male "true bisexuals": as rare as unicorns?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by voyeuristic, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    I've been attracted to boys who like boys for as long as I can remember, but I've yet to find that elusive guy who actively sleeps with both sexes. They either seem to be mostly-straight boys who are liberated enough to be able to admit when another guy's good-looking (and who might given in to the occasional drunken public makeout, eager to tap in on the chic value of queerness) or mostly-gay boys who like being platonically affectionate with their gal pals and will give them an occasional tongue kiss just for kicks. I've been involved with both genders myself and I'm definitely not biphobic, but most of the guys I've met who claimed they were "50/50" seemed to default to the heterosexual privilege of a relationship with women, or made claims that they were attracted to men sexually but not emotionally. I would love to meet a guy who's genuinely attracted to and interested in sleeping with both me and other dudes, but I'm beginning to wonder if this only happens in my dreams. MMF is a big turn-on for me but I don't really have much desire to pursue it with guys who aren't going to get into it with each other, too, and who are only doing it for the pussy.

    (I guess I should add that I live in the SF Bay Area, so if it ain't happenin' for me here, it's probably not happenin' anywhere.)
     
    #1 voyeuristic, Dec 6, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2008
  2. invisibleman

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    It is probably happening there (and anywhere else). You aren't looking in the proper places.
     
  3. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Invisible Man - I guess what I'm saying is that I've dated plenty of self-professed bisexuals who claimed that they wanted to get with other dudes (with or without me), but always found lots of excuses not to get around to it. Where, pray tell, are the "right places"? It seems like the only women I know who are involved with actively bisexual guys are in the RPG/pagan/nerd community, and gamers/new-agey types don't really appeal to me at all.
     
  4. optimum

    optimum New Member

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    Then get over it.
     
  5. MarkLondon

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    Hmm, but isn't SF/The Bay Area the gay capitol of the USA? Where 100% gay guys go if they want to live openly? I can imagine that the presence of so many openly gay men could lead to the straighter guys feeling more relaxed about gayness if they didn't feel threatened by them, without actually getting around to practising bisexuality.

    Paradoxically, I think you might have more luck in a less gay town.
     
  6. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    optimum - wow, thanks for the sage wisdom.

    Mark - I think your point is very valid, and that's what I've wondered myself. Very few people (in the leftist community, at least) really want to cop to being totally straight in San Francisco, because they fear being thought of as close-minded, so guys who are mostly attracted to women are eager to seize on any appreciation for male beauty, even if it's as simple as recognizing that a guy is handsome, as a sign that they're bisexual.
     
  7. pornographicpoet

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    well...i can say that in talking with a lot of my male friends from college that aren't 100% het or homo....it's a lot of talk but no action, in most cases. i know (mostly) gay guys who talk about women occasionally or (mostly) straight guys who talk about guys occasionally, but yet are exclusively with their preference.

    i think women are much more likely to be true bisexuals.
     
  8. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

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    true bisexuals may be as rare as unicorns.

    the 50/50 ratio i now feel is just a portal for a limited period of time (could be a number of years, but not a lifetime) to pass onto one side or the other with a preference. bisexuals who are honest with themselves and with the ones they love about such things will find nearly as much pressure from gays to become gay as there was amongst heteros to be hetero. scientists know the human brain does have the capacity to rewire itself based on our experiences, and positive experiences in one direction or the other (or a relationship, or series of relationships) can cause a person's brain to start to develop a preference.

    being sexually active with both sexes in the same session or period of time and honestly feeling no preference can and does happen, i now think it would be truly rare for it to last a lifetime. san francisco is big enough and open enough you should be able to find what you are looking for. it just may not last. (there might be an exception out there somewhere, the unicorn.)
     
    #8 D_Rod Staffinbone, Dec 6, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2008
  9. Northland

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    Well, we do exist. There may not be a lot of us; (at least not out in the public eye) however, we are here.

    If I meet a man and things progress to the point of intimacy, then I go for it. If I meet a woman and we move towards intimacy, I go for it. To me sexuality is fluid and gender is merely a tag which curses all of us from the day we are born. Over the decades I've been with several women and several men and each one has been a person with their own charms and each has set my motor running.

    An encounter with a man and a woman is not an issue to me, nor is an encounter with 2 men. (Haven't yet had 2 women-other than in larger groups, which doesn't quite count since there was no emotional attachment). I have been the filling of a sex sandwich and I have also been the bread-for both with 2 other men and with 1 woman and 1 man. It's all enjoyable.


    The world in general is not always at ease with the idea of bisexuality-many are stunned or offended by the idea that a man or woman would be able to have fulfilling relationships with both genders.


    As for your 'right places' to locate these encounters, that may never happen. It's all a luck of the draw. Even if you went to sex retreats, swinger parties, orgies, etc. you would not get precisely what you seem to be looking for. You seem to want a gentleman who will be devoted to you; but still be willing to hop in the sack with another-trust me, that does not always make for a long lasting relationship as issues of jealousy could arise. (he could become jealous if you're getting off by another man or another woman, or even you might become peeved if you found he was making deeper moans as a man fucked him than he ever made while having sex with you-believe me when I tell you, jealousy is a dull edged but penetrating knife which glistens in the night).

    Find a relationship with a person who makes your heart beat faster and sets your legs to wobbling, and stop worrying about whether or not they will have sex with another.
     
  10. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Offroad - yeah, I understand that sexuality can often be in flux, and I'm not so set on meeting someone that's totally half-and-half 100% of the time, but having attractions to one gender be prevalent at various times is very different than having a bisexual identity for decades but never once acting on it. Thanks for a very thoughtful answer!
     
  11. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Northland - those are some big presumptions you're making. Firstly, who said anything about devotion? I was mostly thinking in terms of getting off. Secondly, who said I wasn't already in a (or some) relationship(s)? Just as much of the world feels threatened by bisexuality, a lot of the world also makes the erroneous assumption that everyone's monogamous.
     
    #11 voyeuristic, Dec 6, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2008
  12. Hellboy0

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    Thanks for the discussion so far, you guys. I'm learning alot.

    Being 100% Gay (never any different and don't expect to change) I usually don't get listened to in these conversations. But I do think i am beginning to understand a bit more of the bisexual dilemma.

    I still tend to agree with Kinsey that the vast majority of humans have bisexual experiences... I'm the odd man on that bell curve. But it also seems like there are fewer people 'flipping' back and forth in a day/night/ etc , rather than identifying for periods of time with one gender or the other.

    Anyway, it's one of the reasons I've had such fun here. Lots of interesting ideas, opinions, theories and sometimes arguments about these sorts of issues. :)
     
  13. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

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    well if you don't care if it lasts, it's no big deal then. mmf hookups shouldn't
    be that difficult to find. no need to whine about it. who cares then if they are a
    "true bisexual"? they've got the right equipment. you're expecting more than you deserve.
     
    #13 D_Rod Staffinbone, Dec 6, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2008
  14. Northland

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    I did not make presumptions. I stated my views on bisexuality and where I think things can lead. If you took the time to read EVERYTHING which I wrote, you'd realize that I have been in sexual encounters where the entire thing was just about sex. (or as you put it 'getting off') Initially you claimed wanting a boyfriend who would take part in the bisexual activities, and stated that you did not do the usual gatherings-RPG/Pagans/Nerds etc. I mentioned how you could have sexual encounters in various places but-and here's something else you managed to miss-it is largely a luck of the draw. You may or may not find a man who is into this-I don't know. If you are in a relationship and they are not into this, then you have choices.



    Responding to the part I highlighted in blue-um, I don't think I was questioning that part. If anything, my statement about the world in general having difficulties with bisexuality-my quote was: "The world in general is not always at ease with the idea of bisexuality-many are stunned or offended by the idea that a man or woman would be able to have fulfilling relationships with both genders" which is directly in agreement with what you had said. I never said you were monogamous-I can't say that; since, I don't know you. What my words conveyed was the caution to be given in any relationship that branches out beyond the standard parameters-in any relationship (even non-sexual) a third person can stir feelings of jealousy on the part of at least one individual. (I did not say it is definite that things would go that way, just that it might)

    Your opening post said you wanted a boyfriend who would be into this, then you went off on this tirade about just wanting to get off. Put it in the classifieds if that is all that you want. You asked for my views on bisexuality, I gave them.
     
  15. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Northland - I did read your initial post, twice in fact. Perhaps you should re-read mine, though, because I never used the word "boyfriend". FYI, I have made plenty of Craigslist ads, but didn't hear from anyone that fit what was I looking for. Of course I'm aware that life is "luck of the draw", but there's a difference between dating guys and hoping that they might turn out to be bisexual and dating professed bisexuals and finding that their identity is largely theoretical.

    Look, I know where you're coming from and I suspect we largely agree on the issue, but there seems to be some miscommunications. Thanks for offering your perspective, I appreciate it.
     
  16. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Offroad - yeah, theoretically they shouldn't be that difficult to find, but the magic formula of finding two people who are attracted to both me and to each other and whom I am attracted to seems to be tricky. I'll try not to give up, though.
     
  17. Northland

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    I suppose I mistook 'elusive guy' for boyfriend-oh well. It is Saturday, I am miserable with a cold and so the runny eyes can be used as my pathetic excuse (or the Sudafed is clogging my cognitive resources). My apologies if I have offended-that was not my intent.

    I sincerely hope you find what you are looking for, just remember to place your happiness first.
     
  18. salinger

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    I like to sleep with both sexes and I do admit that it's quite difficult to find. A lot of my gay friends don't want to accept or acknowledge that I sleep with women. I've lost some friends when I got into a relationship with a woman and they were bitches about it. Conversely, a lot of women are completely uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping with a man that sleeps with men. I've had my share of MMF but it's generally been one person going out of their comfort zone to please someone else. However, in most of those situatins only one person is truly getting the most of the other two partners, and I prefer it when that person is me.
     
  19. B_bi_mmf

    B_bi_mmf New Member

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    I'm sorry to see this discussion get a bit ugly.

    There is definitely a gamet out there. I shy away from the 50/50 proclamation, but I cannot really say that I prefer one gender over the other. My numbers of partners are lop-sided in one direction, and the numbers of sexual encounters are lop-sided in the other. Like many, I defy easy categorization.

    The ultimate sexual experience/relationship for me is mmf, with everyone into each other. I have had causal mmf, but I prefer more multi-faceted mmf relationships. Like-minded people do seem to be difficult to find.

    For me, sharing my wife with a guy that I also have sex with, together and separately, is the hottest and the most emotionally fulfilling.

    Hopefully, greater acceptance of us bi's will continue.
     
  20. biJackTex

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    next time im in SF i'll holla at ya
     
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