In order for you all to understand my disscussion/question I have to give you all a little background. So I'm going to be 20 years old a month from tomorrow (April 24) and I have no father or male role models in my life. This has been bothering me of late. My father was never in my life ever, I know who he is and seen him but as far as being an active participant in my life he was not there. My only other role model that I could look to in my household was my grandfather and all he did was call me a dumb, ugly, black niggea so as you can imagine I don't have a close relationship with him. A possible role model now is my aunt's husband, my uncle. The only thing with him is that he is a pastor and I do not feel comfortable discussing sexual things with him because he is a pastor.... arkward. I didn't have any brothers and I was one of those kids that was two young to be with the older crowd and too old to be with the younger crowd. My mom had me at an early age and she has two other sisters (one older one younger) both of which helped in raising me. Long story short I have been socialized in a female dominated world and I have femenine qualities that I'm unconscious of because of the context in which I grew up. I'm more conscious of them now but they are still there. With that in mind I want to disscuss how to go about forming a male bond without being "too emotional"? My new roommate is excellent. He has really helped me in terms of discussing things with guys that I would not otherwise discuss. I feel like sexuality is so taboo and alot of guys don't feel comfortable discussing things that pertain to sexuality in such a serious manner. For instance, I was about to talk to my roommate about how I think my penis is getting thicker :biggrin1:. I was really nervous at first because I felt vulnarable even though I didn't think he would respond negatively; I just have never had a relationship with a guy where I could discuss such things and not feel like I was exposing a weakness. In other words he is the only guy that I feel comfortable discussing things pertaining to sex and things I don't know or just general questions that we all seem to have just being guys. In having such a relationship I'm very greatful that he is my friend and I have told him in so many words that he means a lot to me other than telling him how I really which is that I love him. Not in a sexual way but how one loves his brother or best friend. I've recently told him he is the brother I always wanted but never had. I have often told him that he has no idea how much I appreciate him but at the end of the day I'm simply saying that I love him. Can I tell him that and he not get werided out? Even thought I don't think that he would but guys typically, at least in my understanding, don't tell other guys that they love them. I can't even think of any guys that I tell I love them. (I've tell my grandfather but not because I mean it just because he is my grandfather and he normally says it first). We both agree we don't have the average male relationship in terms of our discussions- we've only experienced the conversation that we have with each other and not with other guys. In the example of my penis getting thicker he told me that his friends back home would have just said that their penis is thick in a joking way but not discussing it such a meaningful and serious way. I think he knows what I'm getting at but should I just leave how I feel unsaid or do I cross the line? Sorry for such a long post but I'm really hoping I get some positive feed back.