Hey guys,
I've posted a few times about similar topics but have been pondering a lot recently & felt the need to vent & ask a few questions. As I've said in my previous posts I grew up with very little male presence in my life (no dad, no uncles, brothers etc) & have always found it very difficult to make male friends. To be honest this has very rarely bothered me until recently.
I'm in my early 20's & for some reason have started to feel really left out. I tend to find it harder to relate to men but have no problem making friends with and/or picking up women. What's interesting is that women almost never think or assume that I'm gay upon meeting me but a lot of dudes do. I don't think I'm particularly effeminate but I guess growing up with all women does leave its mark.
I still have some unresolved sexuality issues but am kind of at peace with them. I consider myself bisexual but have never done anything with a guy & don't really have the urge to. However I do jerk off thinking about guys & have a fascination with seeing men naked (perhaps even more than women.) I think this probably goes back to the fact that I never had any male bonding experiences at an early age & that curiousity about the male body increased as I got older & became something more sexual.
To be honest I just want to see how my sexuality develops & leave it at that. I'm just me & if I continue to find the fantasy of men attractive & the reality of women attractive, or if that changes, then so be it! I can't be bothered with pressuring myself any more, plus I've been in a long term relationship with a woman I love more than anything for the last few years. I honestly don't want that to change & feel comfortable thinking that we will probably spend our lives together (she is aware of all my issues & the fact that I consider myself bisexual.)
However, I really do feel like I need some close guy friends. I know it may sound weird or desperate but sometimes its just as basic as not wanting to be around women for a while (sorry if that sounds awful.) I have never been truly comfortable in my masculinity & I'm actually going to therapy to work out a lot of unresolved issues with my absent father etc. It seems to be working as I am starting to feel slightly more confident.
I honestly have a fear of 'masculine' activities such as watching sports, going for a beer with a group of guys, anything to do with being naked around other men (locker rooms, urinals etc.) I even have serious problems calling other guys 'man', 'dude', 'bro' etc because I don't feel like a 'bro' myself. My fear is so deeply rooted & the only way to describe it is that I'm afraid that other guys will laugh at me and/or discover that I'm not a 'real' man. I don't even truly know what this means but I have just never felt like another man truly cared about me or loved me (in a completely platonic sense) & I really feel like I need that.
Sorry to rant, I don't even know what I'm asking for. I guess advice about some ways that I can resolve this issue or ways that I can make myself more confident in my masculinity.
I'm never going to be the most macho guy in the room & honestly don't want to be. I just want to be comfortable enough in all male situations without feeling like the outcast. I have just come to believe that bonding with other men is something that all men regardless of age, race, sexuality etc inherantly need (with no sexual connotations). Do you guys feel the same? I want to feel what it's like to have a friend that feels like a brother, someone always has your back.
Again sorry for rambling!
Slamdunk_Dude
I've posted a few times about similar topics but have been pondering a lot recently & felt the need to vent & ask a few questions. As I've said in my previous posts I grew up with very little male presence in my life (no dad, no uncles, brothers etc) & have always found it very difficult to make male friends. To be honest this has very rarely bothered me until recently.
I'm in my early 20's & for some reason have started to feel really left out. I tend to find it harder to relate to men but have no problem making friends with and/or picking up women. What's interesting is that women almost never think or assume that I'm gay upon meeting me but a lot of dudes do. I don't think I'm particularly effeminate but I guess growing up with all women does leave its mark.
I still have some unresolved sexuality issues but am kind of at peace with them. I consider myself bisexual but have never done anything with a guy & don't really have the urge to. However I do jerk off thinking about guys & have a fascination with seeing men naked (perhaps even more than women.) I think this probably goes back to the fact that I never had any male bonding experiences at an early age & that curiousity about the male body increased as I got older & became something more sexual.
To be honest I just want to see how my sexuality develops & leave it at that. I'm just me & if I continue to find the fantasy of men attractive & the reality of women attractive, or if that changes, then so be it! I can't be bothered with pressuring myself any more, plus I've been in a long term relationship with a woman I love more than anything for the last few years. I honestly don't want that to change & feel comfortable thinking that we will probably spend our lives together (she is aware of all my issues & the fact that I consider myself bisexual.)
However, I really do feel like I need some close guy friends. I know it may sound weird or desperate but sometimes its just as basic as not wanting to be around women for a while (sorry if that sounds awful.) I have never been truly comfortable in my masculinity & I'm actually going to therapy to work out a lot of unresolved issues with my absent father etc. It seems to be working as I am starting to feel slightly more confident.
I honestly have a fear of 'masculine' activities such as watching sports, going for a beer with a group of guys, anything to do with being naked around other men (locker rooms, urinals etc.) I even have serious problems calling other guys 'man', 'dude', 'bro' etc because I don't feel like a 'bro' myself. My fear is so deeply rooted & the only way to describe it is that I'm afraid that other guys will laugh at me and/or discover that I'm not a 'real' man. I don't even truly know what this means but I have just never felt like another man truly cared about me or loved me (in a completely platonic sense) & I really feel like I need that.
Sorry to rant, I don't even know what I'm asking for. I guess advice about some ways that I can resolve this issue or ways that I can make myself more confident in my masculinity.
I'm never going to be the most macho guy in the room & honestly don't want to be. I just want to be comfortable enough in all male situations without feeling like the outcast. I have just come to believe that bonding with other men is something that all men regardless of age, race, sexuality etc inherantly need (with no sexual connotations). Do you guys feel the same? I want to feel what it's like to have a friend that feels like a brother, someone always has your back.
Again sorry for rambling!
Slamdunk_Dude