male insecurity re: love of size (a dating anecdote)

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by voyeuristic, Aug 11, 2009.

  1. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    I recently went on several dates with a guy I met on a dating site. (He's in an open marriage; I'm in an open relationship with my boyfriend.) From the get-go, I was really impressed by him: good politics, good dresser, PhD student, funny and handsome. Our first two dates went really well. On our third date, we talked into the night, cuddled, and then hooked up the next morning. Unfortunately, he prematurely ejaculated, so the blow job lasted all of about thirty seconds - and he pulled out of my mouth and came on his stomach, which I found disappointing. I tried not to make a big deal about the PE, though - after all, I thought we'd have plenty more chances to get it right.

    We scheduled another date. I was dealing with some personal stuff that evening and showed up a bit late (well...an hour and a half), which I admit was lame. We took a walk, grabbed some dessert, and headed back to his house where he played music for me and we chatted for a few hours. At a certain point, he said that he was getting really tired and that I was welcome to join him in his room. The vibe throughout the night had been decidedly un-flirtatious, so I wasn't feeling particularly horny, and any discouragement was enough to keep me from trying again - remembering our lackluster first encounter, I told him that I'd love to sleep over, but would prefer to wait until he had a bit more energy. I then headed home.

    Some time passed; we e-mailed about a few odds and ends (he'd lent me some computer equipment) and he invited me to a group party. I was getting the sense that there wasn't going to be another date. Finally I e-mailed him and asked directly what was going on. His response really surprised me. He told me that I made him feel too "insecure and self-conscious" for him to feel sexy or playful - he gave me a short list of reasons for this, but the very first thing he mentioned was "I worry that you think my dick is too small." The only mention I ever made about being into big cocks, mind you, was in my profile on the site where we met - in which I basically say "if you happen to be ridiculously hung, that's a nice bonus". I hardly went on at length about (or even mentioned) how much I love huge dicks on our dates, and I certainly was nothing but complimentary towards his (which was, admittedly, on the smaller side of average).

    He told me that he found me "totally hot", and we got along really well and shared many common interests and ideals, so I'm inclined to think that it either comes down to him feeling too sheepish about the PE to try again or that he's really just so hung up on my size fetish that he'll never be able to feel comfortable with me. I really liked this guy, and his endowment certainly didn't change that, but it seems like knowing that I love the big ones was too much for his ego to handle - or maybe he's just a total liar and there was something else going on, but judging by the rest of our interactions I don't think this is the case.

    Mind you, my boyfriend's not particularly hung - average length, slightly above average girth - and he has very little problem with my size fetish. He likes watching me get stretched by giant dildos, and we fantasize about group sex with hung guys. Part of his accomodating nature undoubtedly has to do with the fact that he's slightly bisexual, but his interest in guys is minor enough that I'm inclined to think there's more to it than that. He's confident enough to realize that at the end of the day, his love, charisma, enthusiasm, and the way he talks to me are ultimately a lot more compelling than a massive penis - and that while I still may fantasize about massive penises anyway, he and I can find ways to make that desire hot, and I can still pursue sanctioned flings with hung guys extra-relationally.

    I guess I can relate to the date's feelings of insecurity, because I usually lose interest in a guy as soon as I realize he has a preference for big breasts, but the whole situation made me really sad. I haven't had a crush like that on someone local and available in awhile, and it's really too bad that I didn't have a chance to enjoy some fun with him exactly the way he was. It made me reconsider being so open about my love of size, but I feel like that would be a pity - I do enjoy endowed guys, and want to especially encourage them, but not to the exclusion of someone totally amazing and brilliant who's not packing down below.

    He admitted that his response probably said more about him than it did about me, but it didn't change the fact that knowledge of my preferences ruined his ability to feel comfortable with me, which is too bad.

    Has anyone had a similar experience?
     
    #1 voyeuristic, Aug 11, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2009
  2. Incocknito

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    I suppose it is similar to a guy saying (maybe on a dating site)

    "If you have big tits, that's a bonus"

    Now, I like big tits. But the problem is that most women are by the definition of average, not big chested.

    Therefore I don't advertise it although my friends are aware of my attraction to big tits.

    Really, penis size and breast size are physical traits. If humans consisted only of the physical and didn't have their individual emotions, personalities, 'quirks' and behaviours then it would be fine to be physically fixated.

    The truth is that being a good / fun / 'attractive' person is not necessarily solely dependent on physical traits. Penis size may be one element of attraction but there are other elements to attraction as well. Such as the cologne a person wears, their accent, the way they smile, etc.

    Personally I would not advertise for physical traits as the majority of people probably would not measure up and you could be missing out on a very special, attractive person.

    The only kind of similar experience I had was where I told an ex girlfriend (we were dating at the time) that I liked big breasts.

    Somehow she interpreted that to mean that I wanted her to get breast augmentation. She wasn't the brightest button in the box though.
     
    #2 Incocknito, Aug 11, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2009
  3. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    No similar experience, but since you've hung out here for awhile, you know that some guys are extremely concerned about their size. Like that's the whole focus of their posts here. Maybe you found one of those guys.
     
  4. lickme69

    lickme69 New Member

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    Now that he has mentioned insecurities that he has regarding your preferences, I doubt you can get any of that back. Move on.
     
  5. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Well, the thing is, I do want to be able to be open about my love of size to a guy I'm involved with - but it doesn't necessarily mean that he has to be huge himself. Being non-monogamous opens up the possibilities considerably. I suppose it's a good litmus test, in a way: I like men who are cocky enough to say "Well, I'm not her ideal type, but fuck it - I'm hot anyway and a damn good lay and I'm going to convince her of that." My boyfriend had that kind of confidence, and in the end it paid off. The above-mentioned date did not, and ultimately it probably means that we weren't a good match - not because of his cock, but because of the fact that he allowed it to remain a hang-up. It's not dissimilar from a lot of the women with SPH husbands you hear from on here - their man's size is much less of an issue than his obsession with it.

    As for the breast size comparison, it makes sense. I think that if I were average, dating a guy with a thing for huge titties wouldn't be that rough - but I'm well below average: an AA cup, almost flat-chested - so it's kind of the polar opposite of me rather than a trait I share with the vast majority of women (being average).

    I don't know, I think pointing out some physical traits that I appreciate isn't necessarily bad. I'm not interested in hearing from obese guys, for instance, though I still do almost every day despite mentioning a preference for "slender" ones - and personally, I'm only inclined to write to a guy (yes, sometimes women make the first move, even online!) if he mentions an appreciation for androgynous (or some variation thereof) women, so I assume that others like to see their type included in a person's physical interests.
     
  6. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    lickme - yeah, the damage is already done. I'm not naive enough to think that I can repair things between us; I'm just considering my approach in the future.
     
  7. lickme69

    lickme69 New Member

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    I see your point, but another thing you need to think of, is if you had that in your prefrences, then why would he respond to you knowing he didn't fit the bill? I kinda see him at fault on this too.
    I wouldn't answer an ad from a guy who was looking for small breasted women, cuz I know I am not one. Does this make sense? :wink:
     
  8. Enid

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    yeah i'm gonna go ahead and echo what lickme said -- if i were internet dating i wouldn't even bother responding to ads requesting very slender/waif-ish/petite women. did you contact him or something?

    i think the way you worded what you like was tasteful. you didn't do anything to make him feel bad (like he said, it was all him). i wouldn't limit yourself in the future, plenty of others make no bones (pun intended) about what they like so why shouldn't you? you don't belittle those who have something a bit different.

    i wish ya better luck in the future! i'm sorry that it didn't work out this time.
     
  9. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Chrissy, I did contact him first. He's one of the only guys I've contacted first from that site, which speaks highly of how attractive I found him.

    The funny thing is that in his first e-mail to me, he said something like "I share your appreciation for big cock." He was listed as straight, so I asked him what he meant. He said something witty and light-hearted, which made me think it wasn't an issue for him.

    I honestly wonder if the whole thing just comes down to him feeling weird about having prematurely ejaculated and trying to use my size predilection as a scapegoat for that.
     
  10. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Don't all guys. :smile: I don't understand why premature ejaculation would be such a big deal. Most guys can go more than once after a short time. Also, if he was that hot, doesn't it mean he found you really hot?
     
  11. wallyj84

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    In my opinion, It was probably a mixture of shame over PE and insecurity about his cock. If it was just one or the other, like if he had PE but didn't know that you prefer big cocks, then he probably would have continued seeing you. But the insecurity created by your preference for big cocks when added to the shame of PE was too much for this guy to handle. That's my opinion at least.
     
  12. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    PE and PE. Which is which. Physical Ed? :biglaugh:
     
  13. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    wally, that was my suspicion as well. thanks for a guy's insight.
     
  14. wallyj84

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    No problem.

    Actually, rereading the OP, I think it was this part here that really messed everything up:

    I think after having an embarrassing sexual experience having that be the follow up date would probably be a bit of a deal breaker.
     
  15. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Fair enough, Wally, but if someone is acting as if they're about to pass out from exhaustion, I'm not exactly going to feel like they're dying to jump my bones.
     
  16. B_brettedwin

    B_brettedwin New Member

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    I have a friend who is into really well hung guys also (mainly because her first boyfriend was very well endowed). She seems comfortable talking to me about it, and most of the time it doesn't bother me. I'll add that I don't mind well hung either, I just don't get hung up on it like size queens can at times. HOWEVER, when I showed her extremely well hung Chad Hunt and she said "yea, it's big" as though it could have been bigger, I tried to explain to her that she is expecting way too much from men and cannot come off like that. Even if you don't tell guys, they will probably pick up on the fact that you like them big, and not necessarily feel inferior, but feel as though you are being too picky, therefore not want to pursue you. Not always true, but more than not can be the case. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with liking them big, and you obviously don't let it control your relationship, but guys also have intuition about certain things, this sometimes being one of them. It's sad that you missed out, but maybe he just didn't have enough confidence to keep the interaction alive (dick aside). Keep doing you, just don't make size a huge factor for all aspects of sexuality. Hung guys are like other guys and most of the time (casual sex excluded) want more affection than just the affection towards their package,whether they admit to it or not lol. Good luck with everything! :)
     
  17. TheRob

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    the quick version is pretty simple
    if I say I like big tits, you don't feel as confident around me as you normally do
    I saw your post about being insecure about your breast size so I would think this would be extreamly simple for you to understand

    also, listing something first does not mean it is the most important thing in the list, at least when the list is concerning something negative or touchy subject wise

    it's the factor YOU got hung up on but it is not the only thing he mentioned according to you yet you decided to reduce it to that
     
  18. nolbaby

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    people people people-
    everybody needs to stop using this "big tit preference of some men to big dick preference of some women" comparison in these situations, because it just isn't the same.
    no guy will ever base how good of a fuck a woman is because of her breast size. no guy will ever look at breast size as any amount of a deciding factor as to whether a partner is suitable. no guy will ever tell his buddies that a woman he fucked has nice tits, and then give her number to his friends so that they can all have a turn as well.
    basically, penis size has a LOT more riding on it than breast size does. i mean, shit, is there a lbsg.org? i'm not gonna look it up. i'll finish this post still doubting that there is.
    men have heard women for years talk about how much size matters, and they have seen it proven true many times. women may see guys stare at large breasted women and get a little jealous, but it ends there. women don't have to worry about their breast size hurting their chances in a relationship.
    this guy has probably had women who liked big dicks in the past, and who eventually got tired of sex with him because they just weren't satisfied. he knows that any women who even hints at being a size queen (even if its on a dating web site) is probably going to eventually break his heart over the issue. he doesn't want to have sex with you because he wants to save himself that hurt and embarrassment and frustration. and who wouldn't?
    the only way you can change how he feels is to make him feel completely sexy and desirable when he is naked. honestly, he's embarrassed to have his dick out in front of you. you can change that by letting him know that you enjoy it. and for god's sake, take that line out of your profile! every day he logs in and sees that is a reminder to him that he can't please you.
     
  19. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Seriously, there has been a HUGE emphasis placed on tits. What planet have you been on and what kind of friends did you have? I dont know any woman that shares his number with her girlfriends....and men talk about racks all the time.

    You dont know the insecurity of a flatchested woman and how she feels everyone everywhere she goes can see her tits are tiny, she can only fake it with padded bras so much. Some guy is going to pull off the bra and be disappointed.

    Im not saying it equates a small penis in devastation to your life as you can get implants, but it sure as hell bothers a lot of women. If it werent important to you all it wouldnt be important to us.

    Oh and the most prolific thread on a penis site: Huge Natural Tits on a Thin Body
     
    #19 B_Mademoiselle Rouge, Aug 12, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2009
  20. lickme69

    lickme69 New Member

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    Excuse me Nolbaby but the man is gay and you keep refering him as being with women. :cool:
     
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