Making money with "THE BULGE'

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Imported, Oct 20, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    axolotl27: Although I had encouragement from girls before my wife to wear clothes that fit, it was my wife who gave me the confidence to throw away my baggy pants and dress "like normal people". She said, "Those who won't focus on your face aren't worth worrying about". However, she never let me wear boxer shorts. I suppose a penis hanging to the knees that was of normal width could be disguised by tight boxer shorts, but one 8.5 in. around gives the appearance of a baseball bat down one leg. Wearing briefs and tucking it back doesn't work because then I'm sitting on it and it creates a huge bulge up the back of my pants. So I have always worn it out across my thigh and doubled back. This way, I can cover it with a jacket or a long sweater when the need arises. Without a jacket, there's an enormous bulge that unfortunately is visible from the side as well as from the front making a person think that I have an erection. As a woman once told me,--"It looks like you've got the Sunday roast in your pocket". What makes it look even more ridiculous is that I still have only a 29 in. waist and narrow hips, so I'm even more out of proportion. Having said all this, I was in a large department store in August looking for a colourful hand-towel for my kitchen. I was wearing a t-shirt and track pants. I didn't find what I was looking for so I decided to go elsewhere. On the way out of the store, I was stopped by two women who turned out to be plain-clothes security people. I had seen the two of them as I was leaving the towel section staring at my pants and then I noticed them hurrying around a few aisles over so they could have another look. This happens all the time so I didn't pay any attention. They showed me their credentials and mentioned that I seemed to have something down the front of my pants and they'd like me to accompany them to the manager's office. I told them that the bulge was "all me". Silence. Then one of them said,"I don't think so" and sort of smirked. So I went with them, thinking to myself, "This is going to be hilarious. I hope nobody in the room has a heart condition". One of them waited with me while the other went inside for a minute. When they called me inside they asked me to show them my ID, which I did. The manager said, "You seem to have something large down the front of your pants. Did you buy something in the store?" I quickly pulled down my track pants and briefs together. One of them came out with a big loud gasp. One of the women grabbed the corner of the desk. Maybe her knees were starting to buckle. The manager apologized and gave me a credit voucher of $100. So now I can say that at age 69, I've started on a new career,--Male Prostitute. And I'm not going to declare it under "earnings" on my 2003 tax form. AX.
     
  2. Imported

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    bigboybaltazar: LOL :D

    That was the by far funniest story I have heard of the down side of being overly hung :) you have a good attitude to the whole thing to, If they want to make fools out of them selves, let them :)
     
  3. Imported

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    Lovembig: He forgot to start that letter off with.... "Dear Penthouse Forum,.... I never thought this would happen to me." :D Some of you guys are really living in a dream world when you go online. ::)
     
  4. Imported

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    wvalady1968: [quote author=axolotl27 link=board=meetgreet;num=1066663932;start=0#0 date=10/20/03 at 08:23:12] The manager apologized and gave me a credit voucher of $100. So now I can say that at age 69, I've started on a new career,--Male Prostitute. And I'm not going to declare it under "earnings" on my 2003 tax form.  AX.                                                                         [/quote]

    I laughed so hard!!! Great story!!! :D :D

    They'll think twice before going to the manager with a similar situation in the future.

    Or perhaps they do it on purpose?
     
  5. Imported

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    jerkin4-10: reading this reminded me of the old SNL skit with dan akroyd...'FRED GARVIN...MALE PROSTITUTE'... :D
     
  6. Imported

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    Phallostrates: But you didn't get paid for having sex with anyone. Considering his profession, one of our moderators (who has been mysteriously silent as of late) would probably take issue with equating showing one's dick for money with prostitution.
     
  7. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    [quote author=Phallostrates link=board=meetgreet;num=1066663932;start=0#5 date=10/20/03 at 23:15:08] who has been mysteriously silent as of late...[/quote]

    Sorry about that, Dimitri. I'm still here. I'm keeping up with the posts and moderating, but I'm dealing with a crisis in my personal life right now. Posting will be less frequent.

    Well, yeah. The Stripper = Whore idea is one of my pet peeves.
     
  8. Imported

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    Tender: off topic,
    but just want to wish luck to DMW in whatever crisis he is having to deal with...hope all works out good for you...

    i did notice also that you havent been around much...
    :-*
    Tender
     
  9. Imported

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    bif5x5: I suppose after a while you got use to wearing it like that... down your thigh & then doubled back up.

    It sure sounds uncomfortable to me. And any shifting or movement would give me a boner big time.

    & this you say was acceptably comfortable? Rather than just letting it hang down your leg?

    I am glad I don't have your problem.

    ...but tell me/us...have you been back to that particular store and run across those two gals?

    ...we're waiting for "The Rest of the story".
     
  10. Imported

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    axolotl27: To bif 5x5 Hi there To answer your questions,-- I have been back to that store 5 or 6 times, I saw one of the women once, but I don't think she saw me. She was talking to one of the store clerks. I know what you're thinking. I should have gone up to her and pulled it out and asked her "Remember this?" To answer your other question,--I only have a 29 in. waist and I only weigh 123 lb. but I have to buy XL briefs that fit about a 40 in. waist in order to get everything inside them. What I have to do before I can wear them is sew the waistband in 4 places to fit my waist, then I have to take in the legs so my penis won't drop out, because I have skinny legs. When I put the altered briefs on, they are quite snug. My doctor told me not to get them any tighter because I would be risking testicular cancer. My penis goes out to the side of my leg and then doubles back. In this way I can cover it with a loose jacket or sweater. After about 3 or 4 months, I throw the briefs away because they have stretched out of shape and my equipment does start to angle downwards below the bottom of a jacket.
     
  11. Imported

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    axolotl27: Oh yes,--and I should add, I have to wear my briefs backwards because there's a lot more room in the seat than there is in the front half.
     
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