Man Charged With Screwing a Patio Table

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Principessa, Apr 2, 2008.

  1. Principessa

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    No Picnic: Man Charged With Screwing a Patio Table
    Mar 31st 2008
    By Tom Radler


    Police in Ohio say that a married father of three has confessed to repeatedly having sex with his patio picnic table.




    Art Price, Jr., 40, has been charged with four counts of public indecency after a neighbor videotaped him getting all nasty with the umbrella hole in the middle of his plastic picnic table. Apparently preferring the table's legs in the air, Price reportedly flipped the table over before forcing himself inside of it.

    Price admitted that his skeevy antics took place both inside and outside of his home, and police say he did his table humping in broad daylight, not far from a school.

    In addition to public outrage, we imagine there's considerable jealousy among Price's other lawn furniture. While barbecues and lawn chairs don't have many places for good loving (unless you're big enough for that drink holder), we're sure that plastic gnome hiding in the hedges is wondering why he wasn't chosen. The garden hose, however, is probably pretty relieved.



    I think he probably had a glory hole fetish that had gone unfulfilled for too long. :tongue:
     
  2. jimbob369

    jimbob369 New Member

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    In the dictionary, the definition for "desperate" should be this story instead of the actual definition.
     
  3. B_Monster

    B_Monster New Member

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    Thats just to funny NJ, what was he thinking?, probably wasn't thinking with his upstairs brain.
     
  4. psidom

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    i think the table was just a slut...plain and simple
    i mean it is always showing off it's bare legs and sitting on his property.

    a man has got to do,what a man has got to do.
    :wink:
     
  5. No_Strings

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  6. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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  7. psidom

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    he was let go that is INSANE.

    i wouldn't eat off his table that is for sure.
    :wink:
     
  8. D_Roland_D_Hay

    D_Roland_D_Hay Account Disabled

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    Yeah, but everyone knows that a chaise lounge is a better lay!:biggrin1:
     
  9. D_Theophallus Kneedgroin

    D_Theophallus Kneedgroin Account Disabled

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    that had more to do with me than the lounge:tongue:
     
  10. psidom

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    i would think the hole in the table would rip his cock up.
    that would fuckin' hurt.

    my dad had a couch that looked like a giant vagina.
    everytime i saw it i saw a vagina...giant labia minora.
    i never got horny for it though...
     
  11. D_Roland_D_Hay

    D_Roland_D_Hay Account Disabled

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    I thought the hole would hurt too...but the things that people will do to get off!
     
  12. dong20

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    Well, it takes the meaning of that oft uttered curse; "fucking (DIY) patio furniture" to a whole new level.
     
  13. vince

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    As a furniture maker, I see a whole new market opening up...
     
  14. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Dropped charges.. darn lol
     
  15. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    the pain behind your eyes
    That reminds me of a line I heard from the movie, MANNEQUIN
    "You know I would never interrupt you while you're getting a piece of wood."
     
  16. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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  17. D_one and done

    D_one and done New Member

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    thats so horribly demented its hilarious. i wonder how one finds out they can fuck their patio table. its funny and sad to try and think about what was going through his head before he raped his table for the first time....

    thats just too crazy :lmao:
     
  18. hotbtminla

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    I assumed NJ was wryly posting one of those straight-up articles with unintentionally hilarious headlines, like "Perp Gets Nine Months in Violin Case," "Prosecutor Releases Probe Into Sheriff" or "Farmer Bill Dies in House."

    I stand corrected.

    I find it curious that he preferred the missionary position. A patio table is usually begging to be taken on all fours.
     
  19. Principessa

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    :tongue: You should know by now that I never joke about sex, food, or money ROTFLMAO :biggrin1:
     
  20. TinyPrincess

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    LOL
     
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