Marriage and open relationships?? advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Gregg_Ghorian, Apr 18, 2010.

  1. D_Gregg_Ghorian

    D_Gregg_Ghorian Account Disabled

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    how do you guys feel about this? what if it is not a mutual feeling in a relationship? What can a couple do to satisfy these feelings without truly acting out on them?

    thanks
     
  2. dolfette

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    compromise? cyber/phone-sex
    substitution? role play/porn
     
  3. BiMaleHungWV

    BiMaleHungWV Member

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    Open relationships only work for some people. I have found that three things are key for it to work. HONESTY, NO JEALOUSY, and SAFETY. Oh and also flexibility. One week, my husband will be ok with something and then the next he isn't sure or is totally against it. I also have found even though we have an open relationship, I don't play very often. He can play too but he has a low sex drive and I have a VERY HIGH one. BTW any women in WV, I am looking for the right woman to play with.
    Oh that brings up another rule we have. PLAY = Sex not Love the moment love or emotional attachments come in with a play partner, it ends. I have a relationship and love at home and we have been happy for just under 15 years (open only about 8).
     
  4. cockneedy

    cockneedy New Member

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    first of all, how will you feel knowing another man is sliding his cock into your wife? for me it is a tremendous turn on. my wife enjoys sex outside our marriage and i not only accept it, i encourage it. on the other hand while my wife tells me to indulge i know that it is only to diminish some guilt she may harbor but she would be unable to truly deal with it. this leaves us in a cuckold marriage and since niether of us is being hurt it works for us. just make sure you both are getting what you expect from this. good luck
     
  5. nakedone

    nakedone New Member

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    I agree with Cockneedy, that for an open marriage to work, the husband must enjoy knowing that other men are fucking his wife, and not just tolerating it. Most of us husbands who have shared our wives' naked bodies with other men are terrifically turned-on by the experience. We are not jealous or hurt, or embarrassed or humiliated! We do not suffer in any way.

    We LOVE knowing that other men are fucking our wives. We love to get our wives to tell about the experience. We love for other people to know that other men are fucking our wives. And, we love to talk with the men who are fucking our wives, or who have fucked them in the past.

    I promise you that the most exciting phrase we can imagine hearing from another man is "I fucked your wife!"
     
  6. Incocknito

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    What's the point in being married?
     
  7. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Some people are more wired for open relationships than others. If you have a mixed-couple where one wants it open and the other wants it closed, then you might want to ask each other a few questions.

    1. How open? Open-vs-closed is not a black or white question. There is a spectrum of openness. Some want their partners to have no sexual contact, no dating, no intimate affections with anybody else. Others are okay with dating and/or certain affections but not sex. Others are okay with sex as long as they know and trust their partner's other partner well. Some are okay with sex outside the primary bond - but no ongoing longterm relationships so the other relationships tend to be short lived and focused more on sex. Many who prefer open relationships want no restrictions of any kind.

    2. How important is openness or closedness to you? Some can thrive in either open or closed relationships. Others insist it be one way or the other - and would end the relationship if it was not the way they were comfortable with.

    3. Why do you want an open relationship? For emotional intimacy? For companionship? To experience certain kinds of sex you don't get otherwise? To learn more about yourself as you develop intimacy with somebody other than your primary partner?

    Once you deeply explore these topics in conversations with your partner(s), then you have a much deeper understanding of the underlying issues involved. At that point, you can move towards finding a win-win solution for everyone.
     
  8. D_Gregg_Ghorian

    D_Gregg_Ghorian Account Disabled

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    I feel like that's the ultimate question.
     
  9. SteezerKat

    SteezerKat New Member

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    i dont kno. if youre gonna get married then you should be ready to be with only that person. unless you all agree to have sex with other people. but then it would not feel like bein married would it?
     
  10. Not_Punny

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    You're SOOL (shit out of luck).

    An "open" relationship requires three things:

    A) Agreements
    B) Boundaries
    C) Rules

    You say the feelings are not mutual, so you obviously don't have the first requirement, which is agreement.

    My only advice is play acting (role playing). With the right accessories, and a little imagination, it can be fun. Different locations can also be stimulating.
     
  11. dr_pepper

    dr_pepper New Member

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    Sharing all of the other great things in life. It all makes for a very special relationship.
     
  12. D_Czarova Zucchini

    D_Czarova Zucchini New Member

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    to establish lines of inheritance and provide for potential offspring, for starters
     
  13. Incocknito

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    Is there a "line of inheritance" if the offspring are the result of "open relationship" and not related to the husband/wife?

    How does someone who is married "provide" for potential offspring any more or less than someone who is not married?

    I don't think there's anything you can do while married that you can't do whilst otherwise in a long term relationship. Except get divorced.

    Which IMO doesn't make marriage worthwhile.
     
  14. Incocknito

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    Are people who are unmarried (yet otherwise in a happy and fulfilling relationship) exempt from having "a very special relationship"?
     
  15. dr_pepper

    dr_pepper New Member

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    Not at all, just pointing out that a great marriage can include an open relationship among other things. Maybe I didn't phrase it right...
     
  16. Incocknito

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    Surely if you are going to say what makes a "great" marriage then:

    A loving and 100% monogamous, happy and faithful marriage

    Is greater than

    An "open marriage"

    Unless an open marriage where both parties are fucking other people, risking their own sexual healths and lives is some sort of new ideal.

    I suppose if it works for you then that's good but I'm having a hard time supporting the idea of an open marriage or even an open relationship in general.

    If I am with a girl who isn't fulfilled with me then by the same token I am not being fulfilled by her. Then it would be better for us both to part ways.

    Rather than for us to somehow be "a couple" yet at the same time be fucking other people. To me that's not what a couple or a relationship is.

    I would actually be very hurt if someone I cared about felt that they had some need that I couldn't meet and that they had to go to someone else.

    So much so that I would end the "relationship" on the spot. It's called pride.
     
    #16 Incocknito, Apr 19, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2010
  17. scottredleter

    scottredleter New Member

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    Exactly!
     
  18. D_Czarova Zucchini

    D_Czarova Zucchini New Member

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    historically only if the father recognized them

    for starters by trying to get pregnant

    for which we can thank the concept of "companionate marriage"
     
  19. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I think this response is bordering on the "religious". It could have been written by any christian minster or priest. It is full of shame to me. I personally don't know why "a loving and 100% monogamous, happy and faithful marriage" is a value. It's only a value if the two people think it is. In some sense marriage is something that society agrees on. It has no inherent value. For centuries religious groups have tried to control how people live, love and procreate. To me this is an absolute concept when in reality we all function in a relativistic world.

    Many couples do not "fulfill" each other for a myriad of reasons. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be together. It's up to each woman and man to determine why they want to share each others' lives and for whatever period of time. I don't think it's up to religion or even the state to determine how to define these relationships. Marriage today is a catch-all word that describes so little of what couples actually experience.

    I think if two people are liberated enough, they're going to find others attractive and it's up to them how to deal with those desires and needs. I don't think it's "a one size fits all" sort of issue. It requires some maturity on both peoples' parts, and the ability to communicate about it.




     
    #19 B_Hung Jon, Apr 20, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2010
  20. dolfette

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    it's all looking rather bigoted in here.
     
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