Male emotions

[2322]

I cry limitedly in public.

I cried at my desk at work when Columbia was lost and I felt unacceptably vulnerable for doing so.

When my dog was entering the last stages of lymphoma she called me at work one day to let me know he had stopped eating and she had called the vet to come destroy him. I told her I would not authorize anything until I go there. He was my property and I would do nothing until I had seen him myself. I cried the entire drive from work to home but stopped on the way to clear my tears. I took him behind the house and tried to divine what was happening but he looked to be in a lot of pain. He died in my arms as I had promised him but remained, "strong." My family and friends buried him in the adjoining field while I went upstairs to my old room and cried my eyes out in private.

I did not cry when my grandfather died but I did cry when Challenger exploded and when Diana died. Both times I was alone.

I'm not sure it has anything to do with culture, more with how men are hardwired. Vulnerability is an intensely private thing to be shared exclusively with those whom we know will not think less of us for showing it. Unless those very few select people are around, I will only cry alone save for extraordinary events that somehow effect me more than I suspect and, for which, I am not prepared.

Movies can get me. Since I was 10 I've loved Tolkien and Theoden's recitation of Where Is the Horse and Rider? and the end of The Return of the King simply made me cry for their sheer nobility when I saw them on screen.

Another intensely personal thing I'm sharing here is that the moment I die I expect to see my late dog, Tristan, a very noble Chesapeake, greet me. And if there is justice in heaven, I want to see Pippin Took hand me a cloak of Lorien and invite me to come on an adventure.

Male emotions are exceptionally strong as I think is evidenced by the preponderance of male novelists, composers, and artists. That they are so intensely personal is, perhaps, what separates them from the feminine. Women seem to trust other people with their whole emotional range but men do not. We men may have a select few to whom we will allow into our lives. Maybe it's because our vulnerability is so deep that we don't trust most others to witness it? I suspect far deeper than most women and even men suspect.

 

[simcha]

Somehow I think this depends on your generation, the part of the country you were raised in, and the culture of your family of origin.

I grew up in the Midwest. My family is very mixed but we are more or less Northern Italian and Jewish in affect. Yet we were in the Midwest and men there during the time I was raised were meant to be stoic and only get angry and joke around.

I had crying beaten out of me by the time I was ten. And I was ridiculed in school whenever I would cry so it was reinforced there. I was told by teachers that boys don't cry. Girls cried all the time and that was fine.

Hence, I've had to reclaim the ability to cry in front of others. I'm glad I did because my Dad died 18 months ago and I was able to cry at the service and with family.

I think the younger generations are allowing themselves the full display of emotions. I think this is the better way to go. Also, being in California, I have to say that men are more free to display emotions that would be considered "girly" in the Midwest.

So, again, I think that the OP is true for some of us...

 

[whatireallywant]

Somehow I think this depends on your generation, the part of the country you were raised in, and the culture of your family of origin.

I grew up in the Midwest. My family is very mixed but we are more or less Northern Italian and Jewish in affect. Yet we were in the Midwest and men there during the time I was raised were meant to be stoic and only get angry and joke around.

I had crying beaten out of me by the time I was ten. And I was ridiculed in school whenever I would cry so it was reinforced there. I was told by teachers that boys don't cry. Girls cried all the time and that was fine.

Hence, I've had to reclaim the ability to cry in front of others. I'm glad I did because my Dad died 18 months ago and I was able to cry at the service and with family.

I think the younger generations are allowing themselves the full display of emotions. I think this is the better way to go. Also, being in California, I have to say that men are more free to display emotions that would be considered "girly" in the Midwest.

So, again, I think that the OP is true for some of us...

That could be. Where I grew up, neither boys NOR girls were supposed to cry - EVER. If you did cry the other people would use whatever made you cry as a weapon against you and they would not forget it - YEARS later they would still be bullying you for whatever that thing is/was.

I have a very avoidant personality as a result. In public I steer clear of any situations or topics of conversation that may be upsetting to me in the least.

 

[Bbucko]

Men don't feel less than women, but traditional gender stereotypes suggest that women express their emotions more easily than men. My own experiences are a mixed bag.

Because of my alcoholic, abusive parents I have a difficult time dealing with certain emotions in the moment, anger predominantly among them. In fact, any emotion that might lead to a defensive response is very difficult for me, at least while it's happening. Repressed emotions bubbling up at inappropriate times has been a factor all of my life, although years of therapy has tempered this, somewhat.

There is a deeply sentimental side to me, however, which was never repressed and is therefore a hair-trigger away, especially when I'm feeling depressed or otherwise blue. Separations and good-byes inevitably make me cry, and I am inconsolable in grief.

Kindnesses and random acts of generosity can easily make me feel overwhelmed with emotion, and it often bubbles out whether or not I try to repress it.

When I lived in Connecticut I worked for a very stereotypical liberal "new-man" who would well up at the drop of a hat. I got to know him and his family quite well while I was there. His brother, whom he resembled in all ways, was struggling with a degenerative disease of some sort and eventually succommed after many months of pain and anguish.

One Saturday morning, just before we opened the doors to what was expected to be a very busy day, I asked how his brother was feeling.
"Oh" my boss replied, nonchalantly, "He died last night."
I stared dumbfounded.
"How is your mother coping?"
"Not so great, I'm afraid. This seems to have upset her."
I was getting really mad at him.
"Why aren't you with her, then?"
He whistled a little and sighed.
"He [the brother] wouldn't have wanted a fuss made."
"But your mother needs you."
He thought for a moment, then said: "Oh, she'll be fine...really."

I practically threw him bodily from his own store and insisted that his place wasn't with the customers that day. It was with his mother and his daughters. I refused to take no for an answer, gathered his coat and led him to his car.

This same man who would shed a tear over the finish on a coffee table was unable to process his emotions about his brother's death. Once he'd driven away, I locked myself in the office and had a good long cry.

 

[~quicksilver~]

Some of it is cultural and societal and some of it is actually biological...

Women are more wired into their emotions socially, they express their emotions freely with each other wheras men tend not to get emotional in front of each other to appear "strong".

Biologically women are actually predisposed to crying because of the nature of their hormones and also because their tear ducts are essentially "wired" to respond easier and quicker to emotional stimulus. (seriously, I learned about this one in Biology class)

I for one am a male who wishes I could be more emotional. Sometimes I am very upset and really WANT to cry but just can't, even on my own. I was a very emotional child: temper tantrums, raging, crying etc all came at the drop of a hat. Once I was crying in front of my father when he said "Go on crybabby, run to your mother and cry like you always do..." That was when I started to learn that emotions weren't acceptable.

To this day even as a gay, modern, sensitive man, I have a very hard time accesing my emotion. It takes an awful lot for me to break down the walls, I NEVER lose my temper ever and I can count the times on one hand when I have cried for the last year. It can be a bugger in relationships as well as I tend to emotionally "close off". I am one of those annoying people to argue with because the more emotional/angry you get the calmer, more rational and unfeeling I will get.

Interestingly enough my sister is the opposite, she was never told that emotions were wrong, as she was a girl. She is a very emotional person and especially when she is very angry she cries. This causes her lots of distress as she feels that in relationship and especially professional situations, when she is very angry and the tears start it undermines her and makes her look weak and over emotional, but she has no control over it.

 

[B_Cravenator]

I'm generally really cheerful. Being angry so isn't worth my effort.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I think that to being a man isnt that easy like most people think.
Man in this society cant show many emotions because of the fear of being perceive like wimps. We cry when we feel very sad and we feel fear. One of the few emotions that society accept as being manly is anger . What do you guys think about the subject?

I think that this was probably true fifty years ago, but not today. All the guys I know show emotion and cry. None of them are perceived as wimps for doing so. I also think that people (men AND women) should stop deciding how they'll react to situations based on how other people will perceive the actions of their reactions... just fucking do what makes you feel good. If you want to cry, then cry.

 

[chesz001]

I think that to being a man isnt that easy like most people think.
Man in this society cant show many emotions because of the fear of being perceive like wimps. We cry when we feel very sad and we feel fear. One of the few emotions that society accept as being manly is anger . What do you guys think about the subject?

i agree...!because women are more emotional and sensitive..i mean by nature they are..

men since child were raised not to show too much emotions especially in public because we thought that was gay..we likely take things easy unlike women who take things seriously..and men feels like they should be superior in any aspect..

and the culture itself,if you notice men take it on other ways like drinking alcohol,drugs but they dont show it by means of crying etc..