Marriage rant

jellon

Just Browsing
Joined
Feb 27, 2011
Posts
2
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
36
Like I said, until you have been in a comitted relationship for a considerable lenght of time and in which you have invested a significant amount of your life, finances and feelings and anything else you can think of then you haven`t got a clue of what you are talking about. Sure, its easy to say if someone you are only casually dating or seeing cheated on you that you would dump them asap, anyone can do that, but its not quite so simple when you live together are married and have kids as well and share property and other things. Your simplistic view of what is a very complex issue shows your immaturity and lack of experience in regards to relationships in general.

I would have to agree not so simple the older you get or the longer you in the relationship the more complicated it is aswell.

Those bonds are significant that you build and maybe the reason why some couple reconcile after a spouse cheated becuase those bonds are strong enough...

I for one would seriously consider a file for divorce but it would take painstakenly critical soul serching to make sure that its the right decision....

And if I were to do the divorce it would be on my grounds i.e no spousal maintenace take almost everything etc etc....

If if i still had to pay spousal maintenace and supply a lifestyle to the spouse i would stay "leagally married" but I would be single and baisically she'll be a roomate.... Now im saying this because kids aren't involved if they were even more of a deilemma....

I dunno not an easy one
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
And if I were to do the divorce it would be on my grounds i.e no spousal maintenace take almost everything etc etc....
i agree with the first part, but the second part seems petty.
a partner's infidelity does not make their share of the shared assets any less theirs.
 

B_Bjen2848

Experimental Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2007
Posts
942
Media
0
Likes
10
Points
103
Location
Mars, vacate in the bermuda triangle
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Like I said, until you have been in a comitted relationship for a considerable lenght of time and in which you have invested a significant amount of your life, finances and feelings and anything else you can think of then you haven`t got a clue of what you are talking about. Sure, its easy to say if someone you are only casually dating or seeing cheated on you that you would dump them asap, anyone can do that, but its not quite so simple when you live together are married and have kids as well and share property and other things. Your simplistic view of what is a very complex issue shows your immaturity and lack of experience in regards to relationships in general.


mmkay ... quick question

lets say you cheat on your SO, would you call her immature for dumping you?

and i highly doubt im the only person giving advice to the OP who has never been married/had kids etc. i dont see you calling anyone else immature (let me guess, maturity is based on how much someone agrees with you?)

just because i have never robbed a bank, doesn't mean it automatically excludes me telling someone it is a bad idea

common sense says if someone cheats on you, at worse, they are trying to purposely hurt you, at best they don't give a shit ... personally, thats a deal break knowing at best they don't give a shit about me/the relationship, it might not be a deal breaker for others, but they can do what they want

if i had kids, finances 5, 10, 20+ years of love invested in the woman and then she cheats, that would only give me more incentive to kick her to the curb because that shows she is willing to throw EVERYTHING away and put it at risk (because cheating usually pisses people off enough to leave so the cheater knows the potential consequences before doing what they did). and for what? there is no excuse, if you didn't want to be with me, just dump me, if she wants to bang someone else, just let me know (yeah im not going to be cool with it, but at least ill get a heads up that i should leave) and that just makes it even worse because not only does she not give a shit about her husband, she doesn't give a shit about the kids/house/everything either

and this is "just" the cheating, the OP said there were a bunch of problems before he even found out, enough to make him seriously consider divorcing her ..

with all this being said, i see no reason to stay with someone like her ... why do it? she's toxic .. for the kids? kids know when something is bad when they see it
 

helgaleena

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2006
Posts
5,475
Media
7
Likes
43
Points
193
Location
Wisconsin USA
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Female
mmkay ... quick question



with all this being said, i see no reason to stay with someone like her ... why do it? she's toxic .. for the kids? kids know when something is bad when they see it

That is where your inexperience shows, bjen. Kids don't get to choose their parents or whether or not to love them. You really have no concept yet how much it changes a person's brain and heart, even at a BIOCHEMICAL level, to become a parent. Unless there is a threat of actual bodily harm to a child's existence it is better to think long and hard before coming between a child and either parent, if that child is lucky enough to know them both.

Otherwise, your reasoning holds up. But that is all it is, reasoning. There is always emotion to take into account, and instinct.
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
kids don't need to know about their parent's sex lives.

and kids' emotional well being is more heavily influenced by how the parents are with them than by any bedroom behaviour they'll never know about. being the 'wounded party' will not suddenly make someone a good parent if they weren't a good parent to begin with.

whoever is to blame for the instability, it's the responsibility of both parents to work together to minimise the effects. playing tug of war with them is the worst outcome for the child.
 

snbk

Experimental Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2008
Posts
64
Media
0
Likes
3
Points
93
Location
Metro Detroit Area
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
i find it fascinating that its easier to fight a war than it is to be married. having said that. if you are a soldier, dont' get divorced. you'll never see your kids. start keeping a journal and keep venting. if you got married too young you both may grow out of this stage of 'why did i get married.' but, it could take a while. think if it as marriageaganastanian.
 

B_Bjen2848

Experimental Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2007
Posts
942
Media
0
Likes
10
Points
103
Location
Mars, vacate in the bermuda triangle
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
kids don't need to know about their parent's sex lives.

and kids' emotional well being is more heavily influenced by how the parents are with them than by any bedroom behaviour they'll never know about. being the 'wounded party' will not suddenly make someone a good parent if they weren't a good parent to begin with.

whoever is to blame for the instability, it's the responsibility of both parents to work together to minimise the effects. playing tug of war with them is the worst outcome for the child.

who said anything about knowing the details of their parents sex lives? what i am talking about is the kids noticing how the parents treat each other when they are around them, they (like everyone else in the world with any sense of social knowledge) will notice a resentment in how they treat each other, if their relationship doesnt work out, it can be ugly and it will most likely get out of control if they force a loveless relationship, you can still be a great parent and it would actually teach the kids a great lesson on how to maturely handle a situation where a relationship doesnt work, you don't fake it for someone else's false perception of having a good childhood, you make a mature decision to move on, yet still be active in the children's lives while being civil to the ex