male insecurity re: love of size (a dating anecdote)

[wallyj84]

Seriously, there has been a HUGE emphasis placed on tits. What planet have you been on and what kind of friends did you have? I dont know any woman that shares his number with her girlfriends....and men talk about racks all the time.

You dont know the insecurity of a flatchested woman and how she feels everyone everywhere she goes can see her tits are tiny, she can only fake it with padded bras so much. Some guy is going to pull off the bra and be disappointed.

Im not saying it equates a small penis in devastation to your life as you can get implants, but it sure as hell bothers a lot of women. If it werent important to you all it wouldnt be important to us.

Oh and the most prolific thread on a penis site: Huge Natural Tits on a Thin Body

I agree that breasts have been focused on for years in our culture, but I agree with Nolbaby that penis size and breast size aren't really comparable.

Breast size has more to do with arousal, whereas penis size, in the minds of men at least, determines how pleasurable sex will be for their partner. I think a better analogue for breast size would be a man's height or musculature.

 

[nolbaby]

lick me- excuse you? for what?
in the original post, 2nd to last paragraph:
I guess I can relate to the date's feelings of insecurity, because I usually lose interest in a guy as soon as I realize he has a preference for big breasts, but the whole situation made me really sad.

That is what sparked my comment. A comparison (and a very direct one) of penis size shame and breast size shame. It had nothing more to do with the original post than that. I just saw the small boob to small dick comparison used in a post for like the millionth time and thought I'd point out to EVERYONE that it needs to stop being used because it is totally invalid.

Rouge- I wrote:
"everybody needs to stop using this "big tit preference of some men to big dick preference of some women" comparison in these situations, because it just isn't the same...." ".....basically, penis size has a LOT more riding on it than breast size does."

Then YOU wrote: "You dont know the insecurity of a flatchested woman..." "...Im not saying it equates a small penis in devastation to your life..."

So, you pretty much stated my point EXACTLY, which was that having small breasts shouldn't be compared to having a small penis because the two are nowhere near equal faults. I didn't say that there is NO importance in breast size. Sure there is. What I said was that it doesn't even hold a candle to the actual importance of penis size.

by the way Rouge I've seen your boobs and they are spectacular

 

[Enid]

Excuse me Nolbaby but the man is gay and you keep refering him as being with women.

i didn't think v's date was gay....?

have i just not had enough coffee?


p.s. oh i think i get it, you meant brett. maybe. i need more coffee.

and for god's sake, take that line out of your profile! every day he logs in and sees that is a reminder to him that he can't please you.

seriously though, people mention all kindsa preferences in profiles. like wanting thick, or thin, or white, or asian....or whatever. i think she's free to say whatever she likes! she's not belittling men without huge ones. telling her to take that out of her profile is like telling a man he can't say he likes uber-thin women.....or telling a girl she can't say she likes big bearish guys or something.

i do agree though that penis size and breast size are a little incompatible in comparison. penis size can affect a woman's pleasure in sex, with hetero sex anyway, and breast size is more of a visual thing so it can affect pleasure but not in the same way. i do disagree with this though -- "women don't have to worry about their breast size hurting their chances in a relationship". really small breasted women actually do, and i think bigger breasted women do as well when it comes to guys making statements about how they'll sag with age and stuff like that. it totally depends.

 

[RawDog]

Insecurities are like little cuts you get while shaving. If you nick yourself in the slightest, it can gush like a mutherfucker if ignored. I can't relate to a woman's perspective when it comes to breasts, but as far as dick size goes, it can be insidious.

Suffice it to say, you didn't do anything wrong. If size was an issue for him, he should've either said it from the get go and talked about it, or avoided the first date altogether. The not talking about it is what gets so frustrating. Silence amplifies the internal dialogue and builds layer upon layer of false theories. A fairly innocuous statement like, "Hmm, she likes big dicks" can turn into, "I worry that you think my dick is too small." and further devolve into "I should kill myself now, I'll never satisfy her." Ok, that's a little too extreme, but it is a stupid self-deprecating cycle.

The premature ejaculation (I'm assuming brought on by stress) only served to seal his fate even more.

Reading back, it sounds like I'm making a case for you to withold this affinity of yours. I'm not. In fact I'd like to celebrate your honesty and hope to see more people like you.

 

[TragicWhiteKnight]

basically, penis size has a LOT more riding on it than breast size does. i mean, shit, is there a lbsg.org? i'm not gonna look it up. i'll finish this post still doubting that there is.

I'd say there are more issues around breast size because you can actually talk about them without much of a taboo. And though I've had plenty of problems with being too big, I can't say it has fucked up my posture the way naturally large breasts can.

 

[_Jack]

lick me- excuse you? for what?
in the original post, 2nd to last paragraph:
I guess I can relate to the date's feelings of insecurity, because I usually lose interest in a guy as soon as I realize he has a preference for big breasts, but the whole situation made me really sad.

That is what sparked my comment. A comparison (and a very direct one) of penis size shame and breast size shame. It had nothing more to do with the original post than that. I just saw the small boob to small dick comparison used in a post for like the millionth time and thought I'd point out to EVERYONE that it needs to stop being used because it is totally invalid.

Rouge- I wrote:
"everybody needs to stop using this "big tit preference of some men to big dick preference of some women" comparison in these situations, because it just isn't the same...." ".....basically, penis size has a LOT more riding on it than breast size does."

Then YOU wrote: "You dont know the insecurity of a flatchested woman..." "...Im not saying it equates a small penis in devastation to your life..."

So, you pretty much stated my point EXACTLY, which was that having small breasts shouldn't be compared to having a small penis because the two are nowhere near equal faults. I didn't say that there is NO importance in breast size. Sure there is. What I said was that it doesn't even hold a candle to the actual importance of penis size.

by the way Rouge I've seen your boobs and they are spectacular

agreed

 

[D_Mylor Mentallydaft]

Has anyone had a similar experience?

not even a similar acid trip........ but you are with out a doubt one of the most intresting people i have ever heard..... not trying to pick up on you... just loved that story

 

[Mithra]

I'm an average sized guy (from the sound of it, pretty close to your boyfriend), and I find girls who love big ones totally hot. It turns me on to hear them talk about them and I'd be into watching a SO fuck a better endowed guy than me if I met a girl who was into that and we were into each other.

Like your boyfriend, I'm ok with being more modest in proportion than many other guys. I admire their equipment, but I know what to do with what I've got.

I guess I'm saying I'm glad you're out there voyeristic. And I suspect there are plenty of guys of the mindest of me and your BF.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

lick me- excuse you? for what?
in the original post, 2nd to last paragraph:
I guess I can relate to the date's feelings of insecurity, because I usually lose interest in a guy as soon as I realize he has a preference for big breasts, but the whole situation made me really sad.

That is what sparked my comment. A comparison (and a very direct one) of penis size shame and breast size shame. It had nothing more to do with the original post than that. I just saw the small boob to small dick comparison used in a post for like the millionth time and thought I'd point out to EVERYONE that it needs to stop being used because it is totally invalid.

Rouge- I wrote:
"everybody needs to stop using this "big tit preference of some men to big dick preference of some women" comparison in these situations, because it just isn't the same...." ".....basically, penis size has a LOT more riding on it than breast size does."

Then YOU wrote: "You dont know the insecurity of a flatchested woman..." "...Im not saying it equates a small penis in devastation to your life..."

So, you pretty much stated my point EXACTLY, which was that having small breasts shouldn't be compared to having a small penis because the two are nowhere near equal faults. I didn't say that there is NO importance in breast size. Sure there is. What I said was that it doesn't even hold a candle to the actual importance of penis size.

by the way Rouge I've seen your boobs and they are spectacular

I probably should have specified, i was talking to the guy who posted directly above me.

Also, i speak from experience, not in being entirely flatchested my entire life obviously. But i only got breasts when i put on quite a bit of weight in my mid 20's. So i recall the insecuries i had growing up with 4 older brothers who did a lot of making fun of me when i was younger for not having boobs, stuffing my bra, etc.

Thanks for the compliment.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

So i recall the insecuries i had growing up with 4 older brothers who did a lot of making fun of me when i was younger for not having boobs, stuffing my bra, etc.

Gol. Ain't that shitty. I remember teasing my sisters about their boobs too. Where are the parents when all this shit is going on?

 

[Lng_1]

Hopefully, what men and women understand is the sensitivities of others. Posting a "large penis" or "large breast" preference will inevitably offend some and encourage others . . . . I guess we should all keep in mind that chemistry in a relationship and love are not measured by the size of body parts alone . . . . As I like to tell my wife, I may not be in the top 10 with penis size... but in the "all around" category, I'm in the top 3! -- hey, confidence is sexy!

 

[Mithra]

kids are cruel. my first attempt at a sexual experience resulted in "performance anxiety," and the girl i was with told everyone in school, and someone came up with the nickname "limp wimp." took me years and many wonderful, understanding women to overcome that experience.

 

[Bottlebrush]

When you're discussing your preferences in an online dating situation, some things are, I think, a given, and don't require elaboration. It doesn't seem really necessary to actually state "a big dick would be a bonus" anymore than it would be to say "Victoria Secret model body would be a bonus". It's kind of understood. By outright stating it suggests that it is, in reality, more than just a 'bonus' and if not a requirement, then a least a preferance, which is naturally going to alienate those who feel as though you're not going to be entirely satisfied with what they have to offer.

Having said that, it seems odd that an 'average'-sized man who has read you profile regarding your preference for size would go ahead and meet with you, knowing full well that his own hang-ups are going to get in the way of him enjoying himself.

 

[blkbro510]

If you are interested in dating this guy again or if you come across a guy with PE there's a book the male O that goes into partnering during sex so both parties can enjoy themselves regardless of penis size. I am on my phone so I apologize for not providing a link if you or anyone else are interested I will post the link on Saturday.On the lighter note if you go through my friends his name is horsehung Marc I think. He is in the bay area and has a 13 inch dick! He is only interested in ladies so tell us all about it when it happens

 

[voyeuristic]

"tell us all about it when it happens"

Wow, you're mighty confident! I've yet to hook up with a guy from this site, though, and I doubt that'll change anytime soon - I would love to meet a horse-hung hottie with whom there's a mutual attraction, but it hasn't happened yet.

 

[voyeuristic]

"When you're discussing your preferences in an online dating situation, some things are, I think, a given, and don't require elaboration. It doesn't seem really necessary to actually state "a big dick would be a bonus" anymore than it would be to say "Victoria Secret model body would be a bonus". It's kind of understood." - Bottlebrush

I don't think it's fair to assume that everyone's preferences are uniform. By your logic, you might also assume that "ripped abs and bulging biceps" would be women's universal preference, but until I met my (slightly burly) boyfriend, I preferred scrawny/bony/rail-thin guys who might've assumed they were no one's ideal - they were mine!

There are some guys, likewise, who prefer BBWs or tiny waiflike girls or muscular soccer players to Victoria's Secret models. Perhaps they're not in the majority, but I don't think it's fair to say that everyone can "just assume" that one body type is the universal ideal.

 

[Bottlebrush]

I don't think it's fair to assume that everyone's preferences are uniform. By your logic, you might also assume that "ripped abs and bulging biceps" would be women's universal preference, but until I met my (slightly burly) boyfriend, I preferred scrawny/bony/rail-thin guys who might've assumed they were no one's ideal - they were mine!

There are some guys, likewise, who prefer BBWs or tiny waiflike girls or muscular soccer players to Victoria's Secret models. Perhaps they're not in the majority, but I don't think it's fair to say that everyone can "just assume" that one body type is the universal ideal.

You are, of course, quite right. I think the point that I was trying to make (though it got lost in the writing) is that you can't mention a certain preference in an online ad and then wonder why an individual who fails to match that criteria feels a little insecure. It would be the same if your ad stated "prefer girls with some meat on their bones" and then you wondered why the skinny girl you meet up with feels that you can't really be happy with her.

I really should avoid generalizations. Thanks for the reality check, Voyeuristic.

 

[Wish-4-8]

If you are interested in meeting guys with other qualities, and you do not have to have a well hung guy, then take the referance off your profile.

Case and point, this guy. You were interested depite the size. And that is something that will eat away at him. And into the future. And it is the same thing if he mentioned "big breasts are a plus". That would be on your mind and it currently eating at you now. I get that from reading your other threads.

Secrets are good. Everyone has them. You dont have to let someone know everything about you all at once. There are layers.

Maybe once into the relationship when you are at a comfort level where you could discuss these things, you could bring it up. By then you will know whether you could or not. Maybe you both share in that fantasy. This is all keeping in mind that him not being hung is not the deal breaker.

So, if being hung is not a requirement, take it off the profile. You will run into less problems.

 

[nolbaby]

Bottlebrush posted (about 10 posts up from this one):

When you're discussing your preferences in an online dating situation, some things are, I think, a given, and don't require elaboration. It doesn't seem really necessary to actually state "a big dick would be a bonus" anymore than it would be to say "Victoria Secret model body would be a bonus". It's kind of understood. By outright stating it suggests that it is, in reality, more than just a 'bonus' and if not a requirement, then a least a preferance, which is naturally going to alienate those who feel as though you're not going to be entirely satisfied with what they have to offer.-

Thank you. Well said. I wonder how many other "bonuses" she went out of her way to mention on her page. if the answer is "0" or "1", then the size thing MUST BE more important than anything else. Why wouldn't she say that a man with blue eyes is a bonus? why not a man who drives a fast car? why not a man who has tattoos? why not a man who is great with children?

AND THEN Wish-4-8 said:

If you are interested in meeting guys with other qualities, and you do not have to have a well hung guy, then take the referance off your profile.

Case and point, this guy. You were interested depite the size. And that is something that will eat away at him. And into the future. And it is the same thing if he mentioned "big breasts are a plus". That would be on your mind and it currently eating at you now. I get that from reading your other threads.-

Thank YOU too. well said. It feels really good to be agreed with. It seems like I'm always in situations where I'm fighting 50 people all on my own (in my life; not on here) and these threads are the only times anybody ever backs me up. It actually means a hell of a lot. I appreciate you guys.

oh and whoever it was on the last page that bitched about me telling her to take it off her profile...
I think i'm gonna start a web-site for guys like you. I am not totally set on a name for the site yet, but "agreewithwomenevenwhentheyaretotalbitchestogetthemtolikeme.com" hmm...wonder if that domain is already taken...

 

[Stanley1976]

I´m with voyeuristic on this one.

When I first met my g/f she told me straight away how much she loved enormous cocks. She added it's not the only thing that matters, which was nice, but I was intrigued by how dirty and outspoken she was, no beating around the bush.

I thought that was a quality. Later when she found out I'm by far the smallest guy she's ever dated (i have a 4 inch cock, the smallest she had before me was 6'5 and the biggest over 10') , she never apologised. She is an incredibly dominant woman, so she said "serves you right for being small, at least you knew right from the start you had to work harder than all of my exes".

That was a right turn on, I tell you.