Maim that Tune

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by naughty, May 14, 2007.

  1. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    LOL!

    Amidst groaning, I am opening this thread . I was inspired by the witty paraphrasing of "I will survive" by one of our members. Ok, all of you wordsmiths and musicians, have at it. Let the games begin....
     
  2. SassySpy

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    Okay remember you started this thread.
    (however DO NOT tell my boss you can see me):smile: and yes I am using my OWN laptop!:tongue:

    My Maimed Tune

    Can you hear me calling
    out his name?
    you know I'm stalling
    cos I dont know your name
    I'll yell out louder
    maybe shout
    you know I was drunk
    cant get your name out

    Oh, I
    I wanna find my underwear
    oh I
    I wanna find my underwear

    Come on baby better raise alarm
    better do it soon before I break your arm

    took so long my break's over !:rolleyes:
     
  3. fortiesfun

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    I love this game, using as few changes as possible:

    There's a saying old says that love is blind
    Still were often told, seek and ye shall find
    So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind.

    Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
    He's the big affair I cannot forget
    Only man I ever think of with regret.

    I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
    Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

    There's a somebody I'm longing to see
    I hope that he turns out to be
    Someone who'll squat over me
    I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
    I know I could always be good
    Someone who'll squat over me

    Although he may not be the man some
    Girls think of as handsome
    To my heart he carries the key
    Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
    Follow my lead, oh, how I need
    Someone to squat over me
     
  4. naughty

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    Here is a little something I whipped up for MAtthew and Lex's wedding. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did . I think I enjoyed it a bit too much. I ended up enjoying to the tune of twins:eek: But that is another story for another time....:biggrin1:

    Naughty kicks off her Jimmy Choos and climbs atop the baby grand and grabs the microphone to serenade the happy couple....

    "Makin' Whoopee"

    Its a matched set, A groom and groom,
    kid's that's a condom, not a balloon
    And dont forget that or youll regret that
    when makin whoopee

    You know I almost threw grits not rice
    On your black leather to add some spice
    But that I don't need,for it might impede
    You makin whoopee

    Refrain
    Baby, you better listen
    to the sad tale I tell
    Dont put a tent on that tree
    You'll have your own Quantrell!

    ( pointing to the piano player)

    This guy right here, he thinks he's slick
    giving me champagne's his favorite trick
    Though its illicit, I'm still complicit
    LETS GO MAKE WHOOPEE



    Naughty grabs Prepstud's collar and drags him out of the room...
    Fade to black....:wink:
     
  5. rawbone8

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    in memory of a cat I used to have, who left pawprints halfway up the walls
    (& profuse apologies to Talking Heads)

    Psycho Kitty

    I can't seem to face up to the facts
    I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax
    I can't sleep cause my bed's on fire
    Don't touch me I'm a real live wire

    Psycho kitty, qu'est que c'est
    Fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur better
    Run run run run run run away
    Psycho kitty, que'st que c'est
    Fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur better
    Run run run run run run away
    Oh yeah
     
  6. naughty

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    I heard this the other day while watching "Showboat" again. Watching Ava Gardners catlike eyes glaze over while she sang this song made me think. Obviously there was more to Bill than even the censors picked up...

    "Bill"

    I used to dream that I would discover
    The perfect lover some day.
    I knew I'd recognize him
    If ever he came ‘round my way.
    I always used to fancy then
    He'd be one of the godlike kind of men
    With a giant .... with a great big head
    Like the nasty plain wrapper books I read

    But along came Bill, who's not the type at all
    You'd meet him on the street and never notice him;
    His form and face, his manly grace
    Are not the kind that you would find in a statue.

    And I can't explain,
    It's surely not his brain that makes me thrill.
    I love him because he's wonderful
    Because he's just old Bill.

    He can't play golf, or tennis, or polo,
    Or sing a solo, or row.
    He isn't half as handsome
    (It might be what he's got below ).

    He isn't tall and straight and slim,
    And he dresses far worse than Ted or Jim;
    And I can't explain why he should be just
    The one, one man in the world for me;

    He's just my Bill, an ordinary boy,
    He hasn't got a thing that I would brag about.( uh huh! )
    And yet to be upon his knee
    So comfy and roomy feels natural to me.

    And I can't explain,
    It's surely not his brain that makes me thrill.
    I love him because he's... I don't know,(yes you do )
    Because he's just my Bill.
     
  7. Principessa

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    hahahahaha :biggrin1: :biggrin1: :biggrin1: ROTFLMAO
    Wow, y'all are really talented!
    I wonder if we could get Weird Al Yankovic to perform some of these.
     
  8. naughty

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    Thanks. I had a good time. I have to find some more to mutilate. I'm in that kind of mood. I am sure you can relate!
     
  9. DC_DEEP

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    Your son'll come out
    Tomorrow
    Bet your bottom dollar
    That tomorrow
    He'll be gay!

    Just rubbin' his crotch,
    Tomorrow
    Clears away the boxers,
    Or the jockstrap
    'Til there's none!

    When we fuck all day
    That's great,
    And lovely,
    I just stick in my bone,
    He'll moan,
    And Say,
    Oh!

    Your son'll come out
    Tomorrow
    So ya gotta jerk off
    'Til tomorrow
    Come what may
    Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
    I'll fuck ya Tomorrow!
    But only
    When you
    Are gay!
     
  10. naughty

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    LOL! That was positively WICKED!
     
  11. naughty

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    "bump"
     
  12. invisibleman

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    Dix, Dix, Dix
    (To the tune "Bills, Bills, Bills" by Destiny's Child)

    First, you started out like a freak. (Freak.)
    Had me climbing walls like in Constantine.
    But now you’re getting untouchable
    Ain’t doin’ the nasty like you used to do…
    Humbly makin’ me beg for things
    Your booty should be handling.

    And now you ask to stay at my crib. (Crib.)
    Sleep all day and don’t even wash the sheets
    And you have no veracity
    To even come and ask of me
    For a toothbrush so you can brush your teeth.

    You cackling, chicken headed gold digger.
    Silly ho, come along and pull my trigger.
    A quickie, for when it gets hard and you’re the one who
    Could help me out.
    Instead a Barbie dull who makes a mayne wanna shout

    Can you suck my dick?
    Get Brokeback on my dick?
    Know I had control of my dick?
    So maybe we can do some tricks…
    I don’t think you’re able…
    Unless I have digital cable…

    You’ve been going around town. (Town.)
    Telling all the potential lovers you’re my boo.
    I didn’t say you were
    But you steady wishin’ that I was.
    Talkin’ like sewing circles
    Masterpiecing like you’re my fiance

    And then you use my DSL (Broadband.)
    To go on LPSG dot org
    And then I hear from a friend you’re cyber stalking
    You call my friend a liar just to cover up
    The phone numbers written on your butt.
    When I ask about them, you just say “What?”

    You cackling, chicken headed gold digger.
    Silly ho, come along and pull my trigger.
    A quickie, for when it gets hard and you’re the one who
    Could help me out.
    Instead a Barbie dull who makes a mayne wanna shout

    Can you suck my dick?
    Get Brokeback on my dick?
    Know I had control of my dick?
    So maybe we can do some tricks…
    I don’t think you’re able…
    Unless I have digital cable…

    Can you suck my dick?
    Get Brokeback on my dick?
    Know I had control of my dick?
    So maybe we can do some tricks…
    This is the end of this song
    Please play with my muhfuggin' dong.
    :biggrin1:



     
  13. Principessa

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    Sung to the tune of Nothing Could Be Finer
    Nothing could be finer than to be in my vagina
    in the morning
    No one’s could be sweeter than my pussy when you eat her
    in the morning

    Whilst my fingers twine about your chest hair
    You whisper dirty deeds I long to share

    Strolling with your fingers where my dew is pearly early
    In the morning
    Trembling at your touch and at each kiss I pucker up
    at days dawning

    If I had Aladdin's lamp for only a day
    I'd make a wish and darling here's what I'd say
    Nothing could be finer than you fuckin’ my vagina
    In the morning!

    Nothing could be finer than you fuckin’ my vagina
    In the morning!


    With sincere apologies to:
    Words by Howard Dietz
    Music by Arthur Schwartz
     
  14. Quite Irate

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    Oh god, I do this all the time. A song will be playing or I'll remember it, and I'll just substitute something completely bizarre/inappropriate/humorous in.

    I just ended a sentence with a preposition. I'm...I'm shocked, and a little confused. The world is falling apart. Save me.
     
  15. fortiesfun

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    Some day, when I'm awfully low,
    When the world is cold,
    I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
    And the way you lick tonight.

    Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
    And your cheeks so soft,
    There is nothing for me but to love you,
    And the way you lick tonight.

    With each word your tenderness grows,
    Tearing my fear apart...
    And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
    It touches my foolish heart.

    Lovely ... Never, ever change.
    Keep that breathless charm.
    Won't you please arrange it ?
    'Cause I love you ... Just the way you lick tonight.

    Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
    Just the way you lick to-night.
     
  16. Principessa

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    Hey brother, you brother
    Cursing at your life
    You’re a discontented Lawyer
    with a regimented life
    I've no doubt you dream about
    The things you never do
    But I wish someone had a talked to me
    Like I wanna talk to you

    Oh I've been to Georgia and California
    And anywhere I could run
    Took the hand of a soldier man
    And we made love in the sun
    But I ran out of places
    And friendly faces
    Because I had to be free
    I've been to paradise
    But I've never been to me

    Please baby, please brother
    Don't just walk away
    Cause I have this need to tell you
    Why I'm all alone today
    I can see so much of me
    Still living in your eyes
    Won't you share a part of a weary heart
    That has lived a million lives
    Oh I've been to Butte
    And to Camucia
    And I’ve done it on a Vespa
    I moved liked Harlow in hot Chicago
    And showed 'em what I've got
    I've been undressed by kings
    And I've seen some things
    That a women ain't s’posed to see
    I've been to paradise
    But I've never been to me



    Hey, you know what paradise is
    It's a lie, a fantasy
    We create about people and places
    As we'd like them to be
    But you know what truth is
    It's that adjustable rate mortgage
    And it's that woman you fought with this morning
    The same one you're going to make love with tonight
    That's truth, that's love

    Some times I've been to crying for unborn children
    That might have made me complete
    But I took the sweet life
    And never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
    I've spent my life exploring
    The subtle whoring
    That cost too much to be free
    Hey brother, I've been to paradise
    But I've never been to me

    I've been to paradise
    Never been to me

    Been to Georgia and California
    And anywhere I could run

    I've been to paradise
    Never been to me

    Oh I've been to Butte
    And to Camucia
    And I’ve done it on a Vespa

    I've been to paradise
    Never been to me




     
  17. Mr Ed in Mass

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    "Round the Mountain"

    She was going round the mountain going 90 miles an hour,
    when the chain on her bicycle broke,
    she wound up in the grass,
    with a sprocket up her ass,
    and her titties playing "Dixie" on the spokes



    Thank You ,Thank You , very much
     
  18. dreamer20

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    From the thread:

    http://www.lpsg.org/women-s-issues/50527-why-white-men-better-cunnilingus-5.html#post835495

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by fivesalive http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif
    personally i love taking a stroll downtown...

    When you're alone and she is making you horny
    You can always go - downtown
    When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry
    Seems to help, I know - downtown
    Just listen to the music of her purring like a kitty
    Linger on the clitoris which looks so very pretty
    How can you lose?

    Think how you'll excite her there
    You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
    So go downtown, things'll be great when you're
    Downtown - no finer place, for sure
    Downtown - everything's waiting for you

    :biggrin1:
     
  19. fortiesfun

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    I'll be seizing you in all the old familiar places...
     
  20. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!

    OR squeezing you! LOL!
     
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