Major vent: My boyfriend said he wants to cut down our communication...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_jtcri76tr, Aug 19, 2010.

  1. D_jtcri76tr

    D_jtcri76tr New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2010
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    My boyfriend has just moved back to college and I'm already devastated by this sudden shift into a longer distance relationship.

    Just a few days ago, I had said something really mean to him in anger and he became extremely insulted and hurt by what I said. His solution was that he tells me how he feels, in a short 10 minute conversation, then suggests that we decrease our communication so that when we see each other we'll appreciate each other more.

    I am devastated by this because
    a. I hurt him really bad
    b. I'm stuck at home alone (I just graduated and all my friends are going up to school)
    c. I can't see him and
    d. he seems really really gung ho about the communication decrease and I'm literally nearing tears almost every day since it began.

    I awfulize the situation and think that by decreasing our communication combined with the major distance between us, will tear us apart. Also, he seems so...CHIPPER about it. Like, he's not emotional about it at all...he says its just his way of dealing with it that makes it seem like he's calm but he says he's really hurting, but I just don't know.

    Anyway...sorry for my vent. Comments are appreciated, but aren't necessary.
     
  2. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    I don't think you are really going to like my comments so I'll make it brief.
    You hurt him and insulted him and now he wants to move on and break communication... he sounds very gallant and wise; or he is using this issue to get out of the relationship.(You gave no details so it's really difficult to see the culpability on either side) Maybe you will appreciate each other more the next time you see him and you can work things out; that is providing he does not meet someone else in the meanwhile who does not insult and hurt him the way you did. In which case the relationship is over.
     
  3. SpeedoMike

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2007
    Messages:
    2,940
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Francisco Bay Area
    he's on campus and you aren't. this may be the excuse to break up so he can available at school??
     
  4. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    You have made your bed and now you must lie in it. I am sorry. You may have been much more emotionally invested in the relationship than ever he was.

    Either the connection will remain or it will weaken. Time will tell. Meanwhile you need to distract yourself with work and hobbies.
     
  5. D_y6gouyg

    D_y6gouyg New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2009
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm sorry to say this, but every person I know (probably over 20 of them) who tried continue a high school relationship long distance in college has broken up within a year (usually by the end of the first semester). It's really tough.
     
  6. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    This was my first thought.
     
  7. badgirl22

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2008
    Messages:
    756
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    US
    Verified:
    Photo
    I'm sorry because I know it really hurts. Long distance relationships are difficult - especially in college - just too much going on to keep priorities straight. Time will tell as someone else said. Don't be too clingy or needy - give your BF some space to explore how he really feels. He may indeed really miss you in a short period of time - especially if you back off for a bit (as hard as that may be to do).

    Was talking to a friend who had a long distance relationship with GF after he graduated college and moved to a different state while she remained in school. They agreed to see other people. In the end he married her. I think the space and exploration made them both realize they'd been the ones for each other. I'm certain they both played the field a bit in between but sometimes...hard as it may be...that seals the deal one way or another.

    Hang in there. Hugs
     
  8. cupofjon

    cupofjon Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2006
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago
    This is hard to take sometimes but it's the truth.

    If you require more communication to be in a relationship and he's unwilling to give it, you might want to find a guy (or girl) who's willing to dish out.

    My high school economics teacher told us "a want becomes a need when you're willing to make the necessary sacrifices." You need more communication, he wants less. You're not going to get it.

    I'm not sure what you told him but he may have had an epiphany whether his epiphany was related to the insult or not.

    There's other fish in the sea... (no really, there are! not just a cliche) my ex needed a lot of communication and I didn't measure up. It just didn't work.
     
  9. B_Mister Buildington

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2009
    Messages:
    592
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm curious about what this horrible thing you said to him was.
     
  10. DeepDish

    DeepDish Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2008
    Messages:
    577
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Why are you saying really mean things to him?

    In your description of the event you don't say that you apologized to him.

    Additionally you listed ways it has affected you. There is no mention of how it affected him.

    Sounds like you don't appreciate him, perhaps he right about backing away from him until you do.
     
    #10 DeepDish, Aug 20, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2010
  11. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2009
    Messages:
    127
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    65
    Location:
    California
    Why wouldn't your friend want less communication with you? He is moving ahead, working on a plan for his life and there is no need for him to look backward. Your responses about all of this are only focused on your needs. Now is probably not the time for you to be in any relationship. Get to work. Have a vision for your life and work on that. People are attracted to those who have a plan and purpose for their life. Oh yeah, and lay off saying mean stuff to and about people. Yeah, start on that.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted