Marriage rant

lpsgnoob

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With the avatar 'Italian Stallion' the op apparently is bragging of his prowess. What I want to hear definitively is 'Did he ever in the 10 years of marriage, cheat on his wife, whether overseas or at home'. Will the Stallion, which of course is a breeder, give us an honest answer?

I agree with this, if he cheated on his wife before then I have no sympathy for the OP.
 

D_Manny_Petty

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You ex military guys/gals really get my blood going. It's like excuse after excuse after excuse on why to cheat. Because your lonely, because the relationship was shit before he/she deployed. Come on, really? If you can't handle someone being away/gone and your release is to fuck around with someone else did you ever stop to think about divorce/breaking up before you go behind someone's back and cheat on your loved one??

Again, I am not in the military nor have I been. But I do know that yes, it is hard to be celibate a long long time and its hard not seeing your loved one for months/years upon end. But before you make a type of commitment like marriage maybe you should have thought about things like this.

Can I be loyal and faithful while my loved one while he or she is away? If you answer no, then marriage and or a relationship is not a wise choice for you.
 

TomCat84

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How do you think he felt while he was overseas fighting for OUR freedom and his wife was at home having sex with another man. It's one thing to cheat but when you do it to someone who is away fighting for your country and freedom that takes things to a whole different level. Taking back a woman like that would just show how weak you are.

Sweetheart. #1) fighting in afghanistan is hardly the equivalent of fighting for your freedom. #2) shes hardly the first wife to cheat on her husband or boyfriend while he's away on deployment. Ever heard the term "Dear John"?
 

TomCat84

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You ex military guys/gals really get my blood going. It's like excuse after excuse after excuse on why to cheat. Because your lonely, because the relationship was shit before he/she deployed. Come on, really? If you can't handle someone being away/gone and your release is to fuck around with someone else did you ever stop to think about divorce/breaking up before you go behind someone's back and cheat on your loved one??

Again, I am not in the military nor have I been. But I do know that yes, it is hard to be celibate a long long time and its hard not seeing your loved one for months/years upon end. But before you make a type of commitment like marriage maybe you should have thought about things like this.

Can I be loyal and faithful while my loved one while he or she is away? If you answer no, then marriage and or a relationship is not a wise choice for you.

I don't know how old you are- but you have A LOT to learn about relationships and life in general. Life is never black and white, right and wrong. There are shades of gray.
 

TomCat84

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To the OP- I love the thoughtful responses so far, so I won't add too much. My first suggestion, if you really are interested in saving your marriage? Marriage counseling. My second suggestion? Go to a legal clinic for active duty and see what they say you can do about keeping your kids. The law is that a court is supposed to do what is in the best interest of the child- and most of the time judges interpret that to be the mother- rightly or wrongly. That's why I suggest lawyering up as soon as youve made a decision. As a servicemember, you have certain rights when it comes to litigation, family or otherwise. Go talk to someone at a legal clinic- I'm sure someone in your chain of command can point you in the right direction.
 

hsarge

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Well ginger, you can always enlist and find out. And when you say 'you military people' you sound a little haughty and superior like it is some other breed. I am not career military. I spent 4 years in college, was requested by my country to serve, and enlisted so I could pick what and where. I did my time returned to college for post graduate work, and then spent a career in the field of computer technology. That is the 'you military people you are talking about. Most who serve are not career soldiers and now, many are part time soldiers who get activated. I am so fucking glad you are 'holier than thou'. I hope you never face the danger of the 'hours of tedium spiked by minutes of terror' and the underlying tension that never goes away. You may very well be some pious churchgoer who loves to judge. Well next time in church, thank God, you never killed or saw killing, or suffered the deprivation of a spouse who could be killed any day, or the stress of managing a single parent family on military pay. You are soooo naive because you have been so fortunate.
 

TomCat84

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Well ginger, you can always enlist and find out. And when you say 'you military people' you sound a little haughty and superior like it is some other breed. I am not career military. I spent 4 years in college, was requested by my country to serve, and enlisted so I could pick what and where. I did my time returned to college for post graduate work, and then spent a career in the field of computer technology. That is the 'you military people you are talking about. Most who serve are not career soldiers and now, many are part time soldiers who get activated. I am so fucking glad you are 'holier than thou'. I hope you never face the danger of the 'hours of tedium spiked by minutes of terror' and the underlying tension that never goes away. You may very well be some pious churchgoer who loves to judge. Well next time in church, thank God, you never killed or saw killing, or suffered the deprivation of a spouse who could be killed any day, or the stress of managing a single parent family on military pay. You are soooo naive because you have been so fortunate.

hsarge, thank you for your service. I've never been in the military, but I've been in a few serious relationships with some who were, mainly Marines (HOT). So I have a small idea of what it's like :smile:
 

B_Bjen2848

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I understand his frustration and disappointment and I do agree with some of the things you said but you have to understand some people (men and women) have different personal needs than others, some women can wait years without doing anything and some can't be without sex/love/lust/affection for a long time same for men.

Because she had sex with another man doesn't make her a bad person, she is a good mother and taking good care of her kids and her home and by the look of things she is taking good care of her husband too.

It is up to the man to decide if she is worth staying with or not, yes she cheated because her husband was away for a long time and she couldn't hold on.

Because the wife cheated it doesn't means the husband have to destroy his home, family and change his kids lives completely.


i have to disagree, if a husband or wife cheats, that makes them a terrible parent because they are putting the family at risk to crumble, everyone knows how pissed people get when someone cheats, and for what? some dick or pussy? if someone is really in love they don't cheat, its that simple
 

fire77

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i have to disagree, if a husband or wife cheats, that makes them a terrible parent because they are putting the family at risk to crumble, everyone knows how pissed people get when someone cheats, and for what? some dick or pussy? if someone is really in love they don't cheat, its that simple

So in your opinion, its better to destroy a whole family, disrupt the children's lives, breakup years of work and upbringing just because the husband or wife cheated.

In some cases cheating effects relationships in a different way, it can bring people closer and makes them appreciate each other more. Hence I said it is up to her husband to decide and if they can forget and forgive then why not, let them stay together. I'd rather see them keep their home and family than destroy it.

I totally disagree with you about her being a bad mother just because she sex with another man (cheated).

In Japan they view this differently.
 

dolfette

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unless the parent is crap or abusive, the best thing for the kids is usually to minimise the upheaval to their lives at times of traumatic change. if they have always had mom as the primary care giver and lived in that house? well the best thing for the kids is to keep it that way. same bedroom, same school, same routine. it helps them to feel secure!
later on, when the dust has settled, they might choose to be with the other parent.
they need access to spend quality time with the other parent. and they need to spend some time with both parents together, acting like friends, showing they're still functioning together as team parent.

it's very easy to do the wrong thing whilst convincing yourself it's for the sake of the kids. that's why divorce fucks up so many of them.
 

TomCat84

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It's ok...breath. He's gonna learn some really hard lessons later on.:wink:

"Closer" with Julia Roberts and Jude Law is one of my favorite movies of all time. It's all about the shades of gray in human relationships, and how nothing is black and white, and you can love someone and still cheat on them. Also, not everything has a happy ending. Perfect movie for this type of thread.
 

B_Bjen2848

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So in your opinion, its better to destroy a whole family, disrupt the children's lives, breakup years of work and upbringing just because the husband or wife cheated.

In some cases cheating effects relationships in a different way, it can bring people closer and makes them appreciate each other more. Hence I said it is up to her husband to decide and if they can forget and forgive then why not, let them stay together. I'd rather see them keep their home and family than destroy it.

I totally disagree with you about her being a bad mother just because she sex with another man (cheated).

In Japan they view this differently.

well yeah, if he can forgive her, than go for it .. from the OP's tone it looks like they were about to split anyway and then he found out ... i dont see the point in staying in a bad marriage with someone who will cheat on him

and who is the one breaking up the family? she's the one who didn't care enough about the family to keep her legs closed, you can't blame the betrayed partner for wanting out

what's worse for a family? staying in a relationship with a person when it is obvious they aren't ment for each other (people don't cheat if they really care). all the kids are going to see is their parents arguing and potential abuse from both sides and the kids will see this and think that form of relationship is normal ... people learn about relationships from their parents before they even step into one themselves

of course it is his decision to stay or leave, i just think "staying for the kids" is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship with someone, if you want to "do it for the kids" be a good father and divorce the cancer on the family and give the kids attention and love
 

B_Bjen2848

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What is with some people in here? Do they really have this black and white view of things? My god...


im in a relationship now, and i cant find myself to sleep with another woman behind her back because i care so much about her, honestly cheating is such a punk move and it just shows your weak character

if you don't want to be with the person just say you can't handle it and break up, i know many ppl who have cheated/been cheated on in relationships and all of them have the same common factor

the person who cheated didn't REALLY care about their girlfriend/boyfriend

so why stay with someone who doesn't care?

its weird how many ppl in this thread are sympathetic to the wife in this instance and it kind of brings my former cynicism of relationships back into my mind about how relationships in general aren't worth the trouble :-/
 

D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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im in a relationship now, and i cant find myself to sleep with another woman behind her back because i care so much about her, honestly cheating is such a punk move and it just shows your weak character

if you don't want to be with the person just say you can't handle it and break up, i know many ppl who have cheated/been cheated on in relationships and all of them have the same common factor

the person who cheated didn't REALLY care about their girlfriend/boyfriend

so why stay with someone who doesn't care?

its weird how many ppl in this thread are sympathetic to the wife in this instance and it kind of brings my former cynicism of relationships back into my mind about how relationships in general aren't worth the trouble :-/


Ahhh, the innocence of youth....
 

hsarge

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And you sir are a naive, unsympathetic, dogmatist, who has not experienced much of life. You have not yet discovered that you can love more than one person, that emotions often override logic, that loneliness is a desolate place, that perspective can be lost in a moment of passion, that in depressive lows, tomorrow is not worth waiting for, and that happiness can have so many different definitions depending on the state of your world. I hope you will always have your picket fence. But for many of us life hasn't been just a trip on lovers lane. More like a roller coaster ride of experiences and emotion. The problem is it takes time to learn magnanimity. Shaw was right 'youth is wasted on the young'.
 

B_Bjen2848

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And you sir are a naive, unsympathetic, dogmatist, who has not experienced much of life. You have not yet discovered that you can love more than one person, that emotions often override logic, that loneliness is a desolate place, that perspective can be lost in a moment of passion, that in depressive lows, tomorrow is not worth waiting for, and that happiness can have so many different definitions depending on the state of your world. I hope you will always have your picket fence. But for many of us life hasn't been just a trip on lovers lane. More like a roller coaster ride of experiences and emotion. The problem is it takes time to learn magnanimity. Shaw was right 'youth is wasted on the young'.


ehh, i guess having standards and character is considered naive now a days, i guess my cynicism might be a strength and relationships/marriage really aren't worth it and commitment is nothing more than just a word

why get your heart involved with a person who is too weak to keep their emotions in check?