H8Monga: Thanks Inferno. I guess I'll have to expect the shock from people after finding out I've had just one partner whenever that time comes. People do blatantly ask private matters and it's usually part of the greeting. That's our new world. I'm glad not everyone is what everyone expects one to be.
hung: Be very proud of your status. You are in charge of your life, and that includes your sexual response. I also was a virgin until age 25 and I gave it away on my wedding afternoon. Got married early in the day so the activities could begin before sunset. I enjoyed it very much and I recall with fond memories the joy of the day. Keep your values and you will be rewarded when the time comes. I salute you and aplaud you for keeping and maintaining your value system in the face of all the people who have worked to bring you down.
Sarah: [quote author=Hapi Papi link=board=meetgreet;num=1066973547;start=0#9 date=10/25/03 at 11:02:48]Do women actually want their children to have sex by a certain age? I find that disturbing they'd think of their sex lives.[/quote]
While I don't want my children to have sex by a magical "certain age", I do think about my children's sex lives.
It is important to me that my children grow up to be comfortable, safe and happy in their sex lives. Whether they choose to share their sex lives with another person at 15, or at 25, or 45 or never has nothing to do with it.
Because I want them to have successful sex lives I discuss sex, sexuality, biology and relationships with them just as openly as I discuss anything else. I think being well imformed will allow them to make the decisions that are right for them when the time is right for them.
Pretending my children would learn all that stuff on their own would be, to my mind, far more disturbing.
Personally, I feel not experiencing sex with another person before promising to live with and love one person, and to have sex with only that person for the rest of one's life might not be the best thing to do. So yes, I would prefer my children lost their virginities before making a lifelong committment to never have sex with a different person.
Hapi Papi, it's really *really* none of anyone's buisness whether you decide to share your sex life with anyone else. Anyone who would mock you for making a decision as important as that, and for keeping to it, is not a very nice person.
It's your body.
Sarah
While I don't want my children to have sex by a magical "certain age", I do think about my children's sex lives.
It is important to me that my children grow up to be comfortable, safe and happy in their sex lives. Whether they choose to share their sex lives with another person at 15, or at 25, or 45 or never has nothing to do with it.
Because I want them to have successful sex lives I discuss sex, sexuality, biology and relationships with them just as openly as I discuss anything else. I think being well imformed will allow them to make the decisions that are right for them when the time is right for them.
Pretending my children would learn all that stuff on their own would be, to my mind, far more disturbing.
Personally, I feel not experiencing sex with another person before promising to live with and love one person, and to have sex with only that person for the rest of one's life might not be the best thing to do. So yes, I would prefer my children lost their virginities before making a lifelong committment to never have sex with a different person.
Hapi Papi, it's really *really* none of anyone's buisness whether you decide to share your sex life with anyone else. Anyone who would mock you for making a decision as important as that, and for keeping to it, is not a very nice person.
It's your body.
Sarah
Tender: [quote author=Sarah link=board=meetgreet;num=1066973547;start=20#22 date=10/30/03 at 01:32:20]
Personally, I feel not experiencing sex with another person before promising to live with and love one person, and to have sex with only that person for the rest of one's life might not be the best thing to do. So yes, I would prefer my children lost their virginities before making a lifelong committment to never have sex with a different person.
Sarah[/quote]
why is it you feel this way?
:-[
personally i regret having sex before i was married.
wish i had waited...
i plan on stressing that to my children.
it is so much better without the extra baggage...and the problems it can bring...
Tender
Personally, I feel not experiencing sex with another person before promising to live with and love one person, and to have sex with only that person for the rest of one's life might not be the best thing to do. So yes, I would prefer my children lost their virginities before making a lifelong committment to never have sex with a different person.
Sarah[/quote]
why is it you feel this way?
:-[
personally i regret having sex before i was married.
wish i had waited...
i plan on stressing that to my children.
it is so much better without the extra baggage...and the problems it can bring...
Tender
H8Monga: Thanks Sarah for answering that question. Tender's brought up something I've heard too from many people, that they usually wish they had waited. I guess one thing to teach is not to rush and to choose wisely if one does have premarital sex. What about the regrets?
prepstudinsc: I know this sounds trite and kind of girly, but sex really loses all "specialness" when you screw around before marriage. It's a gift that it so be enjoyed between two people who love each other, not lust after each other.
When you just "hook up", it's all about pleasure, not about love. Sex is the ultimate expression of love between two people. It really is worth waiting for. I wish I had.
When you just "hook up", it's all about pleasure, not about love. Sex is the ultimate expression of love between two people. It really is worth waiting for. I wish I had.
Tender: [quote author=prepstudinsc link=board=meetgreet;num=1066973547;start=20#25 date=10/30/03 at 09:40:22]I know this sounds trite and kind of girly, but sex really loses all "specialness" when you screw around before marriage. It's a gift that it so be enjoyed between two people who love each other, not lust after each other.
When you just "hook up", it's all about pleasure, not about love. Sex is the ultimate expression of love between two people. It really is worth waiting for. I wish I had.[/quote]
Prep,
ditto a hundred times...
i couldnt agree more.
and my first time was with someone i loved dearly had been with for 3 yrs.
i have lots of regrets...
even though we both loved eachother, and didnt rush into it...
i still wish i had waited...
Tender
When you just "hook up", it's all about pleasure, not about love. Sex is the ultimate expression of love between two people. It really is worth waiting for. I wish I had.[/quote]
Prep,
ditto a hundred times...
i couldnt agree more.
and my first time was with someone i loved dearly had been with for 3 yrs.
i have lots of regrets...
even though we both loved eachother, and didnt rush into it...
i still wish i had waited...
Tender
Sarah: What a lot of interesting responses
There is a world of difference between just "screwing around" or having sex with anyone you feel like having sex with, and choosing to share sex with one or two - or even several - carefully chosen, loving, loved partners before deciding to marry.
Hapi Papi asked about regrets. I had a very promiscuous youth - I had serious self-esteem issues - and there are things about my past I do regret. But there are also think I do not regret at all.
Sex that I actually made a choice to have, rather than just accepting without thought, is not something I will ever regret. Nor did it stop me having a good, loving and special sex life with my husband when I married.
There was perhaps a little less anticipation the first time my husband and I had sex, but since we both knew what we were doing there was no awkwardness and no confusion and no fear.
Tender asked why I feel that people should not go into marriage with no sexual experience. Love canot always make sexual compatibility happen. Just as people enjoy different things out of bed, they enjoy different things *in* bed, too, and usually those things are discovered *after* one has begun one's sexual-life-with-a-partner.
Imagine becoming aware after marriage that you are a person - and I know there are several on this board - whose sexual desires included BDSM and anal sex, and that your partner is a person to whom these things are distasteful or even revolting. This is an etreme case, but sexual incompatibility does not have to be extreme to bring dissatisfaction into a marriage.
Imagine, even, being a man with a very long penis married to a woman with a very shallow vagina. You cannot get the satisfaction of full penetration, and she is likely to feel pain when you have sex, even if you are careful.
I do not believe there is The One True Love for everybody. I believe that everyone has the potential to be a true love to many people, and that love does not have to be perminant to be true.
If I wanted to buy a car - a car I had to drive for the rest of my life and could never trade - and the car-yard told me "OK, take it out, drive it around a little - but you must not drive it down hills. You can drive it on the flat, or up hills, but not down" and I did this, I would have no idea how that car performed going down hill, although I would know how it performed in parking, and on the flat, and going around curves, I would have *no* idea what would happen when I drove down the first hill after I bought it.
That might be exciting, but I think it would also be dangerous.
I'm a strong believer in Your Milage May Vary (YMMV). What is right for me will not be right for everyone. But it is right for me.
There is a world of difference between just "screwing around" or having sex with anyone you feel like having sex with, and choosing to share sex with one or two - or even several - carefully chosen, loving, loved partners before deciding to marry.
Hapi Papi asked about regrets. I had a very promiscuous youth - I had serious self-esteem issues - and there are things about my past I do regret. But there are also think I do not regret at all.
Sex that I actually made a choice to have, rather than just accepting without thought, is not something I will ever regret. Nor did it stop me having a good, loving and special sex life with my husband when I married.
There was perhaps a little less anticipation the first time my husband and I had sex, but since we both knew what we were doing there was no awkwardness and no confusion and no fear.
Tender asked why I feel that people should not go into marriage with no sexual experience. Love canot always make sexual compatibility happen. Just as people enjoy different things out of bed, they enjoy different things *in* bed, too, and usually those things are discovered *after* one has begun one's sexual-life-with-a-partner.
Imagine becoming aware after marriage that you are a person - and I know there are several on this board - whose sexual desires included BDSM and anal sex, and that your partner is a person to whom these things are distasteful or even revolting. This is an etreme case, but sexual incompatibility does not have to be extreme to bring dissatisfaction into a marriage.
Imagine, even, being a man with a very long penis married to a woman with a very shallow vagina. You cannot get the satisfaction of full penetration, and she is likely to feel pain when you have sex, even if you are careful.
I do not believe there is The One True Love for everybody. I believe that everyone has the potential to be a true love to many people, and that love does not have to be perminant to be true.
If I wanted to buy a car - a car I had to drive for the rest of my life and could never trade - and the car-yard told me "OK, take it out, drive it around a little - but you must not drive it down hills. You can drive it on the flat, or up hills, but not down" and I did this, I would have no idea how that car performed going down hill, although I would know how it performed in parking, and on the flat, and going around curves, I would have *no* idea what would happen when I drove down the first hill after I bought it.
That might be exciting, but I think it would also be dangerous.
I'm a strong believer in Your Milage May Vary (YMMV). What is right for me will not be right for everyone. But it is right for me.
Tender: [quote author=Sarah link=board=meetgreet;num=1066973547;start=20#27 date=10/30/03 at 12:23:43]
1. There was perhaps a little less anticipation the first time my husband and I had sex, but since we both knew what we were doing there was no awkwardness and no confusion and no fear.
2. Tender asked why I feel that people should not go into marriage with no sexual experience. Love canot always make sexual compatibility happen.
Imagine becoming aware after marriage that you are a person - and I know there are several on this board - whose sexual desires included BDSM and anal sex, and that your partner is a person to whom these things are distasteful or even revolting. This is an etreme case, but sexual incompatibility does not have to be extreme to bring dissatisfaction into a marriage.
3. Imagine, even, being a man with a very long penis married to a woman with a very shallow vagina. You cannot get the satisfaction of full penetration, and she is likely to feel pain when you have sex, even if you are careful.
4. I do not believe there is The One True Love for everybody. I believe that everyone has the potential to be a true love to many people, and that love does not have to be perminant to be true.
[/quote]
ok sara, you have brought up some extremely good points!
( i numbered some of the ones i want to bring out, so it wont be confusing... )
1. there usually is some awkwardness, ect with anyones first time...why are people afraid of that being with their spouse? :-/
i wouldnt have minded that awkwardness to have been between my husband and i. Even at that if the relationship has developed from one step to the next, there should be much love, understanding, patience ect so that intimidation is minimal. even better when both experience it together. How then would ones first time with someone they care about be any different than their first time being with their spouse? Also a small side note here, i think it is detrimental that a couple should think they 'have' to do it on their wedding night...why? just do what feels good and is comfortable...its supposed to be enjoyable, not uncomfortable... why rush it?
2. true-- love cannot make sexual compatibility persay. But love cannot make someone compatible in other areas either.
Do we rent or buy?
have 2 kids or 3?
spend christmas at your moms or mine?
buy a car or a truck?
and should the mom stay home?
All of these are significant areas that a couple either agrees on, or compromises...
none of them are singularly important enough to end a relationship, but added up they can be significant. likewise, i think that sexual incompatability is not an important enough issue to end it,--- not when both are willing to work together to satisfy eachother...
sexual likes or dislikes can change drastically at different stages or our lives. What if you married and later ones sexual 'taste' changes? I beleive this is where communication, compromise and treating eachother in a loving way... comes into play. To me compromise is not 'both losing' it is 'both winning'. and often will lead into both getting what they wanted in the first place...with time.
3. There are lots of ways to be sexually satisfied, between a couple who love eachother. If my SB and i had been 'incompatable' sexually, i still would have married him, because i wasnt getting married for sex.
the whole idea of marriage seems cheap to me when a couple bases the decision on whether the plumbing works. So they love eachother, decide to try it out, and dont enjoy it? so then does their love not matter? pretty shallow... like they just toss eachother out, if it doesnt "fit"? Also, it can take a good while to 'learn' a partner...
i would think that small, large or whatever wouldnt matter, to me, if i loved someone...we could surely find a way to make it work that we both enjoy, even if it is not typical...
4. not sure about the one true love. :-/ i have often wondered that myself. but at any rate, it is possible to love more than one. but i do think of love as permanent. Relationships may not be permanent though. True love does not die. It can be rearranged, or 'shelved' but i do not believe it ever truely dies. not sure.
but i would certainly hope that love for a spouse would be permanent? even if one doesnt feel that love at times. or even for a period of time. Love can be rekindled...
the english language IMHO does a lousy job in distingsihing 'love'.
i love ice cream,
i love my kids,
i love my dog,
puppy love (whoever on earth thought of that one?!)
and i also love my husband...
(ok a little off topic, but there it is !)
just some more to think about...
Tender
lol, im a woman! What CAN i say?
i have 50,000 words a day!
1. There was perhaps a little less anticipation the first time my husband and I had sex, but since we both knew what we were doing there was no awkwardness and no confusion and no fear.
2. Tender asked why I feel that people should not go into marriage with no sexual experience. Love canot always make sexual compatibility happen.
Imagine becoming aware after marriage that you are a person - and I know there are several on this board - whose sexual desires included BDSM and anal sex, and that your partner is a person to whom these things are distasteful or even revolting. This is an etreme case, but sexual incompatibility does not have to be extreme to bring dissatisfaction into a marriage.
3. Imagine, even, being a man with a very long penis married to a woman with a very shallow vagina. You cannot get the satisfaction of full penetration, and she is likely to feel pain when you have sex, even if you are careful.
4. I do not believe there is The One True Love for everybody. I believe that everyone has the potential to be a true love to many people, and that love does not have to be perminant to be true.
[/quote]
ok sara, you have brought up some extremely good points!
( i numbered some of the ones i want to bring out, so it wont be confusing... )
1. there usually is some awkwardness, ect with anyones first time...why are people afraid of that being with their spouse? :-/
i wouldnt have minded that awkwardness to have been between my husband and i. Even at that if the relationship has developed from one step to the next, there should be much love, understanding, patience ect so that intimidation is minimal. even better when both experience it together. How then would ones first time with someone they care about be any different than their first time being with their spouse? Also a small side note here, i think it is detrimental that a couple should think they 'have' to do it on their wedding night...why? just do what feels good and is comfortable...its supposed to be enjoyable, not uncomfortable... why rush it?
2. true-- love cannot make sexual compatibility persay. But love cannot make someone compatible in other areas either.
Do we rent or buy?
have 2 kids or 3?
spend christmas at your moms or mine?
buy a car or a truck?
and should the mom stay home?
All of these are significant areas that a couple either agrees on, or compromises...
none of them are singularly important enough to end a relationship, but added up they can be significant. likewise, i think that sexual incompatability is not an important enough issue to end it,--- not when both are willing to work together to satisfy eachother...
sexual likes or dislikes can change drastically at different stages or our lives. What if you married and later ones sexual 'taste' changes? I beleive this is where communication, compromise and treating eachother in a loving way... comes into play. To me compromise is not 'both losing' it is 'both winning'. and often will lead into both getting what they wanted in the first place...with time.
3. There are lots of ways to be sexually satisfied, between a couple who love eachother. If my SB and i had been 'incompatable' sexually, i still would have married him, because i wasnt getting married for sex.
the whole idea of marriage seems cheap to me when a couple bases the decision on whether the plumbing works. So they love eachother, decide to try it out, and dont enjoy it? so then does their love not matter? pretty shallow... like they just toss eachother out, if it doesnt "fit"? Also, it can take a good while to 'learn' a partner...
i would think that small, large or whatever wouldnt matter, to me, if i loved someone...we could surely find a way to make it work that we both enjoy, even if it is not typical...
4. not sure about the one true love. :-/ i have often wondered that myself. but at any rate, it is possible to love more than one. but i do think of love as permanent. Relationships may not be permanent though. True love does not die. It can be rearranged, or 'shelved' but i do not believe it ever truely dies. not sure.
but i would certainly hope that love for a spouse would be permanent? even if one doesnt feel that love at times. or even for a period of time. Love can be rekindled...
the english language IMHO does a lousy job in distingsihing 'love'.
i love ice cream,
i love my kids,
i love my dog,
puppy love (whoever on earth thought of that one?!)
and i also love my husband...
(ok a little off topic, but there it is !)
just some more to think about...
Tender
lol, im a woman! What CAN i say?
i have 50,000 words a day!
EddieUK: Hey Pappi,
Don't sweat it. I'm 33 and still waiting. All of my friends have (and still do) sex with anything that moves. They don't and never will understand me.
Don't sweat it. I'm 33 and still waiting. All of my friends have (and still do) sex with anything that moves. They don't and never will understand me.
H8Monga: Thanks Eddie
I wrote a post a while ago on sexual compatability... rather asking about it... http://www.lpsg.org/cgi-bin/YaBB.cgi?board=sex;action=display;num=1057469481
I've always thought it was a load of crock. If you love someone, you can adjust to anything. Isn't it about compromise when you merge two lives in a relationship or marriage?
However, I see your point... I've used the car analogy too... I want my car, not off the line, but little to no mileage... none preferably. I've also asked my friends who ask about sexual compatability would you want to buy an item from the store that was damaged?
I want the awkwardness.. there's something special about two people discovering each other at the same time. That is destroyed when you're with a pro. It's a learning experience. I don't think anyone goes into a relationship knowing everything.
When it comes to sexual compatability, I wonder if there is anyone even remotely so with me... given my standards and all...
Different strokes right? Hope I'm not seeming disrespectful.
I wrote a post a while ago on sexual compatability... rather asking about it... http://www.lpsg.org/cgi-bin/YaBB.cgi?board=sex;action=display;num=1057469481
I've always thought it was a load of crock. If you love someone, you can adjust to anything. Isn't it about compromise when you merge two lives in a relationship or marriage?
However, I see your point... I've used the car analogy too... I want my car, not off the line, but little to no mileage... none preferably. I've also asked my friends who ask about sexual compatability would you want to buy an item from the store that was damaged?
I want the awkwardness.. there's something special about two people discovering each other at the same time. That is destroyed when you're with a pro. It's a learning experience. I don't think anyone goes into a relationship knowing everything.
When it comes to sexual compatability, I wonder if there is anyone even remotely so with me... given my standards and all...
Different strokes right? Hope I'm not seeming disrespectful.
Sarah: [quote author=Tender link=board=meetgreet;num=1066973547;start=20#28 date=10/30/03 at 13:50:35]
ok sara, you have brought up some extremely good points![/quote]
Thanks Tender - It's great to debate things with people who disagree with you, but can be polite and friendly - thanks
Firstly I must say I think you misunderstood me on one point.
The fear I was talking about was not fear of the spouse, but fear of the unknowns of sex itself.
Secondly I have to say ... yes, you;re right. The fear and awkwardness are not really valid reasons to make sure one is not a virgin when one gets married.
One point to Tender
And all of them are things that can be discussed, with full (or at least partial) understanding before the lifelong commitment is begun.
If you and your partner are virgins, particularly if you have not done any sexual experimentation at all, it will be *incredibly* difficult to discuss sexual needs, wants and things that are simply off-limits before you marry - because you just won;t *know*
One point to consider, Tender, is that often the people in a committed relationship *cannot* work together to satisfy one another when the issue is sexual.
It's not a lack of willingness - It's a lack of ability.
Here's my "for instance":
My partner has a significantly lower libido than I do.
My partner is often unwilling to experiment sexually.
My partner is reluctant to perform cunnilingus.
In spite of these problems (and they are problems for both of us) I have decided to continue this relationship. It has too much of the wonderful stuff to abandon because of some sexual incompatibilities.
But - you knew there was going to be a but, didn;t you - I am not married. I can choose to leave this relationship if the feelings that go with having a low-libido partner (feelings of undesireability, unloved-ness, loneliness, frustration, guilt, anger, etc) get to be too much to bear. My partner can choose to leave the relationship if the feelings that go with having a higher-libido partner (guilt, frustration, being wanted for "only one thing" etc) get to much to bear.
If we had chosen to marry before we discovered that, basically, I enjoy sex far more than he does, we would both be stuck.
I think marriage is far too important to go into blindly. In fact, I feel no-one should get married before living with their partner-of-choice for at least six months (whether this includes sharing sex would, of course, be up to the people involved). I really think a couple should test out how their married life is going to go before plunging right into it.
I just left that in because it sounds so nice
If you are talking about masturbation here, I disagree. WHile masturbation is a wonderful thing, it cannot give you the same feeling of loving connection as making love with a partner who loves and desires you does.
If you are talking about overcoming physical difficulties, I agree completely.
No, they would not "throw their love away" but they *would* have another number to put into the equation.
Deciding to marry is the second most important decision most of us will ever make. Surely it's better to have a good grasp of all the variables before finalising that decision?
*smile* With purely physical differences and difficulties, again, you are right.
It's differences of appetite and taste that are more difficult to overcome successfully.
Love can die.
When love is abused by dishonesty, or violence, or ignoring, love can die.
It takes a very long time to work. But it does.
And it leaves a hole in your heart, no matter how many more loves try to fill it.
I, too, would hope that love for a spouse would be perminent.
It wasn't, for me. My husband decided to leave our marriage, so if he loved me in the beginning, his love obviously died. My love for him died after his treatment of me and after my *deciding* that loving someone who no longer loved me was self destructive.
I chose to stop loving.
I'm very much enjoying this debate, but I feel a little guilty about threadjacking poor Hapi Papi!
ok sara, you have brought up some extremely good points!
[/quote]Thanks Tender - It's great to debate things with people who disagree with you, but can be polite and friendly - thanks
Firstly I must say I think you misunderstood me on one point.
The fear I was talking about was not fear of the spouse, but fear of the unknowns of sex itself.
Secondly I have to say ... yes, you;re right. The fear and awkwardness are not really valid reasons to make sure one is not a virgin when one gets married.
One point to Tender
And all of them are things that can be discussed, with full (or at least partial) understanding before the lifelong commitment is begun.
If you and your partner are virgins, particularly if you have not done any sexual experimentation at all, it will be *incredibly* difficult to discuss sexual needs, wants and things that are simply off-limits before you marry - because you just won;t *know*
One point to consider, Tender, is that often the people in a committed relationship *cannot* work together to satisfy one another when the issue is sexual.
It's not a lack of willingness - It's a lack of ability.
Here's my "for instance":
My partner has a significantly lower libido than I do.
My partner is often unwilling to experiment sexually.
My partner is reluctant to perform cunnilingus.
In spite of these problems (and they are problems for both of us) I have decided to continue this relationship. It has too much of the wonderful stuff to abandon because of some sexual incompatibilities.
But - you knew there was going to be a but, didn;t you - I am not married. I can choose to leave this relationship if the feelings that go with having a low-libido partner (feelings of undesireability, unloved-ness, loneliness, frustration, guilt, anger, etc) get to be too much to bear. My partner can choose to leave the relationship if the feelings that go with having a higher-libido partner (guilt, frustration, being wanted for "only one thing" etc) get to much to bear.
If we had chosen to marry before we discovered that, basically, I enjoy sex far more than he does, we would both be stuck.
I think marriage is far too important to go into blindly. In fact, I feel no-one should get married before living with their partner-of-choice for at least six months (whether this includes sharing sex would, of course, be up to the people involved). I really think a couple should test out how their married life is going to go before plunging right into it.
I just left that in because it sounds so nice
If you are talking about masturbation here, I disagree. WHile masturbation is a wonderful thing, it cannot give you the same feeling of loving connection as making love with a partner who loves and desires you does.
If you are talking about overcoming physical difficulties, I agree completely.
No, they would not "throw their love away" but they *would* have another number to put into the equation.
Deciding to marry is the second most important decision most of us will ever make. Surely it's better to have a good grasp of all the variables before finalising that decision?
i would think that small, large or whatever wouldnt matter, to me, if i loved someone...we could surely find a way to make it work that we both enjoy, even if it is not typical...
*smile* With purely physical differences and difficulties, again, you are right.
It's differences of appetite and taste that are more difficult to overcome successfully.
Love can die.
When love is abused by dishonesty, or violence, or ignoring, love can die.
It takes a very long time to work. But it does.
And it leaves a hole in your heart, no matter how many more loves try to fill it.
I, too, would hope that love for a spouse would be perminent.
It wasn't, for me. My husband decided to leave our marriage, so if he loved me in the beginning, his love obviously died. My love for him died after his treatment of me and after my *deciding* that loving someone who no longer loved me was self destructive.
I chose to stop loving.
I'm very much enjoying this debate, but I feel a little guilty about threadjacking poor Hapi Papi!
Sarah: [quote author=Hapi Papi link=board=meetgreet;num=1066973547;start=20#30 date=10/30/03 at 21:57:19]Thanks Eddie
I wrote a post a while ago on sexual compatability... rather asking about it... http://www.lpsg.org/cgi-bin/YaBB.cgi?board=sex;action=display;num=1057469481[/quote]
The thread you pointed us to is very interesting. I wil probably post something there after a while.
I'm sure you did not mean it this way, but that point of veiw is particularly offensive.
Not having a hymen does *NOT* make me, or any other woman "damaged goods."
A low mileage comparison is fine - comparing a woman who has chosen to share sex with someone who is not you, with a car that has crashed is not fine.
Then good for you!
If you want to be a virgin when you get married to a virgin, and can find a woman you love who feels the same way, that's wonderful.
But don't expect everyone to share your veiw, because quite a lot of people don't.
Heh - Now I'm all curious
Exactly. Different strokes, YMMV, what is good for me may not be good for you.
Only a little, and only with the damaged goods line, and I know you didn;t mean it harshly - You;d just not thought about it hard enough, I think.
*hugs*
Sarah
I wrote a post a while ago on sexual compatability... rather asking about it... http://www.lpsg.org/cgi-bin/YaBB.cgi?board=sex;action=display;num=1057469481[/quote]
The thread you pointed us to is very interesting. I wil probably post something there after a while.
I'm sure you did not mean it this way, but that point of veiw is particularly offensive.
Not having a hymen does *NOT* make me, or any other woman "damaged goods."
A low mileage comparison is fine - comparing a woman who has chosen to share sex with someone who is not you, with a car that has crashed is not fine.
Then good for you!
If you want to be a virgin when you get married to a virgin, and can find a woman you love who feels the same way, that's wonderful.
But don't expect everyone to share your veiw, because quite a lot of people don't.
Heh - Now I'm all curious
Exactly. Different strokes, YMMV, what is good for me may not be good for you.
Only a little, and only with the damaged goods line, and I know you didn;t mean it harshly - You;d just not thought about it hard enough, I think.
*hugs*
Sarah
Tender: Sara you hit on alot again here...
you are quite the talker, no?
me too!!
ha ha
***fear of the unknowns of sex itself.***
i grasped that idea full well.
***Here's my "for instance":
My partner has a significantly lower libido than I do.
My partner is often unwilling to experiment sexually.
My partner is reluctant to perform cunnilingus***
OK lol im going to open a can of worms here !
(maybe some snakes lol)
again i feel that these are areas of compromise, and being patiently loving toward eachother.
I beleive that each person should put their partners interests before their own. When one marries, their body then belongs partially to the other. and vice versa... most couples encounter those troubles at one time or another, whether they are virgins when they marry or not.
***In fact, I feel no-one should get married before living with their partner-of-choice for at least six months (whether this includes sharing sex would, of course, be up to the people involved). I really think a couple should test out how their married life is going to go ***
statistics show that marriages have a greater chance of lasting when a couple does not live together, that goes against logic perhaps, but then most profound things do...
the average divorce occurs in the 7th yr of marriage.
so how does one test that out? :-/
my dh and i had trouble from day one, however it didnt surface seriousy until we were married for 8 yrs.
Sharing sex, with one you are living with, WILL happen, at least for me, even if i didnt want to, i would end up doing it...
um. no i wasnt talking about masturbation... ???
but i have to ask, does making love, have to involve intercourse? what about everytime? perhaps some think of it in that way? i like to think that making love is MUCH more than that...
although, some couples may not be able to engage in that... but again, both partners should realize that before marriage... most of the men here, for instance have "warned" their partners ahead of time...
there have been PLENTY of times SB has more than satisfied me, without intercourse...
***When love is abused by dishonesty, or violence, or ignoring, love can die.***
i guess that would depend on the person... :-/ not true for me at all. i would be interested in hearing others ideas on that one. a relationship may die, but i dont think real love ever does, its still there in some way... yes as you said, someone can be loyal in their love for someone to a detriment... but now then we could beg the question...
what *is* love?
is loving someone at the expense of your personal esteem or being taken advantage of, really *love*? At what point does *loving* someone in that way, become not love anymore? :-/
Hapi,
(bless your sweet heart if you are still hanging onto this ramble... )
***I've also asked my friends who ask about sexual compatability would you want to buy an item from the store that was damaged?**
If one has a casual sexual experience, i would think s/he would feel as though sex were cheapened...i think Prep mentioned that....
or used...
or well, if its casual, one would certainly not equate it with being loved ect. ect.
perhaps would later have regrets of not saving that for someone they deeply loved....
OTOH...
if one does has a sexual experience with one they truely LOVE, and later the relationship ends for whatever reason...IT HURTS. more than words ever could say.
so either way...
It still seems safest, physically, emotionally, and as far as a healthy relationship....to wait until one is married.
Now, we are into the big wait though...
i think it has been a detriment to many that they find someone they want to be with, and then put off getting married for so long, things turn sour...
well after i finish college, buy a house, move here or there, blah blah, suddenly its like, 'wait a minute? Im being back burnered?'
long engagements are not a good idea IMHO.
but chalk it up to experience, getting too serious too fast is also bad.
so then now we touch on getting involved physically in a relationship that may not be at that point yet. adding a sexual deminsion to a relationship too quickly can RUIN it... and in a fast way. not to mention, can seriously cloud ones view of red flag areas they may otherwise see, if there was not a physical linking....
oh, man my 50,000 for today!!
shucks, cant post again til tomarow, lol!!
(, lets see how long *that* will last!!)
Tender
you are quite the talker, no?
me too!!
ha ha
***fear of the unknowns of sex itself.***
i grasped that idea full well.
***Here's my "for instance":
My partner has a significantly lower libido than I do.
My partner is often unwilling to experiment sexually.
My partner is reluctant to perform cunnilingus***
OK lol im going to open a can of worms here !
(maybe some snakes lol)
again i feel that these are areas of compromise, and being patiently loving toward eachother.
I beleive that each person should put their partners interests before their own. When one marries, their body then belongs partially to the other. and vice versa... most couples encounter those troubles at one time or another, whether they are virgins when they marry or not.
***In fact, I feel no-one should get married before living with their partner-of-choice for at least six months (whether this includes sharing sex would, of course, be up to the people involved). I really think a couple should test out how their married life is going to go ***
statistics show that marriages have a greater chance of lasting when a couple does not live together, that goes against logic perhaps, but then most profound things do...
the average divorce occurs in the 7th yr of marriage.
so how does one test that out? :-/
my dh and i had trouble from day one, however it didnt surface seriousy until we were married for 8 yrs.
Sharing sex, with one you are living with, WILL happen, at least for me, even if i didnt want to, i would end up doing it...
um. no i wasnt talking about masturbation... ???
but i have to ask, does making love, have to involve intercourse? what about everytime? perhaps some think of it in that way? i like to think that making love is MUCH more than that...
although, some couples may not be able to engage in that... but again, both partners should realize that before marriage... most of the men here, for instance have "warned" their partners ahead of time...
there have been PLENTY of times SB has more than satisfied me, without intercourse...
***When love is abused by dishonesty, or violence, or ignoring, love can die.***
i guess that would depend on the person... :-/ not true for me at all. i would be interested in hearing others ideas on that one. a relationship may die, but i dont think real love ever does, its still there in some way... yes as you said, someone can be loyal in their love for someone to a detriment... but now then we could beg the question...
what *is* love?
is loving someone at the expense of your personal esteem or being taken advantage of, really *love*? At what point does *loving* someone in that way, become not love anymore? :-/
Hapi,
(bless your sweet heart if you are still hanging onto this ramble...
)***I've also asked my friends who ask about sexual compatability would you want to buy an item from the store that was damaged?**
If one has a casual sexual experience, i would think s/he would feel as though sex were cheapened...i think Prep mentioned that....
or used...
or well, if its casual, one would certainly not equate it with being loved ect. ect.
perhaps would later have regrets of not saving that for someone they deeply loved....
OTOH...
if one does has a sexual experience with one they truely LOVE, and later the relationship ends for whatever reason...IT HURTS. more than words ever could say.
so either way...
It still seems safest, physically, emotionally, and as far as a healthy relationship....to wait until one is married.
Now, we are into the big wait though...
i think it has been a detriment to many that they find someone they want to be with, and then put off getting married for so long, things turn sour...
well after i finish college, buy a house, move here or there, blah blah, suddenly its like, 'wait a minute? Im being back burnered?'
long engagements are not a good idea IMHO.
but chalk it up to experience, getting too serious too fast is also bad.
so then now we touch on getting involved physically in a relationship that may not be at that point yet. adding a sexual deminsion to a relationship too quickly can RUIN it... and in a fast way. not to mention, can seriously cloud ones view of red flag areas they may otherwise see, if there was not a physical linking....
oh, man my 50,000 for today!!
shucks, cant post again til tomarow, lol!!
(
, lets see how long *that* will last!!)Tender
H8Monga: Sarah, by no means did you start a raucous here. It's fine we don't share the same views. I'm not trying to brainwash you and I don't feel you're doing that to me either.
I wanted to know if women had these thoughts and you've helped me understand. I did not mean to be offensive and I have given it much thought. I have many other analogies but I am not referringing just to women and definitely not alluding to the hymen. It applies to men too. Why would a woman want a man who's had countless women and vice-versa? Why would anyone buy any item from a store or anyplace that has been banged up and maybe has lost its integrity? I didn't mean to sound harsh or offensive but that's how I see it. People usually wouldn't want less than they deserve or desired. However, sometimes one has to compromise and get what they didn't have in mind, sometimes resulting in regret or the best action ever taken. To each their own still. We all have our point of views and they're welcomed.
I wanted to know if women had these thoughts and you've helped me understand. I did not mean to be offensive and I have given it much thought. I have many other analogies but I am not referringing just to women and definitely not alluding to the hymen. It applies to men too. Why would a woman want a man who's had countless women and vice-versa? Why would anyone buy any item from a store or anyplace that has been banged up and maybe has lost its integrity? I didn't mean to sound harsh or offensive but that's how I see it. People usually wouldn't want less than they deserve or desired. However, sometimes one has to compromise and get what they didn't have in mind, sometimes resulting in regret or the best action ever taken. To each their own still. We all have our point of views and they're welcomed.
9cyclops9: Ok...I'm going to enter at my own risk
I saw a skit one time...I wish I could let you guys see it, but I'll do my best to explain it.
There was a girl carrying around a big red paper heart. She meets a guy, and he eventually asks her if she's "ready." She says yes and rips a piece of her heart off and gives it to him. Then they break up. She meets another guy, and gives him a piece of her heart too. This happens with several guys.
Next scene. A guy comes in from the side, carrying the young lady. She is in her wedding dress. He puts her down and says something along the lines of "Honey, I've waited my whole life for this moment, so I could give you my whole heart." He hands her a big red paper heart. She pulls out her tiny piece of red paper that she has left and gives it to him.
--------------------
I know I didn't do a great job of explaining it, but I hope everyone gets the gist of it.
And, before anyone says anything, yes, that illustration goes for men as well as women.
And prepstud, there is nothing girly about what you said. I think any boy can go around screwing everything he sees (I hope nobody takes that wrong), but it takes a real man to be able to control himself and wait for that someone, whether it be the spouse (as is my case) or just the right person. I'm glad you spoke up and said that, even though it is an unpopular opinion these days.
Anyway, I'm all for waiting until marriage. Sexual incompatibility can be worked on if both partners truly love each other. Which makes me think of something else.
Love is not a noun. It is a verb. Just because you have amorous feelings for someone does not mean you love that person. Love consists of action just as much as feelings. Would you be poor if it meant being with that person? Would you do everything in your power to provide for and protect that person? Would you stand by that person, even if it meant losing everything? Would you die for that person, without even having to think about it?
Tough questions. But love is not easy. If you are at this point with someone, you are probably getting married soon anyway. I don't see how you could love someone this way and not get married to them.
Anyway, this is all my opinion, but I hope it helped some people understand a few things. And I can say that I have done things with some gals that I really regret. I wish I had never so much as kissed a girl before. Except my girlfriend now, of course! But to clear that up...we've been together nearly 3 years and we're planning on getting married once we're out of college (arg...Boston and Florida are too far apart). Anyway, I hope this provided some insight. If not insight about this side of the conversation, at least some insight into...
John
I saw a skit one time...I wish I could let you guys see it, but I'll do my best to explain it.
There was a girl carrying around a big red paper heart. She meets a guy, and he eventually asks her if she's "ready." She says yes and rips a piece of her heart off and gives it to him. Then they break up. She meets another guy, and gives him a piece of her heart too. This happens with several guys.
Next scene. A guy comes in from the side, carrying the young lady. She is in her wedding dress. He puts her down and says something along the lines of "Honey, I've waited my whole life for this moment, so I could give you my whole heart." He hands her a big red paper heart. She pulls out her tiny piece of red paper that she has left and gives it to him.
--------------------
I know I didn't do a great job of explaining it, but I hope everyone gets the gist of it.
And, before anyone says anything, yes, that illustration goes for men as well as women.
And prepstud, there is nothing girly about what you said. I think any boy can go around screwing everything he sees (I hope nobody takes that wrong), but it takes a real man to be able to control himself and wait for that someone, whether it be the spouse (as is my case) or just the right person. I'm glad you spoke up and said that, even though it is an unpopular opinion these days.
Anyway, I'm all for waiting until marriage. Sexual incompatibility can be worked on if both partners truly love each other. Which makes me think of something else.
Love is not a noun. It is a verb. Just because you have amorous feelings for someone does not mean you love that person. Love consists of action just as much as feelings. Would you be poor if it meant being with that person? Would you do everything in your power to provide for and protect that person? Would you stand by that person, even if it meant losing everything? Would you die for that person, without even having to think about it?
Tough questions. But love is not easy. If you are at this point with someone, you are probably getting married soon anyway. I don't see how you could love someone this way and not get married to them.
Anyway, this is all my opinion, but I hope it helped some people understand a few things. And I can say that I have done things with some gals that I really regret. I wish I had never so much as kissed a girl before. Except my girlfriend now, of course! But to clear that up...we've been together nearly 3 years and we're planning on getting married once we're out of college (arg...Boston and Florida are too far apart). Anyway, I hope this provided some insight. If not insight about this side of the conversation, at least some insight into...
John
prepstudinsc: It really is refreshing to hear some of our younger members upholding their morals and beliefs. GOes to show you that some parents are still doing a good job of raising their children and teaching them right from wrong, and that the kids know how to make those decisions.
AnonyMs: Love is not a feeling. Love is a decision to act loving even when you do not want to be loving.
inquiringmind: Hi Guys,
I just want to give all of you a great big bear hug! You just do not know how good it is to hear good old fashioned core values. I have felt so often like a dinosaur in the space age. Please don't stop being the cool, sexy, aware and caring men and women you seem to be .The world will be a better place for it.
Inquriing mind
For those of you who don't agree with this particular choice, I respect you and your own particular pursuit of happiness.
I just want to give all of you a great big bear hug! You just do not know how good it is to hear good old fashioned core values. I have felt so often like a dinosaur in the space age. Please don't stop being the cool, sexy, aware and caring men and women you seem to be .The world will be a better place for it.
Inquriing mind
For those of you who don't agree with this particular choice, I respect you and your own particular pursuit of happiness.
Tender: [quote author=9cyclops9 link=board=meetgreet;num=1066973547;start=20#35 date=11/01/03 at 00:58:38]There was a girl carrying around a big red paper heart. She meets a guy, and he eventually asks her if she's "ready." She says yes and rips a piece of her heart off and gives it to him. Then they break up. She meets another guy, and gives him a piece of her heart too. This happens with several guys.
Next scene. A guy comes in from the side, carrying the young lady. She is in her wedding dress. He puts her down and says something along the lines of "Honey, I've waited my whole life for this moment, so I could give you my whole heart." He hands her a big red paper heart. She pulls out her tiny piece of red paper that she has left and gives it to him.
--------------------
And, before anyone says anything, yes, that illustration goes for men as well as women.
And prepstud, there is nothing girly about what you said.
Anyway, I'm all for waiting until marriage. Sexual incompatibility can be worked on if both partners truly love each other. Which makes me think of something else.
Love is not a noun. It is a verb. Just because you have amorous feelings for someone does not mean you love that person. Love consists of action just as much as feelings. Would you be poor if it meant being with that person? Would you do everything in your power to provide for and protect that person? Would you stand by that person, even if it meant losing everything? Would you die for that person, without even having to think about it?
John[/quote]
i so enjoyed reading this post, John,
thanks for entering!!
(we usually dont bite)
Tender
Next scene. A guy comes in from the side, carrying the young lady. She is in her wedding dress. He puts her down and says something along the lines of "Honey, I've waited my whole life for this moment, so I could give you my whole heart." He hands her a big red paper heart. She pulls out her tiny piece of red paper that she has left and gives it to him.
--------------------
And, before anyone says anything, yes, that illustration goes for men as well as women.
And prepstud, there is nothing girly about what you said.
Anyway, I'm all for waiting until marriage. Sexual incompatibility can be worked on if both partners truly love each other. Which makes me think of something else.
Love is not a noun. It is a verb. Just because you have amorous feelings for someone does not mean you love that person. Love consists of action just as much as feelings. Would you be poor if it meant being with that person? Would you do everything in your power to provide for and protect that person? Would you stand by that person, even if it meant losing everything? Would you die for that person, without even having to think about it?
John[/quote]
i so enjoyed reading this post, John,
thanks for entering!!
(we usually dont bite
)Tender
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