Hi there, my gf and I have been having sex for a while now, we took eachothers virginity and so forth so we are both not very sexually experienced. She has never reached orgasm in her entire life, she is very traditional and dosen't masturbate or anything freaky. We have sex a lot but I just don't know what to do to help her come. I want to be the guy to do it for her and i just would like to know any tips or positions/foreplay things that would help me do this most successfully. I am open to any and all suggestions so feel free to offer them. Thanks.
making a girl reach orgasm?
- Thread starter jk476
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We've done mostly all missionary and a few times she's been on top but she likes me to lead so we usually do missionary. As for foreplay i usually eat her out/finger her and she really likes when i rub her clit. We just are both really inexperienced and neither really know how to do any positions and stuff. I'm 19 by the way and 6.5 inches i don't think size is an issue at all.
Size has nothing to do with it, as few women are able to orgasm from intercourse regularly.
First up, we men can't make any woman reach orgasm, we can merely help them along the way. Second, if she hasn't masturbated, then she hasn't yet trained her body to respond. Indeed, it's unlikely she can respond, and it's impossible for her to show you what to do. Masturbation is training for sex. Suggest she get somewhere private and safe by herself and explore, and learn.
The only virgin I have had sex with is my now wife, and she had masturbated a lot before we met. She was the most orgasmic woman I had ever met, and we had no problems at all.
First up, we men can't make any woman reach orgasm, we can merely help them along the way. Second, if she hasn't masturbated, then she hasn't yet trained her body to respond. Indeed, it's unlikely she can respond, and it's impossible for her to show you what to do. Masturbation is training for sex. Suggest she get somewhere private and safe by herself and explore, and learn.
The only virgin I have had sex with is my now wife, and she had masturbated a lot before we met. She was the most orgasmic woman I had ever met, and we had no problems at all.
I have been masturbating for as long as I can remember and was thereby the first person to give me an orgasm. It took practice though because initially I would want to stop when the feelings got intense. I had to force myself to keep going, to break through that mental barrier. Once I did, there was no going back. 
And truly, before having experienced an orgasm, I wasn't sure what my body was going to do. The sensation is not dissimilar to having to urinate and peeing on a guy during an intimate moment was a mortifying idea to my 16 year old self!
A female friend of mine who is in her 30's has never had an orgasm. She doesn't masturbate and has told me during frank discussion that she experiences that same resistance as I described above. Something in her won't let go. (She also happens to be extremely passive-aggressive and has some serious control issues so... "letting go" would take a lot of therapy.)
My point in all this is that 90% of getting your gf off is going to be in her head. The best thing you can do then is to encourage her in a loving way. Make sure she feels secure enough to be totally open. Once you have that, she can let go of worrying about all the ways her body might embarrass her and relax enough to find out what feels good and push through the urge to stop.
Good luck!
And truly, before having experienced an orgasm, I wasn't sure what my body was going to do. The sensation is not dissimilar to having to urinate and peeing on a guy during an intimate moment was a mortifying idea to my 16 year old self!
A female friend of mine who is in her 30's has never had an orgasm. She doesn't masturbate and has told me during frank discussion that she experiences that same resistance as I described above. Something in her won't let go. (She also happens to be extremely passive-aggressive and has some serious control issues so... "letting go" would take a lot of therapy.)
My point in all this is that 90% of getting your gf off is going to be in her head. The best thing you can do then is to encourage her in a loving way. Make sure she feels secure enough to be totally open. Once you have that, she can let go of worrying about all the ways her body might embarrass her and relax enough to find out what feels good and push through the urge to stop.
Good luck!
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Find the clitoris, give it some attention, a lot of attention, until she can't take it anymore. Let her flip, flop, tense up, go with the flow as much as possible. Finger her while you lick it or manually stimilate it at the same time. Start slow and easy and then as she squirms a bit, get faster and faster. Like you are trying to make fire from 2 sticks.
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I know you should meet me in the video chatroom sometime (in my best May West voice)
I don't think I can say much that hasn't been said here except to just take the time to experiment together. I had my first clitoral orgasm by accident with a boyfriend while we were just exploring each other. Take the time to play and learn your bodies, don't worry about intercourse or orgasms too much because they will happen. Just relax and have fun, she will appreciate your loving ministrations one way or the other.
BadBoyCanada
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Dido to that. My wife needs to be stimulated for a long time before getting almost to that point. In most cases, I let her orgasm while I finger her before I worry about me.
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The female orgasm is just as individual as girls themselves. There are often times common threads among them, but in the end, it's always going to be different. All of the posted oral advice has been good so far, but the one thing I would add is definitely her mind. A previous poster noted his girl not being able to "let go." That is so true. If she is feeling any kind of pressure at all to have an orgasm, I can almost guarantee she won't have one. Do you guys talk about it a lot? Are you always pressuring her to "come on baby, just cum for me," blah blah. If you are, then STOP, otherwise she'll be cumless with you until she meets some other dude who DOESN'T pressure her, she's able to relax and "let go," and she cums like a porn star.
Some chicks also need to have a deep emotional connection to cum (while others can cum from an intense stare from across the room from a stranger). Do you make her feel confident about her body? Does she feel hot and sexy when she's with you or does she have low self-esteem?
There are so many layers to this question, it could go on for days. The best physical advice is to concentrate on going down on her. Keep the rhythm even while you're doing it too. If you're licking her clit, keep whatever pace you're going at. Once she's into it, don't speed up because you think it'll make her cum (unless she tells you you to). Don't do it harder, faster, or slower, or change direction with your tongue, or whatever. Just whatever happens, keep the same pace.
The best emotional advice is to just chill the fuck out, help her chill the fuck out, and don't pressure her to cum. Hope that helps.
Some chicks also need to have a deep emotional connection to cum (while others can cum from an intense stare from across the room from a stranger). Do you make her feel confident about her body? Does she feel hot and sexy when she's with you or does she have low self-esteem?
There are so many layers to this question, it could go on for days. The best physical advice is to concentrate on going down on her. Keep the rhythm even while you're doing it too. If you're licking her clit, keep whatever pace you're going at. Once she's into it, don't speed up because you think it'll make her cum (unless she tells you you to). Don't do it harder, faster, or slower, or change direction with your tongue, or whatever. Just whatever happens, keep the same pace.
The best emotional advice is to just chill the fuck out, help her chill the fuck out, and don't pressure her to cum. Hope that helps.
This guy knows of what he speaks. Very wise not only about the female orgasm but females generally. As her lover you've got to experiment with her on what makes her feel good at every level...emotionally as well. She has to trust you completely and give herself to you. When she's prepared mentally and emotionally, the she can start allowing you to do your massaging and licking. Be super gentle at the beginning. For some girls having their clitoris touched directly is almost painful. Let the little clit come out to play on its own because it eventually will. Some are like shy children. They need some coaxing but no pressure.
I have had a really good average when it comes to making women have an orgasm. The number one and best thing you can do is pay attention to what she is enjoying the most and then keep doing it. At first it very well may not be something or some way that you enjoy it the most but in time you will find how to make her feel good and you feel good at the same time thus leading you both to climax at the same time. Patience and more patience is key in the art of pleasing a woman in bed. Communicate with her ask her what she likes do not just assume she will tell you and make sure she knows you are enjoying what you are doing and that you are sattisfied. Women sometimes will want to put the man's feelings before their own in bed. You are going to orgasm easier than she will many times. So she needs to know that it is not an issue if she gets her sattisfaction first. Experiment with different positions and techniques do not be afraid to mix in some variety and do not be afraid to find out what does not work because you are sure to find some stuff that is not enjoyable and it will take work to get around that. So be patient, attentative, communicate, and be open minded. Also do not get overly hung up on just making it happen or she will be to up tight and will never cum. A woman's orgasm starts between her ears.
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Personally, this woman needs to get over her masturbation is yucky issues and figure out what she likes in privacy. She won't pressure herself like that and then she can tell him what worked. A woman who has given herself an orgasm can always tell a guy what she requires to get there. I require a lot of very very intensely fast up down up down rubbing on my clit, if i am getting g-spot stimulation at the same time- its going to be much more intense and happen quicker.
I suggest to the guy to have him finger her while she is rubbing her own clit because trying to get the timing right on it with another person is so difficult. She can control how fast or hard she wants to go.
Most of the time i have to get myself to my first orgasm with my own hand while he strokes the gspot with his finger. Once im done with the first one he can take over on the rest pretty easily.
She should want to tense up and tighen all her muscles and strain to get there, its a release of TENSION, not a release of relaxation.
I suggest to the guy to have him finger her while she is rubbing her own clit because trying to get the timing right on it with another person is so difficult. She can control how fast or hard she wants to go.
Most of the time i have to get myself to my first orgasm with my own hand while he strokes the gspot with his finger. Once im done with the first one he can take over on the rest pretty easily.
She should want to tense up and tighen all her muscles and strain to get there, its a release of TENSION, not a release of relaxation.
HiddenLacey
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In my opinion it's all in her mind. I can cum in less than 2 minutes rubbing my clitoris and have sex for an hour and not cum one time even with constant stimulation. She has to relax and let go. Don't put pressure on her to cum, because that could make it even harder. When you find something she likes just keep doing it. Since she has never had an orgasm before I wouldn't be extremely rough because when I get over-stimulated I can't cum. The female body is wonderful let me tell you If I can give you advice I would say start at the top and work your way down. Kiss her, love her breasts, belly and thighs then head for the pussy last. Oral then add in a couple of fingers at the same time. That might do it. The most important thing is to get her to relax. Honestly the best thing for her to do is masturbate. I know you said she doesn't like that, but if she doesn't know her body the feelings she has with you, could be to intense for her to let go. It's all mental for me.
If I can give you advice I would say start at the top and work your way down. Kiss her, love her breasts, belly and thighs then head for the pussy last. Oral then add in a couple of fingers at the same time. That might do it. The most important thing is to get her to relax. Honestly the best thing for her to do is masturbate. I know you said she doesn't like that, but if she doesn't know her body the feelings she has with you, could be to intense for her to let go. It's all mental for me.
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Masturbation is a great start for her. It well help her step off the ledge so to speak and what thoughts or actions will take her there. But don't rush her or make her feel like your waiting for it to happen. You will make her shy away. But start there she will find her on way with time. That or you will get lucky and hit the right spots
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Once she has one on her own...you wont be seeing her for a while. It's lifechanging and that's all you want to do. You wake up the next day going, OMG did that really happen? I've got to go home and try that again and again.
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