Manager Infatuation

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by _Auron_, Dec 25, 2009.

  1. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    Last week on Thursday I began a new job at a grocery store as a courtesy clerk (which is a essentially a bagger+cart returning guy), though I applied for cashier they decided to have me as a courtesy clerk until after Christmas was over. Though I've had plenty of retail experience before, I didn't mind since it'd help them transition me easier regardless. Though not totally important, that's how this started.

    Last weekend on my third day or so, a 'Non-Food Manager' (in other words someone who manages the misc items/sections of the store) who I will call E was asking me if I knew our customer service routine, told my front end manager that he was going to borrow me for a bit while were slow, and had me follow him and answer questions while he stocked and moved items in the store and back of the store. I was able to answer all of them perfectly as most of the routine is nearly identical to most retail stores (and I've had plenty of experience, as previously stated).

    Now to remind you, E's a manager in a different department of the store, so I don't see him very often. However, being a courtesy clerk (for now) I go all around the store, in and out of the store, all over the place all the time. Since this is the week of Christmas (by the way, Merry Christmas to all!) we've needed extra help at the front getting customer assistance, extra cashiers, extra help in the parking lot, etc. -- so I've seen him more than I normally would. I had noticed him on my first few days but he never seemed to notice me until after he talked through our customer service program; ever since then he's known my name, and every time he meets eyes with me and/or passes by me, he nods and gives a huge smile toward me. Not a grin, or a smirk, but a huge smile.

    And E and I have barely talked at all since he pulled me aside last weekend. He doesn't really know me, I don't really know him, and we don't see each other very often. In most places, because he's in a different section of the store, we'd probably never even know each other at all. Yet for some reason I feel we have this unspoken connection.

    When I was on my lunch break today (thank god; it was complete madness... several inches of snow in DFW area of Texas, which is *VERY VERY RARE*, and on Christmas Eve of all days!) I was sitting in the Starbucks Café in our store checking things on the internet through my phone, and noticed he walked up to talk to one of the starbucks clerks. Though I was about 25ft away, he saw me and nodded and gave his big smile that he gives me everytime he sees me. I did the same and he raised a cheek in his smile, then went back to talking to the clerk, and left to continue working. And later on in the day when I passed by him in the front end, he said hi to me (and of course smiled) then added a wink. That disoriented and surprised me as I was coming back in from outside in the cold, but I definitely knew he winked at me. Not sure why, either.

    His nametag says he's been working there since 1991, but he has the looks of a late 20's/early 30's guy, so I'm assuming his age to be around 35-40 (which is the age of a guy I'm usually interested in). Not only that (though this doesn't necessarily set anything in stone), he doesn't have any rings on so he isn't married, and I seem to be the only guy he pays attention to.

    Then again, my interest in him may bias/cloud some of these observations and it could just be a typical crush that never leads anywhere. I'm in no rush for anything to connect between us, but he seems like a great guy that I'd like to get to know at least as a friend; I've only been there a week so who knows. Other coworkers/managers in past jobs that I was attracted to I've been able to confirm as straight or even married, but E is a masculine guy that's not the macho type, has a youthful yet handsome looking face while completely self-driven and mature (which is exactly the type of guy I like).


    Having said all of that..

    I'm just looking for opinions or discussion about E. Yes, he's a manager and I'm a new employee, but he manages a different section of the store and has no authority over me, so there wouldn't be conflict of interest if anything were to arise in the future (not that I'm expecting anything). Second, I'm not sure if he's potentially flirting with me, or is just a genuinely incredibly nice guy, though he tends to be somewhat distant from most of the coworkers and constantly keeps himself busy (like I do; and so far I've shown my drive well at work amongst my supervisors, managers, and the store manager in the week I've been there). Third, he's not married (though I have no idea if he's in a relationship at all; like I said, we haven't talked too much).

    I don't want to bomb him with odd questions that would be out of context or otherwise inappropriate, especially since we don't know each other. And it's not entirely important, even if my infatuation has a desire to learn more about him *right now*. I'd rather see about becoming friends and see what the potential situation and person that he is, rather than imagine/hope it. Though honestly, the wink today still throws me off, especially considering the hard-working, serious self-driven, and somewhat anti-social demeanor he has.

    Sorry about the long post, but if you read all of it, thanks for your time! And of course, any (serious) suggestions would be great.
     
  2. SpeedoMike

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    what he is doing is called sexual harassment, especially if he is a manager and you are below that. Watch your step, cuz if there is an issue made of the situation, yul be the short man on the shift.
     
  3. B_kracker

    B_kracker New Member

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    Auron.. if you need to keep your job..stay away from this situation... having told you that I work in a bank.. but not in the public areas and have a relaxed dress code. my manager a super strai8th family man type, used to play college football for IOWA.. dresses in dockers or jeans.. generally loose fitting and his package still shows when we are in a meeting ..I'm not listning to him I'm watching that big old cock line in his pants.. and he looks cut..
     
  4. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    Dude, I don't think smiling and winking at someone is sexual harassment.
     
  5. blooeyz

    blooeyz New Member

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    I agree

    maybe he's just being nice since you helped him out.
     
  6. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    Yeah, I really fail to see how that's sexual harassment - especially considering I don't find it offensive at all; in fact I'm flattered that he acts nice to me. And blooeyz, what do you mean 'since I helped him out'? We've not really worked together at all because he's over a different department, and I rarely even see him. When I do though, he acts exceptionally nice to me. Confusing, but not in a bad way.

    Anyhow, appreciate the comments so far and I'll keep you guys posted on anything new, though don't expect daily updates.
     
  7. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    Hmm, you have to try and find out where this guy eats his lunch and very "casually" position yourself there before he comes in or discreetly walk in while he is already here. This is just a "coincidence". You might hold a book or something to disguise any possible nervousness, lol. Hopefully he will be alone, but in neither case, approach him (it is ok to wave or say hello), wait for him to approach you first. This might be a good chance for you to talk to him and get more intimate. He might ignore you, too, in which case, you simply move on. I can't see any danger in doing this, but of course be careful about unfoldings. Ok, this trick is as old as the hills, and you probably used it before or were thinking of it already. This was just a reminder. Good luck!
     
  8. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    Joca: I've thought about that, but I don't want to force any kind of relation with E by actively pursuing him like that. Also we only get 30 minute lunch breaks, so the chance of having an overlapping lunch break with him is incredibly low. On top of that, having a conversation with E in a different department than where I work is also an incredibly low chance since.. well, we're working and constantly doing something with customers or products in different parts of the store, rarely even seeing each other.

    In the end, I don't even know if he's gay/bi, and he could just be a really nice guy. *shrug*
     
  9. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    Ok, in that case, you will probably keep wondering.

    I would say that every man is bi in his essence. For many of you, this is a truism, but for some it is an anathema.

    I wouldn't say every man has a price, but I am quite sure every man can be approached. The crux is to find the best approach for each man.

    You wouldn't have nothing to lose...

    Now I'd be better to run and hide in my cave. lol
     
  10. Smartalk

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    As you say you are in no rush to pursue him, just see what happends and developes over the next few weeks. If he is that interested in you he will contiune his flirting, if that is what it is. Keep us posted Good Luck
     
  11. stlbigman

    stlbigman New Member

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    Auron. this is the best advice I can give you young man: if u value your job, don't go after him. It's not worth losing your job. Let's just say he's a very friendly straight guy and you somehow approach him and HE sees it as sexual harassment. Goodbye job.
    Now on to me. I have this hot guy I work with. I work in a major box retail store. He works overnight so I rarely see him. My god he's cute. Spiky blond hair, tight body and wears very tight shirt and jeans. God I love a man with nice firm thighs (the ass ain't bad either). We talked in passing last week and he checked me out and looked me up and down (gay sign 101). I don't know if I will try to hook up with him or not but man would it be worth the try. He sure made x-mas fun this season. ;)
     
  12. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    Well nothing has really happened yet except I got Associate of the Month within my first month of working there; E has been on vacation, though after coming back, when he gathered some people for a meeting he picked me to join, and I stood a few inches away from him for about 20min. I think during that meeting when my coworkers were talking, he stole some glances at me. It's also the longest time I've ever been around him at once. Also, we're friends on facebook now (as well as a few other coworkers; I found them from networking/job listings).

    That being aside, nothing is different than before. I'll keep you guys posted.
     
    #12 _Auron_, Jan 14, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2010
  13. Viking_UK

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    Is he friendly with the other staff? If so, he may just be a plain old nice, friendly guy.
     
  14. wallaboi

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    I feel you have nothing to loose by actively seeking to get to know this guy better. Clearly there is something he likes about you. It may be just because he thinks that you are a good worker or perhaps it's your personality and appearance. I think it's probably a combination of all of these things.

    Don't become a stalker, but be confident and be yourself. Approach him at appropriate times and strike up a conversation. If he is straight he might become a friend and mentor at work. If he's gay...it could be the love of your life.

    A smile and a wink at work is not sexual harrasment, nor is friendship or even an intimate relationship with a work collegue. Be patient and get to know the guy.
     
  15. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    Though I may still be overreacting/overanalyzing it, I've made mental notes about what went on at work today.

    For the past week since we've become facebook friends and E went on his vacation, after he got back he basically failed to acknowledge me. Didn't say hi, didn't give his wonderful smile, or really anything. At all. Which was kind of a bummer; I thought he might have been stressed about something or just really busy, so I didn't mention it in my last post, but it had been going on the whole week/weekend.

    Well, today seemed to totally change things. He went back to being super nice to me, saying hi or at least smiling everytime he saw me - a smile so big he has to close his eyes because it's so wide. I also found myself helping him or doing odd errands throughout the day, and as I usually do I kept looking at him every now and then when he was in the area I was working - except I know he caught me looking at him at least 3 or 4 times, and our eyes met each time.

    Not only that, but I later found him helping at registers next to where I was, and when I left to do a price check, he was in my place. As I returned he asked me if I was working there (obviously he knew) while smiling, gave a small laugh/chuckle and left to work elsewhere. When he left, he pat his hand on my back - he's never touched me or really even talked to me before, so that was new [though this may be him being comfortable enough as a coworker/friend to do that kind of social communication, like 'good job' = *pat*].

    As I had worked a full day until 10pm last night, and had to come in at 8:30am, I was extremely tired today. Up until today, E has never asked me a question about my state or myself, or any question at all unless it was about something at work. He noticed I was tired and stated it as such, and I told him about my work schedule and stuff that went on recently in my life (not going to get into it) that had left me exhausted. That was an hour before my shift, and I told him I was getting off soon. Which leads to.. -- when I left to clockout for the day, at 5pm. As I was walking toward the back where the timeclock is, he was walking in the opposite direction as me and as we passed by he asked me if I was going on my lunch break. Again, he's never really asked me anything personal, even if slight. His inquiries show that he may have interest in me as a friend, and he could have possibly taken his lunch if I were going on my lunch so he could join me.. or that could have meant nothing.

    Overall I don't necessarily think that he's gay or even remotely interested in me yet, but compared to the recent month today has been a stepping stone toward a potential friendship. I also realize that this could be completely overblown, possibly over-obsessed, and may lead to absolutely nothing. His smiles put me in a really good mood at work though, no matter what mood I'm in..

    Once again, I'll keep you guys posted on the situation. Very little has actually happened, but this thread may end up as a living story. Who knows.
     
  16. MrToolhung

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    _Auron_ - I do understand what it is like to be infatuated with someone and that you want something more to come out of it. And when it is someone that is a manager it becomes a different ballgame. I have been there! The issue with getting involved with any Manager that you work with could lead to something that is not beneficial to you or him for that matter.

    You mentioned that he is not your Manager but manages another department. The issue still at hand is that he is still in a position of authority (even though you state that he does not) and would put him in awkward position if anything were to develop to more than a friendship. I am sure your company has a strict policy against fraternization in your HR policy guide. Most employees probably don't agree with policies like that but it really is a good one to have.

    Let's say for argument sake that he is gay. He thinks that you are hot and wants to get to know you better. Everything is going great and a relationship does develop into something serious. Word gets out somehow that he is fucking an employee albeit on his own time not the companies. It would create issues with the people that report to him and the other Managers at your store. Even if it does not become an issue in the workplace your co-workers would suspect favoritism if you were to a new job or a raise. I think you understand what I am trying to say. If his superiors found about the relationship he could be disciplined up to and including termination. That of course is if your company does have something clearly stated in your HR policy guide about fraternization. This scenario does take two to tango but the point I am trying to make is that I would suggest that you look for someone that you do not work for or really anyone that you work with. Workplace relationships have a tendency to be messy and complicated.

    Of course this is my opinion on your situation. However, I am a Manager where I work. It is very clear for us that we are not to get involved with our employees or you will suffer the consequences if you do.

    Sorry if this seems like I am preaching but I don't think you want to do something that you will regret later.

    Good-luck!
     
  17. helgaleena

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    You say you are Facebook friends? Just like you are opening up to us here, try opening up to him on the Net first. Not work. Both of you have something to lose by being any friendlier at work.

    If all goes well you can remain completely casual at work at the level you are now, and do a thousand other things on the phone, the net, chat, or even in person. Both of you need to keep it away from work. If there is a 'both of you'.

    But even that is not a thing to find out at work. Facebook is safer.
     
  18. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    Well, here's another update; it's interesting and/or potentially bad.

    A few weeks ago I posted on E's FB wall asking how his holidays went; there was never a replying comment. A couple of days ago (after having people bomb me with questions/conversation at work about girls I should be interested in, etc.. they didn't know that I'm gay) I posted my status stating "FYI for the malinformed, I'm not straight - I'm gay. So while I appreciate the notion to hook me up with girls, it won't happen."

    Yesterday morning I found out my post on his wall regarding his holidays was deleted, which apparently he did. E is off the rest of the week, so I don't have a chance to see him in person. I didn't get blocked, unfriended, or messaged. In fact, my outing post in my status and my post on his wall may be totally unrelated, but with the timing it seems to be the case.

    That's the potentially bad news, assuming I upset him in some way. The intriguing news was given to me today when I came out to a coworker, G (for anonymity), that works in the Starbucks; he eventually decided to go on a guessing game to see who I liked at our store, and he finally guessed it. When he found out, he was quite interested, and told me that he and L (another guy that works in the starbucks as well) have thought that E is gay. Not only that, but G said that E is very 'touchy' - that he puts his hand on other guys' backs, but he's only done it to me once.. the other day (Sunday). I pointed that out to G, and he said "Maybe E doesn't do it to you because he likes you and knows you're gay, but doesn't want to raise suspicion." Though honestly, there are 'touchy' people out there that aren't necessarily gay, so I'm not sure if that's G/L's only indicator or if there's more for me to learn. But too much gossip could be dangerous, so I kept the conversation brief and ensured that G would be confidential about knowing my interests.

    I'm mainly concerned about the post being deleted.. I have no idea what that means without any other message/sign. I didn't even know you could delete someone's post on your FB wall until that happened. So I'm completely backing off at this point and seeing if he acts different or as if nothing happened. Yes, I could send him an email on FB, but at this point it's very iffy; if he is mad/upset with me, I could piss him off more. If he's not, and I send an apologetic or questioning email, he may be confused/disturbed. Therefore there really isn't anything I can do right now except wait.
     
    #18 _Auron_, Jan 20, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2010
  19. helgaleena

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    I think you are doing the right thing. Also you learned a new Facebook skill :eyeroll: It might be best to look elsewhere and let him make the next move if there is one. It could be that he simply really values his job.
     
  20. bigbulgelicker45

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    I think posts are deleted on FB after a few days.

    Are G and L gay also? Remember giving out too much information can come back and haunt you. There were only a few people that I would trust at work when it came to telling them who I had a crush on and those people were in different departments (it was a big corporation).
     
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