Marriage rant

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by italianstalion, Jul 8, 2011.

  1. italianstalion

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    So been in my marriage now 10 years been very very rocky the whole tome because we got married at a very young age. Just trying to vent really getting to that point and want to see what everyones opinion is. So before my deployment I gave up and left the marriage was going threw divorce went few months and right before deployment wanted to fix things for my kids. So of course all deployment was rough fighting a war and fixing a marriage lol not easy. But anyway I get back and continue fixing things. 2 years later my sister informs me she was sleeping with a guy after my mid tour leave. She admits but said everytime was drinking blah blah. Only reason I haven't left is my kids not easy getting rights as a soldier. So so now she gets jealous if I even talk to females even at work. So just looking for.other opinions before I blow up.
     
  2. dolfette

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    do you still love each other?
    have you tried couple's therapy?

    that sounds like a shitty situation, doll.
     
  3. D_Manny_Petty

    D_Manny_Petty Account Disabled

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    I cant speak 100% on this because I am not married but here is my take on things. If she was sleeping around with someone while you were serving your country that would be.enough to file for divorce in my eyes. Trust, in my opinion is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship. You obviously can't trust someone who goes behind your back and cheats on you...simple as that.

    I'm sure the fighting and arguing will continue because it will always be under your skin and in the back of your mind. That is never good for the kids to see they're parents fighting, they are the ones that look up to you guys. Find a women who is loyal and trust worthy. Just my two cents, take it how you want. Goodluck brotha!
     
  4. dolfette

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    thing is, they'd split once, they were both unhappy, and he says he was only trying for the sake of the kids.
    affairs happen. she was unsure of the relationship already, and then she was left all alone for weeks.
    she was weak, she was dishonest, she's a cheat but i can still sympathise with her.

    some couples can rebuild from this point. it happens.
    but they both have to want it and they both must forgive.
     
  5. fangirl

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    i know that you really love your wife, but i would suggest that you walk away for a while. and when i say walk away, i dont mean to walk away from your kids, just that you walk away from your relationship with your wife outside of parenting.

    i had a really close friend of mine get married as soon as she was old enough to sign her own papers. they were high school sweethearts, but they still had a bunch of growing to do. while the hubby was grown enough to pull a tour in afgan and the girl was grown enough to take care of a household, neither was grown enough to respect another person with maturity. on both sides, there was immaturity. skype arguments, cheating, unrealistic expectations, scornfull lies told to family and friends. it was all just a real mess.
    both of the kids loved each other, in fact still love each other, but by the time they decided to work on themselves and walk away from the relationship it was already too late. they had hurt each other too much.

    so im saying to just let her, and the love yall shared, be for a moment. one day she might grow into a mature rational person, but you cant do that for her and you cant be the reason that she changes, no matter how romatic that sounds. to do so whould alter your love in ways that will make everything that was beautiful in your relationship shity, expecially if those changes are unwanted or unnatural for her, or your, personality. it will make both of you selfish, needy and explosive.
     
  6. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    dude, she cheated .. i recommend you split because obviously you're not happy, of course there are ups and downs but you were about to divorce her anyway and now you found out she cheated? and if you're in a relationship/marriage with a person for any reason other than you LOVE them, than you are wasting your time. "doing it for the kids" may seem noble but trust me, kids aren't stupid ... it is better that they see how a loving relationship is instead of mommy & daddy screaming at each other day after day but try to put on a fake smile when the kids step in the room, they see right through it ... there is no good reason to stay in a loveless marriage
     
  7. fire77

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    Like dolfette said, if you live each other enough you can rebuild your marriage again, I've seen it happens many times. She cheated for some reason and you already split up once so it not new to you. If you can forget and forgive each other, I am sure you can have a nice relationship together. As for your kids, you know whats best for them.
     
  8. hsarge

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    When I was in the service there was an unwritten rule. You didn't ask the husband about the combat tour, and you didn't ask the wife about what she did while you were gone. A lot of guys forgot about the girl at home during those wild, drunken R&R breaks from the combat zone. And I have heard wives say we could have a litte fun until the husband/boyfriend got home. A year is a long time for a sexually active 20something to be celibate.
     
  9. D_Manny_Petty

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    @dolfette: so because they had already had problems and they just got back together it was okay for her to cheat because she was "weak" and "unsure of the relationship" ... and you can sympothise?? Really, lol? How do you think he felt while he was overseas fighting for OUR freedom and his wife was at home having sex with another man. You simply can not sympothise something so cruel. It's one thing to cheat but when you do it to someone who is away fighting for your country and freedom that takes things to a whole different level. Taking back a woman like that would just show how weak you are.
     
  10. molotovmuffin

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    I think she's still double dipping. It's common to point fingers to detract from the self and I think that's what she's doing here.

    If you love her and want to work things out then go for it...but don't do it for the kids. They are better off with two happy separate parents than two unhappy fighting parents together.
     
  11. hsarge

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    To expect faithfuLness under all conditions is a bit naive. In my era alot married guys hit Saigon, Manilla, or Bangkok for a little rest & relaxation, and it wasn't for tourism. Six months later they went home to their wives after their tour was over. The wives at home are human too. War causes a lot of havoc that was never anticipated.
     
  12. monel

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    I am certainly no expert in such matters as I'm currently trying to work through my own marital mess. But I only partially agree with you molotov. Its not enough for him to love her and want to make the marriage work. He and the family are in for alot of heartache if she doesn't feel the same. I do agree that two unhappy, fighting parents does no one in the family any good.

    I wish you the best of luck, OP. Your predicament isn't an easy one. This I know.
     
  13. molotovmuffin

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    We said the same thing only different.:wink:
     
  14. monel

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    Different voices can sing the same song and make beautiful harmonies.
     
  15. atlclgurl

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    I was in the Army for 4 years, 2 of which I spent overseas. I can't begin to tell you how many guys wearing wedding bands told me this: "I'm not married but my wife is!" Grinning.

    If you are a career soldier, you WILL continue to be separated for extended periods of time. If you want to save your marriage, I suggest a trip to the Post Mental health facility for couples therapy. You NEED to fix this ASAP, because the next time you go TDY or get deployed again, all you'll be thinking of is her cheating and all she'll be thinking of is if you're getting some on the side as "revenge".

    There may be components of the inevitable disconnection when on person (you) has gone to war and seen the horrors of it first hand, along with the infidelity issues. The Army knows this better than anyone. Go get some help. I know it's not "macho" but really which would you rather have, a happy home life (which includes a sex life) or your "rep" while living alone at one of those cheap ass apartments in Killen?

    Good luck.
     
  16. dolfette

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    i said i can sympathise, yes.
    it's not easy being left at home, alone, to with the kids for months on end. i sympathise because my ex went offshore for 4 months when our son was barely 3 months old. no, i did not cheat. no, i do not advocate cheating. yes, i can sympathise with how bloody hard and painful and lonely her life may well have been. until you've been there you have no idea.

    i can sympathise and i do sympathise.

    what his job was doesn't make her life any easier. yes, it's brave and admirable. no, that doesn't make all her issues vanish.

    i can sympathise with him too.
    i'm good at that shit.
     
  17. lpsgnoob

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    That's disgusting, you are out there fighting for your country and your "wife", instead of thinking about you and how you risking getting shot in the head or getting blown up, is back home riding and sucking some cock. Very classy.:puke:

    Listen, please don't stay just "for the kids". You are not the first husband to get a divorce and you definitely won't be the last. Kids will be much happier if they see mom and dad living separate lives happily than seeing them fighting and arguing all the time in the same house.

    Remember "Once a cheater, always a cheater". That will always be in the back of your mind and you will never be able to trust her again. She didn't even respect you enough to tell you her self. She prob would've kept it a secret. Do you think she would've confessed to you if your sister didn't tell you about her whoring nights out?
     
  18. hsarge

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    With the avatar 'Italian Stallion' the op apparently is bragging of his prowess. What I want to hear definitively is 'Did he ever in the 10 years of marriage, cheat on his wife, whether overseas or at home'. Will the Stallion, which of course is a breeder, give us an honest answer?
     
  19. monel

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    Hmmm! It sounds like you're projecting. This may reflect your story but it is not necessarily that of the OP.
     
  20. B_Bjen2848

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    and like ^ said, your wife didn't even come out and tell you that she cheated, you had to find out from an outside source, who knows how much shit she's done that nobody else knows about

    no point in getting in a relationship with someone who has ever cheated

    no point in staying in a relationship with someone who has cheated on you

    and again "staying for the kids" isn't smart because the resentment you two have for each other WILL show itself, and the kids WILL see it very clearly and they will grow up with a skewed idea on how relationships should work

    plus there are literally BILLIONS of women in the world, BILLIONS, im sure you can find one who will treat you with respect if you respect her
     
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