Hey, voyeuristic, I'll throw my two cents in here:
As an over average, but not really hung guy, I'm within the range that I'm not immune to occasional worries over size, and I think I can lay out the psychology of penis size anxiety for you:
The worries that men have over penis size are not the same as the worries that women have over breast size, for instance, because the penis is not primarily cosmetic during sex, but rather functional.
If I were with a woman who I knew preferred really, really tall guys, it wouldn't really upset me that I'm just 5'11". I figure, I'd just use other things to turn her on. As long as I could still get her going like a tall guy could, what's the worry? I could still match the tall guys. It would just mean that one particular way of matching them was closed to me, but I could find other ways.
However, if I were with a woman with a preference for big dicks, I'd be pretty insecure, because I'd be worried about
why she preferred big dicks. That would upset me in a deep, visceral way, I think.
If I could know for sure that she was simply turned on by them psychologically - perhaps she liked the intimidating look of one, or enjoyed sucking them more - I could be okay with that. It would mean that if I could turn her on in other ways, I could still satisfy her just like a bigger guy.
However, there would be the worry in the back of my mind that she preferred bigger dicks than mine because she was
physically stimulated by them more. That would mean that I could
never satisfy her during intercourse like a bigger man, no matter what I did - in short, that I was inadequate, at least compared to them.
And of course, that leads to even a further worry: If big dicks are more physically satisfying to one woman, then perhaps they are more physically satisfying for nearly *all* women (even if they don't know it yet), which would mean that I was relatively inadequate in general. After all, don't all women have basically the same equipment down there?
I can guarantee you, something like what I've just sketched out is what was running through that guy's head.
The solution? Well, if your big dick preference really is just a fetish on your part, tell the guy that. Explicitly compare it to something cosmetic that women can have fetishes for, like muscles or height, so that he knows that he's not physically inadequate, but merely needs to find another way into your head to satisfy you like a big guy.
And if your preference is *not* just a mental thing (or if you don't think it is or aren't sure)? Then don't tell the guy about it at all. There is simply no way that you can tell a psychologically normal guy that his equipment is physically inadequate to satisfy you like a bigger man could without it really cutting him to the quick.
http://www.lpsg.org/members/voyeuristic.html
