Macho Gay Men???

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by peet74, Sep 13, 2007.

  1. peet74

    peet74 New Member

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    How many gay guys here can be easilly mistaken with straight guys in their daily activities? Are you a macho gay man that acts like a hetero, but just likes sex with other men? (example, you would have to tell people you are gay because it is not easy to notice) Hope these questions does not offend anyone. If you are, forgive me...
     
  2. 9inchcanadian

    9inchcanadian Member

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    I dont act like anything but me, People are allways surprised when they find out im gay, it kinda bores me.
     
  3. hunginNYC

    hunginNYC Active Member

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    i dont try to act more "straight" or less "gay" but when i tell people im gay they are surprised. if you just met me or when im hanging out with a group of friends you wouldnt think i was gay. im kind of glad its like that. my first year in college one of my roommates was trying to set me up with his girlfriends friend and thats when i decided to tell him i was gay. him and his girlfriend thought i was just saying that to get out of the blind date.
     
  4. Jake77

    Jake77 New Member

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    I am often mistaken for straight, I don't do camp EVER. I like football and have worked as a builder. People don't often believe I am gay until I tell them or proove it...lol

    To me being gay is no different to being straight in the way I act, why should sexuality dictate the way I act anyway???? Besides most camp guys are that way just to be the centre of attention and its all an act anyway, just like life I suppose.
     
  5. SteveHd

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    Strangers don't know I'm gay unless I tell them. I dress conservatively, act masculine, and look mostly masculine. All of that was true even when I was young.
     
  6. HotBulge

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    Your OP presumes that having a homosexual orientation translates into fey, nellie, Oscar Wilde type of behavior. There's a significant strain of gay culture that celebrates (hyper)masculinity: well-toned muscles, skilled athleticism, strength and wit, etc.

    I forget the source but there's a quote that highlights the subtle nuances in our understanding of "gayness". It's something like:

    You asked me the question, "Are you gay?" and I responded "No!".

    If you had asked, "Are you a homosexual?", I would have said, "Yes!"
     
  7. priority_male

    priority_male Member

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    Can we iron out the whole sexual orientation does not equal gendered behaviour thing now?

    Do straight guys "act hetero"?

    Gay men, lesbians, straight men and women: could it be that we all display a range of masculine-feminine behaviours that are interpreted according to the norms of the society in which we happen to live? Discuss...

    As someone else once said:

    Ooh, I'm dead butch I am! Especially when I've got a cock up my ass!

    xx
     
  8. earllogjam

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    If straight guys talk about pussy and crack gay jokes with me, does that mean I pass as one of them? Most don't pick up that I'm gay and when they do it's not a big thing with most of them. They more times than not they think I'm joking when I tell them.

    Most gay men I know do not act nelly. I'd say only about 10%. I've met some really nelly straight men and god knows there are tons of metrosexuals in this town so that debunks the myth that only straight guys can act macho and only gay men can act nelly.
     
  9. Bajan

    Bajan Member

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    Same here, I'm always asked how are the girlfriends or wife and kids and even up to 2 days ago guys were suprised that I never ate pussy yet (I couldn't dash their hopes and tell them it ain't gonna happen). LOL
     
  10. musclebutt2

    musclebutt2 New Member

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    I think issues of gay flamboyant behaviour matter less when a person matures or becomes more confident in who they are. Other people's overt displays of homosexuality should not be threatening unless there are issues of internalized homophobia or insecurity at work.

    When I was younger I wouldn't be caught dead near a nellie queen in fear of guilt by association. Now, as I get older and become more confident in who I am it doesn't matter to me as much; I have even dated some effeminate guys despite my preference for masculine men. If everything else clicks except for a little lisp why not give it a try? Anyhow, there is enough hate and dislike targeted against homosexuals from various sources, it is rather counterproductive to pass it on to your fellow gays.

    And just like earl said, the younger urban hip generation is blending the boundaries of masculine/feminine behaviour in males; hopefully in the near future this question of "str8-acting" will no longer be relevant.
     
  11. D_Roland_D_Hay

    D_Roland_D_Hay Account Disabled

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    I am not sure how a hetero acts, but if you are asking if I act like a guy...well I can answer that one. How exactly does a hetero act? I have met feminine straight guys. Personally I think that there is a spectrum of masculinity and feminity and there are guys who fit all over the scale, regardless of their sexual orientation.
     
  12. ZOS23xy

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    A gay man told me I was one of the most masculine men he knew. I wasn't sure what he meant. I' m not sure now. I never acted as if a "view" or "posture" was straight or nelly.
     
  13. silvertriumph2

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    I just act like me and don't try to be anything else. What you see is what you get!

    I have my masculine and feminine sides like everyone has, even though some may not think they do or admit it. I have always been taken for straight, however, those with Gaydar ability, would probably unmask me. :biggrin:

    I'm afraid that I have outwardly not lived an honest life since my true self is still undisclosed to the world. Ive lived my entire life as a heterosexual, with marriage, family, and all that goes with it. And, although I've always
    been attracted to women and extremely enjoyed that side of my nature, I have also always known that I was extremely attracted to men, especially those with very masculine features and persona. This "gay" side of me is only known to a very select few. Actually, as a very young child, my attraction to males preceded the attraction to females, by many years.

    Someday I may come out, but even if I do, I will not act any differently than I do now. No matter what, I will always consider myself a true "Multi-Sexual" , enjoying all sides of my nature. I hate the terms, Straight, Gay, and Bi.
     
  14. yngjock20

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    I just act like myself...my sexual preference is of no concern to anyone unless I bring it up.
     
  15. earllogjam

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    On many levels I think threads like this and a general anethma in our society to sissy behavior in boys leads to a lot of self hate and shame among many gay youth and adolecence. Any sissyness is beaten or ridiculed out of boys at a very early age. These kids are outcasts and denied a place in our society, hence these boys live outside the support and benefits of what a society has to offer. Whenever your true nature is denied, it takes an enourmous toll on your happiness. This denial of a basic human right often leads to ending one's own life I'm afraid. I shudder at the experinces a transgender person has to go through to live honestly.
     
  16. PaulF

    PaulF New Member

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    With me it depends on who I am with! at work I act straight BECAUSE i'm at work.
    But when i'm out with my friends for a drink I act alittle bit camp because I am more relaxed:beerchug2: and when i've had a few:eek: ( well that's another thread):biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:


    It's like when you go for a meal at a posh do! You act differently to the surroundings than you would a cafe!
     
  17. SoFla8

    SoFla8 New Member

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    I've had gay men say to me "you dont look gay at all!" at a gay bar. I always say with a cheezy grin "Thanks, I think!"
     
  18. SeeDickRun

    SeeDickRun New Member

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    I hang out with a group of guys who are as macho as anyone you'd ever know. They're not working on that attitude, it's just who they are. Boating, fishing, sailing.... they do all the stuff the rest of the world does. (only better, in some cases).

    I go to a gay C&W bar occasionally in Ft. Lauderdale. You'd never know any of those guys were gay, unless you caught the dance floor, where it's all men line dancing with other men.

    The conversation's not "gay", the attitude isn't "gay". It's just a few hundred guys who enjoy guys.

    Just for clarification, although I'm sure it's not really needed, by "gay" I'm making reference to the stereotypical hetero perception of homosexuals. If you know the homo world, you know there's no stereotype.
     
  19. dcwrestlefan

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    applause. the "gay guys act one way, straight guys act this way" thing is really crumbling.

    i've known some fem gay guys who were pretty damn fun to hang out with. for me, i dunno, will leave it to the other person to decide, but most are surprised when i out myself. have none of the stereotyped cool homo traits. can't decorate worth a shit. my voice is somewhat deep. do not wear high priced clothes. my hair is not the best sometimes. i drive a jeep. my apartment is a mess. and i prefer going to a baseball game versus a trendy nightclub. getting dirty and sweaty sometimes is fine if you are doing work, ya just clean up later.

    bottom line - don't worry about it either way.
     
  20. Bbucko

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    I can camp it up with the very best of them and have always counted swish nellies as the closest of friends. They have the most cutting (and truthful) senses of irony and the absurd. They make me laugh. My best friend in high school was a kind of 70s teenage version of Oscar Wilde, with all the intelligence and wit but in disco dollie clothing :wink:

    In certain specific social situations I can wave the rainbow flag just as hard as anybody else. In some situations I am reasonably quiet, soft-spoken and polite. Other times I can be as gruff, aggressive and authoritarian as any father of four unruly teenagers. I chose my comportment based on my surroundings, usually very appropriate, occasionally provocatively inappropriate, at my whim.

    During my adolescence in one of the inner suburbs of Boston in the 70s, there were three labels which stuck early and were nearly impossible to alter: Jocks, Fags and Freaks.

    Being a Jock was nothing I found possible to emulate. I have never been interested in team sports (I preferred biking, swimming, snow- and waterskiing). Being a Jock also precluded any intellectualism or interest in academics and any sensitivity was considered anathema.

    Fags weren't necessarily homosexuals (as most of my peers had only a dim knowledge of gayness), but certainly any sign of traditionally-feminine virtues were enough to be labeled one. They were the geeks, nerds and straight-arrow types: any academic achievement was considered entirely feminine. They were the majority of kids involved with extra-curricular activities (excluding sports, except maybe Track, which wasn't butch) like the Student Council or the French Club. In this environment intelligence, passivity and sensitivity were considered synonymous and extremely uncool.

    Freaks were fundamentally outsiders, for any number of reasons. They had little if any parental control, so their appearance tended to be extreme in a post-hippy, pre-grunge kind of way. They all did drugs, ranging from pot and booze to any number of options of "harder" substances available. Being social pariahs liberated Freaks from any expectation that they behave in any sort of expected fashion. And as the overwhelming fashion in that time and place was apathy, any passionate interests were the mark of a freak.

    Many Freaks went to the Vocational School to study Auto Body or Building Maintenance, others might have haunted the art department and library (like me) or be musicians (unless it was band, which was the province of the Fags).

    As Freaks had access to drugs, they would find their popularity momentarily enhanced on weekends or over the summer, only to find that they were pariahs once we were back in school.

    I was considered a Fag until the summer between 9th and 10th grades, when I morphed into a total Freak. I had been a fey sissy boy in Junior High but learned to butch (and dumb) it up, started smoking and drinking and found new social doors opened for me. Unlike Jocks, Freaks weren't bullies, and unlike Fags, Freaks had lots of fun.

    As the ultimate illustration of the disconnect between being a Fag and homosexuality, when I came out (to everyone, everywhere) in my Junior year in 1977, my Freak-cred remained spotless. It was even enhanced by my disclosure, as I was the only out-and-proud kid in my high school, making me the ultimate pariah for many. But my Freak friends stood by me loyally.

    This vast detail is to illustrate a basic fact in my social development, which is what this discussion is really all about. From the age of 15 I felt totally liberated from the rigid norms imposed on greater society and felt free to pursue my own goals and behavior patterns. Stereotypical notions of "typical" gay norms were no more obligatory than the rigid and sexist notions that automatically equate sensitivity, creativity and intellectualism with femininity.

    This means that, to me, I can be free to be truly myself: a complicated, emotionally-aware and intellectually curious man. Physically I was always poorly suited to the stereotype willowy, limpwristed paradigm. I am short (5'6) but broad-shouldered (41" chest) with muscular arms and legs. My voice is low (a friend once said I sound like the love child of Lauren Becall and Ted Kennedy), and years of vocal training have given me what has been called a "radio voice". When I swish, it's got the humor of irony.

    I was in a nine-year relationship with a self-described "big butch bottom". We met on his first night ever in a gay bar. He was 32. He was totally completely "straight-acting and appearing", listened only to "classic rock", drove a pick-up, worked in construction. It took years (and I was only partially successful) to try and instill a sense of gay pride instead of the inner self-loathing that kept him in the closet for so many years.

    Although I was exempted from his generalizations about "typical faggots" (and those of many of his friends), he never quite wrapped his mind around the possibility that fashionable clothing and show tunes were as socially relevant as ball scores. Nor could he ever understand my fury at attempting to piggy-back Super Bowl parties with my birthday (1/28).
     
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