Mad at my dad sometimes

[TitanicJake]

I get angry at my dad. He made me feel safe all the time. It was my dad and my two older brothers on our own. Nudity was commonplace. Underwear was shared among all of us. Dad was an exboxer who owned a bar. My brothers and I were wrestlers. Our bathroom had a huge communal shower area where the four of us could shower at the same time if needed. We would laugh and smack each other. We would do the "snap of the wet towel" stuff and tell dirty jokes. Some of our greatest talks were completely naked together in that shower. It was when my dad stopped being a tough guy and allowed us to see his heart. He told me it is ok to pop a boner. He said it is normal when the water hits you after lifting weights. I was never embarrassed of course my dad was not either. It is just how we grew up. I guess that is why I have zero shyness about being naked. I laugh to myself when guys shower in the gym wearing underwear. My dad would have said "Be a man" and pulled them off a guy.
In high school I was the Joc and felt safe in the lockerrooms there. The sophomores held us naked in the showers under the cold water. We in turn did that to the new freshman when we were older. It was all in good fun. It was safe with only mild flirting and comparing going one. I thought all high school locker rooms were so great. I was wrong.
My dad put me in bodybuilding contests in NY and Jersey. I won quite a few. I just didn't know that men with wedding bands would want to touch my ass or package. I didn't know people wanted to use me. I didn't know so many men would be angry or jealous of me when they saw me naked. I figured my brothers and I were just normal. I didn't know we were all above average in size. Dad explained sex like a sport to me and showed me porn when explaining all you could do to a girl or guy if preferred. Sex has particular goals you have meet. Dad put in my head Threesomes are the best.
I didn't know there were so many gay men in the world. Dad said only 3% of the U.S. population is gay or bi. I think that number is too low. He said if you are "a gay" I will always love you but don't ever allow any man to fuck your muscle ass. In our family the men do all the fucking". Dad thought it was great that I worked as a stripper. I wish he didn't approve. I was still a teen but I needed the cash. He always said to us "God blessed your with that great body. You must accept you IQ limitations because no one gets everything. You either get a big dick or a big brain". That stuck with me and my brothers all our lives. Dad would put me in a head lock as I was getting our of our showers. He would say kind things but was rough andI believe his head lock was his way of hugging me.
Dad didn't warn me to watch who was oiling me up before a bodybuilding competition. Dad didn't warn me that some other wrestlers could grab me where it hurts and twist their hand hoping I will lose my grip. Dad didn't warn me that some of the wrestlers there were into body contact only and use wrestling as an excuse to getting their jollies. Dad brought home women often. He didn't allow me to hear the noises of two people who loved each other in the next room. He allowed me to hear the voices of two people getting off, sometimes it was a 3some or foursome with his best friend. My dad didn't warn me that if he passed out from drinking, his drunk/high lady friends would seek sex from his boys who were in their teens.
My dad loves me. But sometimes I am so angry because I had no idea that men would want to touch or penetrate my ass because I was athletic and cut with hardly any body fat and no body hair. I just didn't know that most men would react to seeing me nude or barely clothed. He did not warn me. I guess I am dumb. I thought all guys were like my brothers. I guess that is stupid.
Jake

 

[Gisella]

:hug:

For now i give hugs to you Jake...

Yeh people dissapoint us i do empathize with u...no u are not stupid!!!

I trust a lot in people too !!!

For now as i say i give hugs to U...

:hug:

 

[rhino_horn]

dont bite the hand that feeds/fed you, doing that would make you "dumb."

*you cant blame a guy who used to get punched in the face for a living for forgetting to explain some things.

 

[gwr1349]

Your Dad sounds alot like mine. He has a different way to show love, but still loves me very much just as your dad does. Don't be mad at him. I sure that was the was HE was brought up by his father. I wish my father was as open as yours was. He sounds like a wonderful man. There are experiences that we have to go through as Young men growing up and must do it ourselves with no help from our fathers. He can not be there for every decision you make. Sorry about the stuff you went through but now you know what some people are like and will deal with them appropriately.:smile:

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

I don't want to sound insensitive, but the things you didn't learn from your dad, almost no one learns from their dad.
You learn them by living in the world.
You have many, many teachers. Your father is only one of them.
It seems to me you got a very great deal from your father.

 

[B_Hickboy]

Sorry to hear about the gaps in your upbringing, Jake. Your Dad did the best he could with what he had. Within limits, even bad fathering is better than no fathering. If you hold it against him because he failed to meet your needs, it could eat you up inside.

From a father's perspective, I can tell you this: It's not a question of whether a parent will fuck up with his kids, merely one of when it will happen and how severe it will be. A friend of mine told me this when my sons were young, and I immediately realized the truth of it and was devastated. It made me try harder as a dad. My sons are grown, and are lovely people. They still have issues with me, and I think that's a healthy thing. They need to reparent themselves and fill in the areas where my fathering didn't make the trip. It's their work to do that. I may have created some of their problems, but they're responsible for the solutions, just as I'm responsible for straightening out the after effects of my father's egregiously inept attempts at being a parent. You have work to do. That's all.

As a son and a father, I know what you're going through, and my heart goes out to you.

 

[kurios]

For what it is worth I think you had it really good.
The feeling of being confident in a locker room and not being raised as a tight ass is a major bonus.
Most of the things that seem to make you angry with your father are things to me that you learn about yourself so I think you need to bend the finger around and point it at yourself for being perhaps a bit naieve.
Surely at school you heard about perverts and some of the things that happened to particularly good looking or well built teens especially if you're stripping. I mean come on..........
Not to rant on but it is a little like expecting every financial transaction to be completed by a very honest person. It is buyer beware and so is it with the people that go further than you are comfortable when it comes to personal contact.
Dont be hard on yourself or become too suspicious but pls dont blame your Dad.
Maybe get some one you trust who has been around a bit and is street smart to go over some of the things you might encounter.

 

[TitanicJake]

You guys are right. He was not perfect but he gave me the confidence to be naked in public (partys, skinny dipping, group sex scenes). He built my confidence in my body telling mow great my chest was and how defined my stomach and ass were. He was proud do many times when I would walk out into the gym in my wrestling uniform. Even when I lost he would comfort me. We would reinact the match to see what I could have done differently. He was probably tired as hell but he wrestled me in my underwear at 2AM and gave me pointers.
He was also very open about sex and I had very little questions because I grew up with seeing it and talking about it. He made damn sure I knew how to work a condom and a woman.
I was afraid of him in many ways because he is the biggest strongest man I know. Even his dick was HUGE. The fear helped me and my brothers make good choices in life.
I'm a bit down on myself for pointing the finger at him. I'm done with the blame game. I love him and am thankful for all he did for me and my brothers nomatter how unorthodox it was compared to other American families.
Jake

 

[lopaka]

Ok, for whatever reason something rings off about this post. Still I will give benefit of the doubt and say. If in fact life went down the way you describe. You are not so bad off and as I believe another post mentions. Very very few parents teach the kids things that you describe. The vast majority of it can only come with life exp and if you have a solid foundation then it all balances in the end. Parents were never meant to be, the be all end all of knowledge. There would be little point in living with out learning. So best of luck there.

 

[SilverSoldier]

Jake,
I agree with you and others that your dad is a good man in many ways. However, he wrong, TERRIBLY wrong about several things. And you seem to know what those things are.

The one thing that disturbed me most was that your dad taught you that you either get the big dick or the brains but not both. What a terrible lie.

A brain is like any other muscle in the body. Unless you have organic brain damage, you can develop your brain as much or MORE as your fantastic body and muscles. You can develop your skills talents, knowledge, employability, charisma--everything by accepting that your brain is LIMITLESS. Even people with true learning disabilities lead incredibly productive, highly intellectual lives. Thomas Edison failed at making a light bulb over 2,000 times. Ya know what he said to a reporter who asked him how he felt about failing 2000 times? He said something like, I LEARNED 2000 times how NOT to make a light bulb. But it was the last attempt that taught him EVERYTHING, and made his name immoratlized.

So it is with you. I have regrets about the way I was brought up too. Only my dad abused my physically and mentally. He told me I would never amount to be a man. Well, I am. A good one. I've failed twice in marriage, but I have two incredible kids. I've failed financially over and over again, but I'm a good songwriter and composer, and I have PUBLISHED MYSELF, over 350 of my own songs.

Now that you see your dad for who he really is, for both the good and the bad, you can begin to forgive him for the bad, be smart to know how to handle his crap, and still love him for all the good he brings to your life.

Now that my dad has passed on, I am glad I have done a few things right. I forgave him and we learned to love each other before he died. I learned how to manage my disabilities without blaming others for my suffering. I accepted them fINALLY and made them a part of who I am, and thus, I learned how to control my disabilities, instead of being controlled by them. I learned how to give myself safe boundaries from people who wanted to befriend me because of my reputation, and still respect them. I learned how to forgive people who blatantly used me, and disposed of me after. I learned how to forgive the people who were jealous of my finally gaining a great physique at age 50, telling me I was told old to look that good, and what good is a huge cock like that when you're single and 50. I just smile and say life begins at 50, and I'm going to give love and respect to as many people in this world as I can, so I can live in peace, and I'm going honor myself by following my values and principles. I'm going be as fabulous, talented, and handsome as I can, because I don't believe that shrinking from it will make me a better person. In fact, I think when we are less that we could be, we no longer are able to inspire those we love most.

So much for this ramble. Your thoughts are moving to me. If I knew well, I give you a hug, and say, "Good for you. You've gained wisdom, maturity, and understanding. Good for you. Now relish it and make the best of it."

:smile:
Dan

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

I don't want to sound insensitive, but the things you didn't learn from your dad, almost no one learns from their dad.
You learn them by living in the world.
You have many, many teachers. Your father is only one of them.
It seems to me you got a very great deal from your father.

This post, which is my post, is complete and utter shit. I'm going to think about this one again.
Your father's way of intertwining with you was odd, to say the least.
You were far more damaged by what he taught you than by what he didn't teach you.
And what he taught you made you unable to learn the others things osmotically, on your own, as most boys do.
So I'm going to think about this.
(And I don't say for a minute that he meant badly, so please don't think that. Everyone does the best they can; some do better than others.)

 

[Snozzle]

This post, which is my post, is complete and utter shit. I'm going to think about this one again.

No, I agreed with a lot of it. The things you learnt from your father, most guys don't learn from their fathers. The thing is, did he leave room to unlearn what he taught you that was wrong?

Your father's way of intertwining with you was odd, to say the least.
You were far more damaged by what he taught you than by what he didn't teach you.
And what he taught you made you unable to learn the others things osmotically, on your own, as most boys do.

A good point, but didn't "make you unable" - took away the motivation, perhaps. If a father intrudes too much into his son's life, that stunts him, or is too remote, that stunts him. The trick is to just be there.

Some of the macho bullexcrement was unhealthy, and his excessive interest in your bodies: he wrestled you in your underwear at 2am? he said it was OK to pop a boner? Not that it's not, but that's encouragement. Sounds to me as though he had sexuality issues of his own - more gay than he dared to admit, so he expressed it with his sons: that's not healthy. Likewise the crap about who may penetrate whom. But what happened when he wasn't there (even if because he was drunk) is not entirely to be laid at his door.

 

[basque9]

Look kid, I assume you are a kid from your naivete, some fathers do not teach their son's anything and some fathers teach all the wrong things! So it is not just our fathers from whom we learn the ways of the world, that a guy will fuck you, given the opportunity, because you are handsome and have the body beautiful. We learn from our brothers ( I know I learned from my 7 brothers anyway), we learn from our coaches, we learn from our priests and ministers of the faith and we learn from our teachers! Then after absorbing all the advice and information they can give you , you learn from life and all of your experiences. Unless some terribly damaging tragedy has befallen you from following your dad's well intentioned advice, then now is the time to begin learning about life and the ways of men and women in this world on your own! Try to be a man and act like a man and stand up to every person who would be so bold as to molest you! I think you will find that you have the strength and intellect needed to plot your course through life on a path that agrees with your principles of decency and mutual respect with others!
I hope and trust that you begin to learn how to make good judgments about people!

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

Some of the macho bullexcrement was unhealthy, and his excessive interest in your bodies: he wrestled you in your underwear at 2am? he said it was OK to pop a boner? Not that it's not, but that's encouragement. Sounds to me as though he had sexuality issues of his own - more gay than he dared to admit, so he expressed it with his sons: that's not healthy. Likewise the crap about who may penetrate whom. But what happened when he wasn't there (even if because he was drunk) is not entirely to be laid at his door.

That's basically what I'm now getting, Snozzle. Huge boundary violations that would disempower a son with other males. But I don't have time now -- and maybe you've said it for me.

 

[Andresito]

Jake:

* Great post.

* I'm sure your father really tried his best to raise you.

* It's really nice that you have not bad feelings around him.

* Tell your father all this things.

 

[dreamer20]

TitanicJake

You were raised by a loving father who made sure that you minded your physical condition. He even taught you about sex, gave you some warnings and left the rest up to you. In my case I would have been extremely overweight had I not taken charge of my own diet and started an exercise regimen as a teenager, surprisingly meeting opposition from my parents in this regard. I had to get my sex ed on my own as well.

Don't blame dad for the bad experiences that you had as a stripper and a wrestler. You musn't direct your bitterness at him, just learn from your experiences as we all do. It is a fact that strippers get a lot of sexual attention from their patrons and that some wrestlers will fight dirty to win a match.

But sometimes I am so angry because I had no idea that men would want to touch or penetrate my ass because I was athletic and cut with hardly any body fat and no body hair. I just didn't know that most men would react to seeing me nude or barely clothed. He did not warn me. I guess I am dumb. I thought all guys were like my brothers. I guess that is stupid.
Jake

If you cannot cope with those professions then chose some other livelihood.

lol dreamer20

 

[TitanicJake]

I can't thank you guys enough. I am new here and I poured my heart out. Thanks for not being too judgemental. I guess I am mad at myself for being naive. There goes my bad spelling again.
I appreciate all my dad did for me. He helped mold me into a man.
Jake

 

[B_Spladle]

tl; dr

 

[Dr Rock]

Ok, for whatever reason something rings off about this post.

nah, it's just in the wrong forum - the guy was clearly looking for "fictitious stories"

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

nah, it's just in the wrong forum - the guy was clearly looking for "fictitious stories"

I have to admit, my radar's up.