden parts of me. I don’t know where it will end up. Things may change, at present I’m inclined to option 2. I would love to find a cock I could suck regularly and get to know really well...
Cheers
 

billbob4

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I am 60, and find myself in basically a “no sex” marriage as well. We last had sex in October 2018, and no more than 6-10 times per year for about 5 years up til then. I remarried about 12 years ago after I moved back to California. I re-connected with a former long-term girl friend from after high school, who had divorced. As a young couple we lived together and had sex 2-3 times most every day for over 3 years; very satisfying and both into ensuring mutual pleasure. When we reconnected, the amount of sex and satisfaction resumed nearly to the same levels. The first few years of marriage, I began pushing boundaries...we went to nude/swinger resorts several times. I expressed my desire to have a MFM threesome... and kept pushing it. (She had one MFM in her previous marriage; she said she enjoyed it, but her husband had a change of heart after he watched his best friend mount up on her. It ended their friendship). We had a couple of “almosts” on our trips to swinger resorts. She seemed to enjoy the nudity and sexual energy. On our last trip, we had an erotic couples massage, her by a young man; and me by a female. She admitted to enjoy the feeling of the masseue’s hard cock pressing against her....the breath of his heavy breathing in her ear, her breasts massaged, and getting fingered. When we were both very aroused, the masseues left and we had a really good fuck. Afterward, she felt very guilty. I told her I felt no jealousy and it was an arousing experience from my perspective. I explained what she experienced with her husband and his best friend, was complicated by the fact there was a pre-existing relationship with the other guy...that in mutual consenting swinging experience it can be a new person to each of us... no baggage...with ground rules. When we came home, my wife entered a phase of questioning her morality, her commitment to her faith, guilt, etc. She has never been the same since. She has become absorbed in her faith and her Christianity... and in so doing the intimacy of a husband and wife as described in her faith is gone. She rejects counseling. I have stopped talking, pleading and expressing my desires for sex. Menopause has not helped either, and she refuses to take hormones. The last few times we attempted intercourses have been very painful for her. I love my wife. But we are almost like best friends living together, not lovers. I don’t want to hurt her, and I cannot bear the financial ruin of a divorce. So, it appears I must accept my situation. Finding a fuck buddy is risky... no strings attached does not always hold. The only thing I can say friend is you are not alone....Also, to those guys considering swinging, threesomes, etc...be very careful how you choose to approach it in your relationship.
 
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693987

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Adding on to what I posted above, if I found myself unable to deal with not having sex often enough, I communicate very often and honestly with anyone I'm with. I would seek their permission to have needs met elsewhere. If that was refused/off the table, I would leave someone before subjecting them to lies and oath breaking.
 
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deleted1946111

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I am 60, and find myself in basically a “no sex” marriage as well. We last had sex in October 2018, and no more than 6-10 times per year for about 5 years up til then. I remarried about 12 years ago after I moved back to California. I re-connected with a former long-term girl friend from after high school, who had divorced. As a young couple we lived together and had sex 2-3 times most every day for over 3 years; very satisfying and both into ensuring mutual pleasure. When we reconnected, the amount of sex and satisfaction resumed nearly to the same levels. The first few years of marriage, I began pushing boundaries...we went to nude/swinger resorts several times. I expressed my desire to have a MFM threesome... and kept pushing it. (She had one MFM in her previous marriage; she said she enjoyed it, but her husband had a change of heart after he watched his best friend mount up on her. It ended their friendship). We had a couple of “almosts” on our trips to swinger resorts. She seemed to enjoy the nudity and sexual energy. On our last trip, we had an erotic couples massage, her by a young man; and me by a female. She admitted to enjoy the feeling of the masseue’s hard cock pressing against her....the breath of his heavy breathing in her ear, her breasts massaged, and getting fingered. When we were both very aroused, the masseues left and we had a really good fuck. Afterward, she felt very guilty. I told her I felt no jealousy and it was an arousing experience from my perspective. I explained what she experienced with her husband and his best friend, was complicated by the fact there was a pre-existing relationship with the other guy...that in mutual consenting swinging experience it can be a new person to each of us... no baggage...with ground rules. When we came home, my wife entered a phase of questioning her morality, her commitment to her faith, guilt, etc. She has never been the same since. She has become absorbed in her faith and her Christianity... and in so doing the intimacy of a husband and wife as described in her faith is gone. She rejects counseling. I have stopped talking, pleading and expressing my desires for sex. Menopause has not helped either, and she refuses to take hormones. The last few times we attempted intercourses have been very painful for her. I love my wife. But we are almost like best friends living together, not lovers. I don’t want to hurt her, and I cannot bear the financial ruin of a divorce. So, it appears I must accept my situation. Finding a fuck buddy is risky... no strings attached does not always hold. The only thing I can say friend is you are not alone....Also, to those guys considering swinging, threesomes, etc...be very careful how you choose to approach it in your relationship.
I hope things work out for you. Your comments are interesting, sad, and reflect. The vagaries of living a life. Uncertainty can be cruel, but it’s often better than too much certainty which can block change and hope.
 
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deleted1946111

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I have found a guy I can suck whenever I can get to him. Sadly that’s still not enough but better than before. I feel as if I need to suck every day, as if I need to taste cum in my mouth constantly. I like sucking him when I can, but he doesn’t make the big spunk load I crave in my mouth. I know I’m selfish and greedy. I love swallowing spunk, and I want it to be lots.
 
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