Male friendship... remind me, how does it happen?

[Rugbypup]

I need some advice from other males.

How'd you spark up a friendship with a guy you'd like to know?

I'm rusty as fuck and just can't seem to recall how getting to know someone works.

Basically there's this guy at work and whenever we're near each other, there is an atmosphere, well, to me there is. I'm assuming he's straight, as I'm bent, so attraction aside, how'd do you extend friendship to another man? It's got that bromance, just good mates feel to it but isn't really igniting. Ok, I've spoken to him only a handful of times about work issues that are relevant to the moment, and that's it.

I have few male friends, and don't really understand instinctual masculine shit all that well. No I'm not camp or girly, just a bit, well, individual. I'm not rough, sporty, or car mad and kinda clueless. The male friends I have have been because I've worked directly with them and friendship arose through surviving work. Well, I don't work that close with this guy.

I'd like the chance to get to know him as a mate but don't know how to approach it?

Any advice guys?

 

[scallylad85]

Just talk to him about something? find something in common and expand on it.

If you have nothing in common, or anything to talk about, then its probably time to write it off and look elsewhere for a mate.

I have found in life that if you have to 'force or conspire' for something, that doesnt work, good friends usually just drop into place...

 

[hvdude]

If this is truly not an attraction issue you can do what scally says and strike up a conversation. "How was your weekend?" "Have you seen the new James Bond movie?" "I can't believe all the snow/rain/sun we've had. Good for the skiers/ducks/sun worshippers I guess..." Let it go from there. Don't try too hard. Before the weekend ask what he is doing. If he works out ask him if you could workout with him. If he doesn't have any plans suggest something you might have fun doing together - bowling, baseball game, etc. If you're doing something invite him along. It's really not that hard. If he's not interested and turns you down, take the hint and look for someone who deserves your friendship.

 

[Rugbypup]

Well, sadly attraction is part of it, he's a Greek god after all but seems like a nice guy too.

There isn't a shot in hell of it being anything more than friends but friends would be nice. I'm a big believer in not offending straight men with regards to sexuality and just would never make a straight guy uncomfortable. It's not right. But that doesn't mean as a gay guy I can't have straight guy company to, does it?

I'm ok with small talk, but then small talk with an intimating handsome man is never easy. I couldn't suggest an activity, that seems like asking him out on a date from cold, who does that? He'd think me a weird, likewise if I asked to work out with him. Guys just don't do that, I'm sure of it. It seems like asking to take a piss together.

A did you have a good weekend conversion might work though. I just wish we had to work together on something, I just know we'd be good mates by now. :-(

 

[933295]

This is a common issue for most males. To me it's about what you want from him. If you want his friendship just to be close to a guy you're attracted to, he'll mostly likely pick up on that. If you're interested in him as a human being, then he'll know that also. Women have the experience almost constantly. Men try to get close to them for whatever reason, and they're really aware of it. Attractive people generally have to deal with all the time, and it can be a little exhausting. So I'm just saying find out what your own motivation is toward him initially before you say something. All the best.

 

[Rugbypup]

Yeah, this is interesting. He is attractive, no doubt, but do I want anything from him in that respect? Well, realistically, it's not possible. He's straight and has a girlfriend and I am not the kinda guy to do anything like that, though I wouldn't put up a fight if he decided otherwise, lol. Friendship, would be nice, but you're right, it's because I find him attractive. I guess it's a question of if you can't be with someone, it's still nice to be near them.

He has a strong masculine presence and I've always been attracted to that as a man, not necessarily because I'm gay. I'm one of those gays, too straight to be gay and too gay to be straight. The gay world has nothing of interest to me but the straight world tends to be cautious and reticent, if not reluctant, to accept me. As a man, male company is important. I've never belonged to a pack as it were and am the lesser for it. Straight male mates and acceptance might be nice before I wither and die.

Today I had the most perfect opportunity to say something, and I choked. The best I could do was a simple greeting before my brain paralysed as we walk together a short distance in the silence that could have been, should of been the start of a friendship. I'm deeply angry at myself and just a bit upset. He really does seem a nice guy but perhaps it's not a question of male friendships, but a question of can gay and straight guys still be mates. I'm not sure it's totally possible or what I want or why.

I would be mortified and ashamed if he thought I was just some crush smitten puppy, but I think that's a strong vibe with me around him, yet still he seems to be OK.

Fuck it, being straight must be just a whole fucking universe easier in life. Sigh.

 

[Hatt_101]

Why can't a straight and gay person be friends? It's the same question that people ask , can men and women really be just friends.

I'm not trying to insult you but from what you just posted I don't think your problem has to do with you being gay and him being straight but more of you being socially Akward around someone you find attractive.

The are plenty of girls that I'm attracted to who I am friends with and I don't find it hard to be friends with them.

If you want to be friends with him treat him the same way you treat any of your existing friends.